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It had been some time since she had breeched the western borders of her pack lands. Anu had skirted around them, long enough to catch the AniWayan scout lingering too closely to their boundaries, months ago. But the last time Anu had left the security of Crimson Dreams and move towards Aniwaya she had been dragged away against her will. That time of war felt like a lifetime ago, and yet the flashbacks and nightmares reminded her that some scars did not heal as quickly as the physical.
Passing into the neutral territory Anu had looked back, blue eyes scanning the familiar landscape and then slowly walked into the free world. The flora was similar, so much so that one without a nose would not see the difference. But a wolf would know, as they would know that she claimed residence within the ranks of the pack.
Her world was a quiet one. Crimson Dreams was a shadow of it’s former self, and the peace that they desired after the war had begun to grow into an eerie silence. Anu felt selfish, but she desired to break away from it. Even if just for a day. The building of the mill was slow work, as was any sort of construction she imagined, and perhaps it made them weary. Regardless of the reasons, the Dreamer allowed her thoughts to be stripped and casted away. Worries and concerns could be let go as if they had wings.
The silver and gray female wandered, following the indent of a small brook. Its waters were nothing more then a thin snake, hardly wetting her toes, and it created a clear path for her travels. They were leisurely foot-paw steps, her Optime form wandering idly. It was obvious that her intent was nil, and instead Anu searched for early spring growth and bloom with no rush at all.
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[html] [/html]In her time with her son, nephew, and newfound friend, she had learned much. She had learned that AniWaya had suffered greatly since she had left, that Claudius and Anatole had both seen their share of hardships, and that Claudius had matured into an amazing young wolf. She learned that she felt so much pride looking at her son and that one day, she might even be able to forgive herself. She wasn’t sure if Claudius had yet forgiven her for her disappearance, but he at least did not detest her. He loved her and she him and that was what counted.
Tayui took to the woods east of the tribelands in search of water. She did not wish to linger too close to the tribe’s borders, lest she incur the wrath of a less-forgiving scout than Anatole. She held nothing but respect for the tribe, so she was determined to show it.
In the midst of the light woods, she was able to find a small brook. It bore too little water for a full drink, but Tayui thought she might be able to quench her thirst until she find a river of better size. She was able to crouch down to lap up what she could when she heard sounds in the distance. It sounded as if something was walking in the water. Tayui perked up her ears and trotted closer to the sound, following the water as it twisted through the forest. There, only metres away, was Anu: one of Tayui’s oldest friends.
“Anu,” she called out. She grinned, glad she had been able to remember her friend’s name. The last time, her mind had been full of sadness at the thought of Shadowed Sun’s disbandment. Now, she had conquered some of her sorrow – in her own way. “I haven’t seen you in so long,” she gushed. She grinned and skipped closer. She felt like she would never stop smiling – not when she had old friends to keep her company and water splashing on all four paws.[html] [/html]
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Her eyes looked down, watching her paws as if she were a mere pup, fascinated by the simple changes of the water’s surface caused by her doing. Anu had always been one to hold the simplest of things dear, and she had not lost wonderment for the ripples and waves of the brook despite her experience and age.
It teased her ears, the stream so small and yet there was a voice to the moving water. It was a whisper, calling her to follow it. There was another calling for her, and it was louder then the brook and clearer as well. The sound broke her thoughts, and she felt an immediate and momentary shock as her eyes rose to face the pale hued female that spoke out to her. As is the scarred woman’s demeanor was contagious, or perhaps it was the genuine sense of familiarly and the happiness that it instantly brought to the Dreamer, Anu smiled.
Anu was slightly embarrassed that she had been caught in such a daze, her focus so closed that it allowed her friend to sneak up on her in such a way. It caused her to keep her smile, ready to laugh at her own wistful thoughts. She studied the other woman, finding it a bit hard to believe that this was what the brook had in store for her. It –has– been a long time. She replied, her words filled with thought.
