Looking for heaven's light
#1
[html]Tayui.
In the orchards of Berwick once again, by the farmhouse I would imagine Smile

Evening grew near, the descending Sun calling for hints of red to blanch the soft blues with heat. He fell towards the tree line, not yet touching their tops. Anu busied herself for the impending darkness and for the lack of summer heat. Even in summer nights there could be a chill in the northern lands. Close to the ocean she felt the water’s wind and a night such as this called for a fire.


An old piece of burlap sat on the ground by the fire pit, a wide seat for her to watch the flames once they built themselves into a vehemenced dance. Aged silver and white fingered arranged the logs, the dried twigs for kindling beneath them and browned grass to catch the spark of flint. She would never have guessed she would treasure rocks, and yet they were so necessary in her current way of life. They kept the night at bay... Anu was not yet ready for the darkness.


By the time she was ready to strike the fire’s birth the Sun was set, the hints of crimson were now soothing pinks that lasted only a moment before being swallowed by blackness. Her fingers held the two parts and struck them together. It was the part she had the most trouble with. She frowned as one fell from her grasp as she gave another attempt. Her hands were strong enough to plant an orchard, to hold a pack together, to claw through the life of a loner and yet they could not hold the stones as the hit against one another to create a tiny tendril of flame.

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#2
Found the thread cache!
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[/html]Tayui always watched Anu building their fire with some level of amusement. Tayui was used to temperatures that made the world white and permitted only the hardiest of plants to grow, so the evening never felt that cold to her. She always felt contrite when she thought that she could offer her own warmth to Anu, but she never said it. So she did her best to assist Anu by bringing her logs and branches and collecting any nearby. It kept her busy and it was better than sitting and watching dumbly. She felt useless if she didn’t help .Even if she didn’t require the warmth of the fire, she liked the way it looked flickering in the darkness. Besides, Anu liked it and that was good enough for Tayui.

She was silent as Anu tried to light the fire. She struggled to get the rocks to click at the right angle. Tayui knew that lighting a fire this way was very difficult and she was not very practiced at it.

“Could I try?” she asked, pointing at the stones in Anu’s hands. By now, she’d settled down into a crouch and was sitting a few feet away from Anu, watching her with student-like attention. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to, but she could at least offer and try.[html]
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#3
[html] your soooo awesome!!!!

A voice spoke as Anu looked at the fallen stone, and the once-Dreamer looked up from her knees to see Tayui beside her. She silently conceded with a smiled and handed the other female the stones. The white wolfess was never too far away, even if Anu retreated deeply into her own thoughts. She had been gathering firewood for the pit, though Anu often wondered if she found sitting beside the fire comforting. Where Anu was thin if pelt and weight Tayui’s white fur was like that of the northern breeds, thick and even plush to the touch.

Happily Anu retreated back to the burlap seat, toes pointed in the hopes of soaking up a bit of warmth once the Aston woman had clicked the fire to life. She held her hands together, wrapped in the other and lain against her stomach. At times they ached, but the warmth would ease those pains.

Perhaps you will have better luck. She spoke softly once she was settled in her place. The evening gathering was an often one, and at times other’s would come to sit with them. Oak or Cypress would share the day’s catch, or a story would be told or just quiet company enjoyed. But Oak was gone, traveling what felt like a world away in the hopes of finding a new home and Cypress was feeling particularly aloof. It would just be the matriarchs on this night.

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#4
Hehe, it's no problem at all! c:
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[/html]Tayui took the stones from Anu and held them experimentally in her hands. She flipped the one in her right hand around and adjusted how she held it until she was pleased. The one in her left hand was already comfortable and she could see that she would be striking them at a slightly different angle than Anu had. While living in AniWaya, she had learned a number of new ways to start fires, but they didn't have the equipment to use other means. Although she preferred one method, which involved a bow strung with a loose string, two rocks and a stick, she was quite certain that she'd be able to get the hang of this soon enough. She had started plenty of fires in her life, but that hadn't been in some time. It was just getting back on the proverbial horse (even if she'd never ridden one in the first place).

