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I'm powerplaying a little, if this doesn't fit then just yell at me and I'll change it, but it's roughly what I remember from our late-night plot chat. Oh and Ceres' grave is the same place as Kiriska's grave, right? 
word count: 576
The descent from the mountain ridge was strenuous, although the climb earlier had been worse. The trip the two had set out on had exhausted Mew further than she thought it would, although she sighed in a satisfied manner when she stopped for a second, looking at the view and reminding herself there was mostly flat ground home. Where they were they could see more of the foothills further down, Inferni's areas to the north-west, the large woods where she had met Lubomir for the last time so long ago - the Dampwoods was its name apparently - and the coastline stretching ahead south-west. A magnificent view. They would take the route along the coast back as they had followed it when they started their journey; Mew feared the coyotes and what an encounter might cause her to do, and Inferni was still not a fantastically hospitable place to visit. Just the idea of it sent a horripilation down Mew's spine, and she pushed the thought away. The trip home would be great, following the ocean for some time; Mew couldn't imagine anything more satisfying as an end to their trip.
A good, long walk did well for one's body, and this walk had been more than long enough. The Tilia was tired, but happy. Although, the happiness was dulled. Cer had said little to nothing since they arrived at Ceres' and Kiriska's grave, and the journey home to the new packlands had been a silent one. Half the journey Mew had felt as if this had only been valuable for herself, although Cer had seemed to like the idea initially. In one way, the emerald-eyed femme was happy that they had gone, as it only let them know each other better, but on the other hand she felt as if she was invading something Cer was not prepared for her to invade. The last thing she wanted to do would be to push her nose into the privacy of her pack leader, especially since her tiny demotion. She had let it pass silently, noticing how Firefly popped right up above her, and despite her great annoyance at this she had said nothing against it. Cer had her reasons to demote her, and if she felt that this was right, then it probably was. Mew would not question her leader, because she had complete faith in her. Perhaps it was some political game that Haku played, to get his plaything higher up amongst them so she too could do foolish things in the name of their pack. Or perhaps she had whined herself to the rank. It didn't really matter, but all in all Mew wanted to know what went on in Cer's head. In terms of what they'd just seen and done, Mew assumed she might be able to cast light onto anything that Cer felt was clouded, and not revealing this, or at least offering it to her, would be wrong. Thus, as they stood there, Mew absently gazing out at the horizon, she spoke to Cer, although kept her eyes fixed along the line where - far out - the ocean met the sky. Some found eye contact as an invading action, and as she was about to lead the nonexistent conversation onto a potentionally touchy subject she didn't want to overdo. You're awfully silent, Cer.. She was fishing, but hopefully it would lead to something. Mew didn't want them to be awkward.
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Yup, the are in the same place.
The initial curiosity and excited energy Cercelee had felt when Mew first suggested the trip had been replaced by a much more melancholy feeling, one that the Rosea could not quite explain. The charred lands they had set foot on had never truly been home to Cer and she felt no personal sorrow at the remnants of destruction she saw there. The curiosity had reached it peak and climax at the arrival of Ceres Sadira’s grave. It was foreign territory to Cercelee, a place that she felt she was not permitted to go. Only once before had Laruku brought her there, she had been a small child then and it was around that time that Ceres had begun to haunt her. After Laruku had taught her who the female had been, and still was to a lot of people, Cercelee began to hear more and more remarks about the similarities of Cercelee and Ceres Sadira. And then, standing before the grave like a guilty trespasser, Cercelee imagined she could feel the presence of the matriarch all the more. It was not a wholly uncomfortable presence, but one that Cercelee did not welcome.
Having taken her cues from Mew (hoping that the Tilia hadn’t notice that Cercelee couldn’t make one name on a grave, Kiriska, from another, Ceres Sadira) the ivory pelted female briefly regarded the stone and waited until Mew was ready to leave. It was then that she had fallen silent, a silence that had followed then all the way back to where they stood, and Cercelee turned her navy eyes to the emerald ones of her friend. “I’m sorry Mew, I’ve just been thinking I suppose.” That wasn’t really an accurate description, as Cercelee had rather been trying not to think, warding off the unwanted images of a dead grandmother she never knew and didn’t care to know now.
