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 claimed, set in the Trenches/Shiloh hills but close to the CD boarder...
Winter’s grip was tight and deep, the snow was heavy and the sun distance in a grey sky. It was the point in winter where there was no sign of life afterwards, like it would never end. Bitter winds grew her guard hairs upward, pushing deep toward her skin fighting to chill her to the bone. Turning away from the gust the thin female trudged through the drifts of white powder, leaving the wind to her back. It would be a long way home, but she was whiling to take the round about way to avoid the eye watering winds.
Clutching the dead hare to her chest, her thoughts wandered to the chase and kill. It had been a strenuous effort for a small reward, that she was sure wouldn’t last the journey home. Having set out to hunt for her family’s growling stomachs, Anu began to grow ashamed of the temptation that grew inside. The hare’s lean muscle would fuel her trip, but her determination was stronger.
Speed growing as the snow thinned under pine tree cover, she moved with relief. The ankle deep snow was much easer to move through then the deep drifts of the rolling plans that made the Trenches. It was a long trip to make for a measly hare, but it was better then nothing. Famine had not swept through Crimson Dreams but still in winters hold prey was scarce.
Past the noon hour the sun, shadowed by a thin sheen of cloud, was loosing its high seat. Falling fast, the older fey knew dark was creeping closely behind her. Close to the boarder she began to feel far more comfortable about being out in such wind and cold. Any snow the clouds held had yet to fall, but the scent was heavy in the air. Head down, her brow shielded her from the cutting air stream that had taken to her face again, but left her view restricted to her snow covered toes.
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The winds had picked up today, whipping her face and her winter coat. She blinked tears out of her lime green eyes and she tried to refocus on the path before her. Now that she had been in part of Crimson Dreams for a while, she was more familiar with the lands outside the borders. It was no longer rare for her to venture out of the safety of the borders. As her responsibilites grew, her need for information grew too. Thus, she set out for a new territory at least once every three days, marking it on her work-in-progress map before she returned home. She never liked to venture out late. It was especially hard for her to find her way back during the winter. The nose-deaf wolf relied mostly on sight as an aid to get her home. But these hills were very close to Crimson Dreams and she felt completely at ease as she traveled.
She had ventured out in search of prey today, putting exploration on the back burner. She had inventoried the food at Haven Mansion and had found the stores low. Winter would be the time when food was scarce, so she decided to go out hunting. The pack was supporting a brood of puppies. And come to think of it, there would probably be more around soon. She smiled slightly as she thought of Savina and Kansas, and Garnet and Jazper. Perhaps spring would mean more puppies. She secretly hoped so.
Geneva had been quite lucky when she had happened upon a particularly arthritic buck that had been separated from the elusive herd of deer. He had been slow and had fallen beneath her like a stack of cards. The kill had been quick. And although the buck wasn't particularly large, she was still very proud of herself. This had been the first deer she had brought down completely by herself.
Bringing her kill back to the Mansion proved to be an entirely different story in terms of ease. The small wolfess struggled under her load, finally settling on dragging it by the hind legs behind her as she headed back. She blinked as she made out a tan form in the distance that set her heart racing. As she drew nearer, she gazed upon the blue-eyed angel she had been avoiding for weeks. She went still, finally finding her voice. "Anu!" she called over the din of the wind.
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merow
She should have been watching, as well as keeping her ears open. But with the weather trying to pierce her heart, it was difficult not to close herself off from the outside. The other female had crept up on her, even if still many feet away. Still it was a surprise to find her standing in the distance, calling her name. It should have been relief that swept through her veins at the sight of Geneva, but there was sense of dread lingering as she saw the figure in the distance.
Hoping the wind skewed the look upon her face, Anu tried to hide the she had been avoiding the other female for days and days. The hare was clutched to her chest, hiding the heart that was so sullen since they had see each other on the top of the lighthouse. To embarrassed of her actions she stopped the scene from replaying in her mind, and decided that it was best to let the incident pass. Taking to her feet again she marched through the snow to meet her.
