Iskata knew that she could no longer assist Deuce in leading the pack, she couldn't even see, she couldn't walk, all she was.. just a lump to be shuffled around from spot to spot. She'd lost interest in watching her last born growing, the child was crawling in and out of her bed all the time now. DaVinci had quietly taken up the mantle as the pack's pupsitter while his mother was recovering. His two children were often around, she could hear them and scent them yet hardly did they ever greet her or speak to her. She knew she must have been a sight to see.. and she didn't blame the small ones for keeping their distance but it broke her heart just the same. Phoenix Valley was suppose to be life reborn.. and yet she felt like the bird was dying once again.
She closed her useless orbs as she let the warmth of the fire flicker across her fur. DaVinci had taken Zana god knowns where in the pack that Noah had gifted her with so for once the woman was alone. She felt and probably looked just like a rug there before the fire. Her heart still beat but in her mind she was already gone. There was nothing left for her anymore as their Matriarch, she just had to convince Deuce the same.
Deuce was making her daily trip to see Iskata. The wounds were healing nicely, she supposed, though the patient's will to live sapped her of the energy to really recover. Deuce didn't really understand why Iskata was not putting more effort into it. She'd known blind wolves before. Her half-brother, edgar, had been blind. She'd known deaf wolves before. She'd known crippled wolves before. al had survived just fine. And yet, Iskata didn't want to go on, she supposed. It was strange to watch someone so vibrant lay there so dully. It hurt the shaman. She could heal the body, but the spirit was a different matter.
She knocked on the door, then entered anyways, not waiting for an answer. There laid iskata, in front of the fire. Right where she'd been when she'd left last night. Tal wasn't with her today. He'd gone off, wandering as usual. Deuce took a soft breath, then forced a smile to her face. Her voice sounded more cheery than she felt as she spoke to the Matrairch. "hello iskata! You look liek your feeling better today." This, of course, was a lie. Iskata looked no better than she had the night before. But Deuce wouldn't let that stop her. "I brought some elk with me. Lucifer brought it down a couple days ago. i made it into jerky." She crossed the room, settling next to her friend.
Iskata had sent Skylar away after Pepe had been accepted into the pack, it was the last member she'd ever accept into the pack and she knew it. She'd made her choice then and there when she realized how much she was forced to depend on Skylar to do anything, to get anywhere.. to know she herself was safe. How could she be what they expected her to be when she was putting them in danger. She no longer was worth her weight, there was nothing she could do and no use to them, why couldn't they just be truthful to her and say it outloud.
She raised her muzzle off her paws as the door to the cabin was open, the scent told her it was Deuce but she knew nothing more than that. She was greeted with the cheerful sound of the Shaman's voice, her friend and co-leader's voice as she crossed the room to check up on what was left of the salvage. Iskata turned her blood tinged eyes to the other as she said firmly. "Don't .." She knew she looked no better than she had before and she knew oneday that the scars would fade but her eyesight would never return and the shattered hindleg was useless. "How am I suppose to feel?" she asked bitterly as she turned back and worried at her nails. Gnawing and nipping at them because there was nothing better to do.
Pink streaks marred her cheeks, tears of frustration as she suddenly exploded. "Why can't you be honest with me, why treat me like I'm a child!" Those blood tinged tears that rolled down her cheeks sparkled in the firelight as Iskata howled sorrowfully. "I'm useless to you all.." If it had been for anything else the MAtriarch would have taken her wounds with dignity, but that was before having the respect of her pack and family, the normal patrol and feeding of the livestock.. that would have been before she found her place in this world. Now everything was enveloped in darkness and she was drowning on dry ground.
Deuce's heart broke as Iskata vented her frustrations. She reached out a hand, laying it on her shoulder, careful not to touch the healing stitches. "Iskata..." The pale woman was at a loss for words, really. how could she explain to her firend why everyone tried to act upbeat around her? She studied the woman queitly, aching for her once lively friend. Life was so unfair anymore, to do this to a woman so undeserving while the guilty roamed freely.
"We don't want you to hurt about this. I'm sure you'll be better in no time, my friend." Except she knew the woman wouldn't. Iskata had no will to go on, and the Shaman didn't know how to fix that. She could only repair felsh, her attemtps at repairing the spirit were useless, and sometimes resulted in more harm than good.
Iskata didn't turn towards the other when she said her name, she would have shied away if there had been space to, instead she felt the half healed muscles twitch under the pressure of the woman's hand. She closed those sightless eyes and turned her face towards the fire as the silence seemed to sit between them as Deuce tried to find her voice. There was a small little spark of gloating inside that seemed to make up for the pain of what she'd become to know that she'd stopped the woman in her tracks. Iskata was being selfish, she was being difficult and unreasonable about it all.. but Deuce had no clue what it felt like.. to go fro mbeing in the prime of her life with a world of happiness and delight.. to pitch black nothing.
Iskata finally flicked the woman's hand away as the words came, encouragement to make her believe that she would be back to normal, that she would be roaming the borders and greeting new packmembers and rejoicing in the company of old ones. Her voice was bitter as she shot questions of the obvious. "What's so grand about a world of darkness? What's it going to be like to never race with the pack again?" She finally turned back towards Deuce as she spat the bitterest one of all. "To never see your children grow.. to never see the faces of their own young.." She lowered her head down as she said in misery. "I'll get better.. and look forward to nothing."
"What's so grand about a world of darkness? What's it going to be like to never race with the pack again? To never see your children grow.. to never see the faces of their own young... "I'll get better.. and look forward to nothing." Deuce knew that iskata's eyes wouldn't heal, she'd tried to hide that fact from the woman. Obviously she didn't do such a great job. She sighed softly.
"You have your life, Iskata. You have your family and your firends around you. That is living, still. The bear didn't kill you and that's a blessing." COuld Deuce have continued on after the attack? Somehow she didn't really think so. "You are so strong, and I envy you that strength."
