[m] perfection will not come

Trent · 09-01-2012, 05:54 PM

for strelein ^^

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WARNING: This thread contains material exceeding the general board rating of PG-13. It may contain very strong language, drug usage, graphic violence, or graphic sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

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After the pack meeting, Trent had gone and felt sorry for Strelein. He had actually never heard of alcohol or being drunk, and so it was a bit of a surprise to him that this was what had apparently caught Strelein unawares. Yikes, hopefully it wasn't contageous, or anything. Well, they said that he had done it to himself, so it had to be not-contageous, then, right? Trent just hoped so.

Bringing a slab of meat he'd actually just taken from the kitchen rather than worked for at all himself, Trent had gone and knocked every door on the second floor of the hotel building. Because, even though he'd seen him about, he had no idea which room was Strelein's. Outside, rain pattered down, but Trent couldn't see it; it was dark out, the end of the evening. Although he hadn't had any luck so far, at least neither had there been any angry people chucking chairs at him for interupting their peace, either.

The new pair of worn jeans, the right knee broken, hung loosely around Trent's waist as he finally walked up to the right door in his optime form. The jeans were truthfully far too big for him. But it was better than nothing. He had Stuff now! Trent had always been envious of other peoples' stuff, ever since he'd first found out about this whole new alluring world that the wolves in these lands lived in. He wanted jeans. He wanted jewellery. He wanted other cool stuff. Okay, so jeans was all he had now, but it was better than the big nothing it'd been before. Oh, right, and Pony, of course. For whatever that piece of meat counted, anyway...

Reaching the right door - although unsure if it were, but, well, he'd tried pretty much every other door, so he just hoped it was - Trent knocked weakly on it. The slab of meat - he didn't even know what it was, thought it was a piece of rabbit breast or whatever, but he'd just grabbed it to have, err, something - was carried in his right hand, and he probably looked pretty ridiculous holding a piece of meat like that. But hey, at least he didn't show up on someone's doorstep empty-handed.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-01-2012, 06:57 PM

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The curtain was dark, a heavy red linen with streaks of black running through the weave to darken further. Light filtered in only through the edges where the gap between cloth and wall allowed it to stream in. The door to the closet was ajar, letting in another small pool of light on the entombed man. It was dark in the room and his weakening vision was not helping him to see in the heavy dark. It was as though someone had died. Hadn't they? he mused, leaning a tired head against the wall of his beautifully painted room. He could feel the paint against his face, cold and cool. He could feel the love in it, the affection his closest friend had put into her work. He could feel the love that was once in this room, swirling around him. He choked back a sob and put a bottle to his lips to stifle his sadness.

The bottle just touched his lips when he pulled it away again, none of the amber liquid flowing into his waiting gullet. His lavender eyes, murky, red, and a little yellow, peered at it in the dark. This was why he had nothing left, this drink. But nothing else soothed his broken soul. Everything burned in his heart and he was losing track of the days as they went. Silvano dropped him to serf, and Vigilante was silent. Something was going on outside the Hotel, outside his little portion of the pack. But he found no care in his heart. Ahiga had ended his own life and Strel knew he had failed. Oh, but he had tried. He had truly tried his very best. His heart broke when he found out his nephew was not coming home anymore, and the two of them could stay each others bastions. Now, where was his bastion? No where the tailor could be.

A knock? Strelein looked up with foggy eyes and scrambled off of his bed, remembering the warmth and love that was there once upon a time. Was it real? He shoved his thoughts away and walked to the door. Fumbling with the lock, he jerked the door open. Red eyes peered at the man standing before him, Trent right? Strel was disheveled and clearly unkempt. His normally pristine appearance was gone, and a ghost stood in his place. "Yes?" he asked softly, looking from his face to the meat in his hands.

Trent · 09-02-2012, 06:54 PM

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Trent heard movement on the other side of the door, and ears perked up attentively as he waited for it to open. After a moment of sounds, finally it opened, and yes, it was the right door, too. When he laid eyes on Strelein, though, Trent couldn't help but gulp a little... He looked like a shadow of the man that Trent had, well, met once before in his life. He'd looked so shiny and perfect last time, and Trent felt even more sorry for him at seeing this. He was desperate to, for once in his life, make a difference.

