She was beginning to become somewhat of a recluse, dropping the letters and running, but then again she didn't want to think about the past, she didn't want to talk about the past.. and she didn't want to see their reactions. Iskata had moved across the lands quickly since she'd left the home of Ember and Khaden. She was heading to the mansion in the lands her daughter's pack resided. Luckily this time she didn't come across any other members of the pack as she walked down the path to the large door to the mansion.
She took the steps one at at a time as she stared up at the massive door before her. Her hands shook as she raised her hand to slide the letter through the opening of the door, not wanting to be caught in these lands even though she knew she was welcome by more than one who lived there. She shook her head and closed her eyes as she let the written words drop to the steps as a tear ran down her face.
The words of her mate stared up at her as she caught sight of her son's name, she turned her eyes away and sighed, hoping that her children would have better dealings than she would with the words of their father.
To my son, Kansas:
I want you to know that I am proud of you, and always will be. I know you had doubts about yourself, but then so did I at your age, and so does everyone. But you were always a good boy, and I have no doubt that you’ve grown up into a fine adult. I’m honored to be your father, and I hope to one day meet the man you’ve grown into.
I hope you will forgive me for not being there for you. Your brother and I have been taken against our will to a far-off land where wolves think they can own other wolves and make them work and fight for their pleasure. I was put into a pit to fight in such a way, but instead I convinced the other gladiators to help me fight for our freedom. We’ve gathered a number of slaves and formed an army, but these wolves still hold the advantage over us in numbers and weapons. One thing you should know was that I learned the identity of our kidnapper… he was my father, your grandfather. And now he fights on the side of the enemy.
But you know me, Kansas. I have survived greater dangers, and I will survive this, I promise you. But you must be the man for our family until my return. Protect your mother and your sisters for me. I know you can do it.
Your father,
Phoenix
She shook her head once more and turned her eyes away from the door and the letter she'd dropped as she took the steps one by one away from the mansion and towards the world outside. She hated to leave like that but she didn't want to face anyone at the moment, last of all her own children.
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</style> http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/324/ ... atedu5.png) #260a19 top no-repeat;"> [ooc] i can't be stopped, i've got to take that fool's life
[ic] i'm outta bullets so fuck it, i use my knife
The small noises outside the door were nothing new. Kansas's ears swiveled toward the porch outside only momentarily as he walked past on his way to the living room. He'd woken up late, which wasn't exactly unusual for him. But he figured he'd better see if anyone was still inside - he hated the possibility of others considering him completely antisocial.
But everyone was gone. Kansas stretched all fours and turned back toward the door. He was good at opening it with his front paws by now. When he stepped out into the cool early-autumn air, his left paw crushed a single piece of paper. Had someone left it there accidentally? When he looked more closely, however, his own name scrawled across the top caught his eye. More surprising was that the letter was in Phoenix's handwriting.
He read the letter three times. His chest tightened; he felt his eyes sting. The shock of hearing from his father when he presumed him dead rocked him hard. Phoenix was not dead. Nor was Moon. Still, their situation was terrible. And Kansas could do nothing about it, as usual. Frantically, the Sadira child picked the letter up in his jaws and reentered the manor. He took the stairs to his room several at a time.
Kansas hadn't been the "man" of the family. Not even close. He didn't even know what his sisters and mother were up to these days. If they needed him. Despite what he'd told himself he'd never do again, Kansas let himself go completely limp and he wept.
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Iskata was just out of sight when the sound of the massive front door opening caught her attention. She paused and turned around, peering out from behind the bushes at the figure standing on the old porch. She felt her shoulders sag and her ears pin back as she caught sight of her son. She hadn't seen Kansas since he'd gone off to join Naniko in Twilight Vale and now here was her chance and she was hiding in the shadows as though she was nowhere near.
The silver and gold woman watched him as he read and reread the words from his father, her mate. She could tell that the words of the man affected him just as much as they had her, if not in the same manner atleast in one just as heartwretching. She sighed softly and closed her eyes, she didn't want to see her boy like this.. and she almost hated Phoenix for laying words of responsibilities on shoulders as though it mattered.