When Anu suggested that she might have more luck, Tayui glanced over her shoulder and shot the other woman a wry smile.

"Perhaps," she replied, "we'll have to see."

She adjusted her sitting position and pulled herself closer to the carefully-arranged sticks. She leaned forward, giving herself enough room to strike the stones. She clacked them together once, twice, and then three times. Not even a spark. She frowned. She adjusted her position and tried it again, this time with more force. Still nothing. She tried for a fifth time and then she saw a flicker of a spark.

"Maybe after all," she said, grinning. She glanced at Anu and then turned back to the to-be fire. She struck the stones another time and they gave off a small shower of sparks. She kept at it until she was able to get some of the thinner wood to catch on fire. She blew gently and then circled around the fire pit. She struck the stones a few more times, but it didn't want to work again. She kept trying, but she still couldn't make it work a second time. It must have been a fluke.

When she realized that the first fire was beginning to die, she returned to her original position and gently blew on the flames. They flickered, but one tendril found another piece of wood and danced over it before returning to the larger fire. She leaned back and huffed. This was difficult.[html]
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#5
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Her frustrations were gone, and in their place Anu had gained a bit of amusement from watching Tayui work. The look of great concentration was almost as attractive as the one where Tayui looked to Anu with gentle eyes and a soft smile. The gray elder found herself searching for that look at times, and savoring each time she caught the glance. The Aston woman gave her an almost cynical smirk, and then the way she focused on the tinder and face she made caused Anu to sit up slightly and watch the pale woman with a smile. It seemed that Tayui was confident in taking up the challenge.


She worked slowly at first, a patience that Anu had lost with the falling sun, but then swiftly moved to give the flames a few puffs of oxygen. Anu moved forward when Tayui leaned back, giving her own air to the fire, and moved a dry piece of wood to catch aflame before setting it below the rest of the arranged pieces. It was growing with the new food to burn, and Anu was satisfied and appreciated the work Tayui had done. She moved back, to sit beside the fire. Her legs crossed, hands folded in he lap as she rested and felt the building warmth of the fire.


A job well done. Anu commented, her tone light and playful. After a second passed she gestured for the female to sit beside her, there was a matter pressing in her thoughts and she wished to relief herself of the burden. It was a sensitive subject, as was many things in their life. Due to the instability of their location. But before she brought it up she had the urge to be settled beside the woman she shared her time with.


There was a giant lack of labels between them, and Anu found that she did not desire to identify what they were exactly be it a friendship or something deeper. In the orchard of Berwick they had a freedom (as well as a chaos) that Anu had never experienced in her adult life. And though she knew in the further realms of her mind that what she held for Tayui was complex and beyond a friendship, she decided to enjoy rather then analyze.


She looked down at her hands for a moment, gathering courage to speak. Oak has gone off, to look at a new pack. Vinátta. She spoke up, looking at Tayui’s face to catch her reaction. Did she want to stay, or go? It was an unspoken question, yet the conversation had been started, in a round about way. Anu was a patient wolf, and so she was not one to rush into a discussion hastily. She only waited to hear what Tayui thought of the statement, blue eyes wavering from her wolfess companion to her hands and then back again.

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#6
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[/html]When Tayui leaned back, Anu took the initiative to push the flames to sustain and grow. It felt so natural letting Anu slide into the empty spaces she left behind. Everything they did felt calm and natural, which was a blessing after feeling so lost and homeless for so long. Anu was the reasons that she considered these orchards to be her home.

Anu moved away and Tayui followed her, preferring the warmth of close contact than the warmth of the fire. She didn't need it, but she liked the feeling of being pressed against Anu. She leaned back on her hands and tilted her head to look at Anu when she spoke. She grinned in response, but didn't say anything in return. She was quiet for now. She wiggled her toes in front of the fire and then stretched her feet out, with her legs sprawled before her.

