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I hope this is good for you! 
The late afternoon sunlight glinted off the glassy surface of the lake, finally freed of the icy grip of winter. Gnarled shrubs had sprung up all around the muddy banks, framing the secluded area from view. It was called "Rabbit Lake", if she recalled correctly. A pretty place, surrounded by tall oak trees and rarely frequented by anyone but loners. Coli had haunted the unclaimed territories when she had first come to these parts, even though she had been accepted by her best friend's pack. Everything had been snowy then. It was time to pay the lands a visit now that spring had finally arrived.
The frail-looking werewolf settled down gracefully on a slab of shale that jutted into the lake, letting her footpaws dangle into the warm water. Small minnows darted here and there, and even the occasional newt swam by. It was teeming with life, something that pleased the solitary girl. She let her small burlap sack fall to the ground, a loud "clinking" noise betraying the contents. She had packed it full of bottles of wine, "liberated" from the pack's vineyard. Alcohol was rare in these parts, considering that most of the interested wolves would rather drink it than learn how to brew it. Eventually the limited supply would run out, and there would be one less vice in the world. But for now, Coli had decided she wanted to do something daring.
Her foster mother, Deuce Rhiannon, had sent away the children... Taliesin was almost her age, and a little too friendly for her tastes, but little Willow was just a few months old, and Coli had enjoyed the pup's company. Willow was her half-sister, and the two got along well. But now they had both left at Deuce's wishes, and the house was far too quiet. Coli hooked a claw into the cork of the first dusty wine bottle, narrowing her baby-blue eyes as the stubborn thing refused to come out. Finally, she smacked the bottleneck against the stone she sat upon, wincing as it shattered. She made a mental promise to collect the shards of broken glass when she was done, and tipped the open bottle upwards, trying her first taste of the fruity liquid.
It splashed all over her cream-furred muzzle, and she sputtered, startled by the wetness. Red wine dripped from her long silky-brown mane, and she sighed, setting the bottle aside so that she could wash it away in the lake. "This is silly," she exhaled, shaking her head with a wry smile. She was normally a very shy girl, introverted to an extreme. She was awkward with strangers and even more awkward with family... She didn't fit in to her pack, despite all of her Sadira relatives. She made a fool of herself in front of any man - Sankor, Henratha, Jasper - despite her yearning for a relationship. She was pretty pathetic all around, and she knew it. "This grape drink isn't going to make me feel any better... But no one's even gonna notice me missing. If this is my idea of letting loose, it's pretty sad. Might as well make a fool of myself with no one watching."
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Second ticked by, mere moments that meant nothing to her. What was a single second, and what was two, of three kitted together to make so many more? Nothing, it was only time. Time pained her, knowing that seconds and minutes that she was missing with the ones that she loved passed beyond her reach. They were more then just seconds, they were more then just time. They were moments, memories spent finding the pieces that she felt missing from her heart. Or were they figments of her imagination? All she knew for sure was they were fuel.
It moved her forward. Leaving what she had behind, just for the day. Happy to leave the thoughts the bothered her back at the mansion and venture out into springs awakening. Her werewolf form brought her to the lakes edge, and she followed its coast until the she passed the boarder and felt the territory release her. But the further she traveled along it edge, the more lost she felt. It wasn’t until she caught the scent of another that her course became meaningful.
Walking towards the seated female, Anu kept quiet as she watched the younger woman stumble over opening the wine bottle and let her tack a swig before making her entrance. Drawn by the wine she held and the curiosity that she brewed within Anu, the female wandered right up and stood beside her. If I had known, I would have brought some glasses. Anu gave the female a smile, eyeing the red wine that had been spilled.
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Startled, Coli nearly toppled into the lake as she whirled to look at the werewolf that had approached her. Trying to calm her racing heart, the easily-spooked girl laughed nervously, brushing her wet hair from her delicate muzzle. "Ah! Y-yes, take a seat. Glasses might have been helpful, but you're welcome to share a b-bottle or two...!" She edged nearer to the lake, offering more space for the unfamiliar lady to sit. In her sad, pensive mood, she would welcome the company - maybe life would start making sense, discussed with a stranger she might never meet again. They wouldn't have any expectations, right...? Nobody could be disappointed in her, out here by the lakeside... The sky had just begun to turn colours, ushering in the sunset. A few stray streaks of orange here, a touch of dusty purple there. They would have a good view.