Since 'you look like shit' didn't seem a very friendly opener, and neither did Trent want to come off as wanting to help Strelein (because his experience was that the lower you sunk, the less likely you wanted someone else's charity), and so he held up the slab of meat and said, "Are you hungry?" Trent grinned awkwardly at the man as he proceeded, "Because it's normal to bring a gift when paying someone a visit, err... Right?" He looked at the piece of meat in his hand, and suddenly thought the idea of bringing a gift was highly overrated; Trent just hoped that Strelein would take the damn thing, so that he wouldn't be walking around with it anymore, and besides, the recently demoted Serf looked like he could use some good ole' nutrients, anyway.

Trent looked hopefully at Strelein, desperately hoping that he'd actually be invited in for the visit he had mentioned. It would be rather a let-down if the door'd be slammed in his face right now. Trent was going to help someone out, and it would make things a lot easier if Strelein actually wanted to be helped out... Or to be held company and talked to, at all.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-02-2012, 07:12 PM

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He stared at the meat in the man's hand, wondering if this person had ever known how to properly interact with others. In a small way, the awkward manner about him brought some light into his heart but it was far too little far too late to do much good other than to pull a tired smile onto the redheaded man's lips. Strel looked down at the meat offered him and he took it with carefully stilled hands. He knew what kind of image he presented, disheveled and unkempt. Straightening slightly, the tailor he looked at the meat and nodded a rather grateful thanks at him. "Sometimes," he said simply, his once smooth tenor voice more husky and rough. There was the last remains of a musical lilt to it, from when he used to amuse himself thus. "Please, come in."

He turned around, leaving the door open and stuffing the meat into his face. He chewed hard, enjoying the taste of the raw blood slipping down his throat. He pulled back the dark curtains, letting the light stream in. The painted walls lit up, and the man reveled in the sight of his beloved gift from Mati. Without a word to Trent, he touched the wall where the false Halifax was lit up with the lights of a bygone era. Fingers trailed down the wall, touching the memories. "I have lived here for so long. I have lost friends and lost loves. Few enemies, and busy hands." Now, there was simply nothing left to mourn except his own soul. "Have you come to take pity on the fallen Dauphin?" he said gently, not faulting the other if it was the case. Strelein turned about to face the man, his features tired and his hand gesturing to the bed piled with furs.

Trent · 09-03-2012, 04:47 AM

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It seemed from the look on Strelein's face that Trent's etiquette was not entirely proper, but since he was invited in nevertheless, Trent didn't mind much. He'd achieved the first step of what he was looking for, anyway, despite his poor social manners. Trent himself dangled somewhere at the bottom of the hierarchy, and deservedly so, and so he hoped that would've taken away some of the thought that he might be here simply to laugh in Strelein's face or take pity on him. Apparently not enoughly so, though.

After stepping in, and closing the door behind him after a few seconds of doubt (he wasn't sure what was proper in the world of doors), Trent watched as Strelein opened the curtains and touched the beautifully painted walls. It felt a little awkward as he began to speak, as though he was speaking to ghosts of the past rather than Trent. But what he said after that confirmed that he hadn't, after all.

Trent tried to wrap his mind around how to go about convincing Strelein that he wasn't here out of pity. He was, in part, although it was not so much pity for Strelein as for himself that drove him here. After all, he wanted to do something right. He thusly shook his head. "No... Uh, I just was kind of worried, I... guess?" He looked at Strelein, hoping that wouldn't come off as a cloaked version of pity. "Because of the things said at the meeting, and, uh... Yeah. I figured that you could use a friend." Trent offered a somewhat bashful smile, hoping that his words were genuine enough - because they were - for Strelein to accept the tentatively outstretched hand (well, figuratively, anyway) that Trent was offering.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-03-2012, 04:05 PM

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amg so much sad feels in my head

Pity. It was pity. He expected no less, and honestly did not think that his honor was coming back to him any time soon. His head ached, and he was tired all the time as the familiar pangs of hunger plagued him less and less often. It was all a bad sign, he knew, but in his heart he could hardly care what they meant for him. Strel was ill but he could still function as best as he could. It did not bother him that he was growing weaker; he was always weak. What was a little more frail going to do to the already thin, lanky man?

Regardless, he peered at the stuttering man, oddly comforted by the words. It was nice to hear that people still thought of him well and actually cared for him. But his duty to the pack was over, and he could relax at last without the pressures of eyes from all sides looking at him. He had been a poor leader, and his only saving grace had been his easy attitude with everyone and the lighthearted interactions with all of them. But now, they could look at him and see the fallen grace and the absence of the once prim and proper Dauphin of the Court of Miracles.