She glanced over to Anu once more when she heard the other woman begin to speak. She was surprised to hear that Oak would be leaving them and was more surprised that he was departing for Vinátta. She hadn't realized that word had spread so quickly; she'd only just heard of it a few days ago herself.

"That's good," she replied slowly. "He needs a home," she added. She frowned. Anu would likely miss her son, but would she want to go after him? "I've heard of Vinátta before--only in passing. Would you like to go there to see what it's like? For us?"[html]
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#7
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Tayui’s body pressing against her own gave Anu a reassuring feeling. Even though her age had given her confidence in many avenues she still needed to be assured that she was not alone once in a while. Tayui’s presence was even causing her to need that touch more and more. Anu would have to be careful not to become greedy or possessive with that necessity. Her history was riddled with those bouts of jealousy.


Blue eyes looked to find surprise written on the pale woman’s features. Anu tried to keep her own demeanor calm, having told herself time and time again that Oak would return to them. The she wolf replied carefully, almost unsure if it was a good thing that Oak had gone or not. Her question was one that Anu had asked herself for some time. Even before her brave red son had come to her about it. Would she follow them?



It was the first time in her children’s life that Anu was waiting for one of them to make the choice, for them to lead her down their family’s path. Tayui spoke with openness in her tone, demolishing any question that Anu may have about her wanting to leave the orchards of Berwick to go to a new pack. Though Tayui had told her before, that she would not leave her, Anu could not help but wait for the moment to come where she was once again alone.


She smiled to herself though, and leaned slightly onto the other woman. For so long she had needed to make the decisions alone, and how quickly she forgot that Tayui was here with her. To be with her rather then to follow or lead. Equals in a life that could be built by their hands. Anu nodded, Oak said he would return, and bring us news of their lands and practices. A pair I knew from Crimson Dreams now lives there. It is far away, the journey would take us some time.


She knew that for Oak it would be only a few days, but for them and the pony that could haul any goods it would takes longer. But I think I would like to be from these lands. Far away from Rabbit Lake. It meant leaving the southern lands where Alder lived, but the horse whisperer had the means to travel north and she did not worry about him too often now. Her desire to forget the Dreaming world grew greater each day, time had not healed those wounds and she hoped that distance would. Then she added a question, Do you want to leave?

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#8
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[/html]Tayui felt Anu lean into her, so she shifted to push her butt back on the dirt so that she was sitting upright and more able to be a solid support. Still reclining on the palms of her hands, she tilted her head down so that her forehead was touching Anu’s shoulder. She felt Anu nod and then felt the other woman move as she spoke. It felt strange to be so close to someone as they talked and if Anu had a deeper voice, she was certain that she would have felt the rumble.

“Yes, it’s past Inferni from what I understand. But if we want to make our home there, that doesn’t really matter. We can ask for passage through New Dawn to avoid Salsola’s territory—if you don’t mind—and then continue on from there.” She paused and then added: “I think it would be good to get away from here. I don’t care where we go as long as I can be with you. I’m willing to stay a loner until we find a real home.” She meant it. She had been a loner for so long that near the end of it, it hurt knowing that she didn’t have a home. But she’d found a home with Anu and now, she only wanted to stop wandering once they found someplace together.

She pushed herself off the palms of her hands so that she could reach over and rest her hand on Anu's knee. Tayui wanted to feel her. [html]
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#9
[html]Smile

Tayui did only accept the idea of leaving the orchard, but she spoke of a plan to get there. It eased Anu, to know that there could be another pack that they could ask for safe travel from. She did not know much about Salsola, only knowing their name and that they existed. Even as a leader she had not met any of their members, but then again Anu had not gone out looking for answers. Crimson Dreams and the war with AniWaya had been enough to consume her time and energy, a resource that was no longer infinite.


Anu had believed that this place could be their real home; she had seen the orchards and her heart had yearned for it. The land called to her, pulled her in and told her that this would be her sanctuary and the place where she would remain till her time came. But she had been mistaken. It was the place where she could heal and recover, but it was not her last home. It all caused her to wonder how many homes she would have until she found her last.