"I'm Coli," she said with a shy smile, ears back hesitantly. No need for full names or ranks here - they were off pack lands. For once, she could just be herself, rather than the unwanted bastard daughter of Haku Soul. Although she didn't know what it meant anymore, to "be herself". She never really had a "self", did she? "Here, have you ever had this stuff before? I brought a couple different coloured ones, but I don't know what they all taste like yet. I just w-wanted to try something... new." It was a step in the right direction, she thought, and offered the sandy-white furred Optime the open bottle. Brave wolves weren't afraid of strangers, right? They could have an anonymous conversation without fearing each other. Coli could try that. Already, the gulp of wine she'd managed to swallow was making her more thirsty, willing to give it another swig. Just pour it more slowly, and it wouldn't splash all over her fur this time. Take it slow.
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It had been some time since she had ventured out to meet someone knew, well someone who she might have an actual conversation with. The things that she had been dealing with lately were over her head, and she was striving for some simple company. No arguments, no awkward subjects, no pressing matters. Just exchanging smiles and friendly stories, and it seemed like this female was searching some of the same. Anu couldn’t help at smile as she watched the jumpy girl scoot over and make room for her. A grateful smile covered her face as she sat.
Next time. Anu waved the idea of glasses off, knowing that the bottles would do just fine. Settled beside Coli she introduced herself, Anu A pause led her into her answer, Yes. She spoke with a laugh, tying hard not to remember the events that wine had led to, and the black hole that the trigger had caused to rip through her world’s lining. As comfortable as ever, she hoped to ease the obvious insecurity that the other had written on her body.
Wine is good to start with. Anu spoke as an experienced drinker, and took the light blush colored bottle that stood among the assortment. If she was hoping for something new, Anu was sure that they could have fun experiencing it together. What brings you all the way out here? She smelled of far away, a place that held no name to the Crimson Dreams wolfess but she had taken the time to travel to. It wasn’t just around the corner. And of course she always wanted to know why she choose to drink alone.
Anu was happy to remedy that problem, uncorking the bottle with a pop and savoring the flavor as it touched her lips.
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"Nice to meet you, Anu," she said with a smile, lapping a few more mouthfuls of the dark red wine she had chosen to begin with. Did Anu have a longer name that she omitted, too? It didn't matter. Anu seemed to know more about the drinks, and chose a bottle of her own, one of the lighter ones there. The drink had an interesting flavour, unlike anything she had tried before. It was a rich, heavy bouquet, with a funny aftertaste that almost made her not want anymore. But the initial burst of flavour was good enough to make her keep sampling the cracked bottle, satiating her curiosity.
Anu's easy company made the anxious girl relax, and she leaned back on the warm rock, dabbling her footpaws in the lake again. It felt nice. "Oh, why am I out here...? It's a good question, really. I just... needed to go. Get away from everyone who knows me, you know? I'm tired of... well, it's hard to explain. I guess I'm tired of trying to live up to their expectations. They probably don't even care, though. It's all in my head. I think too much about others' opinions..." She was rambling, she knew. It didn't make sense. Hopefully she wouldn't scare off her new drinking buddy. She rubbed her head, feeling the weariness that had plagued her the past few weeks. It was tiresome, trying to adhere to all the rules of the large pack after having lived in seclusion for a whole year. She kept meticulously avoiding the wolves that knew her, that would ask her questions like "where have you been?" and "when will you choose a job?" and other things she could not answer. "And... what about you, Anu? You're not from here either, I'm guessing. Did you come here to get away from it all?" Coli smiled shyly, her bright blue eyes warm with hope. It was hard for her to trust. But the wine was already making it a little easier.
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The sun shown down on the two, and she followed the others lead dipping her own toes into the lakes water. Light blue eyes caught the bleeding colors that filtered into the sky. The sun began to sink before them, giving them the last bits of warmth it had to offer. The lake’s surface held some of the heat given after the long afternoon, a pleasant feeling to coincide with the warmth settling in her stomach.
Coli spoke, and Anu cocked her head giving both ears to listen. Sipping lazily she took in the words, understanding everything that she said and feeling very much in the same boat. Yeah, just needed a break I think. I live in Crimson Dreams, the Brigadier General there. Anu confessed. Not like her rank would mean much to the stranger, just the wound of it made her wonder how much she actually deserved it.