Strelein looked away from Trent, the smile twitching but he was no longer bothered by what the others thought of him. He was as low as they could go and the only opinion that mattered was his own. "And what did they say about the disgraced tailor?" he said, his voice mellow despite knowing what they probably had said about him. Disgraced, shameful, embarrassment. Nothing new, nothing new at all. "Please sit," said the tailor as he gestured to the bed again, knowing he had been rather unclear. But he was always unclear lately, head befuddled and body sore. "I'm afraid all I can offer you is alcohol and I'm sure you'd like to avoid it." A semblance of his former dignity was slipping into his words from the habitual ease he had used before. "Perhaps I need an ear, someone to tell the stories left to. I have quite a few and I'm not even six years old," he said with a dark laugh, pulling out a half full bottle of a wine. It was a lot lighter and less potent compared to the heavy drinks he usually took these days. "This one is lighter if you are feeling peckish."

Trent · 09-04-2012, 10:12 AM

Aww ; -; *hugs poor Strel*

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Trent wasn't very used to others looking away from him, and it made him feel a little awkward. He watched the twitching smile on Strelein's face as he asked what they said. Trent didn't remember all of it, but he remembered, "Something about drinking." When he said 'drinking', he sounded thoroughly confused, because, well, he was. Trent had never heard of alcohol in his life, and so how could someone 'drink' themselves into a stupor? Last Trent checked, drinking was a good thing. You know, needed to stay alive, and all. "... And that you weren't there for us anymore." Trent couldn't confirm or deny whether this was true, because he hadn't been there for anyone in quite some time, and he hadn't even had a clue that Strelein was getting so much worse. Let alone that he wasn't doing things he should've been doing.

Trent watched the bed a moment as Strelein gestured for it, as though he wasn't really going to, but then stepped towards it and sat down. Felt a lot more comfy than the sucky matress in his room, the one that he and Terra had salvaged from somewhere (but, when you were used to earth in the ground, even a sucky matress was pretty good). It made Trent want to lay down and take a nap... But luckily, he remembered in time that he was in someone else's room, yikes. Better not take a nap right now, then.

The word 'alcohol' was about as foreign to Trent as the concept of drinking oneself into a stupor. He did smell that there was something here, but had no idea if it was this alcohol thing (nor that it was a liquid, as one and one hadn't yet been tied up into two). "Err, alcohol's fine," he said after a moment of visible hesitation. He didn't want to be rude and get upset that Strelein only had something he might not want, so Trent decided to just pretend that he had every idea of what it was, and that it was fine.

The fact that Strelein needed an ear made Trent feel a bit better, because he really hoped that he would be able to help. And, if someone didn't want his meagre friendship or a shoulder to cry on, then he wouldn't be of much use. Now, though, he could listen, and feel competent about himself in the process. "I'm all ears," he said, and twitched his long coyote-like ears. Shit, that had to be the worst joke ever. Quickly he corrected himself, "Err, I mean, I'd love to listen, and, uh, talk for a bit. You know, hang out."

As Strelein pulled out the bottle, things became slightly clearer to Trent, and since he'd already agreed to try some of the alcohol he nodded. "Lighter's good." He had no idea what would happen to him through this, after all -- although Trent's life was a joke at the moment anyway, so he didn't fret too much about it -- so starting with something light seemed good.

Trent wasn't usually one to start deep conversations -- in fact, he never had before in his life -- but somehow, when it concerned someone else's deep subjects of life, well, it was a lot easier. He didn't like talking about his own life because it made him feel hollow inside, but maybe talking about Strelein's would make him feel better. And besides, Trent was curious what plagued the man... What had made him get... Well, here, behind closed curtains with a look on his face that reeked of death. "So ah... What happened..?" The words came out all awkward and strange, but at least they'd come out. Trent looked at Strelein's face, and he hoped that it wouldn't hit a too sensitive chord... He just wanted to help, and the first step to recovery was accepting all the bad shit... Right?

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-07-2012, 04:51 PM

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I blanked when I saw your huge post so I had to wait a bit before I could handle it 8D;

The former Dauphin gave a snort of derision, knowing that the pack had never had a problem with his drinking so long as his work was unaffected. But when he started to flounder under the weight of his memories and lack of close friends to disclose all his heart's faults to, the pack, the Court, he had served for so long and loved so much, turned its back on him. He did not reach out to anyone, knowing that it was futile to even try. They would not be able to salvage the wreck that was his soul and he was living with the knowledge that time was running out. And he was content to let the sand fall from the crack in his hourglass.

