long ago, it seems so long ago
#1
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18 Sept, late afternoon. omg longest intro ever, i'm sorryyyyyy. i just got so excited!
WC: 1041


Coli padded along the path through Jordheim village, on all fours as she had been since the birth of her litter. She was still dizzy and weak -- anemic, that was the word Saul used -- and there was a curious ache in her stiff muscles which would make it difficult to complete the trip back and forth. She had nearly died during the childbirth, a chilling reality. But thanks to the support of her Vináttan family, she had survived to meet her daughters. The last several days had been spent in a deep sleep, Coli barely stirring only to check on her pups. She still had not named them, too tired to focus on anything other than nursing them. During her pregnancy, she wanted to name them after bygone family members she loved, such as Conor and Cercelee and Mew -- but the names didn't seem to fit, especially since she did not have a single son. All three girls seemed healthy and strong, though, a surprise compared to how feeble their mother had been left.

Now she could sense that her sister's pups would be born soon, very soon, and she needed to leave their home to give them room. She wanted so badly to be with Lilin when the time came, but she knew her sister was much braver than she was and would be perfectly all right without her. It was selfish to stay in the young couple's way any longer.

They were ready to be moved today, her daughters to be carried one by one in her jaws to the small home that would be their den. She slipped out the door of the Virdings' home, surprised by the crispness in the air. Fall was almost here already, and she needed to protect her flowers from the oncoming frost... but she had more pressing matters at hand how. Being away from them even for this short time made her anxious and unhappy, her budding instincts urging her to stay with them to keep them safe. But they were safe with their aunt and uncle, slumbering peacefully in the spare bedroom. They hadn't even noticed her departure.

The small brown wolf moved quickly through the hillocks, skirting around the houses she knew to be occupied. Her home was at the farthest reaches of Jordheim, a privacy she would appreciate more than ever now as most of her packmates had no idea she had been pregnant at all. She had preserved her shameful secret as best she could, keeping to herself and wearing a cloak when she went out. It was a lonely vigil, but Lilin kept her sane, the two sisters growing close and spending much time together. Coli hoped their litters would get along the same way, playmates and extended family. She nosed the door to her small house open with difficulty -- it was always getting stuck -- and arranged the pile of furs on the straw pallet into a makeshift nest, pawing at them until the new mother was satisfied. There was nothing else she needed to prepare, the windowless house had no furniture and precious few possessions.

Then she slipped outside, stumbling unsteadily as she paused to catch her breath. She was so groggy, her head was spinning... She sank to the ground, resting her chin on her paws as she waited for the spell of weakness to pass her by. This excursion was the most she'd moved in days. She stared wordlessly at the flowers she had planted in the hill that surrounded her house, her tired gaze resting on one of her sentimental favorites, the blue flag iris. She thought it was too late in the season for it to bloom, but it had one stubborn blossom clinging to life anyway, the sprawling petals a rich indigo hue. She had carried that plant from the former Crimson Dreams territories in the spring, one of the last living links she had to her old pack. What had made it bloom now? The frost would kill it. The sight of the iris invoked a sad stirring in her chest, and she looked away, studying the grass instead as she rested.

Wearily, Coli rose to her paws, padding along the path into the heart of the village. The sooner she brought her daughters home, the sooner she could sleep curled around them. She was distracted by simplistic maternal thoughts until she caught the faintest scent in the air, a perfume that she could barely remember under all the seasons that had passed since she knew it... but stopped her dead in her tracks.

Her bobtail tucked low against her haunches, blue eyes wide in shock. No. She raised her muzzle to the air, sniffing frantically. No, it couldn't be. She would have known. Someone would have told her... wouldn't they? Had she ever told Saul the name? She couldn't remember if she had or not, or if he would have told her anyway. He was one of the only confidants who told her not to give up or move on. If there had been a howl at the borders, wouldn't she have heard and recognized that voice? Or had she been resting...? That scent was the only thing that could wrench her away from her pups, and without thinking, she immediately began to follow it.