When she had opened her sun shot orbs again Kansas was gone, she knew she should have just turned about and walked away but she couldn't. She was angry at her mate and she didn't want to see the softspoken boy hurt, though it was obvious that he already was. She growled softly and stepped out of the cover and made herway towards the manson.
She didn't even stop to call for her son, she just pushed herway through the door and walked through. Following the scent of her son she made herway up the stairs and towards the room where his scent seemed to overpower the area. Iskata stood outside the door and called softly to the creamy silver boy of her's that was hiding within. "Kansas..."
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</style> http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/324/ ... atedu5.png) #260a19 top no-repeat;"> [ooc] i can't be stopped, i've got to take that fool's life
[ic] i'm outta bullets so fuck it, i use my knife
He had collapsed right inside the door, on the hard floor that now had the tiny speckles of his tears scattered around. He hadn’t done anything about his feelings toward his father – just the ordinary thing Kansas did. He ignored them. And now he was paying for it, sprawled across his dark room crying like a toddler. He was overcome with shame, with his utter uselessness to everyone he cared about.
Phoenix had done nothing to anger Kansas. He didn’t see how he could be upset with his father, if what happened to him had been against his will. Unexpectedly, a knock roused him – he hadn’t heard anyone approaching. He wanted to stay there where no one could see him and just do this alone. What if it was Savina? She couldn’t see him like this. Kansas wiped his eyes against the side of his paw.
Iskata was outside the door. His mother had delivered the letter – but he’d assumed that by the time he found it she’d been gone for hours. Kansas opened the door to his silver-gold mother, whose soft eyes were full of love and concern. Mom… I’m so sor – I – I’m sorry. He hung his head and attempted to steady his voice. When did you get this? The paper was beneath him. He backed up and nosed it closer to her, though he probably hadn’t needed to. She knew what he was talking about.
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Iskata's heart was breaking as she heard the soft sobs of her baby boy from within the room. She had know that her children would take the news differently, she could probably see Firefly burning the words with anger flaring in her eyes, she thought perhaps Ember would have taken the words to heart and they would have pained her the most.. but she should have known that Kansas had grown close to his dad in her absence. When the door was opened and she was met face to face with the young Sadira boy she tried to keep the tears from misting her eyes as he apologized and then asked, gesturing towards the words of his father.
The silver and gold Matriarch was silent for a moment, gazing down at those scripty words before she pushed the letter away from her and out of sight. She didn't need to see them to know what they said, she didn't want to see them to even imagine it all. Shaking her head she spoke bitterly as she admitted. "Too long.. and yet not long enough." She wasn't for certain if she could hate her mate for the betrayal he'd dropped like a bombshell upon his family. She wondered if he knew the state he was leaving them in now, the pain and sorrow come back fresh now, though not from believing him dead, but realizing he was more than alive.. but not coming home.
Iskata moved closer to her son and brushed her muzzle and cheek up against his own as she sighed softly. "I'm sorry Kansas.. Perhaps I should have just burned them all when I got them.." She wiped away another tear from his face as she gazed down into orbs that matched her own brilliant ones.
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</style> http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/324/ ... atedu5.png) #260a19 top no-repeat;"> [ooc] i can't be stopped, i've got to take that fool's life
[ic] i'm outta bullets so fuck it, i use my knife
Kansas would never understand his father's entire story; maybe because he couldn't, or maybe because he didn't want to. He wished to believe his father wouldn't ever have abandoned them as he had; Kansas did not like thinking badly of those who had done him such good, even so long ago. He sighed, his shoulders shaking his entire body into one small shudder. Iskata's words were vague, but they were powerful. Kansas continued to look her directly in the eye. She was the only one he even had a chance of understanding.
The way she'd brushed the letter aside frightened him, somehow. He could sense her anger. Kansas let her touch him softly, like she had when he was a boy. He let her wipe away the last of his tears, even though her apology beckoned even more of them. Why... why are you sorry? I should be. I haven't... made sure you and Ember and Firefly are okay. I haven't done anything. He wanted me to. He moved closer to her, resting his chin on her shoulder for a few seconds and then pulling away. His next question had little to no expression attached to it. No whine or even stutter. He's not coming back, though. Like he says.