Yet she could sense that Mew was looking for more, and she did not want to keep anything from her friend, her silence was just an old habit. Keeping everything to herself. “I am just trying to feel something. Although I lived in those lands as a child, and later as an adult, I do not feel any longing for them. Although that wolf gave life to the male who gave me life, I don’t feel anything for her either...” Cercelee looked away, almost apologetically. Mew, although Cer tended to forget this fact, was her cousin. They shared the same blood, and that blood had come from the female Cercelee so easily cast away. She did not know how Mew felt of their grandmother, she had never really asked, but she knew that many others revered her, and Cercelee did not wish to insult the female is she was among those.
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Mew Sadira
I am *so*rambling. Sorry xD I've even edited it to make it shorter! O_O
Oh and shiny new table, you have to say it's pretty \o/
Word count: 676
Cer did not keep herself from her fellow pack member, and it warmed the Tilia to know that her leader was not as cold as Mew could be herself sometimes. More than often Mew'd just retreat to silence, and stay there, not revealing anything - not with her face or body, and not with words. In a lot of situations she had simply shut down until the encounter was over and she could leave; it was safer that way. So many things went on in her head, and she trusted only a very few to look into them. Some of those things would never be revealed to anyone if she could help it. Lately, one such issue that crawled into her brain when she was alone reminded her all too much of the cause of her quarrel with Haku; a lurking craziness. Her thoughts would sometimes become so dark she did not know herself anymore. But this was a secret that no one would ever know, as long as she was able to keep it at bay. And she would be able to, because she had to, for the sake of her pride, and everyone's safety.
Cer did not reveal much, perhaps, but she still opened up to break the silence - which was better than nothing. Mew waited after the initial answer, gaze still directed out to the horizon, and surely enough, there came more. I am just trying to feel something. That was why Mew had wanted to go in the first place. It wasn't nostalgia as much as a simple search for emotion. A search to check if nostalgia was even there. She had had more shitty times in Clouded Tears than she had had happy times. Some of the motive to go had been curiosity as well; when she had retrieved her things from the hollow tree trunk upon return to the packlands, she saw the destruction the fire had brought with it. Quite some time had passed since then, and Mew had been hoping to see some life sprouting here and there, despite winter taking over very soon. That had been a disappointment, however. There was no life there still, hardly anything living at all. Everything would have to build itself up again from scratch. Like she had done, really. She was a poor builder, though.
I know what you mean.. She had loved Clouded Tears for its beauty, but not for its inhabitants or the good memories she had had there. She had not known Ceres much either, but her grave had become somewhat of a point of collection in her thoughts; like a reference point for all of her memories, good or bad, the centre of Clouded Tears. She had been the heart, and even though Mew had not felt it as strongly as her mother's generation, it was still natural to think of her that way. I never knew her much... I remember one time, though, I was chasing Haku around, when we were pups, and I accidentally ran headfirst into her. Never been more embarrassed, because she frightened me so much. Probably because all the adults thought so highly of her. Mew chuckled as she spoke of the incident, although that was one of the few things the femme could remember about her grandmother. She remembered when Ceres died, though, and how everyone, her mother included, had reacted. She had seemed like such an exalted being, and Mew was proud of her heritage and how her looks resembled her in some way, despite her limited knowledge of her grandmother. Haku, for example, did not have the Sadira looks. Mew and Cer did. Cer even had the eyes, though Mew had picked up some random color from way behind in the gene pool somewhere. Those green eyes now turned to look at Cer, and Mew thought about how random it was that they looked so alike though their places in the family tree were in rather odd places for them to do so, while waiting for a response.
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It is beautiful! And no worries on the rambling! I’m sorry I only have crap to post.
