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dated the 22nd, private for Iskata.
The past couple days Iskata had given Asphyxia a place to stay, not quite home but at this point it was better then nothing. Everything was quiet and Asphyxia opened her eyes, it was dark but she knew Iskata was still there by her side. Head pounding, it took her a second to realize where she was and then reality set in and she knew Skoll was actually dead. Laying her head back down, staring out into the dark she couldn't speak but she quietly sobbed as she knew she was only here because Iskata made her get up off Skoll's body and she could barely eat, anything made her sick to her stomach because she didn't know how she was going to do everything without Skoll. Her children needed a father, and that was something they'd never actually get anymore because their father was dead.
It was nighttime and she could hear crickets playing a song, she didn't see where she was, she couldn't comprehend much at this point besides what happened two days past. Though, she knew she should be strong for her unborn children, and right now her closest child Garnet. However, she couldn't bring herself to it, she couldn't do it, right now she was limp and she felt older than she actually was. Asphyxia felt tired and weak, her stomach was growing and her feet and head hurt. Her eyes still were watery but they felt as if they were drying, like she was losing the water inside her eyes, she cried too many tears over the last two days and all she had been doing was lazing around, barely eating anything and sleeping her emotions away.
More quiet for a moment, she stayed there as she spoke, using all the energy she had, "What am I going to do Iskata? My children need their father. I need him." in the crickets song, soft sobs continued.
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Iskata had known the place that Asphyxia was in, she'd been there once before, having lost her mate tragically and found herself alone once more. She had been nested up beside the dark hued female listening quietly to the soft sobs that racked her body as she quietly thought on a past she'd long tried to bury. The soft voice of the other cause her to open her sun shot sky eyes and turn her head to gaze at the older female who was feeling the raw pain of a broken heart.
The silver and gold lady nuzzled the coal hued woman and spoke softly, her voice wistful as she admitted the truth. "You'll live. Day to day, moon to moon.. You'll bring your children into this world and love them..." Her voice waivered as she closed her eyes against words she'd failed to live by, instead the matriarch had closed herself off and built walls around her heart. "We'll tell them wonderful tales of their father and never let his memory die.." Just like she'd never had the chance to do for her own children.
She nudged Asphyxia's foreleg softly and smiled softly to the hybrid woman beside her. The lull of the ocean tides in the distance and the crickets melody singing in the breeze were the only other sounds besides the two women speaking. Even the cattle had laid down for the night and their low calls had ceased. The Counsil knew of Asphyxia's stay in the packlands and the battle between the two warriors. There was only the information that needed passed on to the other packmembers, which Iskata meant to do when she could, though she expected the other leaders would have informed the rest by then.
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Even though it hurt to think of a future without Skoll, it was amazing to think of a future with more children and with that she smiled a little, something she hadn't done in the last couple days. Although, she remembered his words, every 'I love you', his scent was still imprinted on her from when she had laid her head down on his no-long-beating chest. "I just wish he was here... he made me happy, I smiled, I loved. Whenever he said my name, it gave me butterflies. When he so much as hugged me, it sent chills all over my body. He made me feel alive, it's just going to be so hard without him." her voice was barely a whisper, she just didn't have the strength, he was her crutch and now that the support was gone, she needed to crawl before she learned how to walk again.
Being on four paws due to the pregnancy, she sat up and was laying down now on her stomach but her head was up, she looked at Iskata after she stretched. "I want the kids to know everything about him, he told me a lot from his past. Anything I don't fill the kids in on, I want you to. However, I'm going to make sure they know between right and wrong, I don't need them to turn out making chaos, be anything like the old me." it was a fact. Asphyxia didn't even want to remember the old her, and especially what she did to Mew. After she had the pups and they couldn't be in danger, she might have to apologize to the woman, after all she knew what it felt to lose the dearest closest to her. After the war though, she didn't know if she should apologize due to what Mew said to her, although that could have come from anger instead of anything else. Asphyxia looked back though and realized that if it wasn't for Haku, she would have never met Skoll because she wouldn't have went to the mountain and if she did, she'd probably try to kill him, maybe she should have though... Skoll wouldn't have been dead right now. Truth or not, Asphyxia was going to blame herself for his death, especially at the church, he killed Asmodai's cousin to save her. He could have avoided it all together, he would still be alive right now and Asphyxia's miserable world would be over, but then again there would be no pups and she wouldn't have seen Garnet ever again.
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Iskata's sky hued eyes gazed upon the black furred woman before her, the slight smile that played upon her lips was a better sight than she'd seen in a long time. The whispered words from the ebony woman reminded her of another time and another place. Her ears flicked back with discomfort as she thought of how happy she herself had been when her own love had resided beside her.. now far away, beyond death or still alive she wasn't for certain. She smiled softly, "I know.. You dreamed of happiness and growing old together, peace and love.. and yet you're hardly ever really in control of life.." She shook her head and sighed, knowing exactly what it was like and yet there was little comfort she could offer the lady except for words.
Her eyes followed the movements of Asphyxia as she moved out and made herself comfortable, those crimson eyes turned as she spoke of the children to come. She smiled at the thought of the memories of Skoll being the foundation for his children's coming lives. "I'll do my best... I just wish Phoenix was here, he knew Skoll better than I ever did.." The words caught in her throat as she thought about her mate who'd been missing all season. .. the last words the lady said hit her harder though. "I tried to raise my children right.. and my son seems to hate me for that.." She wrinkled her nose as she admitted, "It's not easy for him though.. he was born out of one of the wars Inferni's partaken of.." Her voice was brittle as she shook her head sadly, she didn't want to bring the past to light, but the truth was the truth.. "Asphyxia..you can teach them everything there is to know.. but you can't live their lives for them..." Looking down at the girl she hoped that the dark lady wouldn't hate her for the words she spoke.
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