Unsure how to explain all the things that she fled from she hesitated for a moment before asking, Who are you trying to impress? The question didn’t mean to be judgmental, but Anu saw no reason for the pretty looking female to fret over what others thought.
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"'Brigadier General'... that sounds important," Coli mused, lapping at her red wine. "I'm just a lowly peon in Dahlia de Mai." Crimson Dreams was a pack on good terms with Dahlia; that was lucky. It would be strange for someone from Inferni, for example, to relax in their halcyon hiding place. Anu didn't sound happy about the rank, though... Maybe it was too much responsibility? "My best friend is our Rosea, our Alphess. She's always too busy, running around, enforcing rules, keeping things in order... I still haven't had a chance to talk to her, not really. I was missing for a year, and she still couldn't find the time to catch up with me..." She knew it sounded whiny, but it was one of the things eating her up inside. Cercelee had been like a sister to her when they were pups. Then horrible things happened, and Coli lived in utter solitude for a year. Maybe she had been hoping that she and Cer could go back to the way they were as children, despite everything that had changed. Time was cruel. Anu's pale gaze turned on her, asking her that same question that she tried to ask herself. Who are you trying to impress? Coli drew idly on the surface of the water with her claw, shooing away a pond skater that danced too near. "Someone. Anyone." she mumbled, finally drawing her knees up to her chest. "I've always been a nobody. I'm too shy to stand out. I have no talents to make me special. My family doesn't want me. I'm not looking for popularity, but if I could find a mate, I'd never ask for anything more...! But..." Coli let her voice trail off, taking another gulp of her wine bottle. It was already half-way down. "Ah, don't mind me, Anu. I'm pretty pathetic. Just enjoy your break from Crimson Dreams...!" She smiled, giggling softly. It was oddly fun, letting everything out like this. The more she spoke, the more she wanted to laugh.
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She looked down at the liquid in the long necked bottle, did it actually sound important? The thought slipped through her brain and then began to feel the heaviness in her head from the weight of the wine, making the thoughts that she repressed bubble to the surface. It really isn’t. Anu reassured her. I really don’t do much. She really didn’t, except maybe try her hardest to be in the ill favor of their Commander, or break their family apart. Maybe all she needed was time to repair her self before mending the tears in her relationships.
Listening intently on the others words Anu brought the bottles contents to half full. What she said shocked her, though she made her best attempt to keep the feels hidden. It was coming down to the simple question of, what the hell was wrong with everyone else? Why was it that two lovely females had been set aside so quickly and willingly? It was shameful, and Anu would make the fact known.
As Coli spoke she became insecure, holding onto herself and the bottle. Like a life jacket she clung to it, hoping it would save her from the rough tides she rode. Anu held hers tighter as well. She shook her head, turning the offer to just enjoy herself and forget the others woes. They were too much like her own and Anu was certainly finding pleasure in the young female’s company.
Another sip, or gulp, and Anu brought her gaze to the pretty wolfess. I am enjoying my break, and you should too. Anu gave a bright smile, It isn’t fair, being the one left behind or forgotten. I hope my question didn’t upset you, I didn’t mean for that. Her voice held the apology right along with the words. Your not pathetic, wanting someone to love you isn’t pathetic. God, if it was she would die the most pathetic being in creation. Anu broke her gaze and set it settle onto the lake, lips back around the bottle and taking the tangy bitter taste down.
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Coli stole a shy glance at Anu, feeling a kinship with the sandy-furred Luperci. Anu had a fragile beauty not unlike her own, although of course Coli doubted the merits of her own appearance. The Crimson Dreams werewolf seemed to honestly understand where she was coming from. It must have been some sort of fate that drew them together this afternoon, gravitating the lonely pair to the abandoned lake. She felt a little less alone already.
"No, I'm not upset... You're right, though. It's not fair. It's really not." The chocolate-furred girl shook her head, sipping at her wine. Why did she keep feeling thirstier...? It was a mystery. "I just don't know...! How are we supposed to change? What makes some people get noticed, and others ignored? I don't know how to be different, or what anybody wants from me. I don't get it." Normally the words did not flow so easily from her lips, but today, the curious buzzing sensation in her head made it much simpler to speak her mind, although a little harder to string the thoughts together in the first place. Although clearly into adulthood, she had never had alcohol of any sort, or any other substance for that matter, and thus her tolerance was quite low. As Anu smiled brightly, adding her last soft-spoken reply, Coli sat up a little straighter. "You... don't think I'm pathetic? Really? But... You have rank, and you're smart and pretty, and there must be people who care about you...! You must be able to tell that no one's ever gonna care about someone like me...!" She brushed the silky bangs from her face, watching Anu's ice-pale gaze settle on the lake, her thoughts obscured. Coli could only hope to attain the same gentle wisdom by the time she reached that age. Then she could be calm and rational, rather than terrified by the world and its inhabitants. She wouldn't have to fight herself to bottle up her true feelings, or pretend that family didn't matter to her. Maybe then, she would deserve someone else's love. Maybe.