Cobalt eyes found that Geneva scored a much better prize then she had on the wintry day. The dead buck lay sinking in the snow as the gray fey stood before her. The sight of it cracked a smile on her face, and the feeling of comfort that was so ordinary to feel around Geneva returned. It was nice, making her heart lighten. Feeling foolish about the fact that she had only caught a hare, while her friend had scored a buck shadowed the foolish feeling she had from the night before.
She rose the hare as she spoke, I’m so glad you found me, I needed help bringing my catch back. Smiling Anu hoped that Geneva had forgiven her for pushing her away. Looks like you got lucky! Her words were light, but had to be spoken over the wind.
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When the blue eyed wolfess smiled at her, Geneva felt as though she could breathe again. And she did, taking in a big breath of air through her nose. The cold air stung her lungs, but it was better than the tightness around her chest. She had approached this situation with trepidation. She had imagined seeing Anu again a million ways during her sleepless nights, when guilt and confusion fought a war in her brain for dominance. She had imagined Anu would ignore her, would scream at her, but she had never imagined the warmth of the welcome she received now. She couldn't hold in the sigh of relief she'd been desperately trying to hide.
Her lips turned upward in a small, sincere smile that hid laughter behind it. She looked at Anu's hare critically, her eyes moving around it as she made a show of studying it. "I have no idea how you carried it this far without me," she said gravely, but her smile and the light dancing in her lime green eyes betrayed her humor. She was shocked to find that this was easy, much easier than she ever could have dreamed. Geneva had thought she would stutter or say the wrong thing, but talking to Anu was as easy as breathing. Like the first time they had talked in the valley. She felt her heart swell.
She glanced down at her buck, but she could no longer summon up the earlier pride she had in her kill. She was too filled with relief to find that although things had changed with her friend - how couldn't they after the night at the lighthouse? - that things were not damaged beyond repair. The foundation was still there, a budding friendship ready to burst into bloom if they were willing to try. She looked up into those cobalt eyes warmly. Geneva was certainly willing to try.
"I did get lucky, quite lucky," she said. And in more ways than one. She smiled ruefully, dragging the buck by its hindlegs. "Would you mind...?" she trailed off, her words carried on the wind.
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i keep missing you online... sign on sooon!!
Anu felt certain energy when she stood beside certain wolves. Sometimes there was nothing, just ordinary calm air. But other times there was a strained feeling, like the air and space between them was tight and drawing them together. Then there was the buzzing, the electric friction that settled deep in her bones and left her with a numb radiation throughout her body. In all her years she had yet to decode it all, only learn to ignore it. Maybe that was why she had been distracted the last time they met.
It was easy to read the relief that Geneva felt, it was so prominent that it changed the air around them. Though even with the smiles they shared and the soft tones found in their voices, Anu couldn’t forget. It made her mind jumbled, making her fumble for the words that would keep them feeling at ease.
Her words made Anu smile even more, and she almost tossed the hare to the ground to help Geneva. Instead she bent to hook its open carcass to one of the bucks antlers. A smirk crossed her face at the arrangement before giving the tall grey fey an exaggerated nod, Of course. She wrapped two paws around the deer’s two front hooves and began pulling.
The wind fell to their backs, as they worked together to get the buck back to the mansion. Passing the comforting sense of the boarders Anu grew more and more relaxed. But with the relaxation, her words were more easy to come. I hope we don’t find any liquor on the way... Her humor was dry, and as the words passed through the air she wished she could have gathered then back and shove them down her throat.
Wishing them back would do her no good, what was said was said. It wasn’t like her to be cynical, but under the circumstances it seemed like they both had out of character moments I mean… Her attempt was futile, her words were lost to the wind, and she couldn’t even look up at the other female. Pulling harder, she couldn't even make herself look to Geneva knowing the others face would be to much for her. She actually wished she had a bottle to drown herself in.
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...[html] 500+. Writing this at 3 in the morning, forcing every other word makes this post a disaster.
