Feels like dreaming
[html] tammmmmi :)
set a day (or so) after Anu&Coli seeing each other.

Anu walked into the small house. It was dim, as the burrow of a home would be. She thought about taking one of the bees wax candles that Cypress had made and lighting it, but the use of such precious materials did not seem fit to be wasted upon her mood. Anu was confused, questioning things that she had known for a long time and wondering if this journey had really been worth it. Blue eyes looked at the fabric wrapped bundle, but decided against the little bit of light. She could stay in the darkness.

For the last day or so she had been distant, quiet and reflecting on the meeting she had had with Colibri Haki. In such a short time span it was easy to avoid Tayui, the pack lands were vast and she had been able to muster small conversation and even a smile when she had come home the night before. But it wasn’t easy to avoid her emotions, and to keep them from the other woman. They had come to the point where Anu was happy to speak her thoughts before the white woman, she was happy to have someone that could listen even if her words were a bit pointless or silly. Tayui hadn't judged her, not yet.

How could Anu tell her about Coli? But how could she not? The pain of it was ripping through her at a devastating rate and if Anu did not let it out it would consume her. Or worse, it would push Anu back to the dark colored woman and demand that she give Colibri her entire being once more. Memories were threatening things, they tried to reach out for her and drag her back into the same painful experiences that Anu promised herself she would never put herself through again.

Anu was grateful for one thing; she knew what she wanted. Despite the encounter with her past lover her heart had not wavered in it’s loyalty to Tayui. It lived confined inside her chest and she had not spoken of her commitment but it was there and Anu would not betray it. Now, she knew she needed to say it. Say all of it so that she did not betray Tayui in the least. She could not wait, or allow things to develop slowly as they had been. It left them too fragile and exposed. Their relationship was nothing like the one Anu had once had with Coli, it was a healthy partnership and she would do anything that needed to be done to keep it that way.

The wolf seated herself on the makeshift bed that they shared, and waited.

[/html]Try as she might, it was not a day suitable for exploration. The winds were strong: so much so that they lashed water like whips and drove the cold air through her fur like a brand. Tayui had wanted to start to meet her fellow packmates, but try as she might, it seemed as though it would not be possible. Saul had told everyone to stay in their dugout homes, presumably where they would be safe. So far, the home she shared with Anu was damp but not flooded, so she heeded his words. Despite this, she'd hoped to find someone out there, but it seemed as though she didn't know where to look and she didn't want to start wandering around unfamiliar packlands in a hurricane.

By the time she returned to her home, she was soaking wet. She tried to shake off the water as best she could, before entering, but it didn't seem to help much. She opened the door and stepped inside the threshold and tried to shake off the water once more. This time, it worked a bit better, but it was so difficult in her optime form.

She walked further in and spotted Anu sitting down on their sleeping area. It smelled of coniferous trees: pine, fir, and others. She smiled broadly, grinning at her own situation.

"Anu," she said. "I'd stay inside if I were you," she added. [html]

The door to the outside world opened, she could hear the sounds of the hinges and the flutter of fur and rainwater as Tayui shook off her alabaster pelt. Anu hadn’t noticed it till Tayui’s entrance woke her from her daydream. But it was raining hard, the scent of it filtered quickly into the small house and the sounds could be heard even beyond the door and the earthen roof above her. It was only another moment later that brought Tayui into the sleeping quarters. She stood in front of her, the outer layer of her pelt drenched from the rain. Was it storming? Anu wondered. She had not noticed the dark clouds that had arrived when she was out earlier in the day, but now Anu realized that she had been waiting for some time. She had been so lost inside herself that she hadn’t even noticed the passing of time.

A smile came to her face, an automatic response to the female’s presence. She stood, and gathered up the old tatter blanket that was so far gone with age that it would serve better as a towel then it would on the bed. Anu took the steps that separated them. The house had come lightly furnished, thankfully. The pack was so generous, gracing them with gifts upon their arrival. Anu looked at the pendent that lay against the soft fur of Tayui’s neck, the one that she now wore herself and signified their acceptance and commitment to the pack.