"I bet they did," he said softly as he eyed the man. The suggestion of wine was taken with hesitancy, as the other clearly struggled to give an answer. Strelein would have been happy to put away the vintage if the other had said no, but as he had accepted, the gracious host would deliver. He pulled out the cork of the bottle, tossing it aside like a rag. He handed the bottle to the man. Lavender eyes sought the walls, familiar yet so distant. Once upon a time he had been a silly young man who befriended an artist and helped her to pretty up his walls. His poor doodles were a mockery of her skill, but the two of them had been happy to do it. Strel missed Mati, wishing his closest friend had not left the lands to be with her mate's family. The closest thing he had left to Mati was the wall and the memories of Silvano. That man had overthrown him, so why would he go crawling to him? He would not.

"I wasn't born here," he said, unsure of what to say now that he had a willing ear to listen to him. Strel sat beside the other man with a distant look in his eyes. "I came here young, years ago. Naive, stupid." He was brutal. Whoever that young wolf had been, he was no longer here. Where had he gone with his stupid optimism and his bright future? To nowhere. "I've done my share of sleeping around and I'm sure I've done plenty of stupid stuff while drinking." Not that he could remember them, nor did he think he would have liked to know half the things he had gotten up to. What if he had slept with a woman? Then what?

"My mate left me." For his sister, to go back to his tribe, that he had left and made a point of informing why he was leaving. Noss was the son of a chief and it seemed he had left to claim that right after realizing that Strelein was beyond not worth such a sacrifice. "I don't know what happened but I was not good enough for him."

Trent · 09-09-2012, 07:39 AM

xD You're inspirational, I guess!

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The matter was, of course, a big one for Strelein, the one in question that had been wronged. Trent did feel that he had, thought it was kind of stupid for the pack to cast away Strelein like an old rag doll when he was in trouble, punish him for what appears to be losing control... The pack should support its weakest link to make it stronger, and thus the whole pack stronger; not cast it away in a dark corner and wait for better times. Trent thought it was an outrage, truthfully, that he of all people seemed the only one man enough to show up at Strelein's door and try to make him feel better, help him, maybe be his friend and help him clamber out of the dark hole he'd dug himself into. It was everybody's responsibility, and usually Trent was one for running away from such responsibilities. But not today.

Trent watched the uncorked bottle of stuff thoughtfully while he listened to Strelein's brief life history. Trent smiled empathically -- well, as empathically as he could, anyway -- as Strelein concluded his tale, and then went on about how his mate had left him. Oh, the bitch, leaving someone in their darkest, deepest moments. Trent was about to ask what happened and make an off-handed comment about what a bitch she was when Strelein took away all cause to do so.

"Err..." Trent swallowed, not really sure how to go about it tactfully. "... Him? Your mate was a...?" Trent looked down at the bottle in his hands automatically, fidgetting with it and submissively avoiding the Serf's gaze (not really consciously so). Trent couldn't help but wonder if this was the reason that Strelein had been demoted, that they had disapproved of his... lifestyle. But it would be rude to ask, now wouldn't it? Trent quickly put the bottle to his mouth, although he was no master at drinking from a bottle (usually he'd still search for a river when thirsty, and drink straight from it). Some of it slipped past, although in retrospect, he was grateful for it, because what didn't sent him into a brief coughing fit. Trent couldn't quite discern whether he really liked or really disliked the feeling.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-11-2012, 06:29 PM

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oh poor Trent, struggling with his inner homo.

The other looked suddenly uncomfortable at the fact that Strelein's lovers and past mate had been male. Lavender eyes hardened as he stared at the other man, though the other did not seem to be angry or dismissive of the possibility, just uncertain. Hell, he had even taken a drink to keep from seeming rude - at least that was what the former Dauphin thought. Even now he could not forget the fact that he used to be a powerful person in the pack and demanded some level of respect. He had not really come to terms with the fact that he was now a serf and everyone was expected that he bow and scrape to their whims instead of vice versa. The few thoughts on the matter had not sat well with him, and he chose to irresponsibly throw out those cares.

"Take it slow," he advised as he watched Trent struggling with a concept he had mastered early on in his younger days. It was a good lesson to learn, and most learned it first hand. It was always hard to predict how alcohol would affect each individual as each would have a different tolerance for the liquid. Strel had been lean, thin, but tall. It took more and more to get him to the point of a happy buzz where his mind was swaying and his eyesight blurred. A smaller individual would be affected more from the get go than he had, though he had been affected, too. "It's strange at first, but one gets a taste for it eventually."

