[html]
Iskata
Once when her heart seemed dead she seemed worried, hardly beating and doing so just enough to keep her living, but it was now beating so hard it was about to rip form her chest. Her stomach twisted in her abdomen and she resisted the urge to heave. It was now or never, and time was not on her side. The clock ticked for the fey Anu would die to have standing beside her. The journey was far to long for her though, being so heavy with child. Anu would have to say her good byes alone and with no support.
She knew what she had to do, and that it was truly the best way. But her heart would still be torn in two, and the urge to turn and run was still present. Avoiding her Matriarch might have been the easier thing to do in the short term, but how could she leave such a loving leader with not as much as a good bye.
The walk from the barn to her cabin had felt like an eternity, even though Iskata resided just down the road. Her head hung down, and both ears laid back, giving her the look of a sullen pup. The weather did not help soaking her fur and either plastering it to her slim frame, or made it spike upward. As she reached the porch of the pack’s leader she straitened her shoulders and shook her coat out. She was confident in the reason she needed to leave, but not in her way of explaining it.
Her small hand rose to knock on the door. Maybe she wouldn’t be home.
|
[/html]
Iskata had been sitting on the patio watching the rain pour down around her as she wondered just what was going to happen next. She'd failed as a friend and a leader already and now she felt that she was just failing in general. She'd put up a good face for Asphyxia in her time of need but the silver and gold lady was just as hurt as her friend. The scene that she'd witnessed a week before had ripped her apart, but the reminded of the lost mate and the friends she lost had stayed in her mind. She felt so alone in this world now.
The knock that came to the front of the door barely caught her ears but it only took Iskata few moments to raise her form from the ground and enter through the small cottage to pad to the door and push the crack open wider to admit her whole body. She was slightly surprised to see Anu standing there dripping on the porch but she moved aside quickly and allowed the lady to come inside.
"Anu, what can I do for you?" she asked as she padded behind the girl and within moments lead her to the denroom where pillows and blankets were piled among recliners and a large plush couch. She hopped up onto one of the recliners and smiled at the girl, putting up another false face to cover the gloom again.
[html]
She heard her approach before the door opened to reveal the female she sought. Such was her luck, though she could not decide what she wanted more, to talk to the adoptive mother other female she was leaving for, or to leave with a shadow hovering over her head. It was not just that she waned to put her mind at ease, but she also wanted to share her new love with her Matriarch.
The red tinted female stood in the doorway, welcoming her into her warm dry house. Anu followed the gesture, watching her face for any sort of distaste. A bit of confusion could be seen, but her warm and welcoming disposition quickly over shadowed any sort of uncertainty. As always Iskata sought to know how she could help. Silence held her throat, and she fought to find the words that would express her mixed feelings.
She walked into the other’s home, and felt quickly comforted and more at ease. It would take a miracle to completely calm her jitters, but at least her stomach no longer ached. She sat and settling as the cozy furnishings invited her deeper into Iskata’s home. She fought the urge to avoid her leaders warm eyes. Winning the battle she watched her face and finally spoke. “I am in love with your daughter, Naniko.”
The words almost brought her into a fit of coughing, so surprised that with all the preparation she had had for this conversation, that is what had come out.
|
[/html]
Iskata hadn't exactly known what to expect from the greyscale lass that had newly become like family, but the words that did emerge were not what she'd pictured. She sat there silently as she tried to recover from what the girl had said and when she finally did there was nothing to do but just breath in and breath out. She smiled softly at the girl before her as she settled herself down, offering no words to Anu for a moment.
Finally she turned her eyes back to the younger woman as she asked, "Are you certain?" the words were soft, but she couldn't keep her gaze on the other as she continued. "You know, love is suppose to be forever.. " Her voice grew hard as she gazed out the window at the rain that poured down on the late summer night. "Do you have forever to give to her?" She couldn't help but think of the last soul who'd believed they'd loved her daughter forever.. but that fairytale had ended quickly. Harsh and cold with pains that love should never have to endure.
[html]
The silence was painful, but in a way Anu was grateful for it. It was only a single sentence, but its meaning was so much larger then that. Anu watched Iskata as the moments slipped by. At least her reaction would not be spontaneous. At least she was thinking seriously about what Anu had just told her. When she did speak, Anu watched her with pleading eyes. One word hit and stuck with her.
Forever?
She smiled at the thought. She had yesterday, today and every tomorrow till the day she died. The conversation she and Naniko had on the beach was fresh in her mind, and if Naniko had forever for Anu, then she had more then that for Naniko. Of course with the white fey’s history, it was only right for her mother to be protective over her.
The rain continued around them, pattering on the cottage’s roof. It filled the silence between them as Anu sought the answer to her question. “I’m certain.” That was easy to confess, and her heart tightened when the thought of being by the alabaster female’s side. Her voice was as hard and serious as Iskata’s and there was no uncertainty in her voice or mind. “I have as long as I live.”
Anu took a breath, letting her guard fall and her voice soften. “She’s asked me to be there for her and her children.” our children the words Naniko had spoken would not be real until they were here. “I’ll never hurt her, ever.” Thoughts drifted to the male who had, even if she went crazy she would jump off a cliff to prevent hurting Naniko. “And want to be there for her.” Those words were real.
|
[/html]
She knew the younger woman was watching her and waiting for the reply she hoped was coming. The only problem was that Iskata didn't have the answer to give. She wasn't Naniko's keeper and though she wished her children the best in love she couldn't help but feel the pain of the loves she'd lost and pray they would never suffer the same... though already it seemed the brokenhearted was one that some of her blood would know.