A real home, would they ever find it? Anu wondered but kept the question to herself. Tayui placed a hand on her leg, the soft fur parting to let her skin feel the gentle touch. The gray woman reached a hand around Tayui’s back, touching only lightly until it found a place at her side. Arm laced around her back to help hold them together, I wish for us only to be happy, and safe. She often found it astonishing that they had found each other, after all this time…


Salsola. They aren’t friendly? She wondered aloud, curious to know what Tayui did. Fingers idly moved through the thick pale fur of her side, enjoying the soft sensation.

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#10
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[/html] Tayui smiled when she felt Anu reach around with her arm. Tayui had wanted to do that all along, but hadn't been sure just how comfortable Anu was around her yet. Apparently, she was comfortable enough to read Tayui's mind. She chuckled mentally at this thought, so when she turned to look at Anu, she had a wide and silly grin on her face. She didn't mind, though: she liked being open with the other woman because it was so easy; it was safe. She took her left arm and wiggled it out from between their bodies so that she could encircle Anu's shoulders. Then they would be completely linked and completely whole.

When Anu admitted she only wished that they were happy and safe, Tayui felt her eyes water a bit.

"That's all I've ever wanted," she replied. She searched Anu's eyes looking for confirmation. They both wanted the same thing.

"Salsola isn't friendly, especially to me," she added in response. She realized she was still grinning, so she laughed. "I brought warriors to their pack and attacked them. I got into a fight with Eris Lykoi--she goes by Eris Eternity, but she's a fool. She idolizes Salvaged. I was terribly injured and Jazper, from Jaded Shadows, took me in to his pack, Casa di Cavalieri. After I left, that's when I met you. I can't go anywhere near Salsola; I'm afraid they'll recognize me and realize I'm not dead after all." By the end of it, she realized that she wasn't smiling anymore. "I know this--this changes me--who I am, but--" she paused, breathing slowly, and then continued: "they've wronged too many." [html]
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#11
[html]Smile

The warmth of the fire could be felt on her toes, and the gentle yet growing warmth of Tayui radiated softly against her side. Tore bay eyes took in the wide smile of the other woman, and her own turned meek in one passing moment and then curious in the next. Wondering what Tayui was thinking, wondering what her thoughts spoke behind the duel hued eyes.


When she looked to Anu, her gaze turning misty and eager Anu kept her smile. Indeed they both wanted the same thing. They wanted to be at peace and Anu felt that she had found that in the arms of the white wolfess. Their growing closeness confirmed that the touch only drew her into a deeper sense of comfort and contentment. All was right, even when Tayui began to explain her relationship with Salsola.


Yes, Anu finally remembered. She felt the memory blossom in her mind’s eye. Tayui was with her, and yet they stood facing one another like strangers. Not against each other’s sides like something far closer then acquaintances. Tayui had told her of her acceptance there, but Anu felt an unsettling cringe in her stomach as Tayui now spoke, the names of Salvage and Eternity brining back more fearful memories of their past in Jaded Shadows and the lands of Bleeding Souls.


Her slow and unsettled voice caused Anu to watch her face, to seek the feelings out from the lines of her features. That place was dangerous, to Tayui and thus to Anu. She knew that they would not make the trip north without placing themselves in danger, unless they sought refuge in New Dawn, and that was what they would do.


It changed her? Anu did not feel a change in her heart as she looked at Tayui, as she imagined her fighting for those that had been wronged by a pack Anu did not fully understand yet. There was a deep trust that Anu had in Tayui, a well to draw from as she thought of her life hence forth with this wolfess. It was unfathomable, and when Anu dipped into it there was no change in how she felt towards the Aston female.


That is what brought you here. She replied, her smile returning softly as she thought of it. Your bravery brought you to me. Anu added, her free hand rising to find her cheek. She turned to face Tayui as she did so, causing their connection to break slightly but wishing to see and touch her face to confirm that there was no change in who Tayui was. Not to Anu.