Strelein gazed at the other male thoughtfully, leaning back on his shaking arms. "Tell me, are you uncomfortable with the fact that I had a male mate? I've had male lovers in the past, too. And I can't find myself attracted to females." They were just so.. icky. There was an out-of-place fierceness in his eyes as he waited for the man's reaction. He had a feeling about him, as though he were hiding secrets or perhaps it was just the appearance of the younger male and Strel's own experiences. "Does it make you uncomfortable to know that?"

Trent · 09-12-2012, 01:06 PM

His life motto is "ignorance is bliss", I think. XD

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The advice came a little late, but better late than never, Trent supposed. He carefully took another sip once he was all coughed out, only a few drops this time, which went a whole lot better. It was strange at first, but there was also a weird aftertaste -- no, afterfeeling -- that Trent couldn't help but like. He was still rather startled by Strelein's words. Surely it was just a slip of the tongue..? If it wasn't, though, Trent couldn't help but wonder, mostly about what the rest of the pack thought, and why, why had he chosen to live such a sinful life? And, ever hesitantly so, of course came another question, one less negative... Was it that good to give in to your feelings?

Looking up briefly at Strelein as he spoke again, and then averting his gaze again and folding his free arm over the one holding the bottle, Trent fidgetted, not sure how to respond. "Well, er..." Sort of, he supposed. When Strelein asked it the second time, the coywolf almost felt like he should be scared or something. "It just... Isn't it unnatural? It goes against everything that nature wants us to do, and... Against what we should do, uh, you know, morally and all." God, he sounded just like his mother (except a little less shrill and shouting, because there was no real accusation in Trent's voice), and hated himself for it. Except he'd never told her, of course; she had just gone off on him so many times for not wanting a female, a mate, a family; and that was probably also the reason why he'd never manned up and told her or his father. Again, he looked up at Strelein briefly, an apologetic and somewhat spooked expression lingering on his face. He didn't want to make Strelein feel as though his life was awful and against nature's law and that it was wrong in any way. But if he didn't want to, then why did the words sound like he was?

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-13-2012, 07:25 PM

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Strel gave a harsh laugh at the other male. He was clearly very uncomfortable with the whole situation, seeing as Trent stumbled through this conversation. Though, the male seemed to be pretty awkward like that fairly constantly. Perhaps Strel just enjoyed pressing his buttons since he was at the end of his rope. It amused him and lifted his spirit a bit when he felt so damn low almost all the time. "Oh, please," he said rather harshly, flipping back his lank hair, the curls unkempt and strands a bit stringy. "Don't give me that horse piss." He could hardly believe that he was hearing this, but it did not anger him. It was all quite funny. He would have pegged the other man as being much in the same boat, awkward as he was. Maybe he was just getting senile.

"Everything is natural, it comes from nature in one way or another. Just because I don't have the urge to have a woman and a child, that makes me unnatural, immoral?" There was no tinge of righteous fury in his voice, only quiet questioning. He had himself never truly thought about his actions; they had always seemed quite right for him. "I've never been the type to listen to other people and what they think I should do," he said with a sigh, rising to his feet with a groan. It was like his limbs were no longer functioning as best as they should. "I look for happiness where I can find it and, quite frankly, a woman has never made me happy. Never in that way," he added softly, looking at the mural again, remembering his friendships.

Trent · 09-14-2012, 11:35 AM

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As Trent should've expected, Strelein got angry, err... amused... Well, maybe it was both. Trent wasn't really sure how to respond to that, and awkwardly waited while Strelein tried to convince him otherwise. It was hard, though, to forget all of the things he was taught, all of the things that he should be like but just wasn't... It made Trent feel even worse when Strelein told him that it wasn't as he thought, that it was completely fine to love another man. But it wasn't, was it..?

Trent wiped some of his long hairs out of his face with awkward and stiff movements while he tried to pick his words. Maybe Strelein was right. And anyway, his mother wasn't here anyway to berate him for anything. He'd run away from home to get away from his parents, his father's indifference and his mother's belittling and commanding, and yet he still listened to every word they said, even though they weren't literally saying them. How foolish. "M-Maybe you're right," he mumbled, sounding much like he'd just been scolded for doing something wrong, even though Strelein's voice had remained calm and collected all the while.

