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The last few days had been a blur, Naniko taking a long needed rest on the couch in corner of the living room. She didn't want to go back upstairs for a while, not until she knew for sure that those rooms were safe, and not until she got some locks installed. She was worried, though, because Conri had made a small playpen for the pups...it was up there. She wanted to get it before she got so big that she wouldn't be able to get up the stairs. Even through all that had happened, she still felt that this pregnancy was going along better than the last one. Last time...god, she didn't even know whose those had been. The litter had been concieved too late to be Conri's. She didn't want to admit that they hadn't belonged to her mate, though...what shame that would have brought. Naniko curled up a little tighter, the tip of her tail brushing against her nose. It had been a long time since she had spent so much time in her four legged form. She kind of liked it.
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He didn't spend much time downstairs, but today he lay in a descrete corner of one of the smaller rooms, his face between his paws. He had sensed intensity in the house for many days now, and it was making him anxious. Kansas felt like there was something he should be doing to make it better. Part of him wanted to find Naniko, but the other part didn't even want to meet her gaze. He felt bad, mostly because of Conri. She'd been happy with him, and if he'd messed that up he knew he would never forgive himself.
He got up and moved into the living room, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw who was curled into a snug ball on the couch. Naniko did not look to well. He knew intuitively that something had happened to her. For a few seconds, he debated on leaving her to rest or finding out if it was now that he could do something. He wanted to help, and if this was a good chance, and he passed it up, he'd regret it. In the end, Kansas stepped toward her. He whispered softly, his stomach in knots. Naniko...? Are you okay?
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They had known each other for what felt like forever...since he'd been so small. She'd been smaller then, too, but still bigger than him. Naniko had tried to be a good older sister to him, to give him all the things that she had missed out on in her own puppyhood...but she'd failed him eventually, just like she had and would fail everyone else. Going out exploring with Kansas had been great, something she had wished that she'd gotten to do more when she was little, instead of caring for Davinci. She had been glad to raise the hybrid, had fussed over and worried about him, but eventually Davinci had left, like they all did. Everyone failed everyone else. She didn't like the way things were between her, Lucifer, and Kansas. She wanted to fix it all...but it wasn't something that could happen overnight. When he came into her view her eyes opened a little more. There weren't a lot of white wolves around, more black ones than anything else, so he was set apart from the others. "My back hurts. They're starting to grow...they weigh more now. I just need some more muscle." The places where she had been hit still hurt, but it was more of a dull ache than anything else. There wasn't anything broken, just bruised. It was easiest to blame it on the pups, though. He would understand pups growing. But she wasn't sure if even -she- understood what had happened between she and Conri that day. "How have you been, little brother? I...I'm so sorry. About everything."
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Kansas' biggest wish was that things between he and his older sister had stayed like they'd been when he was younger. She'd been a huge comfort to him, with Firefly disappearing and his mother going off soon after. He wished there was a way to show her how grateful he was - he wanted to say it, but it wasn't exactly something you could verbalize. And then all of this had happened, making it even more difficult. He wanted to turn things around as much as she did.
She opened her eyes a little more, and immediately looked less listless becase of their vibrancy. He really hoped she had not been asleep - something told him, however, that she hadn't. He was careful not to stand too close, worried that she might think he would try something again. Even though they'd been intoxicated, he desperately hoped she didn't see him as one of those pigs who only wanted one thing.
He couldn't tell from her position that she was pregnant - or maybe he'd just not been paying attention. It made him feel a little strange, but he knew that was wrong. The pale boy wanted to congratulate her, but it seemed out-of-place. He simply gave her a smile, wondering why she wasn't upstairs, resting in her room where fools like himself didn't go wandering through. Maybe it was brighter down here.
He nodded, his smile fading slightly. I'm all right - I...For a few moments he'd been preoccupied with the idea of Naniko having puppies, but her words brought everything back to him. Little brother. It felt like a slap in the face, though he knew she hadn't at all meant it that way. He was horrid; he was scum. Kansas' eyes tingled; he felt like crying but didn't dare allow himself to in front of her. No - no, I'm sorry. It was my fault... I'm afraid I messed up everything for you. His gaze flickered from her eyes to the floor, unsure of where to settle. I'm so sorry.