She was quiet for a moment. Though it was typical for Anu to be silent, she lingered in front of the other female awkwardly as she tried to find the words that would express her feelings. It was not brave of her, and despite that fact Anu felt like a victim of Colibri’s words, her requests and even her mere presence. Reflecting back on the meeting she knew that whatever would have been said or done she would have been hurt regardless, but Colibri had not given up and she pushed the knife deeper into her chest.

Better dry off before you catch a chill. She replied with a small smile, her heart wishing to be light and teasing. They both knew that Tayui was protected from even the coldest of temperatures. The rest of her could not back it up, and her eyes fell to the ground. Have you met many pack members yet? She asked, trying to open up the conversation to where she felt comfortable telling all that needed to be said.

[/html]Once Tayui spotted Anu grinning along with her, she couldn't help but smile as well. It was so hard to stop smiling whenever she was around Anu. So, she didn't bother fighting it. It felt comfortable, like how entering their home felt familiar and comfortable. She liked it.

Anu stood up and seemed to be considering her words. There was a pause and when Anu spoke up, Tayui had to shake her head and laugh in reply.

"Can't you tell? I've been trying! It's so hard to shake it all off like this," she said, gesturing to her two-legged form. "I have been busy meeting a few--though, not right now. I'd hoped to ask someone how to help out, but the leaders want us inside where it's safe. Before the storm hit, I had managed to meet a few folks around here; there are a lot of Stormbringers, it seems. I met a Miskunn and a Bran, and of course, I chatted with Cypress a bit. I picked up a bit of gossip, but it seems pretty... quiet here. Well, until the puppies arrive. It sounds like some of the members are expecting or have pretty young ones," she explained. [html]
[html] ohhhh depressed anu

Anu moved to wrap the towel around Tayui, her lighthearted words lifting her up and out of her shadowy mood for a moment. The other woman had a way about her that made it easy for Anu to shake off those negative feelings, and though they lingered closely she could ignore them momentarily. Anu was greatly interested in speaking with Miskunn, and learning the spiritual ways of the pack. A feeling of normalcy washed over her, but it was not long lived. Tayui mentioned the puppies and Anu felt the pit in her stomach return. Yes, the puppies were already here for some.

She swallowed, and moved away to take a seat on the bed. Her legs were feeling weak as she was forced to remember the meeting with Colibri, anger rising within for the brown colored woman. Why did she cause so much angst and pain for Anu? A litter of females had been born, recently I believe. Anu returned, the last few of her words falling to a slight whisper. Daughters, that was what she had been told. It wasn’t until Anu had left Colibri’s presence that she recognized the distinct scent of newborns that she had been wearing. Colibri Haki, she is a new mother. She tasted acid in the back of her throat, and did not make eye contact for Tayui.

tayui is here for youuu. Also, do they have a real bed? I've just been thinking it's like fern and animal furs and stuff. :B
[/html]Tayui watched as Anu stepped closer and then reached forward with the towel. Tayui smiled as Anu wrapped it around her, engulfing her like a little snake. Yet, it seemed as though something was wrong. Anu stepped back and then sat down on their bed, and for a moment, Tayui thought she saw her legs shake. She furrowed her brow in concern and then followed Anu to the bed and sat down next to her.

"Well, that's good news," she replied. "Happy and healthy, I hope--Colibri and her children," she added, and then paused. She wondered why Anu was upset. She'd thought that the other woman was happy here, but it seemed as though something was bothering her. Was this going to be just another temporary home before they found what they really needed?