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For every sip she took and minute that passed Anu became more relaxed, actually finding happiness in the version of her life she portrayed. It didn’t seem so bleak, not as the sun set before the pair, and Anu grew more and more content with the other females company. She missed simple companionship, missed the moments in time where she only had to be herself and discard hopes of the future. Anu could so clearly see the need Coli had, for reassurance and an ear to listen. For once Anu was more then happy to fill that role, and ask nothing in return.
Happy to hear that she wasn’t upset with her Anu brought her eyes back to the earthen toned female. Coli’s words filtered into her buzzing brain, tapping against her ear drums and remaindering her she wasn’t alone. . Eyeing the way she swept her mane out of her eyes Anu thought idly what it would be like if she grew out her own, instead of cutting it so short. Focusing, Anu gave a small laugh at the absurd words. Not care? It was a shame that Coli would think that, and she wondered what she had experienced to make her so sure that was the truth.
I don’t know how to change either. The alcohol began to play with her words, letting them fall from her lips with little restraint. Really, your not pathetic. Anu stood her ground on the subject. In her own world Anu didn’t want to be a pitiable creature, though more often then none she felt like one. Your smart, and pretty too. Don’t sell yourself short Coli. I would totally… She clamped her mouth closed, and turned her eyes back to the lake, forgetting her control for the moment. The thought made her laugh silently, and how true the secret was made her blush. Her tone was lower then the cheer that was spread so thickly before, I don’t know how they don’t notice you… they must be blind.
Anu looked back at her, the laugh in her voice gone as well as the contents of her bottle. Was there no one to make her feel special? What kind of pack would let such feelings consume her?
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Coli tipped her muzzle back, sighing with pleasure as the dying rays of the sun's warmth kissed her exposed throat. The sunset glinted orange and gold on her soft cream fur, shining on the silky hair of her mane. The effervescent beauty of nature - it could never be reclaimed. This moment would only happen once. Lowering herself flat onto her back on the rock, Coli let the empty bottle slip from her claws, falling with a slight splash into the lake. Perhaps some small fish could call it home, she mused, relaxing on the warm stone surface. In her intoxicated state, everything felt nice, the world felt nice all around her. People hated her, but for tonight, she did not have to care...
"Eh? I'm not pretty, Anu," Coli giggled, gazing up at the slender lady beside her. She had almost forgotten she wasn't alone, for one befuddled moment. "You're prettier than me. Hee hee, what? What were you gonna say?" She smiled brightly, wriggling her toes expectantly. Anu had grown sad, though, and the sight of her lachrymose blue eyes fought through the haze of Coli's buzz.
"Anu... Are your packmates blind, too?" she asked softly, rolling onto her side to face her new friend. "They must notice you. I mean, you're amazing! I've only known you for a little bit, but you make me feel so... so... peaceful! Like it doesn't matter how bad things are, because you're here...!" Coli smiled lop-sidedly, trying clumsily to comfort the Brigadier General. She wasn't used to physical contact, but Deuce Rhiannon had made her feel better once... how had she done it again? It was like a hug, but you had to rest your head on their shoulder, too. Maybe that would make Anu feel warm again. Separated from her inhibitions, Coli sat up, prepared to try her 'secret weapon' if Anu still seemed unhappy.
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Blue eyes watched at the young woman pointed her nose to the sky, extending her neck and opening it to the world. Jaw curved upward, her mouth ending in a gravity pulled smile. Her color was lighter there, under her chin, not the chocolate that covered the rest but an ivory hue. A milky center.
Anu swallowed as the female fell softly and willingly to the ground, placing a hand behind her own body for support. Leaning back a little herself Anu took in the sight before her. Placing the bottle to her lips she watched as Coli let hers fall to the lake, its round shape breaking the placid surface of the water. Tipping her own back she remembered that it was empty. Looking into its depths she gave a brief frown before sitting it on the rock. Blinking she found that she may not need the extra bottle that sat between them.
