Nothing seemed right anymore, atleast, not by her. She couldn't exactly abandon her whole family to search for the ones that had disappeared out from under their noses, but she couldn't just sit at home anymore. It wasn't like she knew what to do with herself anyways. Spending time with the children just brought back memories of the ones that had faded away, spending time with her mate just reminded her of the guilt she alone played in their disappearance. There were a million other things that hung un the balance, but she dismissed them all one by one. She knew there was no real reason for what she did but she hadn't figured out who to pick herself back up this last time.
She had come across the lands of Clouded Tears to where her mother had been lain to rest. There were other gravesites there but there was nothing she really had to say to them. There really was nothing she had to say to her mother either... she just wished she didn't feel so alone. Was it really possible to feel so alone when one was surrounded by those that loved and cared for them. She wasn't sure of the answer, but she couldn't see their faces through the fog if they were there.
Head bowed she sat in the silence... it had been too long since she'd last visited.
[html] The male kept his head down, gruffly fighting the cold that threatened to chill him to the bone. he hated winter. He abhored winter. If there was a way to escape it, oh, he certainly would. but being home was a new gift, a different kind of gift, and he welcomed it with open arms. It was a daily habit to come and see his mother and aunt's gravestones, it either began his day or ended it. Today though, his focus was on the figure who no longer belonged in the lands, and who had thought it proper to waltz in without permission. A scowl, so uncharacteristic of the man he had grown to be, flashed across his features as he looked at the female. She did not smell of his home, and she did not smell of anything welcoming. Thoughts of Storm turned to thoughts of Risika, and he could not bare that loss anymore than he could bare the loss of Colibri.
"You are a ways from home." He stated dully, eyes of bright blue flashing against the pale of his fur. "Is it your custom to ignore a pack's borders, or is today special?" He was not strict about many things, but about pack policies, wolf policies he happened to be. The golden moon on his right flank was covered briefly by his swaying tale, an almost cat like motion exposing his truth; he knew this figure, and thought little of it. Like Aiji, Iskata had ran away from home long, long ago. In fact, he could hardly remember growing up with any of them, Adrastos in Storm, Laika his twin always gone.....Iskata running off with the apothecary, and Aiji just wandering away. He had very few happy memories from his childhood, and not from his earliest adult years either. It was not until Konane, and then Tybalt, that he knew happiness. How unfortunate. [/html]
She stayed poised with her head bowed as she heard the voice ring out across the lands. She almost felt like ignoring him, but then again she knew he was right in some small way. She knew this was not her pack's land anymore, but as well she'd never been denied acess to the lands except by her own doings. Flicking her ears back as she raised her head slightly she spoke softly without turning to her own sibling. "This will always be home..." The words were short and truthful. She may be a wolf of Storm now, but never had she called the lands home. Turning back slightly she caught sight of the other Sadira from the corner of her eye.
Turning back to the gravestone she growled slightly at the thought of how he was speaking to her anyways. "Are you really that coldhearted anyways Lisi..." She wasn't sure anymore, she'd heard many things had happened after she'd set out on her last quest before returning to Clouded Tears. The one about Lisi and Konane hadn't really bothered her. She'd never really cared much for his mate, but that had nothing to do with him, infact it was all because of their own personal past. She was annoyed though at hearing his voice now, in this moment when she wanted her few moments of silence and thought at their mother's grave. Turning her icy blue eyes to her brother she just stared, wanting so bad to spit the words in his face that were on the tip of her tongue.
[html] He almost smiled. Almost. He was in some ways coldhearted, but was one expected to open their arms again to those that had left them? He had not waltzed into the lands expecting Laruku and Melisande to openly welcome him, he had come crawling on his belly wishing for their forgiveness. He still expected their sorrow and anger, and if they came, he would understand and accept it. "Only when I feel it is due." He said quietly, tail still flicking behind him. "Why do you not live here, if it is still home to you?" Perhaps it was a bit forward of him, but as her brother he was seeking to fill in the gaps that had been left by his wandering.
"I came home, finally, with my mate and child. You have a nephew now, Tybalt Sadira. To my knowledge, the only nephew you have. I have not heard from Aiji, or Laika, or Adrastos in so, so long." It was an abrupt, perhaps unwanted explanation. He filled the gap of what he had done, and now expected her to do the very same. With a soft sigh and a glance away he tried to remember if she was even there when their mother had died. He could not place her face, but then again, that period of time was hazy and unpleasant. [/html]
At his words she did smile, it wasn't a heartfelt loving smile, just one filled with bitter memories of the past. Memories she'd tried to forget, but when the past still walked and talked it was a little hard to forget. Shaking her head she looked down at the dead grass at her paws and sighed softly. "Because my son lived here, and he wanted nothing to do with me..." It wasn't the full story, but then again she wasn't sure of she was ready to open up all her mistakes again. "I was respecting his space.. and atoning for my mistakes..." It was sick, her twisted piece of history upon returning to Clouded Tears, and yet when she'd been given the chance to return she wasn't able to. A family, a new mate.. a life in Storm was all she had now.
She nodded at his words, but what exactly was there to offer back. He hadn't heard from their siblings in so long and she'd only seen bits and pieces of them, or their offspring... "Adros brought his daughter here some time ago.. I don't know where she might be now though.. and I live in Storm now with my mate and our children.." She had to stop, there was no point in going on. Here were her faults and mistakes, her losses getting thrown in her face, examined and out on the slab over and over again. Lost, stolen or dead.. those she'd loved and she couldn't even cling onto what remained.
[html] Just when Cerlecee had come into the lands, so had his grandchild. Haku had already gone off and made his little legacy, and Lisichka wasn't sure he really understood that he was a grandfather now. It was hard to accept. "She's gone....so is Haku's kid. It's hard to accept I have at least one grandchild out there, since I never met her." Was it a her? He couldn't remember. "Congradulations..." He said softly, a thin smile forming on his face. His eyes, that telltale Sadira blue, were twinkling in a slightly pleasant way. "Konane Aolani is my mate, if you knew her. Ty's here, so is my older daughter Melisande..." It was a better explanation of what he had shared only moments before.
It was not his place. He firmly, fully believed it was not his place to say something, but he had to. He wanted to. It was his emotions and his instincts, even if she'd walked out on their family, even if they all had walked out on their family. "Things will come around, I hope. I cant say they will; I'm still at odds with my son and one of my daughters because when their mother left it ripped us apart. But I have to hope for both my family and for yours, things will come around." He said softly, and took a few cautious steps towards her. How he wanted to just bury his face into her ivory pelt, to just touch her in that same carefree manner they'd done as children. Never full nuzzles, mostly just bumps into each other like pinballs as they ran around and played. Suddenly, a grin crossed his features. "You remember that time half of us ran into the lake and got all muddy, then tried to scare Mom? I..I still dont know if she really was scared, or just playing along for us. Maybe it was the bath's she'd have to give us later that scared her more!" See. Deep down, there was some happiness to be found in his memories. He just had to seek them. [/html]
|