Geneva's eyes shot up to Anu's face when she alluded to the evening they had shared at the lighthouse. What she had said in passing had been a jest, and the gray wolfess knew that. She couldn't deny a small twinge at the mention, but it wasn't overwhelming. It didn't rob her of the sense of relief and happiness. In fact, it barely registered in the back of her head. What she felt was a sense of relief that their encounter was not something to forget, to sweep under the rug as a private shame. What had happened had been awkward, and could have ended badly, but it hadn't.
She felt dismayed when Anu turned her face away. Was she ashamed of that night? Geneva was ashamed of her actions that night, for saying things that were better left unsaid. However, the damage was proverbially done. Nothing had happened that night. Nothing except perhaps both of them had found a ghost of a possibility of something that could have existed between them. But that was all it had been. A ghost. And Geneva knew that. The fact of the matter was that something had happened at the lighthouse, and it had been neither positive nor negative. But something had happened, and Geneva couldn't let it fester like a wound. Especially when it brought a stricken look to her blue eyed friend. That was the very last thing she wanted to see in those usually smiling blue eyes.
She dropped the legs of the buck, striding forward to stand in front of the other wolfess. She hesitated for a moment, but then she reached out. She put her hands gently on Anu's shoulders. Gently, but firmly, as the other had done at the light house that night. She felt no shame in the touch, no strange little butterflies. This was her friend, and she'd do all she could to spare her this hurt.
"Anu," she said, softly but with a thread of steel in the velvet quiet of her voice. "Look at me. We can't act as thought that night didn't happen. It won't go away just because we want it to." She took a breath. "I need to be honest with you. I care very deeply for you, and it startles me. There is part of me...and I don't know how big a part...that I never knew was there before. But you need to know, with or without that part of me, the fact that I care about you will not change." She dropped her hands to her sides, curling her fingers slightly.
Geneva loved to listen, but she hated to talk. And at this moment there was something very vulnerable about her. She felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment, but pushed past her. Her silence was her self defense, but Anu had never attacked her. She held that knowledge close as she continued. "I know where your loyalties lie, but you need to know where mine fall. And my loyalty falls with you. As your friend." She looked into that beautiful face and smiled. "Regardless of if I ever wanted more, my priority is what's best for you. What's best for you is what makes you happy. I have no intention of jeopardizing that happiness."
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I loved it!
It had only been the slightest laps in loyalty, and still her heart couldn’t withstand the weight of its consequences. It was a sickening feeling, to be alone in her head with all the worries and guilt that had been plaguing her. How she could not just admit her insecurities, share them with the wolfess she loved? It was just one of the many questions that haunted her; it sat right next to why she wasn’t strong enough to forgive herself. Her weakness was only exaggerated and enhanced as she looked away. Still she wasn’t able to look at the grey coated fey in the eye, not when she knew Geneva was thinking what she was. Their thoughts would be synchronized, and Anu couldn't bear to think that her friend felt as horrible as she did.
The pressure she felt against her hands woke her form her state of self-pity; pulling the buck by herself was an impossible task. Her head shot upwards, eyes meeting her friends. The hands against her shoulders were firm, just enough to send her a certain message. She watched, mouth sealed as the words poured from the usually quiet fey. They were so much alike, normally silent and eager to listen. If it had been any other moment, Anu would have teased her for being so long winded. But it was what was necessary, it was what Anu wanted. She needed to hear the words, words that could have been repeated in her mind again and again, but meant nothing. Even if she wished to believe all the things that she had told herself, it became truth the moment they passed Geneva’s lips.
Anu obeyed, staring and unable to look away as the words drew her in. Her honesty would be legendary; the words full of more truth then Anu had felt in a long time. As she spoke Anu felt the sudden need to sit, remove the weight from her legs and regain her balance and with the removal of the paws against her shoulders the need was even greater. Still she stood. Holding her ground as Geneva’s kindness threatened to knock her over. She knew that they were true friends, wanting nothing more then the other’s happiness no matter the sacrifice. It was when one felt pain so did the other. They were the keepers of each others hearts, holding it secure even when they gave it away to another, ready to piece it back together the moment it cracked. She tried to smile, but it felt false. Refusing to mislead her Anu let her feature fall to what ever she truly felt, putting any mask she may have held away.