Lies filled her ears, and Anu looked at the sprawled female in disbelief. Did she not have a mirror? Anu fought the question that threatened to leave her mouth, and thankfully Coli filled her mind with other thoughts. To her advantage Coli didn’t linger on the question, and instead let her drunken words continue. I dono, I forgot. was all she could say. The lie stumbled from her lips, and felt normal only because of the bottle of wine swimming in her brain.
A lone hiccup left her chest.
Sitting strait as Coli did Anu shook her head softly. The words she spoke filled her memory, and she did her best to respond to all of them. Its not my pack, they’re ok. They love me, and I hope your pack loves you. It would be wrong if they didn’t. Anu wondered If what she said was actual truth, but there was nothing stopping her from believing it. Why do you stay if they don’t?
Unsure how to take the compliments Anu could only smile as she remembered them. Leaning towards her, the older wolfess’s eyes locked with the deep cerulean of Coli’s. Voice soft with feeling, And you are. Coli your beautiful. Maybe it didn’t mean anything because came from another female, if she was a big strapping male it would matter more. But Anu knew what beauty was, inside and out. If Coli knew her history, it might just count a little bit more. Still, she matched it with a smile unsure if the point had finally gotten across to the dark furred fey.
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"Hm... I... don't have anywhere else to go, really. I don't want to be alone again. I was by myself for such a long time... I figured any contact would be better than nothing, even if they don't like me. And I guess some of them don't mind me, because they don't chase me off or anything..." Coli pursed her lips, trying to ponder her situation through the hazy state her mind was in. The wolves she wasn't related to... they tended to treat her better. Alexey Koios was friendly to everyone, along with her brother Sankor. Those siblings didn't mind her company. Henratha Gyrkin, the craftsman from the mountains, had been perfectly civil and even offered to help her out. Deuce Rhiannon treated her like a daughter, when Coli had never known a mother's touch. It was sometimes hard for the fragile wolf to see that she wasn't alone, but already the time she'd spent in Dahlia had helped her grow, if only a little.
"It's just a mess, since there's so many of my relatives there. I thought I'd never see my father again after he left me, and he turns out to be the second-in-command...! And his bitch of a mate is younger than I am, and she'd just as soon rip my throat out as he would... Well, I dunno if they're still together, after she tried to hide her pups from him..." Her words slurred as she let some of the family drama tumble from where it sat on her chest, weighing her down. Was everyone's lives as messed up as hers? Did she have the right to complain? She had been reprimanded, scolded! for telling her new packmates what her father had done to her, because they claimed it was slander... "Does your pack love you? Maybe... maybe some time, if I get tired of where I am... Maybe I'll go to Crimson Dreams, and stay with you...!" She giggled, pleased by the idea. There were Sadiras everywhere, but few knew her since she had been missing for so long. If she needed a fresh start, that would be the first place she'd try.
Anu leaned in close, and Coli blinked in surprise, holding her gaze as steadily as she could. The sandy-blonde woman spoke softly, but with a firm conviction, and her words finally began to sink in past the surface. Coli swallowed, touched by how vehemently her friend tried to get her point across. "But..." she choked, blue eyes bright with unshed tears. The wine was playing havoc with her self-control... it was embarrassing to cry at any time. "But if I am beautiful, then why...? Nobody sees me that way, I'll never be able to have a family...! I'm already dirty, no male would want me after finding out that..." She hiccoughed, suddenly feeling a touch dizzy. She would never be able to pour her heart out without the wine's help, though... a mixed blessing, considering the slight edge of queasiness she felt when she moved too quickly. "And, and, I look just like him! How's that for irony...!" She giggled, too high, trying to hide the impending sobs. "H-haku..."
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She was settling, but Coli fought and fought. It seemed like she fought just to breath, and with tooth and claw she made her heart beat painfully. There were scars deep in her soul, and though they may be healed there were as visible to the blue eyed female as if they were pick marks across her face. But with the fight that the Dahlia wolfess gave, she had come to sit, wait and settle on the most important aspect of life. If she could not see her own beauty, or have a solid sense of self worth it was dire that she surround herself with those that could. But she didn’t.
Anu let her heart reached out, as it always would, to the other in hopes of helping her find that realization.