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#12
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[/html] Even as Tayui spoke, Anu didn't seem to want to pull away. She was surprised; there was so much wrapped up in this story that was left unsaid that she would have thought that Anu would be disgusted with her, or worse, hate her. She'd brought her own son into the fold: she'd taken his anger (and it had never been directed at Haku or Salsola until she had pushed him in that direction) and used it for her cause. She could only assume that when he couldn't go through with it, he'd left. Again. She'd once told him that no matter how many times she would leave him, she would always forgive him. What if it was her turn to beg for forgiveness?

Even through all of what she said, Anu didn't move. She watched Tayui carefully and Tayui had the feeling that Anu was thinking something very different from her.

She was right.

"Bravery? Perhaps," she replied morosely. She couldn't let Anu pretend it was all alright. She knew what would happen when she brought warriors to the borders of Salsola, but she had never thought that they would kill one of their own.

"Cowardice might be more appropriate. I let others fight my battles." She looked down and away as Anu cupped her cheek. She had accepted it--all of it--but now it had come rushing back. If this was the price she would pay for being honest, she'd pay it tenfold; she just wished it didn't have to hurt Anu like this. This was the last thing she deserved. [html]
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#13
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The past was littered with shadows. No matter the creature there would be a dark place among their history, whether they wished it upon themselves or not. Anu looked to the woman, her eyes shying away from the gentle touch. They had all faced a moment of anger, rage or perhaps it was deep seeded guilt and shame that caused them to seek the cowardly and easy route. But creatures of flesh and instinct were not immune to it. Anu was certainly not.

Could they not just have peace? Anu did not care that Tayui had sought justice or even be it revenge on Salsola. Circumstances cast aside Anu found that she had no sympathy for them and only wished that Tayui would forgive herself so that their pasts could be placed securely behind them.

Anu tired so hard not think think of the war that had led to her pack's slow demise. She blamed her insecurities, and her weakened body that had made her send the pack members away. But it had been the fighting, the fear, her captivity and the battles that ensued afterwards that begun the slow draining of energy and faith in the pack. Anu had lost faith too, and courage. If anything, was cowardliness that had brought Anu to Tayui...

Let there be no more battles. Anu spoke in a whisper.

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#14
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[/html] The silence stretched on even after Anu spoke. When Anu spoke, her voice was always so soft and gentle: just like now. And after, there was a hollow emptiness that always left Tayui wanting more. Neither of them tended to say much, but they weren't as uptight as Claudius, who could go for days without speaking a word. But Tayui always suspected it was more because of how difficult it was; not because he had nothing to say or because it was a form of unspoken communication.

Thinking of her son made her wonder if she could really leave this place. All she'd wanted since Noir's death was peace, and now that she'd finally found it, she was terrified. She was afraid that once she got what she wanted, it wouldn't be worth it anymore. What would she do if she realized that this had always been a silly dream? That the journey was worth more than the actual realization?

She looked over at Anu and steeled herself. Even if it wasn't what she wanted, she wanted to be with Anu. That would have to be enough.

"But I'd fight for you any day," she said softly. Then, realizing how corny it sounded, she grinned and leaned in to the other woman. [html]
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#15
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Anu felt her heart pause at the words given by the other woman. Her eyes fluttered back up to Tayui, tracing along the cream hued line that begun at the black of her nose and filtered up across her face. As if berated by the beating wings of feathered birds her stomach was tickled and with it the jump-starting of her beating heart. She could not remember the last day that such a thing had been said to her, and it made the wolfess’s need for Tayui’s company turn into a desire for her touch and a yearning for the chance to give it as well.


The gray wolf smiled, more meekly then Tayui did, unsure if she wished to show how powerfully her words moved her. Silver hair touched the sides of her face, moving to mask her eyes lest she try to move it. But instead she kept her gentle touch against the Aston’s woman’s face and moved her nose forward slowly towards Tayui's. Anu swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat and tentatively, steeling her sudden and overwhelming feelings Anu only moved forward with the intent of reading the actions that the other woman wished to give. Unsure of if Tayui’s desire matched her own there was no want to rush and leap beyond what her comfort was.