Her eyes turned back to watch Anu as she gave her confession. Iskata wished that there was more she could do or say but she didn't know what the girl wanted from her. She wasn't going to deny them love, it wasn't hers to take or give and she'd never be that selfish to try. She turned her eyes away, trying to fight the pain that was bringing mist to her sky orbs as she spoke. "He said that once you know.. to me." She wasn't even for certain how much of Naniko's past the lady knew but she could remember like it was yesterday.
Once the little boy so happily tracking into Clouded Tears all wrapped up in a scarf he had so wanted to give to Naniko. Tripping over the ends and yet so determined to bring the creamy hued pup his prize. She shook her head and closed her eyes, wishing that the past could just fade away. "He said all those words once.. he wanted to be everything for her.."
Iskata wasn't for certain who all was to blame in the pains that had befallen Naniko's and Conri's relationship, and perhaps it was wrong to bring them up now.. but she did. "And if you couldn't be faithful.. or Naniko? Then what?" She'd never guessed that those events would have happened the last time.. but what if it would happen again, would Anu be able to take the pain, or admit her wrongs.. whatever the cause or reason.
[html]
... : )
Of course he had said those things. Her heart sank once Iskata mentioned him. Didn’t she not know that Anu hated him more then all the retched things that had ever crawled on the planet combined? Couldn’t she see that Anu was incapable of hurting anyone, especially the one she loved most, like he had? It was a mother’s right to question her, and maybe Anu needed the interrogation to know she was sure in her choice.
“I bet he did.” Her voice was different, a rarely seen anger rose into her throat. “And I bet he was young, and foolish.” If Anu had one thing, it was age and experience on her side, settling in her features and eyes as she spoke. At times she was naïve and acted much younger then she truly was, but when it mattered most Anu held the maturity and wisdom for each year she had lived.
She and the male were not the same and the words Iskata spoke, of commitment and faith, were unsettling. Anu was not one to think of the negatives, when she wanted something to work she thought of it working, not of the possible failure. “Commitment to my mate has never been hard for me. But I have been scorned and left.” Oh she hadn’t been raped and beaten, but hurt all the same.
Her voice was different, falling back into the need for approval. She wanted Iskata to bless their love, but now it was apparent that she might not be so whiling. “And, I don’t know what might happen but I’m whiling to chance my feelings. If it means being with her.” Even if Naniko did not love her as much as Anu believed she did, and even if she decided that she wanted another more, Anu would take the pain she would feel.
“I’m not him, she knows it as well as you do.” She wasn’t sure if she should speak in such a way, but her voice was soft though as sure as the rain was wet. She wasn’t capable of hurting her, physically she was inferior, and her mind was weaker still. It was that form of safety she offered that must have been when Naniko saw in her. Iskata must know she was far from any male that at some point sought her daughter’s love.
|
[/html]
Iskata's eyes were drawn to the rain that beat softly on the window pane as Anu spoke. She had no doubt that Anu may love her daughter, she was a good woman but Iskata didn't want to think about how quickly it seemed that Naniko had moved on from the past. She believed that it was a good thing that her daughter had moved on, but she hadn't thought it would have been possible to move on so quickly.
The words Anu said beat on her ears and streamed into her thoughts as she silently sat there drifting in her thoughts. Unlike her daughter who could push the past away and move on Iskata was the complete opposite. She was surrounded by the past at all times, faces of the past, memories.. even her children. The thought that it was possible to move on so quickly was strange to her yet she wondered if she could ever become so at ease with moving on.
Turning her sky hued orbs back to Anu Iskata was at a loss, she couldn't tell the woman no, it was obvious that she was taking a chance with this love, one that she wasn't even for certain would pay off in the end. She sighed softly and just gave in. "No, you're not him, you're something strange and new.." she said quietly. She knew the woman was a kind and gentle soul, but she'd believed the same of Conri and in a heartbeat he'd changed.
Her voice was firm as she spoke, "There's nothing I can give you, you're a woman grown, this is your choice and her's..." She closed her eyes and just listened to the drumming on the roof as she went on. "I wish you love and happiness. Strength to endure and wisdom to learn from mistakes. I hope when trials do come yourway that you'll learn to work together to get through them.." She left them with the only thing she could, a prayer that they could make it on their own. The Silver and Gold woman was at a loss on why they turned towards her when it was her children's hearts they sought. Perhaps there was truth enough in her title as Matriarch, yet she could never hold onto the ones she loved long enough to know truly.
[html]
oh Anu is so dramatic! end here?
Maybe she was just something different, but in a way different would be good for her. Anu had been at this place before, loving another female and dealing with all the insecurities and controversies that may arise. It was obvious that Iskata felt the weight of all her children’s pain, and Anu figured that it was this fact that made Iskata so uncertain.
Anu tried to find the love and sincerity in her voice, and what she found may have been a figment of her imagination, but she refused to believe that Iskata was certain that their relationship would end in heartache and took her words for what they were, even if there was no meaning behind them. Smiling, she nodded her head. Sad to leave her Matriarch feeling as if she had disappointed her, but she could think of nothing else to say.
“Thank you Iskata.” She meant it, but her heart was down in her gut. Rising from the comfort of the den she gave her a small nod. “I hope to see you again.” She was sure that they would meet, but Anu was eager to leave before she lost control of her emotions. There were time when without the support of others she was merely floating, and what she truly needed was to be comforted.
Exiting the cabin she embraced the rain, letting it soak her fur. In a moment she was drenched, unable to determine if she was actually crying or if it was just the weather.
|
[/html]
|