Cercelee was grateful to hear Mew’s words. Although the female felt more for Clouded Tears that Cer herself did, it was not the center of her life, as it seemed to have been for some others. Although Mew had known their grandmother in the flesh, she did not seem to hold her in as high esteem as some of their other relatives did. Mew did not revere the female as some sort of goddess, the matriarch of their family, a entity that still was felt as a tangible presence in their lives. Instead, she was just the female that had, to some, been a figure head, and one Mew had not gotten to know very well. Yet Mew’s words did not only comfort Cercelee because they reflected to some extent how Cer felt about the female, but they gave her an opening, one she took readily.
“Why though? Why did the adults think so highly of her? What had she done that was so great? Why do so many relatives of ours mention her to me when they see my fur? My eyes? Like it matters? I’m not her, I never will be, and I don’t even care to share my appearance with a ghost. Why can’t they forget her?” Cercelee felt a surge of relief at her words, for normally on the subject of Ceres Sadira, she held her tongue. Although she had spoken her dislike at hearing the comments about such striking similarities between her and her dead grandmother, never had she been so passionate. Never questioned so freely the entity that sometimes seemed to preside over the lives of so many of the living. Perhaps it was not even that, that made the other refuse to forget her, perhaps it was only that she had created such a legacy, her children had gone on to spawn their own children, and still the line was continuing. Perhaps now, with so many individuals in the Sadira family, it was never cease. Still, one day, there would be none alive who had known the female in the flesh, but would her name persist?
Shaking her head, Cercelee smiled sheepishly at the older female. Perhaps she had spoken too much, perhaps Mew would be offended in some manner, but that was not Mew’s way. She may disagree, but she probably wouldn’t hold Cercelee’s opinion against her. Still, although the relief at having said what lurked beneath the surface so long was divine to the alabaster female, she felt as if perhaps she had spoken too much, too forcibly, and she doubted that Mew would have clear cut answers for her anyway. Perhaps they were just not meant to know.
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Mew Sadira
Exams over!!! 
Word count: 621
Blue eyes met emerald ones as Cer's voice suddenly broke free and a flow of words came from the woman, suddenly revealing to Mew at least some of the reason behind her leader's silence. Mew did not quite understand fully, though. Was it bad to be compared to someone most people thought highly of? If they threw the same expectations in your face, perhaps. and Cer made it clear that their likeness in looks bothered her as well. Before she had time to think, however, the frustrated face with the blue eyes in front of her changed into a sheepish, awkward face, and Mew felt a smile creep up one of the corners of her mouth. It was not mockery or any of the sort, it was the kind of weird smile you throw at a friend when you realize they have realized that they just made a fool out of themselves. Cer had not made a fool out of herself, however, but obviously she felt as if she had.
Mew had never thought of how the two looking alike could be a bad thing, since the Tilia was so deeply proud of her heritage anyways. Colibri had told her once, when she was a child, before she had been left alone and Haku had gone to play with others, that in the north, far across the sea to northern Europe, her bloodline was alive, and they were royalty. She didn't know if it was true or one of those stories you tell your children, but it had put some pride into the little white bundle of fur that had eventually become Mew Sadira. She knew she was proud, overly so sometimes, but still a small thought of that possible blue blood line tickled her thoughts every now and then, and she'd feel her head rise a few notches. Being in he bloodline of Ceres Sadira didn't lessen the pride, but Mew did not really know why she was proud of that. Perhaps because when she had been young, Ceres had been that kind of adult figure who was infallible, a picture of justice, leadership and power. If Ceres had been all those things, Mew would not be surprised, although she knew that this child's image of her was quite possibly wrong on a lot of things. Some of this had gone into Mew's blood, though, and she guessed some of that stern attitude she had sometimes came from that image of her grandmother.
I don't know, Cer.. Maybe because she came here with nothing, and when she went there was all this family, and she had even risen to become the alpha female of the pack. Things like that inspire people, and I guess it's hard to let a presence of someone who touched so many just vanish... Looking from her own coat to the others', Mew knew she had been lucky to have a momma that was white as well. Otherwise, this coat of hers would surely have been different. It seemed gender-driven, though, since both her and Melisande were white, but Haku was nothing of the sort. Keep in mind that you are our alpha. It only gives them more associations, more things that resemble her, in you. But it could be a compliment, you know? She was a symbol of strength, and when they see her in you, you too gain some of that aura. Her head cocked to one side, face of comfort, Mew waited for her alpha to reply. It was a compliment, and she was a symbol of strength. Cercelee would be a symbol of strength no matter if she was related to Ceres Sadira or not. It was just the way things worked.
