tonight will be the night
#1
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He hoped to find just one place – somewhere cozy with a sense of security and belonging. That’s what he really needed. Though he had done a lot of growing up over the past two years, some things still hadn’t left him. Such as the sense of insecurity that remained tucked away behind his silver eyes – only he was the one who really knew the true extent of it.



Times with Dierdre had rolled away so fast. The last time he had seen her had been close to the beginning of the year. Fall was upon them now, and still thoughts of his old mate would surface. He missed the sense of carelessness that he felt when they were together. But now he felt almost as if he had lost that. Would he ever get it back? Or was that something old age had robbed him of?



Realistically Pilot knew he would be able to find that again – at least in some senses. It was closer than he happened to know. He was relieved that Crimson Dreams had finally established itself, but things still weren’t perfect yet. The ground beneath him wasn’t entirely home sweet home just yet.

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#2
It felt strange to him, being in 'new' land. I suppose you wouldn't really call in new land, more like old land changed up a bit to make is seem new. The scent was different to say the least. The boards had a distinct smell of their markings, his being some of them. Yet, this new land was home. Just named Crimson Dreams and inhabited by new members form Shadowed Sun. He remembered how Sirius had left to stay wiht their father, Pilot, and silently wondered where he was now if Pilot was with him in the new pack.

His large black body stood well above most and was a serious advantage in fights. It had come in handy a few times but, thankfuly, life was generally boring. As he walked along he cought someones scent, familiar. He followed it until he found his father, well his adoptive father....the first one. He cleared his throat to announce his arrival and gave a smile. He was in a great mood! He had met an amazing she-wolf, and brought home some new insturments. Life was god in this moment and nothingm or noone, would chane his mind. "Hey Pilot." He greeted in neutral voice. He still Had some problems with this silver male. Mostly, he was just mad at him for taking his fathers spot in this pack while Lucifer himself ran off to mope.
#3
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He wanted to see Urma, yet he still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about the young woman. She was so kind and timid and had an endearing way about her. He could see himself with her, being together and sharing those times that he had once felt with Dierdre. But something was holding him back from advancing. Whenever he saw her, he would smile and talk to her sweetly, yet he could never really bring himself to go further. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was scared. Somehow, he needed to get over that.



"Hey there, Jazper. How’re you doing?" The pup that Pilot had met awhile back (and realized was his adoptive son, to his surprise) was now almost a grown man. It was interesting to see just how much he had grown since those months ago. He really was an asset to the pack and Pilot was glad to see him around.

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#4
He missed Garnet already. He had invited her to the mansion any time she wished but it had ben a few days since. Sending days hunting by the boarder waiting for a howl, he was slowly losing hope. Atleast he had gotten to speak to Naniko during that time and now here he was talking to Pilot, "I'm doing pretty good dad." he half choked the last word in an akward manner. Did Pilot still wish to be his father or had he completly forgot along side Lucifer? His golden eyes looked to him curiously.

"Where's Sirius at?" Trusth be told he hadn't seen any of his brothers lately. Last time he had seen any of them it had been Apollo right befor his nine month ceremony. Silently he wished things had turned out differently. Purhaps he wished nothing less then to have a happy and loving family. Having Deuce and Lucifer laughing and in love with they're grandsons running around playing with they're two younger sons and Jazper himself still babysitting. If that had happened....he wouldn't be drinking every night. He would be more focused on his studies and not so obsessive over his packs protection. He loved Naniko's pups as if they were family and in a strange way they were his light of hope. Four pups full of innocence and in constant need of affection.
#5
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It was strange to hear that three letter word again; Dad. He hadn’t heard it much from Sirius and Apollo because more often then not those two were off on their own doing whatever their hearts desired. With Apollo still in Twilight Vale and Sirius running off to Inferni, Pilot had felt less and less like a father everyday. Now his two sons were gone without a trace, but he didn’t doubt they were both doing well. They had always been able to take care of themselves, much as Pilot had.



"That’s good to hear," he replied, accompanied with a friendly smile. He didn’t feel a very strong connection to Jazper, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care about him. He cared for all the members of his pack. He supposed the boy deserved a little more attention from him (considering he was one of his fathers), but Pilot guessed he was bad at being a father figure. He had always admired Phoenix for that skill. "Sirius? Last I heard he had gone off to join the coyotes in Inferni." Where had he heard that again? He couldn’t even remember.

