all the roads we have to walk are winding
#1
She had curled up in their nest of blankets and furs after patrolling. Her paws hurt, her head hurt, her back ached and there was a constant rolling in her womb to remind her that the pups she held within were still alive and kicking. The tiny woman didn't believe for a day that she would make it through this all if already they were creating this much havoc within her body. She didn't pity the women of the past who had bore the generation she belonged to nor would she pity the next.. but the fear of what may come drove her insane inside.

The pygmy creature tried to put up a brave face for the world but she was a beast of reason and logic, with a voice that whispered the harsh truths of the world in her ear at every turn. She would let them believe what they wanted, she would be a player on the stage but secretly within she wept. Tossing and turning seemed to be the doom of her in the early morning light as she buried her head deeper into the pelts, the scent of her mate falling about her, the musky heavy scent of the clan's warrior. She didn't know why he had chosen her, or what had drawn them together but she wondered if he would still want her.. if..

She knew she couldn't control the winds of change but the thought of losing the life one carried or ones own life in the process of bring children into the world scared her. She had heard of hardy sturdy women who had passed on in delivery.. and she was nothing like the larger cousins. Zana knew she was frail in ways that others were strong, she made up for it in a million different ways, or at least she tried.. but shivers still raced down her spine at the thought of a future she couldn't control.
#2
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OOC here.

Word Count → 333


The male was exhausted, and so was his horse, as they trekked back towards the mansion. He had been out for several nights, something was becoming more frequent now that he had begun patrolling and training harder than ever; but he had finally had enough and was coming home to a warm meal and his mate.

Yegua was dirty, but he did not have the energy to brush her, so despite her complaints he stabled her besides Potra and left the stables to enter the mansion. His eyes traveled towards the mess, but he decided to go see Zana first, if she was even in their room. It seemed that now that they had become mates, they had seen each other less and less, which his and her both patrolling for the protection of the clan against the Boreas. But as Helotes ascended the stairs, her wonderful scent came to him; she smelled of the woods and ocean, the places she often patrolled.

He did not knock, instead boldly opening the door. His love was curled up beneath blankets, and when she did not stir when he entered he sighed, a little perturbed, ¿Por qué no me saludan cuando su marido llega a casa? He asked a little more gruffly then he should have, as he moved towards the soot encrusted fire place to stoke the coals. Tea would calm his nerves and put him sleep, it always seemed to help.

As he prepared the drink, I feel like every moving shadow out there is trying to kill me. Why do these bastards want to wipe us out? It doesn’t make any fucking sense… no sense… He sighed, his mind roiling. These wolves out to kill them, they claimed that God wanted all coyotes wiped out. But Helotes had always been a devote Catholic, at least, he was in his youth; why would his own God want him exterminated? When Zana didn’t reply right away he turned his umber eyes towards her, Zana?


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#3
Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that Helotes for once had found a moment to breath and return to their lodgings. While this registered in a way her mind was a swarm of chaos, the dark shadows of fear creeping up upon the woman like serpents in the night. She shivered once more, not even realizing she was doing it as his voice came calling through the room they shared. He spoke in the sultry dark language she knew little of and even if her mind had been fully her own she wouldn't have known what to have said to the lanky beast. Instead she was quiet, her form shifting slight under the covers, her nose still buried deep below the furs as she slowly began to regain control of her inner war.

It was like coming out of a dark and humid cave, the slow pulse of the dim light in the room started as a pinprick and slowly enlarged as she slide her nose and muzzle out of the blankets, nudging them over head head with a silly feminine toss as she adjusted to the changes around her. The deeper tones of her mate's voice were registering clearer as she realized that he was speaking of the mysterious invaders that had picked at their patrols and come charging into their lands on a mission of dark intent. She shivered again at the idea, knowing that the danger was still out there.. yet knowing that there was nothing she could do.