"How do you, uhm..." He'd meant to search out Sebastian, someone not from his pack and thus safe, but Trent hadn't managed to find him again, and maybe the man was long gone from these lands by now anyway. He didn't seem to linger in Halifax city anymore, either way. So maybe Strelein would have to do. Trying to sound mostly curious about Strelein's own experiences, Trent proceeded, ".. Know... It? I mean, uh, how did you know?"

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-14-2012, 03:06 PM

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look! a slightly longish post! Big Grin

Now i can stop feeling bad for crap dap posts.

The Serf smiled understandingly, eyes crinkling as he sighed at the other male. He had remembered that question before, thought he could not very well remember who it was that had asked him. Perhaps it had been Rikka, or perhaps it had been Mati. Or perhaps it was neither of them and someone else entirely. His memory was getting fuzzy, and he could not help it at all anymore. Perhaps there was a plant he could ingest to aid his mind but that seemed like such a futile thing to do. "I've heard that before," he said softly, the haze of memory lifting as he focused on the present man before him. It was happening more often now, this fading from reality to relive a moment or analyze a past event.

Unless he was mistaken, there was a sort of curiosity in the other man, and he supposed it was up to him to satisfy that curiosity. Strel certainly did know a thing or two about men, and love, and loss. The last one was the one that knocked him on his ass six feet from Sunday. "I guess you just know," he said vaguely, thinking back to his first experiences with men and that meant Toronto, and him. His eyes shut as he thought about that first man, and then opened them to wash away the darkness creeping on his thoughts. "I had met a man, and when I looked at him, I just kept on thinking, 'wow, he looks pretty nice' - I didn't mean personality-wise, and I mean pretty. Hot. Attracted, I guess." Noss was different, but he had already known by then what he was looking for and what he found attractive. "If you actually care about them.. I guess you just want to spend all the time with them you can, because you love 'em."

Lips tightened into a line as the former Dauphin thought again. He ought to discourage the other male into forgetting love, forgetting trying to win someone's heart; he would just end up a broken hearted mess like Strel. Or he would get lucky. Maybe he would find himself much luckier and pick someone who would stick with him, male or female. "I don't see the different between male and female. I could love a woman but I would not find her.. ah, sexually interesting. I just don't feel lust for a woman."

Trent · 09-15-2012, 05:42 AM

Don't feel bad, my posts aren't much longer than yours on average. <3 I hope you don't mind the turn this is taking, it just sort of happened. I'll slap a mature warning on this just to be sure, even though I doubt that any 12-year-olds would be scarred for life by this. :')

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Strelein looked thoughtful for a moment, and Trent watched him, wondering what he was thinking about. It was as if he was trying to remember something, Trent realised only when Strelein said that he had heard the words before. Very carefully, Trent tried another sip from the bottle, managing not to cough. The warmth felt nice, and the taste was refreshing, too. Trent had never really drank anything but water, and he hadn't been aware that there were things like this, so warm and fresh... There was a pleased smile on his face as he felt his chest warm and listened to Strelein's explanations.

The way that Strelein explained it, the whole "I met a man that I was attracted to", was creepy familiar to Trent. That happened to him, once. It reminded Trent of that man he met, the dark one, what was his name... Something with an A. Al... Something. He didn't remember the name, but the coywolf clearly remembered what he looked like, even though their meeting had taken place over half a year ago. It seemed stupid, to think so much of someone you didn't even know, and who hadn't even been all that warm a person -- well, okay, he'd helped him through his first change and not gone 'gross, puke!' and ran away screaming -- but that cold, macho, cool personality had its own rough, attractive...

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Vaguely aware that Strelein was talking about love and the insignificance of gender in it, and how he didn't feel lust for women, Trent was all the more crystally clear aware that he was now having an erection. Stupid, hunky Al-wolf filling his head with sexy thoughts! "Argk," Trent brought out before he was able to stop himself, feeling his jeans tighten. Well, at least he was wearing them now. Of course, it didn't really help that he quickly covered himself with his hands, wine bottle in his one hand and all. Yes, in hindsight he could've been a lot more discreet, and was pretty sure that Strelein would've noticed his sudden embarrassment, if not the stupid, unruly thing in his pants acting out. Trent didn't see any of that, though, so he didn't know for sure it was there, because he was looking down at the guilty spot, avoiding all eye contact.