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Ceres had come with nothing? Perhaps, but she had only been a small puppy when she had found Clouded Tears, if the stories were correct. Most puppies had nothing, aside from a father, mother and siblings and Cercelee knew well enough that often those were taken from children. They had been taken from Cercelee herself. She had nothing, aside from Coli and Laruku when she had come to Clouded Tears, and she had had nothing at the start of Dahlia de Mai, except for the friendship of a certain female who swiftly abandoned her. Ceres supposedly rose up in the ranks, proving herself time and time again and taking charge when it was needed. The position of alpha had merely been handed to Cercelee. Their stories were not similar, and perhaps it was part of this that bothered her so greatly.
“I am not strong though Mew, whether she was or not. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I am a bumbling fool of a Rosea, and to be honest, I never asked to be one but Colibri left it to me, so what can I do? I love the pack, I love my role, but I fear I will never fill it to it’s fullest potential. I will never be a Ceres, and I don’t want anyone to expect me to be.” Perhaps that was part of it, but Cercelee knew the resentment had started long before she had ever helped to created Dahlia de Mai. It ran too deep to be embarrassment over Cer’s own shortcomings in light of the flawless ghost. “So many others expect me to care, expect me to mourn her, to revere her maybe. And I don’t. I never can, because I never knew her, and I never will know her. My father made sure of that. Did you know he never even told me about my family and Clouded Tears until the day he left me there?”
It had been a secret. Another world that Cercelee had to find a place for herself in. Adrastos had cast her out of the life she had known before and into one that was dominated by relatives she had never known, and in a way she blamed his mother for this. If Ceres Sadira had never spawned such a family clan, she wouldn’t have been thrust back into a world she did not know.
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More rambling.. :/
Word count: 559
The frustration painted on the younger femme's face seemed overwhelming to Mew. Rarely did the Tilia care this deeply what others might think of her. But this was different than a reputation, and she could see the point. It was hard when everyone around you expected you to rise up and shine like you were some exalted being, simply because you looked like her. At the mention of her mother's name, Mew looked to the ground for a second. It was the way she worked, Colibri. It wasn't a lack of affection that caused her to do these things; it was partly in her nature, and secretly Mew also believed that any responsibility hung heavily on her shoulders. Some things one just aren't that good at handling, and responsibility of any kind seemed to be Colibri's issue. Colibri will never stay anywhere. Not even Clouded Tears held her for that long, and she did have a certain amount of affection for that place... The green eyes rose again to meet the blue orbs of her cousin, knowing how it stung to be left alone with anything. ..but you know, one can be strong without feeling strong. Just think about it, if you weren't strong enough to lead us, wouldn't your position have been overthrown already? She left everything to you, but you managed and are still our leader. That's a sign of strength if you ask me. The face of the white femme was sincere, as she was inside as well. Not often did she leave herself open to anyone, but Cer wasn't just anyone either. She was a trustworthy person in her eyes, partly because of the rank she held, and partly because she was Mew's friend. Most importantly the last.
It was a compliment, and Mew hoped the rosea would take it. But whether she was strong was one thing, and the expectations were another. Expectations would not go away with a snap of fingers, some did not disappear until the person that held them died. But Cer always had a choice, of course. They revered Ceres, and if Cer wished to rid herself of the strong associations, she could always go wrong. If she behaved badly, they would no longer want to associate her with the dead grandmother they shared, and Cer would be rid of some of that expectation. But it was not in her nature to do so. Another thing, perhaps, that was similar to Ceres. Good intentions and so on. Her words shocked Mew slightly, and before she could think any more, she burst out - eyes slightly widened and mouth open for a second before a sentence came out of it. I had no idea.. Why would he have done so? Perhaps his relationship with his mother had been that strained. Mew had no idea. She knew who her father was, although she had no idea about Cer's background other than that. She could place her on the family map, and she knew her personality as she was right now, but she had no idea where her rosea came from. Curious, she could not resist asking, although she was aware of how it might be seen as prying. Mew hardly ever did such things, but this was her friend, and she wished to learn things about her. Why.. did he do that?