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#6
He was glad the older male hadn't taken the name in confusion. This showed him he still cared, at least he considered him a son. He cleared his throat slightly at the news of his brother, "Oh...I've heard they aren't the best crowed are you sure letting him go was in his best interest?" He sat down calmly and his mind thought to Garnet. Maybe she could talk him into coming home? Or atleast he could check in on him with Garnet's assistance. He shook his head, "My mom said that they were a bunch of killers and cheats but surely not all of them.." He had heard his mothers opinions on coyotes yet he had Garnet on his mind since they parted ways.

He looked up to Pilot, "I've been teaching myself to read music in the past week. Just started. I went into town and found a broken down music store and picked up some supplies including and Alto Saxophone and a Violin. Both are wounderful!" He yipped pleased with himself,. "I hope to make a stand for my music soon, I have the starts of one in progress, and i'm going to paint my room. You know add some personality." His face grew serious. He woudl have to tell Pilot how he was feeling eventually and it was better for the leader if he did it without his temper, "Listen here Pilot I've got something to say and i'm afraid I should have told you from the begining. Truth is, I miss my parents. All of you completly left me. Three died, Duece is off running her own pack, you had your pack and Lucifer was here with me. Now, Lucifer left without saying goodbye and you come along and take his spot in leadership and don't even stop to say ' Hey son how have you been? Sorry I never stopped by?' He could feel his temper raising as he spoke but he never allowed his voice to crack.
#7
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"I don’t think I really could have stopped him. He kind of just went off on his own. I’ve heard some rumors about Inferni as well, but I’d like to think they’re not all as bad as everyone makes them out to be." He nodded to Jazper’s comment. Not all of them were bad, right? He figured it was their opinions that threw off some of the wolves around here. But everyone was entitled to their own opinion. Pilot couldn’t be one to judge.



"Music, huh? That’s great. Maybe you could show me sometime. Dierdre had given me a violin back when we still lived in Storm. I could show you the songs I knew if you wanted." He smiled genuinely, feeling good that he was maybe breaking some new grounds with his son. That term still didn’t feel right to him though.



The sudden change in temperament caught Pilot off guard. He stood there, listening to everything Jazper had to say, nodding slowly as the ebony male listed things off. "Jazper, truth is..." And what was the truth? Would he really be able to explain himself? "The truth is… I’m not a very good father figure. At all. And I can admit that. When I found out that you were technically my son in some ways, I was completely shocked. Even with my two sons that are blood, I know I failed them as a father. I know that! But there’s nothing I can do to fix myself. I know I’m not a good father. All I know how to be is a leader." He never once got angry, because he had only talked about himself. He had come to terms with that fact. He knew he had failed Sirius and Apollo. Maybe Pilot hadn’t been ready for children. Or maybe, it was Dierdre’s disappearance he hadn’t been prepared for. "I’m sorry I failed you too."


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#8
He simply nodded at the inferni comment. "Probabl not..Sirius is stuborn." He chuckle slightly, his voice still on edge. Pilot was right, hopefully Inferni was not that bad and his little brother would be safe there. Yet, silently he worried. If Inferni wasn't so bad why would Garnet and her mother run from their pack, their home? He shook his hope, best to think of the postive. As the leader spoke of music, and Dierdre's violin his ears perked up and his golden eyes sadened in a memorable way. He missed the white female. Truely he did. For her he would forgive Pilot, he knew that much. She wouldn't want them to be fighting their lives away when he was almost old enough to be a father himself! The silver males voice turned serious as he spoke. Jazper listened, there was no use in yelling at his leader.

As he spoke the younger wolf took in his words wiht great thought. When he had finished the coal Sergeant sat for a moment in silence. There was only one thing her could do in that moment, he pulled his father into a hug. If you were to look at this scean it would be strange. Jazper was massize in size, built as a warrior with the heart of a lion and while it was true Pilot wasn't much of a physical challenge to the young man, he respected him for his words, his honesty. He held Pilot in a bear hug and let out a small whimper, "I'm sorry I failed you as a son..." It was true! Jazper had spent his life trying to live up to Lucifer, always about Lucifer and now the one father figure he had paid the most attention to had left him in a second wihtotu a thought while Pilot was now before him once again. The father he had met once, yelled at twice, and now....he accepted him. In that moment Dierdre held him to his adoptive father in ways Lucifer's teaching had never bonded the two ebony wolves. "I should have come to see you...I should have saved Die."


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