maybe she doesn't deserve him

Selene Vansenza · 03-30-2012, 01:39 PM

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Petite hands placed themselves upon slender hips, a cynical expression feathering her features. Selene had found the pool long ago, and there was some time for hygiene at that time. It had been days since a normal bath, the coydog felt she was fairly deserving. Her mind wouldn't leave Hadley, however much she wanted to forget about things. Wishing that Isa had never gotten involved...Even at times wishing that the whole romance hadn't happened. Or her feelings wouldn't be so smashed. There was no guarantee that he would want her. Not after her talk with Isa. It was the whole thing that sparked her temporary leave from Casa. It simply wasn't home anymore. With facing the fact that she was seeing the face of the other that wanted her beloved. To think every day that it would be a battle, to contest the fact that she wasn't pretty enough. Or even remotely anything. She hadn't realized the small tears that had watered her eyes. Yes. Another message and reminder of her inadequacy. Maybe the whole thing should be called off. Maybe this was nothing but heartbreak and confusion. If there'd ever be a day that Hadley would be there to reassure her that it was just her...That they would just be together. That day seemed to never come. And maybe it was not. Sel was not deserving of him. Ismeme was. Not her.

Slipping off the clothing Amy had given her, Sel waded into the cold water. However much she hated the briskly water, it was a distraction. Just like her dagger, just like her nails digging so slightly into her palm. It was not to be denied easily, Ismeme had ruined, or changed her life. No one was to be trusted, yet another note of her lack of quality. That she could be so easily broken. It was weak. Realizing that, the coydog snarled softly to herself. How could she be crying about something like this? If Hadley didn't want her, there would be someone else right? No. Maybe not. The water had become so inviting...So cool and pristine. It cleansed her fur, the scent of Amy and everyone else in the wagon washed clean away. Amy was going to make her better. Stronger and more clever. Harden her soul to keep those emotions away. Pain would be nothing. It would not sting, or fester as most wounds did. And if not for Hadley, for herself. Maybe he didn't love her anymore. Forgotten about all that in his time away. Selene shivered softly and removed herself from the pool, she had dropped a blanket nearby, to wrap herself in after. Red eyes found it easily, scooping it up and wrapping itself around her cold body. On the water's edge, Sel sat quietly. There was still feelings for Hadley. Strong ones at that. Unfortunately, Ismeme was better. And deserved Hadley more. Hadley needed someone better. Not the awkward lump of shit she was turning out to be.

Black hands reached out as if to attempt to grasp something precious from the open air, fingers finding nothing but empty air in her midst. Maybe she was going mad. Another to add to her list of faults. They overdid her better qualities by far. And at that, Sel began to sob quietly into her palms. Even Amy couldn't shape her up. Maybe--Maybe the world would be better off without her taking up unneeded space.

434 +3
Sel=awkward <.<

Hadley · 03-30-2012, 03:23 PM

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OOC Laughs

Hadley had been very surprised to run across Isa. After their time together he had retreated further away from the pack, deciding to try and get some distance between him and everyone else. After all, he had left the pack so he could clear his head and be able to think, not so that he would end up pining for it and returning. Even though he had done exactly that, quickly turning around and leaving again. The small wooden pieces rested in his hands as he sat, working on carving for each member. For Sebastian he carved a dancing flame, flickering and as lively as he was. His master, no the one who had lifted him, his rescuer. Hadley loved Sebastian for all he'd done for the hybrid, even if he had done some things that Hadley still felt uncomfortable thinking about with him.

The leaders, Anann and Jazper, were easy to carve for as well. Anann received a pair of crossed daggers, Jazper the yellow marking he wore around his eye. It wasn't a highly detailed carving, his skills still just developing, but he hoped it would be liked. Wayne, the frightening cowboy, was given a carving with shaking hands, still seeing the one that died under the dog's jaws. It was just the cowboys' hat, but hopefully it would be enough. Special care was put into the one for Cadmeia, the little fox kit he had taken as his daughter. It was silly, trying to raise her as a proper fox when he didn't know anything about them. A simple carving of a home was what he gave her, a promise that she'd always have one.

Regner and Adelle he gave matching carvings, smiling to himself at the memory of the boisterous encounter, a simple plate with a raised V on it, like the masks they both wore. Hopefully they'd like it. This lead him to the last two carvings, the hardest ones for him. Isa and Selene. Two females that he cared for with all his heart. Even if Selene had decided to become an heiress, the idea sending ice through his veins. He didn't know what to carve for them. Fingering the two pieces of wood he looked up, watching a beautiful visage rise out of the water he'd been sitting by. A hand reached out, seeming to beckon him, before tears came out, and he recognized Selene. Automatically he rose up, coming to wrap her in his arms. It's okay, it's fine. You're safe. Meaningless words, but he didn't want to see her cry.