Silence surrounded them, soaking into her mind and blanketing any thoughts that threatened to stir. It coated to skin, hardening and making her stronger. The dizzy feeling had passed, and she stood without falter. Though she still had nothing to give her, nothing that would amount to what she had just received. When the silence became too much her body became stiff. It was a moment for honesty, I wish I had something, for you. Something more then just telling you how grateful I am. It sounded stupid, but the words were hard to come by.
Taking a few needed breaths Anu tried to continue. I never want to hurt you. Pausing her attempted to explain her feelins once again. I want you to be happy. her voice was laced with a tearful undertone, though her eyes were nothing but dry and hard. It was uncomfortable to be the center attention. What's her own happiness if Geneva couldn’t be happy?
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[html] I loved yours too.
There was an endless ring of gravity surrounding Anu that would always draw Geneva toward her. Geneva could hide things from others, but she knew she couldn't hide that from herself. Still, she found a singular force that could give her mastery over that powerful attraction. Love. It might seem strange to consider it - that she could love Anu but not act upon a desire to deepen their connection.
Geneva loved Anu, as a friend. As only a kindred soul could. But Geneva didn't understand that love as an all consuming emotion to drive her mad with desire for Anu's fidelity. No, for Geneva love was and would always be a choice. And that choice she made was to always, unconditionally put Anu first - her happiness, her safety - no matter what the cost was to herself.
She wouldn't utter those words despite the total truth in them. She would wrap her lips around the fatal four letter word. This fragile truce between them was important. Her silence didn't need to be her self defense, instead she conveyed those words in the gentle touch of her hand in Anu's, gripping the other wolfess' fingers strongly before returning to the buck. "Looks like the wind's about to get worse." [/html]
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Nothing? No the silence wasn’t just nothing. Between the two there wouldn’t ever be just nothing. Even without words Anu was still able to read her, as she was sure Geneva could her. Her words were lost to the wind, only after hanging in the gap between them for a moment, then gone.
Air and energy full of warmth and cold. It washed over her and connected her with the other fey. The mix of feelings would have been overwhelming, but as she felt the curl of Geneva’s fingers around hers she knew she wasn’t alone. Together they would find the meaning, and the true purpose they had for each other.
It was only after a deep breath that she was able to smile, so genuine that it curved her face without her mind taking part. Without thought she squeezed the fingers that wrapped themselves around her own. The brisk wind that had brought the words to her howled again, and she nodded.
There was nothing. Nothing that she could give Geneva? No. Nothing that she would accept, nothing that would ever match what she gave Anu. Unsure if she had given all she could, or if nothing was all she had to offer, Anu accepted the message that lay beneath the green eyes wolf’s words.
It would get worst, even if they hoped for the better. It didn’t matter how much they wished for spring, for the blossom the bounty and the warmth of summer. They would only have winter, and with it the wind that stung their skin, even with the thickest of coats. It would touch them always, burry deep within their bones and linger until they were numb. Eve with feeling lost, a residual pain would stay in their brain would remind them how cold it truly was and how never ending it had become.
We better get home. To remind them of the things that they lived for, to remind them that they were not the only souls in the cold and frigid world and to show them that they didn’t just have each other. Anu followed, her mind disconnected to her body, and arms reached to the buck’s legs. It was easy to move it, the wind to their back, with the other wolfess to follow and the high-pitched wind she was left with only her thoughts.
As she retreated inward, there was nothing.
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[html] Geneva followed behind Anu, trailing as the other wolfess led the way home. She was reminded of the things they shared, the things they had in common besides this connection. Their adoration for the puppies, their pride in the mansion and its surrounding land, their admiration and allegiance to Naniko. These were all things to build upon, things to stabilize their uncertain relationship, to balance out the more intense parts.