She lifted her grey lilac orbs when he spoke her name though, finally coming out of her stupor as she spoke up. "Nothing makes sense anymore Helotes.. it's the way of the world." She knew she was bitter but she had dwelt on too many negative subjects as of late to even want to begin to challenge the biggest one the clan was currently facing. She let her eyes slide over to gaze upon her mate as she wrapped the furs around her small frame, not fully able to encompass her swollen belly as she shifted to a better position in the massive mess of their sleeping quarters.
#4
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OOC here.

Word Count → 229


Helotes poured a good amount of tea leaves into the heating water, probably too much and a little to prematurely but it would taste good just the same. His stomach protested loudly, and he moved to remove some venison jerky from the clay jar on the mantle when he finally heard his mate’s voice. His large, tattered ear turned to listen her bitter, sleepy voice. He sighed; it was tough for them right now, tough for Inferni, but Helotes had still had the best month of his life because of her.

The Lykoi turned to look at Zana, his face now softened, and at first nothing about her seemed out of place; she was just snuggled up deeply into there furs. But then something caught his eye, he was not sure what; was it her hair? Her face? She looked… swollen, had she gained weight? Or was it just the shadows playing on her cheeks. But then it became clearer, and he saw the lined of her hips and waist underneath the linens.

At first, his face did not give anything away, but then slowly his ears fell to their deepest possible droop, and his eyes dilated, Chingar…. He stood immediately, bumping the mantle, dropping various things which he tried in vain to catch, but then losing interest in them and going immediately to his mates side, How long?


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#5
She lay in the folds of the blankets and furs watching as her mate played at his one silly secret. He had the strangest fondness for tea and often she found him mixing and sampling different combinations of the herbal liquid. She couldn't help but smile sleepily at this, knowing that he would probably ignore any comment she made towards the drink he was preparing. Instead she just observed him. until his eyes turned towards her. She felt her ears pin back slightly, as though she was being judged, though she knew there was nothing that Helotes didn't already know about her and nothing to hide. Well, nothing she was hiding exactly.

It didn't take long before the features across his face slowly began to change, once more he spoke in that sultry dark language, his eyes widening as his whole nature changed. The tiny woman didn't like this reaction one bit, her eyes narrowing and her ears pinning back. It seemed that Helotes had finally noticed the one change in her she hadn't come right out and mentioned in the past moon. A soft growl rose in her throat as he asked, the pygmy creature growing touchy at the subject as she spat. ""It doesn't matter.." It wasn't that she didn't care for their pups growing within her womb, it was the fear of not knowing what was coming, what might become of them, of her.

She had refused to really acknowledge their existence until now, Helotes questions were harder to ignore or put off than the general population and while she didn't want to be cruel, she wasn't ready for this change.. or the possible paths down the line she had no control over.
#6
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OOC here.

Word Count → 273


Helotes pulled away from the furs from her, to reveal the bloated stomach. It was surely noticeable, but she was not too far along, You’re right, it doesn’t… He said in response to her venomous comment. It really did not matter, for what was done was done. Zana was pregnant, he was going to be a father.

His face broke into a genuine smile, not a jester’s grin like what he usually wore. No, he was truly happy, ecstatic! There was no greater blessing in the world than that of children, and that is why he had been so greatly affective when Ilusion and Omni had both lost their litters. But these puppies, these lives growing inside Zana, these would be his, all his.

He reached to cover the mound, his entire hand enveloping it, and it dawned on his how extremely small Zana was. Fear gripped his heart suddenly, and he looked up at her despite himself. He did not want her to see the worry in his eyes, the worry for her and for the puppies. Would one so small be able to carry live young to term? It would be so difficult for her, so dangerous, but did he not know this to be a possibility when he had asked her to be his?

The dark Lykoi leaned into place a large, wet kiss on Zana’s cheek and ear, I am so happy my love… we will be parents! He tried to sound excited, positive, but the worry that he felt seeped into his words anyway. What a time for her to be pregnant, while the clan was at war.