000+

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Selene Vansenza · 03-31-2012, 10:06 PM

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Her small body was engulfed in strong arms, settling against a larger body. A soothing familiar voice calmed the small woman, pressing herself into the strong body. Looking up, the damp girl with bleary eyes came across Hadley. The one she would carve her own heart out for, the one she would risk her life for. The very one that she had trusted, loved, and cared ever so deeply for. Burying her head into his shoulder, Selene drank in his masculine scent. Stopping short as another scent reached her delicate nose. Sel yelped as she realized who it was. Isa. She trembled and pushed him back, leaping quickly to her feet in anguish, was his leave just to see her enemy? The trust was quickly severed, much to her horror. She stood trembling on her two slender, scarred legs. Facing him. How fucking stupid had she been? To beg and plead for something that didn't even want her. "Don't touch me." Sel growled softly, ashamed of her own stupidity and the way he had so molded her to care, and bury her beneath the dirt. "You smell like her. Don't play those games with me Hadley! Why--It was never fair..." the blanket was tossed to her feet, her body was tense as if in a battle. Yet indeed it was, and now she knew Casa di Cavalieri wasn't home. "You've been with her...Was that why you left? To have her? Do you think I like this? To be...Played?" Sel backed away, the look betrayal deep in her eyes. An impulse overcame her, and she ripped the flower petal necklace from her neck. Flinging it in his direction. She was so stupid! And her life would be spent without the one she wished it would be with. "Give it to Isa. I'm fairly sure that she means a lot more than me...I'm guessing that you didn't want a child for a lover." Without the necklace, Selene felt bare. Without that one part of her soul that she had claimed that Hadley was. A hand rested in the place upon her collarbone it once hung. Tears fell freely from reddish eyes, finding that the part of her heart that was Hadley's could no longer serve its purpose.

Selene backed away, leaving a short distance between the two. She leaned against a tree as if it were her last way of standing, "I should have seen...I should have just let you leave. Clearly my life shouldn't be spent lovesick for a womanizer... It doesn't work that way huh? Do you think I enjoy this? I'll never be safe...There'd be no one..." And that was it. With last strength, Selene scaled the tree she leaned against, hopping an pulling herself up into the branches, she wasn't too high up but high enough that she thought she couldn't be seen by her attacker-yes attacker. It hurt.

Why had she been so friggin naive? Why hadn't she just let him go? Why did she ever have to proclaim her love for the guy? All fucking wallowing and heartbreak. And she started to sob quietly into her hands, holding herself just by her feet. Her dagger...Where was her dagger? She needed it...Not to carve her hurt into Hadley, but herself. Slipping down from the tree, impulsively she went to face Hadley. "Tell me one thing. Did you ever care? Or was it all lies? I'm through with having to face Isa and think that you've wanted her instead, and that you don't care. I'm not going back to the pack...And how much it hurts me, I'm not going back to you. I've tried once...And maybe I didn't express it enough that you've both hurt me so much...I should have just let you leave." Sel trembled softly and stepped away, "You wanted this first anyway. I'm guessing this won't hurt you as much. Or you wouldn't have gone to her." Tears streamed shamelessly from saddened eyes, hating how he had come to her like this. He couldn't even imagine how it tore her heart out to say this, the next words that gave away their goodbye. "You know? Maybe someday there will be someone for me...Where I don't have to guess and wonder that they love me...Hope and fret about them not sleeping around...I won't have to guess that they care, I'll know." This was so difficult! There was no way to stop her tears, her soul was being given away! Softly, meekly she gave him a quieter few words. "T-Thank you...For showing me what it's like to care and love someone...Hadley, I loved you...I wanted us to be together--I'm sorry for being the woman you never wanted. And for getting in the way...I wasn't beautiful enough, I should have just died in the fire." Jonito shouldn't have saved her, it wasn't worth this! And she didn't even want Italy. If life was going to be nothing but sleeping on the ground, and nothing but the grey and dark forest, what was really worth it? Isa had won. And her scent upon Hadley's pelt just seemed like the frightening woman gloating. He never said that she was pretty, or worthwhile enough to stay in his company. Well, Ismeme could fill that in. Did he know how much this cut out her heart? Did he see the rampant tears falling from her eyes? Did he see the pain reverberating from her very soul? Did he feel it even? Would she take him back? If there was the chance...However much she wanted to, she couldn't. Pushed from her own home from a woman who Hadley or herself barely knew, a lover stolen beneath her nose...Homeless, and forever broken. "Just--Go home...Or somewhere--I-I can't deal with this...I think--This may be the last time we see eachother."

