butterflies and hurricanes.
#1
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Jefferson and Laruku speak for the last time.
Sunflower Sunsets, November 20. wc501


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Peaceful.


It was peaceful there. As he stood overlooking the long pasture of drooping flowers, he found peace. They must have been beautiful once, in the spring and summertime, when their thick stalks could support their heads to stare so brilliantly up at the sky, welcoming the birds that glided past overhead... They must have danced in the winds, must have bumped into each other sometimes, but now... now they were wilting sunflowers, heads hung over and leaning towards the earth. Many had already fallen over, and only a few veterans still stood their ground, though their blossoms were bleaching of color and stalks had become sickly and thin from the many frosts and the slowly declining temperature. The breeze had picked up that day, chilled from the lack of sun in its hiding place behind the clouds, and a light drizzle had passed shortly before. His coat, now thick from the changing seasons for the first time in years (emaciation made for a sickly coat and little warmth come winter), felt the wind's brushing and he inhaled deeply. A peacefulness could possess his heart there, in those wilting, dying fields.


He found no reason to step any further where the dying sunflowers laid; the birds were long gone, they no longer fed there this season. Winter was coming, he knew. It would be a good winter, he had decided, considering that he had made some noticeable improvement since he'd first limped his way onto Phoenix Valley lands months back. His ribs were hidden for once in his life, he was a mentor, he had underlings... Much had happened, and yet nothing at all. Jefferson was still the Jefferson he was when he was a loner, but with more... "outstanding" qualities, he decided. His anger had flared up once, maybe twice in the past few months--rather new, considering he spent many of his former days fighting and snarling to stay alive. He knew how much he had changed from his time as this "Maluki", this shrouded character he still did not know or understand, but who would know? He doubted he would be recognized anymore, with the scars his flesh bore and the attitude carried. Maluki had been a "good guy", according to Iskata. Jefferson was nowhere near such a status any longer. All he knew of Maluki was his parents, his homeland, and that he wasn't the cruel creature he was now. What of the memories he'd once managed? His own childhood?


The brute shook his head and lowered himself down onto his stomach, crossing forepaws and placing his head atop quietly. Why did the area stir such thought, anyway? It was wilting and dying, just as his memories had done. Just as Clouded Tears had. Just as, slowly and day by day, he was as well. For now, his single eye stared out silently at the wilting sunflowers from his little perch overlooking them, one of a few small boulders jutting from the ground at a small distance. It was... peaceful.

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#2
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Sorry again for the lateness of this. If this could be dated the 20th of November, that'd be great. ♥


He had decided to walk today. He had decided to walk north and west and then further west over the rocky plains and towards the sea. He had walked around and past Inferni and he had walked further still. Perhaps he thought that if he walked far enough, he would just fall off a cliff. Perhaps he thought he could leave. Perhaps he wasn't thinking at all, and that was most likely the case. The field smelled like flowers. Yellow ones, large ones, wilting quietly in the occasional waves of chill and frost they'd been getting. Dying flowers always reminded him of the past, just like sunrises and sunsets, glowing insects in the night. But he could still smell the flowers. He had no way of knowing about those other things anymore.


He had walked until he caught the scent of his brother Maluki, someone who wasn't supposed to be there anymore. Again, it was like walking into a time shift. He had walked back two or three years. He had walked back to somewhere he used to like remembering -- somewhen? Somewhere and somewhen he used to dream about. His throat let out some half-kind of laugh, and then he turned around, pinned his ears back, and went back the way he'd come.


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#3
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wc352


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He'd long considered what had been spoken at their last meeting, Laruku and he. Jefferson was not the naturally curious type; no, not at all. The brute's tendency for apathy and indifference normally got the best of him, but when it came for that "former life" he couldn't remember anymore, well, it was expected of him to find some interest in it. He didn't know who Maluki was; he never met the fellow. He didn't know where his father was. The hybrid's mother was alive, somewhere, but staying clear of her youngest child. Jefferson wasn't in any rush to meet her, no, but it would have been appropriate. She must have been getting old.