The trail was faint, as though several days had passed, and there were other scents mingled with it, confusing it. Still, it was unmistakable to her, she could never truly forget it. A distressed whine was emanating from her throat, her heart thudding painfully in her chest. She was led to a corner of the village, quiet earthen houses facing each other. Coli was trembling, standing in the clearing at the center of the houses with a stricken look in her eyes.

After all this time, she had given up. She was beyond repair, and had accepted that her one true love would be better off without her. But... how was she supposed to stay away now? Was this real, or had her mind finally snapped from the burden of single motherhood? Coli remained frozen in place, unable to call attention to herself, unable to tear herself away.



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Table by Alli!
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#2
[html]omg these two.... XD

Vinátta. It was a beautiful place. A place where Anu felt at home and comfortable and yet the landscape was one that demanded an examination. Her curiosity was renewed, and after resting from their journey she found a new vigor alive within herself. She had reunited with her red-toned son, and brothers had once again been joined and shared a home not far from her own. It was a blessing; this new place. She and Tayui had chosen a meek earthen house by Oak's, small and yet with room to spare. Their bed was soft, and warmed by their combined forms even as Autumn drew near and nights grew cold. Anu was pleased with Oak and his choice, and felt an overwhelming joy. They were home. She no longer found herself thinking about the future for her grown sons but focused on the life that could be built around she and the pale wolfess.


The change in air was welcomed, the brisk breeze reminded her of harvests and apples and yet in the sun one could still feel the warmth of summer on their backs. She felt the heat, it enveloped her shoulders and brought a soft smile to her face. Anu was not found often in the short time of her membership without that subtle grin. Walking through Jordheim the gray and sandy hued wolfess she was no different, paws tapping lightly along the worn path as she thought of what she might do in the eve to come. She wondered what it was that Tayui had decided to do on this day, and if it included hunting or gathering of foods.


The wooden pendent hung at her neck, an odd sensation and yet one she was getting used to. Seeing it on Oak had been startling as well, but she grew to feel the solidarity and felt as if she belonged simply because she wore it. The wind picked up, causing her tail to rise and point towards her head and she lost any scent that lingered ahead. There was no cause of alarm though, she was home and her worries were few. Turning the corner Anu hardly noticed the other pack member until she was only a few yards away. These paths were twisted and sharp at times.


Colibri Haki stood before her. A ghost of her memory.


Her heart fell into her stomach and it caused her to stop in her pace and placed a full face of shock upon her features. Just as one might wear when they saw another rising from the dead. She said nothing, her breath taken away completely.

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#3
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<333 oh hello thar muse that suddenly makes me write too many words!!

WC: 614

Coli stood anxiously, gazing at the houses nearby her. A brisk breeze ruffled her fur, stirring up all the scent trails crisscrossing the clearing. There were others dwelling here as well -- it must be Cassia, the swordswoman she had met in the Dreamer's orchard and practically begged to come live here. Then the male scents must be Oak and the other brother, and... Her ears fell back, tail stub pressed low against her haunches. She didn't have the courage to do this, not even now. What was she supposed to say?

I want you back. I never should have left. I am so sorry.

It all sounded so hollow and insincere. There weren't words to explain how painful it had been for her to desert the pack and live by herself for all those seasons. She couldn't bear to be with anyone else at all, running away and away, further to the west... all the while trying to blame Anu for the ache in her chest, for the tears that would not stop. But whose fault could it be other than her own? If she had been better at communicating, letting herself be vulnerable instead of always trying to hide...

It was too late for all that. She was so obsessive, she could never move on and let the past be forgotten; always reliving every little detail, playing it out in her mind and picking apart where she went wrong. With a frustrated huff, she turned away... and came face to face with Anu.

Coli swallowed audibly, blue eyes as wide as saucers. Anu looked just as startled, clearly not expecting to see her there. And yet, she wore the same Frithr pendant around her neck -- had she joined the pack by mere coincidence? Didn't Cassia mention who told her about Vinátta? She had hoped for, well... what she hoped for was never going to happen.