It had been ages since they had first been introduced, and their history was filled with simple meetings that formed a casual bond of friendship, passing one another on other sides of the marked road. But the Dreaming leader no longer felt as if they would simply pass one another. Anu felt as if she was finally meeting the white and cream painted female face to face.
You look well. She commented, her smile softening.
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NOTE: I accidentally removed this post. ;_;
I can't really remember what it said, but it was something like:
[html] [/html] It seemed as though Tayui had surprised Anu because when Anu did notice her, it was with a sudden jerk of her head. Anu seemed a little distracted because it took her another few seconds before she recognized Tayui. Tayui could see her mind racing, trying to formulate a reply. No matter how glad she was to see her old friend, she knew it must be a shock to see Tayui appear so suddenly.
Tayui grinned. She flicked her one ear forward to show the extent of the damage and then turned her head so that Anu could get a better look. Her sense of humour had increasingly become worse and worse because she found the comment to be rather humorous.
"Perhaps, but some of us may be worse for wear," she replied. Even though she may have looked well, she knew that the wounds lay deeper than anything one could see with the naked eye. Although she didn't regret any of the wounds inflicted upon her, they were still there, regardless of her opinion.
"But it has been too long. How is Crimson Dreams? My son mentioned that you experienced a war with AniWaya. It's sad to hear such peaceful packs take up arms against one another."
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They were both ragged, as ageing in a troubled world would make any creature. Anu had focused so keenly on the females eyes, and the familiar scar that danced over her dusty scarlet eye that she had not yet noticed the newer scars that traveled along her cream hued crown. It was not till Tayui gave a reply with laughter on its edges did Anu see that there were more there then she remembered.
It made her wonder. Curiosity in her nature brought the needed to know what and why, but she had plenty of practice at calming those urges and her questions were soothed before they could spill out of her maw.
She was unsure about Tayui’s opinion, for the long scar that laced under her chin was not masked well by thick fur, as the fur had been worn away so harshly that it refused to grow to cover the gnarled line. Though in the company of a friend she was sure she gave a glow that was missing in just the previous moment.
Thoughts of Crimson Dreams shadowed her light, memories of war not the only thing that plagued her heart. There was a great fear for the pack, who's threads were loose and weakened. By what, Anu could not place. Had it been the war? She wondered many times each day. Or was it something else…
The silver woman nodded, and then took the necessary steps to the brook’s bank before she could find the words she was looking for. She sat, her smile weak but sill visible on her face, and replied. Crimson Dreams is quiet. It has been different… After the war. She did not speak her fears, but locked them inside till she had the courage to recognize them.
Tore bay eyes closed for a prolonged blink as she buried it within, and when they opened she could feel a true smile returning as she face Tayui. But, everything changes. She confirmed before giving a slight pause. You have not found your pack yet? Are you choosy Tayui? She smiled, even felt a tinge of teasing on her tongue as she spoke those questions. Her heart wishing to keep what passed between them light, she tried not to seem too serious.
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[html] [/html]Tayui was quiet as Anu contemplated her words, and perhaps, much more. Anu seemed a little distracted by her own thoughts, and for a few seconds, she looked away, but then nodded and spoke up again. Tayui nodded in response as her friend spoke, unsure of what she could say. After a war, quiet was a good thing, because after all that bloodshed, the only thing she imagined anyone could want was some peace and quiet. Maybe that was why she had driven off that stupid wolfdog the other day. Of course, it might have more to do with the girl’s annoying personality than anything borne in Tayui’s desire for solitude.
It seemed as though Anu wanted to say more, but pulled herself short. Just as she began to drift away, she caught herself again and spoke up once more. This time, Tayui found herself nodding in agreement and not just to show that she was listening. Indeed, much had changed for the both of them. Tayui had taken some changes and then declared vengeance and saw her life unravel. It was nothing like it had been before.
When Anu asked her if she’d yet found a pack, Tayui shook her head. The last time, Anu had offered her a home in Crimson Dreams, but Tayui had joined AniWaya. Since then, she’d found more packs, but no homes. AniWaya had been the only home she’d had, but she couldn’t return.
