Firefly sat on the porch of her cabin listening to the rain drumming on the roof overhead. She'd just returned from visiting the boys and though they did seem to wonder just who the strange male was that was watching over them now there were few protests and she knew that -her- children were fine. She sat calmly staring out at nothing as the rain washed the evidence of where she'd been and who she'd been off to see. She knew that what she was doing was wrong, she hadn't thought that the whole of the pack would have fallen so quickly in the fact of the plot but atleast she had wounded Haku in a way he hadn't seem coming. To actually see that he did care for the boys had almost been enough for her to turn tail and retreave the small Soul children but she hadn't give in, instead she'd removed herself entirely from the chocolate and cream male, finding herself back in the cabin that once had been her escape.
She turned her emerald orbs back towards the warmth that she knew waited inside and the blankets she could curl up in and forget all the intrigue that she'd built up in just a few short days. The golden copper woman knew that no words would ever be enough to explain why she'd done the deep but she would let him suffer and linger in his emotions for a while longer. Perhaps if he stewed long enough the male would realize just how he'd wronged their whole family with the selfish things he did. To bring such a rat and a whore into their very pack, to wave that little flag right under her nose and expect her to walk on by as though she were blind.
Pride was her sin and pride had taken hold that day after she'd battled the stranger on the edge of their lands. The snap in it all had been more than she could stand as she'd taken out her agression and frustration on the male. She'd wished it had been the strange woman's silvery white pelt on the edge of their lands and not some trespasser. Perhaps she would still be wrapped up around the two small forms of her boys and not hiding them away in the mists of another pack.. but she couldn't kill or even maim the bitch who claimed sanctuary under her very roof from the Acer's wrather.. and it was too late now to turn back time.
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The absence of Conor and Emwe was weighed heavily on Cercelee’s heart. Although Firefly seemed to blame Haku solely for the disappearance of her children, the Rosea viewed their abduction as her own personal failure. Had they been taken when she had called the pack meeting, distracting the entire pack? Cercelee had imagined neither Haku or Firefly would leave the children alone merely to answer their leader’s call, but if they had and she had summoned the rest of the pack, there was absolutely no one to watch the borders. The hunters and scouts of the pack could not track down the children, what then did this mean about their abilities as a whole? Unable to recover what was perhaps most precious to Dahlia de Mai at current?
Wandering alone, Cercelee knew she was not the only one who had a hard time comprehending the children’s disappearance. Alexey was searching high and low, and though Mew did not say a word to her personally, she knew that the newly made aunt was not untouched. Night after night Cercelee came home from searching, to be comforted by her mate, and all the while she knew Haku and Firefly were at odds. When one strain seemed to be lifted from the pack a new one took it’s place, Dahlia was beginning to tire out the two year old female.
Passing by Firefly’s cabin, on her way to her own home, she paused noting the female sitting on the porch. Perhaps the lady wished to be alone, yet it was Cercelee’s duty to make sure of her well being. If they never recovered the children she couldn’t lose Haku or Firefly over it. Could not allow two more missing, no matter the circumstances. Losing a child was hard, so hard that Cercelee knew of other who lost their entire will to life over it. Approaching slowly, Cercelee cleared her throat, not even bothering to come in out of the rain. Firefly?
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Firefly's mind was lost in her own bitter thoughts. She knew sooner than later she'd have to retreave her two boys and bring them home safely, but she doubted that the time that Haku had been seperated from them and the thought that he would lose his children hadn't been enough. For them to safely be returned was almost a reward for his bad behavior and she almost believed that the two should just be raised outside the pack. She knew though that she couldn't get away with her game forever and that she did indeed miss having the children here. Why hadn't she just taken the children back to her own home and pushed Haku out of their lives.
She knew the answer though she wouldn't say it outloud and it hurt. It hurt that she actually cared for the male that had done her wrong in so many ways so many times. She'd found comfort at his side and in his bed and after it all she'd fallen to this. She lowered her eyes to gaze down at the floor as she tried to blink away tears. She doubted that the chocolate male even knew what it was like to love, his world resolved around his needs and wants and trophies over time. She was just a dusty reward he'd picked up along the way that sat on a shelf filed away with lusty memories. She knew she was something more.. but he'd never see.
She shook her head, dashing away those hot tears as the voice of another cut through her personal war, "What?" she spat harshly before she'd even raised her face to see who was calling. She'd been so far gone that she hadn't even recognized the voice of their leader. Pinning her ears back suddenly as she did now the Acer sighed. "Cercelee.." she said softly.