Coli could not keep from staring at Anu, the sight of her making her heart leap painfully in her chest. The wolf was smaller than she remembered, older and worn by the seasons that passed her by. They were both older now. But all the old feelings came flooding back fresh and new, and she had to fight off the overwhelming urge to grovel, to beg for forgiveness. She didn't want to be alone anymore.

"You didn't tell me you were pregnant... that's why I left," she blurted hoarsely, her voice cracking. When she heard, she thought that Anu loved another, a male that could give her what a female never could. Colibri was never officially her mate, though... had they ever been exclusive? The irony was just too deep, standing here with the obvious scent of motherhood in her fur, her own pups barely four days old and waiting for her to return to them and nurse. If Anu was a spiteful creature, she would leave now, continue the cycle of abandonment. But Coli knew she was better than that. Anu had always been too good for her.

She stood awkwardly on all fours, immobilized save for the faint trembling in her fatigued limbs. She had never been more pathetic and small, with her bedraggled fur and tired bruises beneath her eyes. She had suffered a hemorrhage during the birth, and nearly bled out; she needed much rest to recover, and here she was instead, staring at a ghost from her past and waiting desperately to hear her speak. She had never been able to deny Anu -- even now the sandy-grey female held so much power over her, as though she were still the leader of a pack, and Coli her lowly underling.


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Table by Alli!
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#4
[html] <3



It seemed like an eternity passed as they stood and stared at one another. An eternity had easily been dismissed since Colibri had disappeared, vanished from Crimson Dreams and from Anu. Before she could even take her as her mate, before she could express her deepest desire of commitment and for… forever. All the heart wrenching feelings that had almost destroyed her that Spring long ago and all of the thoughts that threatened to drive her into that dark and deep depression edged their way back into her head. So easily they came, as if it all just happened yesterday. As if Anu hadn’t even been able to climb above them and beyond the darkness and the pain. The bitterness and even hate…


She was as fragile as Anu remembered, though her eyes were dim and the pink of her ears pale. Colibri was ill, but that was not something new for Anu to see. She had always been delicate, as if the next burst of wind would sweep her up and carry her away. Anu remembered being the one to keep her from such a fate, she remembered wanting so badly to save her. It had been devastating and a hard lesson to learn that she could not save everyone that needed it.


Her words, they came crackled, untamed and Anu felt a slathering of blame upon them. They were as surprising as seeing her face in the woman’s new home. This was to be her sanctuary, her place to be protected through out the last years of her life. The place where she and Tayui were to build a life neither of them had yet experienced. Anu swallowed, still shocked and taken aback by Colibri’s mere presence as well as the statement. We were gone, without a word… She replied. There had been so many things that Anu had wished to say to her, once she had gotten beyond the sadness of her departure Anu had felt the anger. It had taken her a long time, and many seasons, for her to understand that she had not been the one to abandon Colibri but it was the other way around. She had begun to understand that perhaps Colibri didn’t want to be saved, safe, and happy.


You were not there Colibri, long before there was anything to tell. Anu had not broken her own heart, she had not vanished without a word of goodbye or even a lingering scent, she had not betrayed Colibri by laying with Gabriel during a single time of loneliness and need. It was Colibri that had drive Anu to desire companionship. And that had all been a blessing in the end. It was hard to say the words, and their tone was low. Yet she did not falter in them, knowing that they were the truth. There were no cracks in her story.

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#5
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=)

WC: 607



Tore bay blue... those beautiful eyes were always so calm, even now. Placid lakes of color she could lose herself in, but they were no longer friendly toward her. The light of adoration that once shone for her and her alone was gone, cold and empty. What if that light could never shine for her again? Damaged beyond repair... Coli drew a shuddering breath and averted her gaze, listening intently as the older female spoke at last.

"What was I supposed to say?" she replied softly, staring hard at the ground between her paws. If she had come to say goodbye in person, she would have been forced to meet them -- the sons Anu bore to another lover. They both wanted to be mothers, and she knew at some point that was how it had to be, there had to be some male involved to grant them what nature denied, but... it just wasn't fair to happen like that. And as much as that would have hurt her to see, Coli knew if Anu asked her to stay, she would have. She could not say no. Why else would she have left without a word?