944
SADFACE eh, they can talk this over and we can quit this...It's really hard to reply. I just wanted this to go as quickly as possible.

Hadley · 03-31-2012, 11:06 PM

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OOC blah post. can't match you

Selene broke from his grasp, much to his surprise. The growl in her voice frightened him, Hadley shrinking away from her. Confusion shone in his eyes until she began speaking. That was right. He'd run into Isa just before coming here. They hadn't done anything, just drank some alcohol. The worry was probably still there because of last time though. He shook his head. The reason wasn't to be with Isa. It was to clear his head and make sure his memory wasn't lost again, to be able to control his actions. He just hadn't wanted to wander too far from the pack, leading him to run into someone else who had decided to travel.

The necklace he had given her was ripped out and thrown towards him. Helplessly he stared at it, unsure of what to do. There was no way to fix it. There never had been. He had just been fooling himself when he'd told himself he could protect Selene, and not harm her. He should have left that first time, instead of giving in to tears, wishing to take it all away. Her words attacking herself was what hurt him the most though. The time away had finally given him words, only to find it too late. No. You're not a child, and you never were. You're beautiful Selene, even if you don't find it. You were my angel when I was lost in darkness, and I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough, that I dirtied your wings.

Softly Hadley shook his head. You'll find someone who deserves you. Someone better than this broken soul that couldn't even remember his betrayal, and continued to make the wound worse. Following after her Hadley watched her climb a tree. High in the branches, safe from where he could hurt her. He wished she would stay there, wished he was there to comfort her. Knew that it wouldn't work that way, that it would just make things worse. Selene did descend though, and it took all his willpower to not embrace her. It wasn't lies. I loved you. I still do, as wrong as that is. He nodded his head softly at her final words, shaking them again at the strike. You are beautiful, and I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to tell you before. I hope you find someone good, someone who will treat you like the princess you truly are. Reaching around his neck Hadley lifted off the lion necklace she had given him. I-if you want...to remember me...sorry for not protecting you. Quietly he placed it down, and turned to walk away, wishing that he hadn't harmed her.

Selene Vansenza · 04-03-2012, 12:34 PM

Tears dripped unforgivably down the small hybrid's face, standing before the one she had promised herself to. Deep within she longed to reach out, to hold him close. But that wasn't possible. Especially now. Why was this happening? She didn't understand why Hadley would do this...After everything that had happened, the rapes, the beatings, the horror and corruption. Another to add to that long list of failures and fractures, however much she wanted that list to be torn to billions of shards of nothing. She had thought they would have made it. Become mates, have a comfortable and happy life together. But no, Ismeme had come along...And proved to her alter that she was much better. And taken it all away.

She bit the side of her mouth as his words flowed out, calling her beautiful and what he had wanted. Why couldn't he have just walked away? Made it less painful for the both of them? What would she do without him? Likely die. There was nothing. She shook her head as he said she would find someone else, breaking down inside once again. Her throat was tight and her stomach in a tight knot. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. This was all fake, an illusion of reality. A nightmare. She would wake up and everything would be a ruse, safe and sound in the bed beside Hadley. She regretted throwing the necklace from her body, throwing away her only reminder of him. Either way unfortunately, it was a message of what she had lost. And a reminder of what she had. He asked her not to forget him, and that was it. As he began to leave, she caught up and stood in his path for a better goodbye.

She threw herself into his arms one last time, squeezing her eyes shut, body convulsing with the sobs that shattered her tiny frame. "I won't...Don't f-forget m-me...It's a promise." Red eyes were dead, dull. Like being blind, but the horrors still set out for her to witness firsthand. She hated Isa. She hated the world. The one thing. The only thing that had kept her safe, warm and happy. Was as cold and distant as the moon she was named from. "I love you...I don't think--That's wrong...Just don't--Don't forget me..." Gently, she pulled herself from him, trembling. "Bye Hadley...Until we meet again...If we do." Head down, fears falling, the girl strode back into the trees. Her soul had been taken and devoured by the vile grey woman, she'd want to see him in the future...But not when the wounds were too deep and fresh. When she has a new life, when she could look him in the eye and not break down.

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