"G-god, I'm sorry, uhm..." Trent was at a loss for words, but the apology on his hot face, were anyone to look at it, probably said enough.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-18-2012, 06:08 PM

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I'm fine with it!

Strel was staring off into the distance, a past that he could not longer grasp with his fingers. Once, these memories fell through his fingers like water, and now they pooled in his cupped hands. He no longer reached for them, these cursed memories. They poured into his mind, racing across his conscious thought. Whatever had happened to these moments, thoughts of the past, of his lovers, his friends? Who was left now to remind him of the laughter, the sadness, the anger? Mati was gone, enjoying the rest of her life with her mate in Italy. His mate had left him to go back to his home tribe, with his sister. His sister had won out, in the end. What happened to Hemming, back when he was young and naive? Leroy, when he was blindly attracted and experienced a man for the first time? What happened to Rikka, to Jacquez, to Svara? Who was left? It was a dreary thought, that he was the last one left of his old world.

Him.

Only him.

The Serf had not noticed the change in the other man's demeanor, only that there had been a shift in the awkward silence that had hung between the two of them. Then, startled out of his thoughts, his painful memories, the redhead's eyes widened. He swallowed hard, then composed himself. It was strange, this, but it felt more like he was a mentor than anything else here. He was old, and he was weak, there was no chance for romance. Before, maybe he would have taken the chance at seduction, but not so much now.

"Uh..," he began, as the other man covered himself up. Whatever was going through Trent's mind? "I guess that alcohol really did go through you..," he said softly as he reached over to grab the bottle out of his hand. It was a gentle touch, nothing more than an older man reassuring a younger. Would Ahiga have done what he had done if Strel had been more like this? A carefully stilled hand touched Trent's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "It's alright," reassured the tailor, setting the bottle carefully down on the floor. "I assume it wasn't me you were thinking about, though." He was old, too old. Five was not old, but he was getting on in years, and he felt so tired.

Trent · 09-20-2012, 07:04 PM

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Was it the alcohol, was that it? Trent wondered, and was about to put the bottle down, parting with it gladly as if it were some kind of voodoo device, when Strelein took it from him. Trent looked up at Strelein, briefly, then looked away, willing very muchly so for his thoughts of the black and grey wolf to go from his mind. He hadn't even seen him for over half a year. This was ridiculous, anyway, thinking so much about someone he didn't even know. But everything Strelein said... It made sense, even if it still felt wrong. Why on earth couldn't he just have born normal? All Trent wanted was to be normal, but here it was...

Sunken in thoughts about the dark hunky stranger and his own woeful existence, which didn't really help his erection very much, Trent hastily responded to Strelein's suggestion that it wasn't him, his voice a little shrill, "Gods, no!" Well, that hadn't meant to come out quite as unflatteringly as it had... The coywolf continued, equally hastily, "I mean, ah, not that you aren't, uh..." Could this situation get any worse, really? "I was just thinking about what you said, and then I thought about someone I, uh..." He trailed off there and looked away, while scratching himself behind his left ear guiltily.

Hoping desperately that he hadn't insulted Strelein and feeling a little babbly because of the wine heavy on his mind, Trent swiftly added, unaware that he was repeating himself, "Not that you aren't, I mean, you are, uh, look great." Stupid dark stranger didn't really want to leave his brains just yet, and Trent cursed his far too imaginative, picture-thinking brain, because the sooner his erection would just go away, the sooner the awkwardness would be over. Err, he hoped.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-20-2012, 07:42 PM

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I'm fine with it!

Strel chuckled, once a very much so vain man. Now, he no longer found himself caring all that much about his appearance. He rubbed at his chin, the furs there shifting with the movements of his fingers. "There's no need for flattery where flattery is not needed, boy." His tone was dismissive, but not entirely unkind. He would have simply preferred to not be subject to forced compliments, especially when he could tell that he was a mess of a man. There was nothing attractive about the former Dauphin anymore, not with his hair ragged, uncombed, and his clothes in disarray. Strel was hardly a pretty sight to behold, for anyone. And he was happy enough to admit that there was nothing good there to compliment. "If we're going to be honest with each other, you had better be too, or else I'll kick you out, rank or no," he threatened lightheartedly, sighing at the ceiling as he laid back onto the bed of furs.