How coincidental, that his thoughts had been musing over such subjects, when a smartass chuckle broke his train of distracted concentration, and his eye blinked itself back into actual consciousness and followed the sound. His gaze followed Laruku a second as he retreated. This creature, who had once supposedly been his adopted brother, who had supposedly grown up alongside Maluki, who had supposedly been all he had for a while. His supposed cousin, after it all. It seemed as if Jefferson had been left behind in time; the world had gone on without him, and still refused to turn and look back. Laruku hadn't wanted to turn back to those memories; Iskata the same. Haku had laughed. They weren't waiting for him anymore. Even when he was back, they weren't waiting. They'd moved on... and so had he.


"I talked to Iskata," he called to the wind, though his gaze had wandered again to the field. He pushed himself up, taking the time to feel the cool breeze stir at his mane and nip at his pre-nipped and torn ears. It would be a cold winter that year. He wasn't sure why, but a sudden inspiration struck him, and words rose from his throat that even he hadn't expected: "You're not alone anymore." The brute closed his jaw immediately, trying to reconsider the inspiration behind such a statement. There was no explanation. His eye simply thinned and stared away.

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#4
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Everything he stopped to think about how he should just keep walking, he ended up stopping. Maybe he was just tired. His legs were stiff from walking and the ground was cold and frozen. There was no incentive to keep pushing himself beyond avoidance of this pending conversation. That should have been more than enough reason, but for someone so consumed by nihilism and profound apathy now, it wasn't. It didn't matter if he stopped to talk, and it didn't matter how much he inadvertently ended up remembering as a result. It wasn't like those memories had ever really left, and it wasn't like he didn't still dream every night about things he didn't want and didn't want to care about anymore. If everything was ultimately absurd, then it was absurd to try and run from it.


The tattered hybrid paused to turn again, and he could imagine Maluki there, older now, with one eye, and some odd collection of scars he could only pretend to see. But he could see the distance between them, the months and the years, and the memories that had been torn apart by that distance and time. The truth was that they did not share a single drop of blood. Acid had been from Ceres's first litter. Laruku's only string of a connection to the Sadira clan was that the white wolfess's mate and the father of her second litter had been Daituki, his uncle. Her first litter shared no blood with him, so the children of that first litter could share no blood with him. Step-cousins, perhaps. A relation of belated marriages and politeness and tradition more than anything concrete.


I want to be alone, he said quietly, breath turning into ice in the air. He had been born a cactus. His first deed in life had been killing his mother. He had hurt everyone that had ever grown close to him, and they had hurt him. Cactuses belonged in the desert. Alone.


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#5
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wc280


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"No," Jefferson argued, now forcing himself to his feet. Jefferson and Laruku were different by miles, that was to be expected from the distance they'd spent apart from whenever Maluki had originally gone missing, but the two bore eerie similarities and secrets the outside world didn't care to know about. The truth was, the two didn't seem to care about their similarities much either, but for some reason, letting it go was beyond the scarred-up cyclops. He took a few determined steps forward. "I spoke with her--Iskata. She told me everything she knew." A pause. "If you grew up in my family, then you were never alone in the first place. There's damn too many with this blood to end up alone."


He sighed, head and gaze dropping as they wandered off toward the field again. The frost was slowly falling, and winter was clearly on its way. Their breaths were nothing more than sound and clouds to the air. "Two of my half-siblings live in Dahlia de Mai, Haku and Mew. I'm sure you know them." From what he had gathered from Iskata, Laruku was a universal type of person. At some point or another, he had stumbled across everyone--even if he hadn't wanted to. After all, that's what happened with he and Jefferson. "My father's still gone, and Haku scared Colibri away. My brothers are dead and my sisters are missing... that's something that hasn't changed since before Maluki took off." He wasn't sure why he was pointing it all out. Laruku didn't want to hear it, he knew. Laruku was already aware of where 'their' family had gone--or, better yet, he probably didn't care. Jefferson's scowl lengthened.