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A slight bristle of the fur meant Firefly’s harsh question, but she said nothing. It was just one more thing to overlook, and Cercelee overlooked a lot of things. It was beginning to wear on her, always deferring the behavior of Svara, Firefly and Haku, but the tensions in the pack were so high, it was just easier not to deal with the matters at hand. And besides, just right not she could excuse Firefly’s mistake at the loss of her children. Svara had no excuse anymore and she was not putting up with the girl much longer. She would gain no more rank until the devil learned self control, after Emwe and Conor were found could she deal with Haku and Firefly.
Silent feet brought her up to the woman and she came in from the rain, settling herself opposite of Firefly, letting the silence envelope them for some time. Then finally she found her voice, and she almost wished she hadn’t. The Rosea already knew what Firefly’s answer would be, but she couldn’t help but ask all the same. Any word on them? Of course there hadn’t been, or she would have heard already. And every day their chances of finding the pups were growing less. She knew half the pack searched relentlessly, but more and more they were dropping out of the race and Cer couldn’t blame them. Life couldn’t revolve forever around missing pups.
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The woman really hasn't expected Cercelee to show up at her doorstep, especially considering that she should have been at Haku's cabin where she had lived the whole time after the puppies had been born, but she was furious with the male (when wasn't she) and she didn't want a thing to do with the bastard. She lowered her eyes as she apologized for the harsh snap she'd made when she hadn't realized who was approaching. "Sorry.." her voice was still cold but when wasn't Firefly ever a little bit cold towards the whole world.
She wrapped her tail across her paws and returned her gaze to the ground as she sighed softly as her leader joined her upon the porch. She shifted slightly, giving the woman more room, or atleast the appearance of more as she flattened her ears back at the question the Rosea had asked. "No.." she said with a soft growl. She hadn't planned for so many of the pack to run off to try and trace the boys in a heartbeat but it was even more disheartening to see how quickly the numbers dwindled off and now it was like an afterthought to the pack, atleast to the mother who knew exactly where they were.
Firefly turned her brilliant orbs back to the leader as she asked, "Do you think I'm a terrible mother?" For what she had done. For leaving them with a father that had wandered off forgetting about his children even being in the same house, not even checking to see if their mother was with them. No, that wasn't what she was really asking. Cercelee didn't even know the truth, the real crimes the priestess had committed, but to her the crime was nothing but for the protection of her children. They were better off away from their father and safer clear of his hodgepodge of families he'd gathered within the packlands.
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Firefly only confirmed what Cercelee already knew. No word on the children. There was never any word on them. Their scents had all but faded from Haku’s cabin too. Cercelee did not write them off just yet, but she did not expect to recover the pups, to believe that they could be recovered might set her up for disappointment. While in her personal life, and love life especially, the Rosea was an idealist and day dreamer, when it came to the pack she was a realist. She did not expect the best, nor the worst, only what was most likely.
Cercelee considered the women’s question and found she had no answer. “Who am I to judge your mothering skills, Firefly? I am not a mother, I know very little of children. We live in a world where bad things happen, we can’t always prevent them.” But maybe Cer could have prevented this. It had happened during the pack meeting, when she had assembled everyone, leaving no one to guard the borders. Wasn’t that her fault? “Am I a bad leader? Have I let the pack down?” Why weren’t they able to find the children, shouldn’t her pack be more fine tuned and skilled? Shouldn’t they have enough heart to search until it was sure the children were dead or no longer in the lands? Weren’t these her shortcomings, not Firefly’s?
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The words that fell from the Rosea's maw almost made Firefly want to give the whole venture up and admit her sins but there was one small part of her soul that refused to let her end this all. He deserved this.. she knew the pack shouldn't suffer for his crimes but if it came down to that there was little she could do. Her ears pressed solidly against her head as she flicked her emerald orbs to Cercelee and shook her head softly. "No. None of use are invincible. No one can do everything...." Her eyes trailed away from her leader's frame as she stared off at nothing at all. "You're just one Cercelee.. if the pack didn't respect you and trust your lead.. you'd be just like everyone else."
While Cercelee was a leader because everyone did trust in her there was one saying that rang true and Firefly knew it well enough. She closed her eyes as she held her breath for a moment before giving up. "Everyone makes mistakes.." She knew now that she too had her own line of mistakes, there was one large one the whole pack was suffering because of. She was too prideful to denounce the mistake and come crawling back with her tail tucked between her legs. She only hoped that there would be lessons learned by the loss of the puppies on the half of their father. Her frame seemed to wilt as she doubted that the deeds she'd done would even put a dent in his ego and need to find comfort in the arms of any passing fellow.
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