She spoke again, and it stung because it was true; they had problems before Anu's pregnancy, and those were due to Coli's unshakeable anxiety. She had uprooted herself from the flower pack, abandoning all the family she knew to follow Anu... she never regretted that choice, even when she paid for it with her tail. Anu had saved her life, after all. But the pressure of meeting those expectations, living up to the standards of a leader's mate, winning over the strangers that had known Anu for so many seasons longer than Coli... it made her long for the simpler times when the Dreamer would simply show up at the garden, or the lake, or wherever else they would meet in secret. They had been so happy just to see each other. No obligations, just spontaneity. Was it so wrong of her to want that back? She never meant to throw it all away... never even thought it could come to that. They were supposed to last forever.

The weight of Anu's words settled over her. Coli sank into a seated position, unable to remain standing any longer. Everything ached, and there was a pounding in her skull, but she dared not show it. If she let down her guard for even a moment, she would fall to pieces in front of the one soul she cared enough to appear strong for. She was still trembling, but she could not discern if it was from her weakened condition or from the emotional shock. Didn't matter.

"That... I... I was having trouble adjusting. Th-the new pack, moving in with you, the war... I... just needed time," she stammered weakly, a slightly defensive edge to her tone. Just an excuse, she should never have left the manor to sleep outdoors. She thought of the teakettle with a pang of loneliness. "I... didn't expect you to move on so quickly," she added, cringing even as the words left her. This wasn't how she wanted this reunion to play out. She didn't want to delve into all the blame, and hurt, and negativity... it seemed like that was all Colibri ever brought. She could remember why it took her so long to defect from Dahlia de Mai in the first place: she knew someone like her would only bring Anu pain, and she had been right. Everything was ruined, but she wanted to fix it -- somehow. She had to believe this could be mended.





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Table by Alli!
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#6
[html] omg the dramagreatness


This wasn’t happening.


It was a dream, she knew it had to be. Anu could not possibly be looking at Colibri Haki, she was someone of the past. She was someone that Anu had given up on; Anu had stopped believing that she would come back to her long-long ago. They all had to give up on some hopes, for they were debilitating. Anu hadn’t been able to move on unless she had told herself that Colibri wasn’t coming back. It had been after the night with Gabriel, while she was pregnant and wondering if she could raise a litter without a mate. For it was the truth, Colibri had never come back to her. Everything would be different if Anu had known of her presence. Everything.


Her words were not that of a dream though. They bordered on nightmarish, stinging with new found guilt and with blame. Anu couldn’t believe that Coli was speaking them, that the chocolate and cream hued woman was even saying the words. If Anu hadn’t felt the true pain in her chest and the gut piercing jab that came with remembering the hurt of long ago she would have tried to wake herself from a disturbed sleep. But it was all very real.


She watched as the younger woman sat, it was easy to see that she was not well. A voice spoke to Anu, telling her to end this now for Colibri’s sake. If she were weak, the stress would not do her well… But no, Anu could not be her savior; she hadn’t been able to save her then… For all her efforts Colibri had only left her. What fate had given the other female had never been fair, but how she had treated Anu had not been fair or right either. It had been cowardly at best.


Anu shook her head, I didn’t move on, I only coped. If I wronged you then it was without knowing. Her tone was harder now, what she and Gabriel had at that time would never compare to the self sacrifice and the effort that she had put forth in the hopes of making Coli happy. The fact that puppies had been the result of the coupling was a blessing that Anu would never deny, but she had never been grateful for Coli’s disappearance. My love was not enough, and I came to terms with that. she added, voice more stable and even. What did Colibri want?


There was nothing that they could do now to right the wrongs, whomever the owner. Anu had lived beyond those days, she had been through another war, she had raised sons and she had lead a pack and she had then set them free. Regardless of the trials life gave, there was peace to be had. Behind the pain, if they drug deep enough and fought for it, there was peace and happiness. They needed to be strong enough to get there, and Anu hoped Colbri had gained that power. Though it did not look as if she had. But they all had scars, Anu wore the line of the noose around her neck and she could not forget how it came to be written on her skin.