Hesitating slightly, and then gathering up her courage, she reached out with her right hand to rest it on Anu's left. "Is everything all right?" she asked, her eyes full of the concerns she could not voice. [html]
[html]she's so lucky! and yes, furs and such for a bed Wink

Anu exhaled as Tayui came to join her on the soft bedding that made their sleeping quarters. The furs were soft, worn and collected the heat from their bodies quickly. Anu found herself brushing her hand against their softness, her thoughts fighting to stay focused on the conversation. It felt fairly impossible though. It was good news, just as Tayui spoke and Anu should be happy for her. In their world the birth of puppies was the greatest of gifts, new life was the grace that balanced their life of competition and battle for survival. Anu could be happy, in time she supposed, but the things Coli had said to her only brought her sadness and the more frightening: anger.

Tayui noticed her discomfort and her agitation, and Anu actually felt a sense of relief that the white woman brought it up before Anu needed to. She shook her head, no things were not alright. It had nothing to do with them living in Vinátta, that was something Anu was still so grateful for. Colibri and I have a past, it was years ago. She began, her eyes looking at the other female but glancing only at her hands. Regardless of that past Anu knew that there was nothing to be ashamed about, and nothing for either of the females to worry about regarding Colibri's residence in the pack. She disappeared from Crimson Dreams one day and never returned. Anu moved her paw to Tayui's arm, fingers touching the thick soft fur lightly. She had been so hurt by Colibri's actions, but Anu didnt speak of it. I had my sons, I moved on. So much happened... and then I found you.

Anu looked at Tayui's face, and she smiled softly as she thought of how happy Tayui made her. How grateful she was for each morning that she woke up beside her. Then I saw her yesterday, and she blames me for her leaving. I slept with Gabriel after she left and that is why she didn't return. her blue eyes had fallen away as she explained, but the words lifted the weight off her shoulders. I do not know what her intentions are, but she wishes for her litter to look up to me and I just want to live here in peace. she spoke quickly. It was a selfish thing, but the wolfess only wanted to live her own life without having to carry Colibri as she had in the past. Anu then glanced up at the female, With you. She fell silent, waiting to hear what questions Tayui had or how she felt about any of it.

cool, thanks!
[/html]Tayui could hear Anu's stressed breathing and it was setting her a bit on edge. She was glad that Anu decided to tell her what was wrong; she knew that she would much rather bury it all away and deal with it in some sort of unhealthy or obsessive manner. What she did not expect, however, was for it to be over an old lover's quarrel. Tayui knew about Anu's children with Gabriel, she remembered when Anu and Kratina were together in Jaded Shadows, and she was quite certain that there had been others; but hearing about another seemed surreal. Even though she knew about them, she had never thought about it. She'd only been concerned with being together with Anu right now and she'd forgotten that there had been others before her: others that had loved Anu. She was confused, but definitely not angry, so when Anu reached out to clasp her hand, Tayui let her wind their fingers together.

When Anu looked up at Tayui and smiled, Tayui find herself smiling in response. It was so hard not to and even though she felt her heart racing and banging against her chest, she couldn't hurt Anu further. She just needed some more time to think about this. She had never thought that she would encounter an ex-lover in Vinátta. This was supposed to be there sanctuary. Tayui couldn't help but feel a little bitter against Colibri for ruining that.

"Well..." Tayui began, not sure what to say. "They can look up to you, certainly, but not as their mother. Colibri is there mother after all. I want to be here with you, too, Anu. I don't want to let this--this whatever it is stop us from being happy," she explained. "Do you think... should we stay away from her? What... what do you want to do? I don't know, Anu." She wouldn't do anything Anu didn't want her to do, but at the same time, she wanted to know what Anu needed. She only wanted to help. [html]
WC: 300

They would always each have a past. Nothing could erase that. Anu did not know the details of Tayui’s, nor had she spelled out the details of her own. Until now. Yet Anu was happy to place her gaze upon the future and keep steady the course. Tayui had children, and that made it obvious that males had been part of her past. Anu did not dwell on the idea of her lying with another wolf, the images of it as far from her mind as could be. The contentment of their relationship is what filled her thoughts; they overflowed from her heart and blinded her eyes.

Yet all it had taken was the weakened Colibri to reached out and draw back the happy curtain to shine a blazing light on what Anu had done.

