[aw] loving her never did me any good
#1
[html]ooc: this will be a slower paced thread, so if you join please understand that! shandom needs someone to gripe to a little bit about naniko; he's very sad she's gone.



In his life, he'd lost anyone he ever cared about.

Zeneca, he'd concluded, was not the same. His icy daughter didn't even recognize him, and the pair had separated on terms that were, to say the least, bizarre. Shandom Qi'Vaex knew he'd wronged the beautiful girl, but he never could have imagined it would have meant he no longer had the three children he loved but could not bear to see. In the back of his mind, he'd always assumed they would come back to him, when he was ready. However long that took. Of course, that was wrong. That had been so very, very wrong.

Naniko was gone, of course. He'd gone to Anathema to visit her and smelled by the borders that the white woman had departed. Shandom could not help but imagine, quite selfishly, that it was his fault. Had his advances run her off the land she loved? Was it possible that she came to visit him and was killed along the way by unfriendly hands? Or perhaps there had been an accident, an illness, something - regardless, Shandom felt that he should have been with her, at the end. He was certain, for whatever reason, that she was dead. No other justification could be created for her abandoning Anathema. For abandoning him.

Linquilea went without saying.

Shandom paced around New Dawn, even more elusive than normal. He felt the pain of the pack in his heart and tried to take it upon his shoulders; instead, it just made him more of an outsider. The scarred Gamma ached for his Alpha and friend Zalen, who lost his made and could not be feeling well either. For the women who felt threatened by this loner, and for all the other small trials of his packmates and family. He had no friends here; simply family, and at the end of the day you could not always turn to those members for help in matters of the heart.

The Gamma found himself in the ruin of a building he'd once tried to disassemble with the help of Soran; neither had succeeded. And now, with his large head tilted up to examine the building in the setting sun, the Gamma could not help but whine for his failures; and so he sat, rested his head on his paws, and thought about what he could do.

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#2
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i can move slower, set myself to replying once a week or so




The scent of the other gamma wandered through the pack. Tharin respected the older wolf, finding his advice in many ways much more worthy than his own. He was too reckless to be relied on in some situations. His missing ear was proof of that. While he had survived the encounter with the dog without gaining any scars save for faint ones hidden in his fur, the loss of an ear was a tragedy. He made up for it with a heavier reliance on his sense of smell, an already superior sense.


Moving further in Tharin stopped, staring in puzzlement at the strange structure before him. He'd seen one like it before, but it had been surrounded by many, and the wolf had been too frightened to enter it. The scent of a pack mate gave him courage, slowly moving through until he reached the white wolf's side. Brother. Shandom was always a serious wolf, but the reflective expression on his face went further than that. What is it? He wished to help with the burdens the pack carried.


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#3
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  • Shandom could smell Tharin before he actually saw him, and the Gamma sighed deeply to himself and squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He certainly liked his fellow Gamma, and found his advice useful; Tharin was able to see the good in things, where the Qi'Vaex man was more jaded. And, heaven above, he'd been so much more useful in this situation with the blonde dog than Shandom had ever been. No, he'd allowed himself to be blinded by his love for Naniko, and Anathema. His pack suffered for it. They all suffered for it. He simply wasn't fulfilling his duties, and Shandom had idly found himself wondering if he was suited to be the advice counsel for a growing pack.

    He gave his brother a small smile and wagged his tail slightly, but did not feel the need to rise. Tharin knew Shandom liked him, and he did not feel the need for excessive displays of hierarchy in this moment. Brother, he greeted, low voice quiet and slightly sad. Shandom moved his eyes away from Tharin, and drifted in the direction of Anathema - gods above, he missed her. The female I... The female I thought I... The female I may have loved. She's gone. Shandom's voice tripped over the words uncharacteristically. She's gone, Tharin, and I don't think she's coming back. And... And I think it's my fault.

    He didn't expect Tharin to care, or listen; he didn't know Naniko, didn't know of their friendship. Nobody did.


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#4
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out of character stuffs




The small gestures of welcome let Tharin settle in, knowing that Shandom didn't mind his company. He looked up to him, happy that he'd given Tharin aid in finding a pack to call home. He wasn't able to completely forget the past, but at least here he had a chance of making up for his mistakes. Hopefully his mistakes wouldn't lead to anymore deaths. He thought back to Akira, assuring him that it wasn't his fault before pushing past, focusing on Shandom. Right now the older wolf needed him.


It was more difficult for Shandom to tell him than Tharin had expected. He listened thoughtfully to the stumbling words, doing his best to work through them. Shandom had loved someone. He hadn't known that the gamma had been looking for a mate. He'd always seemed so isolated, cut off from everything else. At least this was something he could understand. Females can be difficult. There will be one though. One that Shandom could have pups with. You'll find her, or she'll find you.


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