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#6
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I want to be alone, he repeated stiffly, not really sure what the other was trying to prove with what he said. Laruku wouldn't really count the few months he spent in Clouded Tears as a child as substantial time to "grow up." Maybe if Acid hadn't taken him away, maybe if he hadn't been abandoned in the mountains, and maybe if Teimines hadn't also left him, he would have turned out different. Maybe he would have been closer to Maluki and maybe he would have never hated Colibri. Maybe he wouldn't have carried a chip on his shoulder for much of his first two years of life, and maybe he wouldn't be where he was now. Maluki's blood was not his blood, and even the place their families intersected didn't feel real enough. Laruku's closest blood relations came from the children his uncle had sired, but he had never met his uncle, so maybe it didn't really count after all. Maybe things would have been different if he hadn't been the only one to survive.


But none of that mattered now. He didn't long for the family anymore. He no longer had a grave to visit, and he no longer had a position to try and fill. You were jealous of them, the hybrid noted, Of Colibri's second litter. Maybe that's why you left. But the timeline was hard to keep track of there. Colibri had also disappeared after Ceres's death, so maybe she had been the one to leave first? Lisichka had also left, gone off to cheat with Konane. Perhaps Maluki hadn't liked being the one left to take care of the siblings he never wanted. Laruku couldn't remember. He had had his own troubles at the time. All he knew was that no one had bothered to say goodbye. They never did.


Are you still trying to remember who Maluki was? Or is Jefferson good enough?


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#7
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wc346


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He'd wanted to be alone once. For a long time, really--he'd been a loner for a few years, at least as far as he knew. Jefferson didn't know how long he was Maluki after he'd run off from Clouded Tears, nor what nonsense he'd gotten into or who he'd met. Memories like that weren't even a blur, just a gap or a hidden under a sheet of black. It had all been completely cut out of his mind; there were no sudden flashbacks, no sudden revelations, no sudden influx of all kinds of unknown memories. As a loner, he had only thought about it from time to time. He'd lived only for himself then, making his way from place to place and seeing nothing more to life than that alone. Surviving was an everyday task when starvation and creatures from the past he couldn't remember came seeking him out for a clouded revenge that never came; they would attack him, and he'd black out and awake later to something much more gruesome than before. He'd never been able to explain that... he'd never thought much about it.


But ever since he'd ended up in terms of a pack, such events hadn't occurred, but neither had any particular fights. The closest he had come to attacking someone was when Lucifer discreetly pissed him off, but nothing more than some caustic words and bared fangs resulted from that. He'd learned his place in the world, little by little. Perhaps that hadn't been the case with this Maluki and whatever problems he'd faced, with his mother's second litter and some bit. To be precise, Jefferson hardly cared of what Maluki had felt since such feelings he did not harbor any longer. He could use that reasoning for escape as an excuse, for now, until something more precise could be figured out for later. "In the sense that he's dead, I'm remembering him," he replied sternly, for a moment feeling the wind brush at his thick-maned pelt. "I don't change who I am for anybody." Not even for himself, apparently.

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#8
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There was laughter in his head, and he habitually ignored it. After a series of abandonment, Laruku had figured it would be easier to just be alone, always. At some point, of course, he had realized that what he had really wanted was the opposite, but by then it was too late. By then, loneliness was the really the safest bet, at least for the others that may be involved. By then, the laughter had begun, and it hadn't gone away since. Loneliness was the way it needed to be, and he embraced it now because it was the only thing he had left to do. Besides break down, but he'd been there too. It didn't help. It didn't change anything.


Good for you, the blind man said plainly. Maybe it was sarcasm. Maybe not. He couldn't tell himself. Why bother with me then? Or with any of the questions? Even if you do remember, it doesn't matter now. You've said it yourself. The lanky hybrid turned away again, clearly ready to escape the conversation if he could. The past was only as important as you made it out to be. Memories were only poignant if you allowed them to remain vivid, if you thought about them constantly. It's how he had set himself up for failure. Laruku hadn't thought about Maluki in a long time. It was why he preferred he stay in the past now. If Jefferson wanted to remain Jefferson and not Maluki, then they should have no reason to pursue the topic further.