Silenced caused time to slow, moments feeling much longer then they should. Tayui responded with a drawn out ‘well’, and Anu did not blame her for being a bit unsure of how to respond. It was a confusing situation, and not a one that Anu had wanted to place Tayui in. But when it came her tone was reassuring, and it caused Anu to wish to be closer to the pale woman, to feel the same assurance from the softness of Tayui’s body against her own.

No, I just want to get past this. I put it behind me a long time ago, and I want to keep it there. I hope she is able to, too. Avoiding her will only let it fester and I have nothing to hide. Anu had done nothing wrong then, and though she had been blunt and cold when she had seen Colibri, she believed her words had been less harsh then what Colibri had spoken. Anu took a deep breath, the weight lifted from her shoulders. I wanted you to know that this had happened, and that I am not looking back. She wouldn’t look behind her and see a short-lived joy she once had and let that try to shadow the greater love that she now claimed. You are my life now, you are everything.

She looked down at their intertwined fingers, Seeing her, remembering how fragile things can be… I needed to tell you that I love you and I want to be your mate. She looked up at Tayui’s face, wishing to catch the duel hued gaze. She wore a hopeful smile. This was what she wanted, and she had known for some time. She looked to her softly, not wanting to press her for a response. There was more then just one thing that she needed to process and if Tayui asked for time, or space to take it all in then Anu would happily give it to her.

*happy noises*
[/html]Tayui nodded quietly as Anu spoke. She was glad that Anu didn’t want to avoid her ex-mate; that would have been difficult in a pack seemingly as tighly-knit as this one. She agreed that avoiding the other woman would only be worse in the long run. Tayui didn’t want this to sour her outlook of the other woman, either, but she feared that it inevitably would. When she finally did meet Colibri—wait, Colibri, was that…? No, another time—she knew that all she would be able to think was that she had hurt Anu like this. Tayui tended to remember things for a long time; be it past action or inaction. She would remember this.

She would also remember Anu’s next words: ‘You are my life now, you are everything.’ Tayui froze. She didn’t know what to say. Even now, as Anu reassured her that she had nothing to worry about (shouldn’t it be the other way around?) she was able to say something like that and make the conversation about them. Tayui didn’t know what to say. She wanted to panic, she wanted to say, ‘no, I can’t be everything you need more than just me,’ or, ‘I’m nothing without you,’ or something else.

“Anu,” she breathed, because nothing could ever compare. She looked down at her hands wondering how she could deserve this—all of this—all of Anu. How could she reply?

And then Anu surprised her again.

“I—” she began, overcome with emotions. She looked up to see Anu smiling at her. Even if this was Colibri Soul, even if she was kind, no matter what had happened to Anu before, they were here, together, now. “Anu, you’re so strong,” she replied, almost in awe. She laughed and then shook her head, smiling blissfully. “I would be honoured to be your mate. I want to be with you. I love you.”

She couldn’t stop smiling. [html]
WC: 321
[html]one more reply before the move!

Beyond their door a storm raged. Water beat down against the earthen home, threatening to flood and wash away the soil that covered their roof. Winds would ravage the trees, bringing down branches and tearing apart the buildings of the pack lands. It would be mayhem and dangerous to step beyond their door. Colibri Haki lived out there as well, wallowing in her self pity. But Anu would not think of those things again. She would looked into the eyes of the wolfess that she had confessed her love to; her heart safe, settled and content in the commitment that it had made to Tayui Aston.

Her words, ever so slight at their beginning spoke of her strength and of honor. They confirmed that Tayui shared the same hopes for the future and Anu smiled as a response. She did not feel strong, she felt light and weightless and with it the threat of being swept away by the roaring winds beyond their walls. But the white woman grounded her, a tether to keep her from floating away with bliss and bubbling excitement. Anu exhaled, her smile set deeply into her cheeks. She was so happy that words would not come. They all seemed too small to capture the true meaning of her feelings. Instead she laughed, giggling as she only did in the presence of the Aston wolfess. Anu reached around her, and pulled Tayui into an embrace.


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