She made no move to settle near her, and remained standing. Anu wanted to walk away, she wanted to return to Tayui and bury her face into the arctic's scruff and forget that she had seen this ghost. But this was their home and with it came revisited baggage, and she could not let it be ignored and fester. The once-leader knew that it would only create further tension. Instead she waited for her next thoughts, standing against the discomfort. It would never be as painful as the past.

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#7
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draaamaaaa!

WC: 578


This was exactly the sort of conflict Coli strove to avoid. Already she wanted to give up and run away; it was better than fighting with Anu, anything was better than feeling this sickly and upset. Every time she opened her mouth, something stupid came out of it and she buried herself deeper in this hole. She scuffed at the ground with her paw, trying to redirect the tense energy she felt buzzing inside her.

It was surreal to actually have this conversation, instead of all the many versions she had rehearsed inside her mind. None of them hurt as much as the sharp tone Anu spoke with, the hardness to her voice. Had she ever spoken like this before? Coli could not recall a time. This was what she wanted, though: to hear the truth. She felt so small, listening silently and shivering.

...My love was not enough, and I came to terms with that.

Her head snapped back up, blue eyes wide with shock. "What? No, that's not... no," she denied, voice quavering. Ugh, this was so difficult! She never meant to hurt anyone... Coli never believed she could hurt Anu, the Dreamer was always so calm and strong and impervious. It never seemed like anything Coli did had any effect. Even leaving, the wolf still led a pack for many seasons and raised her sons all by herself; she had been just fine. It was only when she met Alder that Coli caught a glimpse of what she left in her wake. That clandestine encounter had given her the tiniest bit of hope -- maybe she hadn't ruined everything, if Anu might still care about her. If she had never taken another mate...

"...I wasn't enough."

A guilty expression crossed her face, and she averted her gaze again, staring instead at the earthen houses nearby. The autumn breeze ruffled her fur, toying with the wooden pendant around her throat. All the nights she had prayed Anu would come here, and share in this new life they had carved out here in the north. She yearned for it so badly, knowing it must have hurt to disband Crimson Dreams. Visiting the empty territory brought tears to her eyes, seeing Rabbit Lake and Haven Manor and the orchard... and Coli hadn't lived there for a full year, so how must Anu have felt?

Coli wanted to be the one to welcome her to this new place, to greet her with a smile and show her around, show her the confidence and stability that her Vináttan family had instilled in her. She didn't want to be the same desperate and cowardly traitor that abandoned her lover. But she never really changed, did she?


"Look, if... you don't w-want to see me again after today... I'll stay out of your way..." she mumbled softly, throat choking up even as she spoke the words. She could never leave this pack, but if Anu left she knew she would never see the wolf again. It was better to have her here, even if she could only watch from afar. She couldn't stop loving Anu, even if it was one-sided. There had been a time, once, when a young and foolish Colibri tried to end her life... she thought it was better than living to disappoint Anu. Maybe she had been right after all. But she had promised to live, and so she had. She had never tried to harm herself again, nor had she ever fallen in love again. So many promises...



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Table by Alli!
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#8
[html] runawayyyy anu lol


Her body told her to leave. The feeling in her gut was growing worse, and the discomfort was becoming painful. She did not want to know any more, she did not want bring back those thoughts of guilt and wondering and all the questions that had plagued her the last time Colibri had stepped out of her life. Anu had hated herself, just as when the love she and Naniko had died, just when Geneva had left her for another pack. All of those things had caused her to hate herself, all of them had made her question herself and who she was. Colibri’s presence, and more so her words had brought her back to that place. Even though Anu had become so sure of the answers. She had been through too much and lived too many years to wonder any more.


Colibri denied Anu her shortcomings, now placing the blame on her own. She did not get to do that, and Anu looked away in anger. Colibri did not get to shine the light on Anu, and her apparent “betrayals”. To say that it was the pregnancy that had caused her to leave and then breath those words. But at least now Colibri was right. She was not enough, she never had been.