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She didn't like staying inside the house a whole lot, where everything had happened, but this was the only place that she felt really safe. The bedroom was the worst of all of the places, and she hadn't gone back there since the event. She was afraid that it might be too much. Naniko knew that crying about it wasn't going to change anything, and that trying to hurt herself wasn't an option...it would just make her feel weaker both emotionally and physically, from blood loss. And she wasn't really that kind of wolf...she hadn't even considered harming herself. "It's not your fault. I'm older--I'm supposed to be the responsible one...the leader. All I can do is promise that I won't do anything like that again. I don't want to hurt anyone again, especially not you two. You're my best friend." She paused for a moment, uncurling and stretching her front legs out in front of her. It did make her feel better to stretch a bit. "I sort of felt like there was a little...uhh...tension for a while. Between me and you. And between me and Lucifer."
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[html] I forgot to say how much I love the title of this thread. I adore Coldplay!
He had a feeling that something else was making her hurt other than the puppies growing inside her. But did he have the right to even ask, after what he'd done? He didn't feel like he could pry into her life. If he butted in and made things worse, he didn't know what he'd do. So Kansas didn't ask her, and he tried to content himself with believing it was just an arguement with one of the pack members, or something minor. He didn't even want to consider it might have to do with Conri; so he didn't.
He searched for coldness in her voice, to prepare himself. But her words were as kind as ever, and he supposed that was just Naniko. But she had to resent him a little; she had to have sensed his attraction to her before it happened. You didn't hurt me. I was... as much a part of it as you were. I should've known better by now. He didn't want them to play ping-pong with who was to blame, but he wished she could see that he had terrible guilt about this. You're... my best friend too. I think it had to be tense. I don't know about Lucifer, but I was afraid to approach you. I... wanted to leave you alone for awhile. He'd slept with her when he knew she was still with Conri. That was encroaching on her life enough.
Kansas hated how cowardly he was.
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"Conri's left" She wasn't sure if he knew...but he had the right to know, as did the rest of the pack members. She felt too weary to have a pack meeting about it, even to quell the rumors that she knew either were or would be spreading around about her mate's dissapearance. She didn't want to have to remember everything or to have to recout the tale in front of others...her pack. "He's not coming back, either. So...you shouldn't feel afraid, or worried for me or Lucifer. I'm kind of relieved, actually." She knew that she had done something wrong, but that feeling still remained. She was glad he was gone. "I apologized so many times to him. We all were a bit out of it, you know? And it wasn't really fair. He could have just ended it with us." She had loved Conri. Or...thought she loved him. Now things felt twisted, the emotions all tangled up in each other. Naniko stretched a little bit despite the ache in her back, yawning. "The best thing we can do is try and forget about it. About him, about everything. I can lead this pack myself...and I intend to."
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Conri was gone. Kansas hadn't known, and he felt terrible for not finding it out for himself. This was what was hurting her, what he saw in her eyes that wasn't just discomfort from her pregnancy. He hung his head a littl, more regretful than ever in his entire life. Kansas' worst fear about this whole thins was true after all - his actions had torn Naniko and Conri apart.
His bright gaze turned back to her as she continued. It was hard for him to piece together, to understand the meaning of everything she said. Worried for her or Lucifer? Kansas didn't know Conri at all, but he hadn't thought the reddish male would hurt anyone. Then again, this was pretty big. He wanted to feel as relieved as she was, but it wasn't quite as comforting as he would have hoped: there was always Conri's reasons for leaving hovering behind it all.
I'm so sorry, Naniko. I... really am. I'm glad you're safe, and your puppies and...Lucifer, but - he trailed off; he couldn't possibly explain to her. He was sure she could take care of Twilight Vale herself, but it was yet another unfairness linked back to him. If I can help at all, with anything... will you ask me?
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"No...I'm glad he's gone, Kansas. There was something...not right about him. He beat up Lucifer." She wasn't sure how much he knew, but she wanted to make things clear to him. "I'll say that what happened between all of us was a mistake, and leave it at that. But I don't regret anything. You learn from your mistakes...and you get stronger. So I don't regret anything."
"Of course I will. I'll be able to hunt for a little while longer, but then I'll have to start relying on the food cache we have in the basement, or fishing with Lucifer's net. Some more fish in the cache would be great, if you ever are bored or have some spare time" Naniko felt better now that she had stretched, and she lay back down. "But for now...I'm kind of tired still. I think I'm going to take a nap"
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