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#7
She was bitter to the bone, that much was for sure. The tiny woman was a fierce and determined thing, but not long after she had fallen into her first heat the midwives of the clan had explained to her how difficult or even impossible it would be for her if she ever attempted to bare a litter. It didn't help that unlike most of the females she had a hard time even knowing when her time of the cycle was even about. Her body didn't act as the other females, her senses and wellbeings were a little askew when it came to her cycles and emotions. She should have known the first time she'd fallen into heat but she hadn't. It had been fair foolish of her to even think that perhaps she would be blessed with a barren womb.

Now she knew though, she wasn't, and with that knowledge came fears and hostilities a plenty. The small Lykoi female dipped her head down as Helotes enveloped her body within his reaches. She tried to shut her eyes, to refrain from seeing the truth reflected in his own but it didn't matter. She could feel it in his touch, when he drew away she thought she was ready but his eyes still held the haunting truth when she looked to them.

The Inferni woman snarled and tried to push her mate away as he tried to speak words of comfort and bestow upon her affection that she craved, for all her temper raged. The tiny woman turned, her back facing Helotes as she growled low. "Do you honestly think I don't know the chances of them surviving?" She didn't even mention the fact that she knew if they survived that there was an even greater chance she wouldn't. She had been told so long ago and she thought she had spoken to Helotes once before on the subject.. of her fears, but perhaps it had been merely a topic that had been brushed aside. Her heart bled now as she was forced to face reality.
#8
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OOC here.

Word Count → 264


She knew him, she knew him so well even though they had only been together for a couple moons. And she was vicious, like a demon, and it was part of the reason he loved her. But when her face twisted into anger, full of teeth, he retracted, ears against his head. A whine escaped his throat as she cried out at him that she knew the chances of survival for the pups were slim, as well as the chance for her. Helotes shrunk under her wrath, like a pup, but did not shy away and enveloped her against after she was finished.

He held her tightly against his chest; she could scratch and bite all she wanted and he would not let her go. The dark Lykoi rubbed his cheek against her dirty blonde head, Shut up, I’m afraid too. But what’s done is done, we can only pray now, and keep you safe. His face became stoic, stony, I know you will hate me, but you should not leave the mansion anymore. Stay here, stay safe, and rest. The pregnancy was already dangerous, and any unnecessary activity on her part would only make it worse.

The pot started whistling and Helotes nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound, he quickly let go of the woman and went to retrieve the pot. He poured himself some tea, and some for her as well. The herbs would help whatever aches and stress she may be feeling. Helotes tried hard to hide the slight shakiness of his hands. He was scared for her.


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#9
She was not use to having one confront her when she was in a rage. Normally her siblings had stood at a distance and let her have her fits of anger and jealousy over the things she couldn't control, but after his initial reaction Helotes had not walked away. Her entire body turned rigid as the male cocooned her in his embrace and growled his fears back at her. She didn't even think as she whipped her head to the side, her fangs snapping at his face and oversized ears as she yowled. "Pray to what? pray to who?" she hissed as her heart raced. She was not a creature of God like others in the clan. The woman could not believe that if such a creature existed that the entire joke of her existence would have even been allowed, much less progress to this current state.

Her eyes were rimmed in white as her heart raced. She would have attempted to scar his face once again if she hadn't known raging against her mate was pointless and would just amount to even more trouble. Besides, he was the lone warrior in their ranks and being put out of commission by one's own clanmate wouldn't have settled well with their lord. Instead she sat curled in his arms as she growled and snarled threatening. She would not respond to his suggestions of her staying within the mansion when he knew well enough what the duties of her rank asked of her.. as well as her need to roam.

When the rattling threat of her voice was interrupted by the warning of the boiling water Helotes was quick to remove himself from her body to retrieve the liquid. She silently turned to watch him preparing the tea as she knew that there was nothing either of them could do.. though she hated the idea of having no control over the fate of the children or her own life. Her large ears drooped slightly as she finally spoke. "I can't Helotes.." She couldn't confine herself to a prison while the rest of the clan slaved in the mists of war. She was nothing special and she would not hold herself above the others in the lands because of the possibility of a litter that may or may not survive.
#10
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OOC here.