It had never stopped Anu from loving her, and Anu had never cared nor faulted her for her weakness. She found it a beautiful thing, and with each lacking she saw kindness and compassion to replace it. She had seen fragility and she had seen forgiveness and those were the things that Anu had loved about her.


For so long Anu had prayed the Coli would reappear into her life, for months and for years she had wished that she would simply come home. She would have begged for her to understand that she had not betrayed her love by sleeping with Gab, and having her three boys. She would have praised her to returning and then Anu would have shared the passion that had burned deep down for her. Passion that Anu had never shared with the father of her children. But, the world does not stop turning and life does not pause for them to wait for a single soul to reappear.


Anu had love, but it was no longer for Colibri.


No. We both live here, and we should be able to live peacefully. The elder and leader in her spoke those words, but the creature of emotion and heart screamed for her to run away and hope to simply avoid Colbri. It would get better, Anu needed to trust in that. Lets try to do that. Anu spoke before she walked passed the other woman, her body tense but with her head and tail even with her back. She had done all she could, then and now. And she couldn’t stand it any longer, Anu had to get away.

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#9
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coli doesn't play fair! :o

WC: 533


Coli had forgotten how strong the effect was. She wanted to defend herself, but she could not any longer -- all the blame for their fallout rested squarely on her shoulders. Being around this wolf from her past stripped away the lessons she had learned in the present, any confidence and assurance drifting away like autumn leaves on the crisp breeze. She was guilty and timid, eager to please the one she still saw as her leader, her savior. She could only promise to keep her distance if it would make Anu happier, bring some light back into those blue eyes. The older wolf gently rejected her offer, and there was painfully obvious relief etched into Coli's countenance as she breathed a heavy sigh. We both live here. They would see each other again, it was guaranteed.

The tension reached its breaking point as Anu walked serenely past her, and it took all Colibri's self control not to follow -- to touch her once more, remind her that this was real and their paths had finally crossed again. She wanted to bury her nose in that sandy-grey fur and drown in her perfume. After all this time, the instinct was still strong. But there was another scent intertwined there, and she was struggling to ignore it -- another woman, her jealous mind interjected, but she brushed it aside. Just a companion, a roommate, a friend of her sons, there were any number of excuses she could pretend to believe for now. Instinctively Colibri knew she no longer had the right to touch Anu, but it did not stop her from yearning for the intimacy they once shared.

"I met Alder... in the early spring, when I first... um, got back," she mumbled awkwardly, musing aloud to the open air. One of the very first souls she had spoken to since her solitary journey, and it had to be Anu's son. He had urged her to return to Crimson Dreams and find forgiveness. Would she have been welcomed if she had listened to his advice? She thought it was too late. Now she couldn't bear that thought, and she added the whisper, "He was kind to me. You raised him well."

Her voice rose in pitch, desperate to say what she was thinking before she lost her nerve, lost her chance. "I might not be enough for them, either... m-my girls..." Coli swallowed, shrinking miserably against the ground. Her eyes were shut, too ashamed to look at anything, let alone the sight of Anu walking away. "I don't want them to be like me... maybe they can look up to you..." There it was: hypocrite. She had no mate and she was pleading for Anu's guidance, the same courtesy she did not extend when she left the older wolf with her newborn sons. The irony was sickening, and she felt it; huddled against the dirt on her belly, cowering in submission. She deserved admonishment, expected it. She was a mother for all of four days, but she was so fearful she might have ruined them already. They deserved a better role model than their pathetic mother, even if Anu hated her for saying so.


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Table by Alli!
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#10
[html] omg they're so damaged! ;~;

Her body was slow to move, but Anu was not hesitating in her desire to leave Colibri’s presence. She wanted to run away, and having said enough to allow her a fairly polite departure she felt it time to remove herself from such a stressful situation. Yet the darker hued woman would not allow her to go without a few last words. Colibri did not know how strong she truly was and she threw the piercing hooks into the other fey without any obvious restraint. She spoke of Alder, the name causing Anu to turn her head to face the female once more.