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Cercelee absorbed the words of her friend, navy eyes regarded the female. Of course she had some amount of strength in character, she did not fall under the burdens of leadership but rather enjoyed most all of it. Aside from the Inferni war, being the head of Dahlia de Mai had once seemed a burden to her. Yet physically, while not overly weak, she was not gifted in strength. Like so many other females of the Sadira line, Cer was built for speed, small stature and lithe frame. It wasn’t brute force that kept her in the position of Rosea, but rather the support of Mew, Slay and the others in the pack. If Haku ever got it in his head to overthrow her he would easily over power her, but then he’d have to answer questions to the rest of the members. It was perhaps this that helped in having Haku comply with requests of Cer’s that he did not always agree with.
The debate about leadership and strength melted away, and Cercelee was happy to let it, even if it meant answering questions about her past. It had been painful once, but Cercelee did not hold onto those feelings. It was not hard to recall the events, because she simply did not bother to think about how it made her feel. The words were just a story, they did not affect her now. “Why did he leave me there or why hadn’t he told me about them? Although the answers to both questions is the same. I know it’s because I look like them.” That too might have played a part in why she hated the comparisons, but she pushed it from her mind. She no longer cared why her father had done what he did. “As a child I knew I looked exactly like my mother, when I came to Clouded Tears I learned that I look exactly like Ceres. My father had chosen a mate that looked like his mother, and that is probably why he never told me about her. Looking at me was painful for him to recall those memories, or perhaps he just didn’t want to immerse me in the curse that seemed to follow his family and keep them from happiness. Either way, I only knew my parents and brothers as family, no one else existed on our world.”
And how easily a world could come crashing down. “After my mother’s death, the sight of me was even more difficult for me father to bear I suppose, so he left me, a rather hysterical parting if I remember correctly, with Laruku. It was from Laruku I learned everything about the Sadiras.” Cer shrugged and smiled helplessly at Mew. Had Mew been raised immersed in the culture of the Sadiras? Had she grown up knowing the name of her aunts, uncles, cousins? The history of why they were the way they were? Cercelee hadn’t really an idea how her cousins had been raised compared to herself, but she would ask in time. She’d let Mew take control of this conversation, it was about time they both learn about each other.
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I can't find any inspiration :/ crappy post,but about time...
Word count: 541
While it was strange that her father had chosen a mate that looked like his mother, it also made great sense if he had loved her dearly. Somehow, Mew could often see things that were the same between parent and child's mate, but no one would ever admit it. And some did not even know, as they did not know their second parent, perhaps, or even just one of them. Mew did not know her father, and had grown up alone. But perhaps the qualities she sought in a mate would be qualities that were prominent in her father? She wouldn't know. She knew her family's names and faces, but knew only very few well enough to be able to say that she knew them. Haku and Cer were among them. And her mother. Once she had thought she knew Melisande, but Melis had proved to take after her mother, and disappeared. Different parts of the parents shone stronger in different children. And Cer's appearance, it seemed, overshone the rest of her in her father's eyes. And in her own, as an effect. Obviously, all of this had not been easy on her litter and parents either.
Her leader voiced the nae of someone she did not wish to hear about, and she let it pass without comment. Laruku was something rather odd on their family reputation. While there were those who revered him like they had revered Ceres, he was really nothing but a lost kid who Colibri had so stupidly given in to, and taken care of. And thus he was Mew's "adoptive" brother in some sort. apparently there had been memory losses along the line and Mew didn't know the full story anymore, but it didn't change the fact that it was wrong. She was glad she had not known him when he was present in Clouded Tears - otherwise her childhood might have been tainted. It was good for everyone that the influence from him on the Sadira family was (hopefully) dying out.