But as they reached home, the winds dying down now, Anu maintained her silence. Geneva did not mind quiet, but there was something amiss about this one. Anu," she said softly. "This is difficult..." she paused. "But we can make this work. We will."
And they would. Geneva wanted nothing more than for life to go on for her friend and for herself. Between them there was only a handful of moments, although their connection spoke of a greater length. There would be other moments, she was sure, that would pass between them with the same breathless quality. But breathing would continue, life would continue. And hopefully, so would their friendship. [/html]
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The buck was growing heavier and heavier as they walked. As she towed that dead deer it began to felt more like all the emotions that she didn’t understand being dragged behind her then an elderly buck. Instead of a dead body, it was the guilt, love, hate and fear woven tightly together in the form of a heavy burden. Each entwined so intricately that she really couldn’t tell one from the other.
Her name came through the air. Blue eyes look back at the green pair her friend owned. Her first thought was of the burden that they carried. Of course, she wasn’t the only one holding onto all the emotions and after all their words it was obvious she wasn’t the only one confused by their meaning. It was certainly difficult, but as she thought more it wasn’t the buck they carried, or what it symbolized to Anu that was difficult. It was them being together that was the challenge.
Even if she wasn’t speaking about what Anu had previously thought, she still wasn’t alone. She smiled, letting the nothing fill with everything that Geneva so generously gave. How could she be nothing? While her kindred soul stood beside her she was anything but. Together I think we can. Smile, she thought. They couldn’t be like this, unhappy when with each other.
Her paws still gripped the buck’s legs, instead of reaching for the other’s paw as she wanted to. They needed to get home, before the snow that hung in the clouds above them started to flurry. The calming wind might allow it to fall, and it wouldn’t be smart if they got caught in a storm. Alone and lost in a whiteout, with no one but each other wouldn’t be the easiest thing for them. Still her pace slowed, almost coming to another halt.
I… Her throat was dry, and the words forced and hushed. wont stop trying. Her smile had faded, but there was still a small remnant of it across her face. Thinking back on the words Anu wasn’t sure what she truly meant by them.
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Geneva hoisted the buck, picking up the slack as Anu's grip on it seemed to falter. Although she was small for her size, she had developed much more strength than she had ever had in her diminutive form. The winter she had spent in Crimson Dreams had strengthened her in more ways than one. Just months before, the silence in this situation would have made her falter, crumble, fall. But now she reached into reserves of strength she had never known had existed inside of her.
How she wanted to reach out and somehow share that strength with Anu now. It would be so easy for her to falter in her strength, to ignore its necessity and realize the truth of everything that could be between them. But she had faith in herself now, that had grown since that first night at the lighthouse. She had resources she had barely begun to tap. She had herself - and in the end, that would be all she needed. Because such a large part of herself now was made up of her love for the woman before her.
It didn't make sense to feel this intensely, but she did. And she tasted the flavor of truth on the back of her tongue whenever her thoughts turned to the blue-eyed woman. After meeting Anu, she felt as though she had regained a large part of herself. It was true that on some level Anu filled the void that Jordan's death had left, but the woman represented so much more to Geneva. She had brought her a piece of herself she had never known existed. And although she didn't know how that new part of herself would fit into her life, she was grateful to know it existed at all.
Crimson Dreams was close now, although the scent of their home didn't close over her, envelop her in comfort the way it would another wolf. Instead, Geneva relied on sight. Still, the familiar surroundings lent her a feeling of such comfort, and she hoped that it would set Anu more at ease. On an impulse, she dropped the legs of the buck she had been carrying and moved to stand beside Anu. After a second's hesitance, she put an arm around her friend to comfort her. She had thought that reaching out to touch her might complicate matters - but she realized things would be complicated between them no matter what. With the boundary firmly set within her mind, things were safe between them.
"Home," she said softly. And that word was half-fact, half promise. Things would be okay between them, they were safe within each other's presence. And Geneva would be content, with whatever part of herself Anu decided to share. That would be enough.
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