Her intent was innocent, and yet what lingered behind it was not as pure. The culmination of living with Tayui for so many months and yet never allowing the emotions to peak beyond companionship or friendship... When all along Anu had wanted more, even if she had not wished to shine a bright light to it. But Anu was a patient creature, and she could and would wait to see what reaction she would receive from her subtle signals.

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#16
Sorry for the wait! Sad Starting up school again has been really stressful & busy!
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[/html]Tayui hadn't realized really what she said until Anu looked at her. Anu had always been able to look at her and understand things better than anyone else, but now she realized that Anu was truly understanding the meaning of Tayui's words. Even Tayui hadn't realized what she had been saying. It had seemed so natural to think it, to think that after she had fought for so much, that one more battle would be an easy decision to make if it was for Anu. She was too important and too big a figure in her life now, so she would do it in a heartbeat. It seemed so simple, but Anu's expression made her realize that it wasn't just some small thing that an old friend would do for another. There was more. There was more between them.

Tayui felt her chest flutter as Anu reached and then touched her face. There was so much more between them than just friendship. Now, there was too much space. Tayui shifted closer and inclined her head to meet Anu's so that they were touching nose to nose. She reached out with her own hand that wasn't already holding on to Anu's shoulder and rested it on Anu's neck, twirling circles in Anu's fur with her finger. It felt so right with Anu's hands holding her face, so she wanted to do the same. She wanted more. She planted a quick doggish kiss on Anu's nose and then giggled slightly.

"Anu," she said. [html]
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#17
[html] no worries! best of luck with school!

Tayui did not move away, but came closer as Anu leaned forward, testing the water and see what temperature the other woman gave off. With each breath she took in the scent of her, it seemed different now that she had breached the barrier that personal space demanded. Sweeter, in fact, against the smoky soot air of the fire that sat beside them. It was eating viciously at the fuel that Anu had neglected to replace and without the new feed it would calm in little time, lingering only as a soft ember.


A pale hand reached up to grace her neck and the skin beneath the fur tingled at the sensation, excited easy at the new touch and the mix of anticipation and hesitation that her mind spoke to her body. It lasted only a second, replaced with the warm and small tease of the rustled fur.


Any seriousness was lost when Tayui licked her nose, any tentativeness wiped clean when she heard the giggle of laughter come from the other female’s mouth. Anu laughed a single small giggle as well, freed from confides of her unknowing and her waiting by the tickle of Tayui’s tongue against her nose.


Her smile was opened mouth for a moment, and then she was able to compose herself and it turned soft after she replied, Tayui. Her hand moved against the softness of her cheek, trailing to the fur of her mane and behind Tayui’s head. She smiled brighter just before she reached forward to kiss her softly and sweetly, all doggish things left behind them.

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#18
Aww thanks! <3
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[/html]It seemed as though girlish youthfulness was infectious; just as soon as Tayui tried to smother her giggling, Anu joined in. She wondered if Anu felt the same way: they'd both done this before, but it'd been some time since Tayui had wanted to with anyone. Her life hadn't exactly been one of celibacy, but she didn't have the best track record with relationships. She never felt the need to 'complete' herself by finding someone else. Certainly, wolves mated for life and were social beings, but she never felt as though she wasn't whole without someone. She had been independent, but now, she was comfortable relying on Anu and wanting to rely on her.

Maybe that was why this worked: after everything, Tayui wanted to feel comfortable and at ease. Anu made her feel that, and more.

When Anu said her name in response, Tayui felt something huge and real flutter in her chest. When Anu kissed her--as best a canine could--she felt that feeling grow stronger and her stomach did a series of flip flops and somersaults. She kissed back, matching Anu's pace, but adding her own insistence. She had wanted this for so long. She leaned forward with her whole body and her one hand that was trailing through Anu's fur to gently push Anu so that they could lie down together. [html]
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