“AniWaya was my home for two years,” she replied slowly. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to reveal – although she no longer felt herself seized by pain when she spoke of Noir’s death, she didn’t know if this was the time. “Many of my family found me, but after they left me, it didn’t feel like a home anymore. Once I’d experienced that joy of belonging, I couldn’t let go. So I left and joined Anathema, but it was only temporal. I found another pack, but… it wasn’t any good for me either. Nothing’s felt right. Not since Jaded Shadows, Shadowed Sun, or AniWaya – but AniWaya was different after I lost them and I don’t want to go back,” she admitted. “I’m tired of being a loner, but nothing feels right.” She sighed and then shook her head. “Sorry – it’s just… I know we haven’t seen one another in years and then I just… I don’t know. Sorry for dumping all of this on you.”[html] [/html]
[html] um... i rambled X.x
It was a delicate subject, the subject of war. Anu knew that Tayui understood; she knew that the pale female would just simply… know what that feeling was. They had both stood among turmoil, they had both known pain and fear and there were no words that would settle those nightmarish memories. Scars were what showed the world their wisdom. With no words Anu did not think she had nothing to say on the matter, the Dreamer was glad to get the thoughts out even if she was barricading the deeper feelings. It had been so long since she had let anyone know her thoughts.
She was surprised that her questions were not laughed off, she expected Tayui to always be a loner, for that was what Anu remembered her as. She had lived in AniWaya, perhaps with her friend Nayati Utina… perhaps with the others that had been her friends there in the tribe. Before she lost full faith in them.
Blue eyes watched her face as Tayui explained, the ways she had come to AniWaya and that she left. There was a hesitation, one similar to the pause of her own thoughts that Anu could not help but recognize it. While Anu had stood beside Crimson Dreams there had been the ups and downs of defending those lands, as well as the weight of the pack’s longevity on her shoulders. But she always felt it was right, she had always known it to be the pace in which her heart and body was to reside. Anu could hardly imagine the tire Tayui’s travels and displacement placed on her mind and soul.
The thought’s of the eerie silence she felt in Crimson Dreams were forgotten, for at least she knew it was her home. Despite their dwindling numbers and tired faces. Please, do not apologize. Anu returned, her eyes reflecting the nurturing and comforting nature that was so commonly revealed by the Dreamer. We have known one another for many years, Tayui. Anu began, feeling less helpless for she was not the only one still wondering where life would lead her. I can see the tire in your eyes, you must find a place to rest. I understand. Anu searched for her duel hued gaze, knowing well that her plight was not felt as a weight placed unjustly on her gray shoulders. Listening and helping was what friends did, and Anu was not a stranger that Tayui should feel she was blindsiding.
AniWaya is not what it was far before the war. The world around us has changed… The packs numerous and their leaders varied and to me: unknown. I just want to live, to give my sons a place to raise their sons and daughters. Crimson Dreams in not the flourishing pack that it was when we met last… But it still has the same beliefs, the same ability to provide a home and growth for us. She believed in her pack, believed in what they held true. She knew that it's simplicity was frowned upon, that its warriors few and that it’s stables small. It could be forgotten about, for a simple life was easy looked over, but Anu believed that there was honor in the tilling of land, hunting the wood, the exchange of love without betrayal or lust, and the raising of pups.
It will always be open to you Tayui. Till the day our borders fall.
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It's okay I still love you  Also omg angst angst angst angst (Eurobeat unce unce angst angst)
[html] [/html]Tayui didn’t want to hear Anu say it was all right. It wasn’t and she shouldn’t be relaying all of this to old and trusted friend so soon after being reunited. It wasn’t right because there was so much more to the story that if Anu knew everything she had done, her response would be very different. No matter how long they’d known one another, Tayui had never stopped changing. She was tired, yes – and she was both glad and bothered that Anu could tell – but there was so much that made it different. She couldn’t expect sympathy after she explained everything, nor did she want it. She still wanted to tell Vesper to take it back because she didn’t deserve her friendship. She didn’t want to wallow in self pity, either; she just wanted to get what she deserved. And Anu was far too kind.