Word Count → 247


Helotes flicked his torn ear towards Zana as she asked who they could pray to. He had never really spoken to her about his Catholic upbringing, and he himself was not as devout as his mother had been, but he did believe in the Lord. It was difficult for any Luperci to believe in such things, for the religions of the humans were for the humans only; the bible made no mention of them except for wolves being beasts of the Earth. With a sigh, Helotes brought the steaming tea over to the bed side.

As he had expected, she did not remain silent towards his telling her to stay. But instead of saying “I wont” she said “I can’t”. The dark Lykoi looked at his mate, understanding what she meant, I know… but try will you? For me… and the puppy. There was no reigning in her wild heart, or her sense of duty; she would patrol until she was rolling around the territories pregnant if she had too.

Helotes blew softly into her cup to cool and handed it to her; it was the tea that he had traded with Amy for; rose hips. It smelled lovely. He leaned in and buried his muzzle into Zana’ hair; she smelled lovely too, I love you… And he pulled away, but made sure to bop his wet nose to hers, You’ll be fine, we’ll be fine, I promise. He smiled, now more genuine and confident than before.


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#11
Her eyes were distant and dark as she plowed through each and everything that could go wrong. The Lykoi woman had seen the likes of her kind that had embraced their children before they had taken their first breath and watched them as they crumbled when life never rose to blossom in such fine little bodies. She would not be a broken beast because of what grew within her. The small woman would cherish them if they grew to life and excelled but she would not be burdened by the growth until they proved to be something she could be proud of. It was a cruel and tough love, but it was the only thing she knew how to do in the mists of such fears.

The small woman almost didn't notice when her mate returned with the steaming cup of tea until the scent hit her nose. She turned her head towards him as he spoke, her eyes cast down as her shoulders stayed slumped. "To try to is the only thing I can offer.." she finally said softly as she lifted her head, lifting her hands to receive the cup of tea he blew on gently. She raised the rim to eye level for a moment and just watched the steam swirl and curl about her muzzle as she felt the gentle kiss of her mate upon her mane. She closed her eyes and sighed softly.

Zana felt his nose press to her own after she had lowered the cup once more. She opened her eyes with a flutter as his words followed her. She frowned slightly as she warned softly. "Do not promise what you can not control.." The small woman would steel herself against the pains of what might happen but falsehoods and promises that one couldn't keep she didn't wish to hear, even for comfort alone.
#12
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Might think about closing this one soon eh?.

Word Count → 301


He was trying, trying so desperately to cheer her up, but it seemed with each utterance from his maw she just sank deeper and deeper into darkness. He was quiet then, as she asked him not to promise what he could not control. It was not fair, his words of encouragement were only meant to strengthen her resolve, but instead she could tear him down with a small sentence. Helotes had never dealt with a woman like her before, save his mother perhaps; it had been so much easier when he had been a bachelor and he did not have to come home to the women he ruined.

But the Lykoi loved his mate from the deepest part of his heart, and he would not see her like this. He downed his still hot tea, much to his dismay for he loved to savor the drink, but his mate was more important than his own silly pleasures. He set his cup to the side, and then moved to pull the covers away from her frame. It was warm in the room, Spring time kept the temperature moderate, and the fire increased it even more; there was no need for blankets. Once her frame was more revealed, he set upon rubbing her shoulders and back with large paws. He knew what pregnancy could do to a woman’s muscles and would try to help anyway he could.

As he worked, he softly hummed a Spanish lullaby, but did not sing the words, there was no need to. It was a song that his mother had sung to he and his siblings, and one that his sister had sung to her pregnant belly before she lost the pups. It was a sweet but somewhat sad melody, and that seemed to fit the mood perfectly.


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