Anu was silent, looking at the female and wishing she knew why she did not just allow Anu to leave. Why did she need to do this? Why did she need to bring up the hardships of the past? Why did she have to bring Anu pain that she thought had disappeared?


Of course Alder had been kind, her masked son was the sweetest of her three and he had such a gentle demeanor. Anu almost believed it to be a grace that had been bestowed upon her timid son, a blessing that made him able to sense the heartache of others and want to relieve it. Such a thing would promise him a long life of being let down, but she knew that he would feel love as she did. Unbridled.


She did not have words to speak, unsure why Coli was even telling her this when it was so apparent that Anu needed to be dismissed. But Coli did not know her own strength, the power that her weak form held over one that desired to help others. Then when her voice grew piercing and she spoke of her own young Anu grew even more confused.


The silver wolfess felt the impending need to shed the building tears that she held in her blue gaze. The questions that she had for Coli were threatening to pour from her mouth, but that would only bring her closer when Anu so desperately wanted to pushed her further away. This was not her battle, and Anu hadn’t asked to take up the task of caring for Colibri nor her pups. Anu had Tayui now, she had a grand love that she now knew she needed to profess and claim.


Where the puppies came from Anu obviously didn’t know, and she didn’t wish to imagine the horrific means by which they were conceived. She hoped to the gods that her assumption wasn’t right and Coli’s black streak of ill luck had ended and she had been given her daughters with a small dose of love and caring. Yet there was something she saw when looking at Colibri that caused her to think the worse.


Anu would not ask. She looked away, the emotions surging powerfully beneath her skin and the pain making her words uneven and forced. I will tend to them as any Vináttan would. Cold harsh words were necessary, and nothing would make her feel right about them. There was nothing slow about her retreat, her lithe form galloped through the wood of Vinátta and she did not look back. The wolfess refused to look back.

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#11
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we definitely need moar threads like this. <333 but I guess you can close this one if you're done!

WC: 442

Anu was too kind. She lingered and listened, even when the words upset her. She did not rise in anger, as Coli expected or even hoped for; a penitence for her sins, so that they could be absolved and forgiven. Anu was kind enough to extend her mantle of purity to the pups, who would surely appreciate her guidance as they matured. Coli dared not move, look, or speak another word. She was prostrated, laying at Anu's mercy and trying not to cry as she heard the wolfess deserting her.

She wanted to give chase. To press past the initial hurt until they could find a seed of trust again, and make this right. Perhaps even the grand romantic gesture she imagined, sweeping Anu off her feet into a kiss... But she was not that person. Colibri was the one to make promises she could not keep. She was the one to corrupt good things, defiling them with her bad luck and misery. Hadn't she already learned her lesson? She wasn't good enough for Anu. She never would be. At least the Dreamer had the good sense to run away while she still could, before she got dragged back into the mess that was Coli.

She lay there for some time, too drained by the encounter to move right away. Her daughters needed her, by now they would surely be awake, and she still needed to transport them to her home. She didn't have the strength just yet -- the anemia exhausted her so quickly, and yet even in top physical shape she doubted she could have handled this encounter any better. They weren't supposed to argue, it should have gone differently. Maybe if they hadn't been so surprised by each other... Already she was replaying everything, the cycle just didn't stop.

"Gods help me, I'm still in love with you," she groaned, burying her nose in her paws. There was so much pain between them, the gravity of their anxiety crushing both their spirits just to be near each other. They both held doubt and blame, and all the negative energy might never dissipate, she had no way of knowing. It wasn't healthy. But Coli had been ruined for other relationships, she could only love Anu -- now and forever. It was an addiction, and she did not know how to quit.

Finally, she rose stiffly to her paws, wincing at the ache in her legs. She raised her muzzle to the air and took a long draw of that scent, the perfume she had blindly followed here. Then tucking her bobtail low, she slunk away in shame to her children.


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Table by Alli!
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