When Anu tried to look into her eyes, Tayui maintained her gaze, but found herself drawing back. She wanted to tell Anu something, just enough, but didn’t want it to happen like this. She didn’t know what Anu would do if she knew and they hadn’t seen one another in so long. It would be stupid to assume that her friend had not changed as well.
She sighed in agreement when Anu spoke once more and nodded her head slowly. She stoped abruptly when Anu mentioned her sons – Tayui hadn’t known Anu had any children. She tried not to focus on this thought too much because Anu was still talking and she was still saying things of importance. She liked the sentiment and wished she could be as romantic as Anu.
“I’m sorry,” she replied, “but I’ll have to turn you down again. I can never join Crimson Dreams. It’s—it’s just not for me. Maybe you could—you and I—I—no.” She stopped. What could she say? “Thank you for offering. I wish I could. But I know—I wouldn’t be able to find peace here. You—you understand, of course? I’ve been trying for so long, but I can’t just forget what I’ve done. I didn’t just wander, Anu. I couldn’t bring what I’ve done back to you and I couldn’t do that to my son—not after what happened between AniWaya and Crimson Dreams. It would be like the ultimate betrayal for him and I’ve already betrayed him once.”[html] [/html]
[html] lol!!
Anu could not tell what was going on behind the red and blue eyes of the fellow female. She could not read her thoughts like lines of text that would explain why she was so reluctant to say them aloud. But those things were not for Anu to know, unless Tayui wished to share them. And she did not. The Dreamer only listened, and accepted her regretful decline to her offer.
No, Crimson Dreams would not be the place for the pale woman to settle. Her words reflected the unraveling thoughts and caused her to spit her speech and then continue after a moment of rearrangement. There was something that she did not understand, the wanderings that she had done and AniWaya. The confrontation between AniWaya and Crimson Dreams had twisted another thread of friendship in her life and Anu knew no one other then the old leader of the tribe to blame.
But it was not anger, only acceptance of her belief and her wish that Anu would allow herself to feel. It was an offer that would stand, as the Dreamer had spoken, in case the loner wished to no longer hold that title. But, it would have to be Tayui that bring the invitation back into the light for Anu would not repeat it. There was still a great respect that Anu held for her, and she would not throw that away by pushing.
Looking away she nodded, I understand. I would do the same for my own. I have tried to forgive the AniWayans, for my imprisonment and for the damage they had done to my pack. I know it isn’t –that– AniWaya any more, those traitors have been banished and control and peace regained… Anu paused. The scar on her neck pulsed with a phantom pain and she could not help but reach up to massage it, though she caught herself before her fingers could touch the fur and skin. Hand returning to her lap she wondered aloud, What is your son’s name? If I meet him, I would not wish to take my pain out on him. I still feel the weakness of my anger at times. She confessed, her tone softer then before.
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[html] [/html]Tayui felt like Anu was disappointed in her response. No matter how much Tayui would have loved to be in the same pack as Anu again, she knew that she could not call Crimson Dreams home. Not after what she’d done and not after what the pack had done. She might no longer be a member, but she was loyal; despite her constant pack changing. Even though she was a loner, she still treasured her bond to the tribe.
Even though Anu said she understood, Tayui couldn’t help but feel that she was letting her down. Of course, it would be preposterous to ask Anu to leave Crimson Dreams with her since she was a leader. But Tayui would have liked to have an old friend with her if she did join a new pack. No matter how much she was wiling to change and adapt, it would be nice to keep something familiar with her – or, someone.
Anu seemed to pause in thought as she drew her fingers up to her neck. Unlike Tayui, she was in her optime form, so the movement was not available for mimicry. But Tayui could see the intent behind the action. There was something that was bothering her.