So.. it was because it was too painful for him? Or simply an embarrassment? Or did he somehow hold a grudge against us? Us. It would be us. Despite not knowing her family, she was gladly a part of it and would correct anyone should they not put her under the Sadira umbrella. It was where she belonged, despite the weird members in the club. All of this drama and Mew had never known, had grown up on her own completely unaware of the social structure and movements around her. They had been shifts that did not mean anything to her as she ran about chasing butterflies in a quite dull and solitary existance. And when she had finally reached the point where she could care, she had tossed everything behind and left. Now she was here, all of her knowledge still intact, but all of the details blurred. And Cer was just one of those people who had had their details created in Mew's absence. I don't know any of us either, you know. I know faces and names and family trees, but I only really know Colibri, you and Haku. Everything else was too big for me when I was a kid.
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Cercelee paused and considered all the options Mew had given Cer. Too painful, an embarrassment, a grudge? The truth eluded her, she knew that her presence was too painful for her father, but what he had held against the Sadira clan in the first place Cercelee did not know. Why they had been kept a secret, why he had left them in the first place, it was all a mystery to her. Cercelee could only hypothesize, one would have to ask Adrastos themselves to know for sure, and as it was Cercelee wasn’t sure he even lived any longer. “I don’t think he held a grudge against anyone, but I’m not sure he had any strong feelings for the clan either.” His father had been close to him, she had learned that later, and his mother, and with both dead perhaps Adrastos had no reason to stick to the old lands, the old customs, the old family.
Four legs padded along in silence, Cer digesting the conversation between herself and Mew. Would Cercelee have stayed in Clouded Tears had it not burnt to the ground? It was hard to say, she was so happy now with Dahlia de Mai it was hard to imagine her life as otherwise, as if she had been fated to the new pack. “I think that perhaps there is a difference between choosing to be part of something or being thrown into it. I was thrown into a world that wasn’t what I was use to, maybe that’s why I still can’t fully accept it. Had I been born there, it might have been different. Maybe Adrastos felt thrown in too.” Cercelee remembered that feeling, not being able to breathe, suffocating. Perhaps her father had been drowning in his own family’s blood.
“I’ve chosen Dahlia, and I hope everyone who resides there has too. I don’t want anyone in our pack to feel as if they’ve been thrown in. I don’t want to force family or friendship on anyone.”
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Word count: 412
Nodding to the words that were uttered by the other white femme, Mew's gaze was running along the ground in front of them as she thought. Somehow the story reminded her somewhat of Colibri, although Mew had never learned the truth behind why her mother had been so to and fro, leaving and coming back, abandoning them when they were children. But Colibri had issues with responsibility, or at least so it seemed to Mew, and it could explain quite a bit. But at the time, Mew had understood nothing, known nothing, just thrown into a world where things were strange and she did not wish to be. Her own reaction hadn't gained her much of anything, shutting herself in to prevent anyone from ever abandoning her ever again. If she loved no-one, no-one could abandon her, right? It had worked for some time, anyways, and her life had just been play and the hunt for food as a child too young to be charged with the full weight of such a task. The natural beauty of Clouded Tears had been her life, until the road became so. And now she was back and for once it seemed she could turn to others. A twist of fate, perhaps, but speaking to her mother had put so many things straight in her head. It had closed that chapter, so Mew could start another. Perhaps Cer did not feel as if she could do that yet. Getting thrown into something that's already set and feels too big for you is a horrible feeling. All of my family members became as strangers to me when Colibri left my litter to deal with ourselves, and I hadn't even begun to get to know them. I never properly knew any of us until now. Pausing a moment Mew wondered if Cercelee even knew this part of her history, or Colibri's history for that matter. It could probably help clear up why the old femme had left them to themselves in Dahlia again. She was just like that. I chose to come back though, and though things did not work out the way I had hoped they would, it feels much better to be surrounded by my family now compared to then. Probably because, like you say, I chose it instead of the choice already being made for me. And it doesn't look as if anyone feels thrown in. So far everyone has come along as they wish.
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