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#9
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He had to stop and consider Laruku's query a moment, although several answers popped into his head immediately. They'd been family once. They'd both lived lives somehow similar to one another. They'd both separated, lived alone, collected scars and enemies and altogether lived shitty lives on their own, when they might have been happy once when they were together. Jefferson couldn't exactly say that for sure, of course, as he couldn't remember a thing, but a small inkling told him things had been different once. Something told him that Laruku was the one running away, refusing to let the world in anymore because he could no longer see it. Jefferson had been similar not too long ago... and hadn't shifted far from it over time. "Good for you," he'd said. The one-eyed brute frowned and lowered his head disapprovingly.


"I'm bothering 'cause I don't have much left," he replied, tone calm but grim. He didn't know why, either, other than that something inside of him was refusing to let go. "You know more about me more than anyone else," Jefferson muttered, though he somehow felt it would be argued or denied by the blind creature nearby. He inhaled deeply and hastily released the breath, green eye meandering once more. "I'm not concerned about learning everything there is about Maluki. Just seems like maybe you'd want to learn about who he is now, instead of wallowing in your own filth of a misery for being alone all the time." He scowled. "You say you don't want to change being alone, but you were happy when you weren't."


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#10
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He laughed then, a softer, more bitter echo of the hyena cackling between his ears. There was a madness in his empty eyes that he didn't seek to hide anymore, and he turned back to Jefferson with some deranged, amused sort of look. I was worse off when I wasn't alone, he told the other, lips now curled into some half-grin. And so was everyone else. The demon was rioting in his head at the audacity the other hybrid had in telling him how he thought and felt when he had been gone so long, when it had been lifetimes since they had known anything about each other. Laruku didn't assume anything about Jefferson, and he was only half-lying when he asserted that he didn't care. Maluki was dead; they'd agreed on that. So why should Jefferson mean anything to him? And why should he mean anything to Jefferson? They were strangers. Perfect strangers with a coincidental past of absolutely no consequence.


Really, though. Things would have been worse if it really was Maluki speaking to him now.


You're bothering with a dead man's dead relatives, the blind man said. What do you want me to say to you?


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#11
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Jefferson's heart didn't quite sink, really. He was beginning to lose interest, to lose his spirit. This creature gave him nothing to work off of, always reflecting and showing no emotion. There was clearly nothing left to the pitiful, blind mutt. "I wanted you to give it a chance," he replied, the hybrid stepping up closer a moment but again stopping in his steps. Suddenly, he wanted to move no closer. Suddenly, the bond that seemed to have been unconsciously pulling at him had loosened and fell. Nothing was drawing him close anymore.


"I think I've finally figured out the difference between you and I," he observed idly, now seating himself again on the cold, hard ground. Laruku would take anything he said in stride, and yet the brute continued to speak, continued to share his observations. It was only a matter of time when he would either break through or be left again in the dust, and he was simply waiting to see which would come first. "You've lost all your hope. I still have need to keep living." It was a new emotion, of course. Years ago, he wouldn't have cared if he might die--it was just something that he couldn't avoid. Life went on.

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#12
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In another time, Laruku would have welcomed that faded, distant connection. He would have given it a chance. When exactly the change happened, he couldn't say, but he had lost faith a long time ago. He didn't believe that things mattered, especially not these little things that likely had never meant much to begin with. The ties that he and this false-brother had had been worn from the beginning. They had never told each other their secrets, and they had never stayed up to sunrise contemplating the facts of life. Mostly, the blind man didn't care anymore, and the part of him that still did care, that sliver of heart left perpetually aching, cared too much. That part of him cared to the point of letting go, because he knew any closeness foraged out of the emptiness now would only end in something far worse.


This was his good deed to the world, to shut himself away where he couldn't harm anyone else. This was the punishment he'd bring on himself because there was nothing else he could do. Maybe Jefferson or Maluki would never realize it; maybe it was better that way, but most likely, that didn't matter either way.


Then keep living. Don't wait up for me, he said, and maybe there was sadness this time. The half-grin was still there, but the conviction was gone, if it was ever there at all. Laruku turned back to the other once more, but it was a brief glance. Another second and he was faced again and moving away. If he could help it, they would never meet again. That was the way it had to be.


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