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Iskata's heart ached with the words that her young son asked, the questions he should feel he needed to and the answers she shouldn't have to give. She sighed, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to speak firmly, yet trying to keep the anger from her tone (but failing miserably). "I'm sorry because he doesn't know what a strong man you've turned into. He hasn't been here to see you grow, to see you stand firm in your own pack and to care for those you care about. You know better than I do that the women your sisters have become are stubborn fiercy and loyal. They don't need someone to watch after them, and if they still believe they do I should only lay the blame at your father's paws for making them believe that they need a man to hide them in the shadows." Iskata had never exactly talked bad about her mate, though she knew there were many flaws in his character. He tended to allow her to be a fierce thing but she'd watched him coddle and hold back their children with notions of knights and princesses. She'd let him play for so long at the idea and she knew she should have stopped it early, but he'd been her mate and their alpha and she'd let him walk all over them.
When Kansas had pulled away and asked the final question that broken the last bit of willpower she had she growled softly and shook her head. "I don't know.. he might.." She ran her fingers through her young boy's mane as she said bitterly. "But I don't think he'll be as welcome as he would believe." She hadn't exactl mentioned it to anyone but the Matriarch had no notion of allowing the father of her children back in her life. Each and every one of her children could make their own choices but she'd made her's the day she'd been delivered a letter of pain and sorrow.
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</style> http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/324/ ... atedu5.png) #260a19 top no-repeat;"> [ooc] i can't be stopped, i've got to take that fool's life
[ic] i'm outta bullets so fuck it, i use my knife
He detected intense anger in her every move: her expression, voice, and words. He couldn't shake the feeling of fear it awakened within him. But her contempt was helpful, because she understood his pain in a way he wouldn't have ever expected her to. His mother was upset with Phoenix for what the letters said - and she didn't appear to be disappointed in Kansas at all. The boy recalled his father's somewhat fantastical way of talking to him, but it had never occured to him that this could have negative effects on himself and his siblings.
Ember and Firefly were exactly what Iskata described them as. It was as though he'd been slapped unexpectedly; his emotions settled and he felt his stomach loose the tight knots it had tied itself in - very slowly, but he felt it happening. Iskata was here now, and he could not help but value her above most others from his childhood, including his father. He missed Phoenix. But everyone had been relatively fine without him around to take care of them.
Kansas nodded slowly, not completely cured of his shaken feeling. He moved toward her and embraced her, still upset that spending time with his mother had come to this. I still - I'm going to see you guys more often. Okay? I don't want... I haven't forgotten you.
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Iskata couldn't have believed that her son had felt ashamed because of the things his father expected out of him. Kansas was not the leader of a pack with a million worries in his head, he was a young boy who still had to find his place in the world. He could worry about families and being the man later when he needed to. She wrapped her arms around him when he embraced her and she smiled softly. She hadn't spent enough time with her children when they'd started to set off and wander the world and now she missed it all.
The words he spoke made her sad that he felt like he had to devote time to the girls and her. She laughed sadly as she shook her head and looked down at him, shaking his shoulders lightly as she spoke. "No, you do what you need to.. and what you want to. We know you haven't forgotten about us.." She chuckled softly as she admitted. "I don't think Firefly would let you forget anyways.." She could almost see the girl bickering at her soft hued twin for having been gone so long and how she'd almost sent a search party out after him.. It was the nature of the girl, but she knew that Kansas could take anything the fierce woman could dish out, they were like ying and yang and when they were together everything seemed at peace, if only for a moment.
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</style> http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/324/ ... atedu5.png) #260a19 top no-repeat;"> [ooc] i can't be stopped, i've got to take that fool's life
You can post one more time, or archive, whatever you want. 
[ic] i'm outta bullets so fuck it, i use my knife
It felt good to reduce to a child again, just for a few moments. Her touch comforted him such that he could have drifted off to sleep as easily as could a babe. But he pulled away, straightening his posture slightly. As much as he wanted to quell beneath his self-pity, enough was enough. He was still surprised that she wasn't disappointed with his lack of contact to her and the two girls, though he trusted her. He forced a grin, another nod. He wanted her to understand that he wanted to see them more often. For himself. All right. I'm... sure she wouldn't. His smile bloomed genuine when Iskata mentioned his twin. ...Do you need to get back? I'll take you.
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