Was this what the old did? Interfere and nose into the lives of the young? There was little interest in his own, anymore, and it was far more interesting to bother with Trent, who seemed to have a genuine problem on his hands. He was so misguided, so misinformed, that he would sit about denying the morality of an affliction he seemed to suffer under. Affliction his left foot. "So, who is it?" he asked without a single shred of empathy for the younger male. This was something to power through, and if he could ram the idea that it was okay into this boy's head, he would. Love was love was love, and there was no way getting around that sordid little fact. That and it seemed that there was a heavy attraction to him on Trent's part. Why bother denying it to himself? "You seem to like him quite a bit," he added coyly, smirking as he felt overwhelmed with his own smugness.

Trent · 09-21-2012, 07:43 AM

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For a moment there, Trent had forgotten how awful he was at trying to save himself with a good lie. He wasn't a great liar to begin with but, when he needed to save his butt, could be convincing. Well, sometimes, when he'd actually rehearsed the lie, not when the need to lie was suddenly sprang upon him. It wasn't that Strelein was unattractive or anything either, not really, but because the thought of guy love was one so forbidden in Trent's mind the coywolf had never really thought of any other male that way, obsessed with finding himself a female mate (right now, he still considered storming out and running off to Terra and her pups in a flurry of panic), and that dark stranger that had helped him through his first change was the only one that was really on his mind that way. Maybe because of the mystic of never seeing him again, though; maybe seeing him again for real would be a big disappointment in every way. And Sebastian, but not because he was attracted to the male, but because he had been so flirtatious that Trent thought he might be able to help. No longer needed now, though, as it seemed help was going to be shoved down his throat, whether he wanted it or not.

So, who is it? The look of panic on Trent's face didn't quite disappear when this was asked. He wasn't sure he wanted to discuss this, but apparently he wasn't going to be allowed not to. Giving in was perhaps the easiest thing to do, in Trent's way-of-least-resistance lifestyle. "He, uhm, I don't know his name. Don't remember, it was some... some time ago that we met. Before I came to live here." Some time ago indeed, even if his time in Cour des Miracles hadn't been filled with lots of hard work and fuzzy feelings, thus far. "And when I had my first uh, change, he found me in the forest, and stuff. Dark, and named something with A... Al.." Trent shook his head. Maybe "Al" wasn't even in the valleys anymore, since it was so long since they had met. He'd lived somewhere, but Trent didn't remember the name of the pack, either. Also something with an A. It seemed foolish to think of him so, now that he was actually saying it out loud.

Looking at Strelein, but avoiding eye contact, he queried, "But... How do you know it's not just a silly daydream or a you-can't-have-this-so-you-want-it thing? That you might still be absolutely repulsed when you actually, ah, you know... Do stuff with a... man." Gosh, was he a five-year-old or not? Couldn't even bring himself to say such simple words, so he had to resort to secret language. Trent didn't bother to correct himself or explain further, though, figuring that Strelein knew just what he meant.

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Strelein von Rosnete · 09-21-2012, 05:35 PM

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I feel so sad that Strel can't babysit this relationship xD we should also end this sometime soon since Strel is passing away preeeetty soon.

Strel rubbed at his eyes with tired hands, sighing softly as he listened to the other man's explanation. Al? Dark and tall? He rummaged through old memories, trying to remember someone who fit the bill. The only one he could remember off the top of his head was Jazper, but there was no Al in his name at all, not even in the last name. Hell, there were no 'a's at all in his last name, as far as the redhead could remembered. "Luckily, or unlucky, for you, I don't know any dark wolves with any Al in their names or even Al's at all. I suppose it's in the past," he said softly, twirling his fingers through tangled hair, separating strands as he cross-eyed himself staring at the dyed red locks. "I suppose if he did care about you he would have come found you here, or at least asked around. Or you would have heard of someone like that and maybe you'd find yourself a happily ever after." What a joke. Happy ever after only existed in the fairy tales mothers taught their daughters.

Lavender eyes peered up, but noticed that the other male was not looking at his eyes. With another heavy sigh, the Serf stared up at the ceiling, scratching at his cloth covered belly subconsciously. "I don't know. That or I just can't tell you. I was never repulsed; I enjoyed what I did and I never doubted what I felt. " There had been no hesitation, but he had always known what he had felt inside. It had been easy for him; he never thought that it might be easy for others to realize what was inside of them. "We're all different. Maybe you like both males and females, it's possible. I've known men and women who have loved both men and women alike." He eyed the other male, wondering which one he was. "Do you get .. energized whenever you see an attractive female? Does it get you going? Has a woman ever made you feel this way, when you're sober?" he asked, voice serious.

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