“Claudius,” she replied when Anu asked for her son’s name. “Claudius Aston. He was a temporary leader of AniWaya for a short time, but I think he dealt with Savina more than you. He’s only mentioned a bit of what he experienced, so I hope—I hope he treated you well.” Although he’d told her many things, of his attempt to warn Crimson Dreams, she knew there had to be more that he’d left out. A war could not be summarized in a few minutes’ speech. She just hoped that no harm had come to Anu when he was a part of the war.[html] [/html]
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Anu would not know that Claudius, the name that her friend spoke, was the wolf that had come to tend to her while imprisoned. She did not know that name, for the male had not given it to her on that day and Anu had not asked for it. Her mind had been twisted, pain and fatigue taking a grand toll on her sanity. She had not trusted one of the only beasts that meant no ill will towards her. Anu had been the least accepting and trusting at that moment in all her life. It was still a shame filled memory, if she allowed it even to rise to the surface. But the name Tayui spoke was not familiar and she was able to listen without the torrent of memories coming to overwhelm her.
She only shook her head slightly, relieved that she was able to speak of the war for a moment and not have a gush of anger take over or the ghostly pains haunt her. Savina did lead those talks, I was home recovering. I do not remember many of the names of those involved. Tayui would certainly understand why… Anu had been beaten so badly and her mind had been just as tattered as her body.
Crimson Dreams and AniWaya, she hoped that time would heal the wounds that were still lingering between them. Anu had thought that it had simply been her own heart that had yet to forgive and accept that they were neutral once again. But this meeting with Tayui told her something different.
Where will you travel to now? I do not want it to be years before I see you again. Where can I find you? The questions were not as she had wished to express them, but she was able to speak them in a way that did not show her desperation.
They both hid things from one another; Anu could feel the space between them that swelled with their secrets. She did not know what Tayui would do now, and though she felt there was no way to comfort the female’s pains that would not breech a boundary she felt they both constructed Anu did not think she could let the pale woman disappear for years once again. To reunite and see her friend in pain, believing she was a wolf that betrayed her children and was unable to forgive herself.
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[html] [/html]When Anu said that she did not know Claudius, Tayui breathed a quick sigh of relief. Although Tayui was quite certain that they would get along fabulously, she was glad that any potential relationship wouldn’t be threatened by old, painful memories of wars and difficult choices. Tayui bowed her head in a slow nod when Anu said that she had been recovering. That must have meant that something terrible had happened—likely that she had been injured in the course of the war. She was sad to hear it because she bore her own wounds from her personal crusade. The aching had subsided, but she feared that her right ear was permanently mangled. It was only cosmetic, but still a reminder of what she’d done.
“I’ll remain close to AniWaya and these parts, most likely. I’ve never been farther south than AniWaya’s packlands, so I think I might explore that area a bit. Do you know what’s out there? Are there any more packs?” Of course, even though Tayui desperately wanted to stop searching and find a home, she didn’t think she could do this with idle paws. She had ventured all the way through the lands twice now: first to Anathema and then back from Casa di Cavalieri. She’d seen all the packs along her way: Cour des Miracles, Crimson Dreams, Cercatori d’Arte, and AniWaya; but she’d not yet found a home in one of them. So, perhaps her fortunes lay further south.[html] [/html]
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She watched the other woman with a hidden eagerness. She wanted to know that Tayui wouldn’t be leaving the region all together, and her hopes were confirmed when she replied. There was a full sense of relief that she felt knowing that the pale woman would be close to AniWaya, and thus close to Crimson Dreams. Though the Dreamer could not convince her to join their ranks, she felt that they would no longer be so distant in the future. The last times they had left one another Anu had simply returned home without much of a further thought for Tayui, other then a casual wondering… But Anu felt as if something had changed.
I have not venture beyond Cour des Miracles in many seasons. She replied, her tone falling slightly at the end. Her world was a small one, and Crimson Dreams was it’s center… At times she did not have the energy to think beyond it.
I will look for you here. She spoke to the other wolfess, her thoughts turned now to their next meeting and that it would perhaps be something a bit more light hearted.
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