The things that filled her life, the family situations, were something that Anu could relate to. To a point. They seemed to far fetch, so beyond anything that Anu had experienced that she could have laughed at them and in her drunken state it was just below impossible to do so. Instead she stared at her, eyes wondering why she hadn’t found an exit yet. Yes. Anu answered the first question that came to her ears, knowing the answer immediately. At least they loved her in some ways, even if it wasn’t always. You seem tired already.. Her next words were swallowed when Coli fought to believe her statement.
Instantly confused, Anu took in what she said next and let it sink completely into her wine soaked brain. Why did everyone want a male? The question rode upon the red alcohol that laced her bloodstream, but passed quickly as she focused and returned her thoughts to her pertinent questions. Your not dirty, Coli. You just need to realize how gorgeous you really are, love yourself before expecting anyone else to. You can have anything you want… If only Anu believed her own words. Maybe it would have been more honest if she had said, anything you deserved.
As she looked at the chocolate girl, her bright eyes filling with tears Anu didn’t understand she remembered her question. Wait. Who is Haku?
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Anu remained still and peaceful beside her, her calming presence a welcome one to the tipsy young woman. Coli didn't want to bare her soul any more, it was too painful to keep reliving her past over and over... but once started, it was impossible not to tumble all the way to the bottom. She could only hope that the Brigadier General beside her would not tire of her slurred ranting, and perhaps they would both be lucky enough to forget it all in the morning. Wasn't that how drinking worked? It helped you forget your problems? "I guess I am a little tired," she mumbled, brushing her silky hair back behind one ear. "But I don't want to be a quitter, either..."
A bitter smile played on Coli's lips as she tried not to giggle any more, tried to rein in her hysteria. "Wh-who is Haku? You don't know Haku Soul, the warmonger of Dahlia de Mai?" For a brief moment she was happy, for once, to have anonymity, but that faded as soon as she remembered that now she had to explain herself, and then Anu would hate her too. "Haku is the father that abandoned me, then took me back in, raised me for a while, then gave in to his madness, b-beat and raped me, abandoned me to die..." And with that revelation, all of her insecurities made sense; to be betrayed twice by the only family she had known, to spend a year in solitude recuperating from wounds both physical and mental, it would leave anyone with a dearth of self-esteem. Now to live in a pack where that father held one of the highest ranks they offered - where he had loyal underlings despite all the atrocities he had committed - it was so hard for her to see herself as anything other than the trash beneath his feet. "Does it make sense now...? I can't possibly love myself, Anu. Sullied as I am, no one else could love me either, not really..." The sunset was forgotten as she glared at her reflection in the lake, upset with herself for dumping her problems on someone else, yet again. This time she could blame it on the alcohol, along with the angry tears that she scrubbed stubbornly from her delicate muzzle. "...S-sorry for ruining your vacation."
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Broken and frayed the suns ending light hit them. The tree line that stood at the farthest reaches of the lake stood before the setting orb and shadowed the last bits of light that it hoped to shine. The colors that surrounded them grew muddled with the impending darkness, and cold that hung high in the air slowly descended around the two females. Night cast itself over the calm waters of the lake leaving it a shade of ink, waiting for any to dip themselves past its surface to be swallowed into its depth.
Anu took a breath and watched her. The sadness that had woven itself so deeply into every fiber of her being shone through the girls dark fur, like stars in the clearest of nights. It peered through the tattered pieced of what was left of her, glowing like hope among all the black that threatened to swallow her. But instead of hope, they burned her skin, a constant reminder of the evil that had created her and then destroyed her.
There were no words, nothing that Anu could say to take her pain away. Staying silent she let Coli release everything that was being held inside. Letting the poison find its way from her heart, and pouring out onto Anu. They were heavy thoughts, painful images and hurtful memories. It was easier to understand why Coli felt so alone, believed she was ugly and cursed her life. But it didn’t change the fact that she was so much more then each of those thing. More then what she believed, and what others made her believe.
Anu was drunk, the thoughts that came to her were pure and unrestrained in the way she felt when sober. They were the truth, things uncovered by conscious denial, guilt and reason. The bottle of wine the hung out of the bag Coli had brought moved from its shelter to Coli’s lap by a hand that was disjointed from its owner. Anu only watched her, but then she was moving closer to kill the cold space that sat between them. A hand that was familiar to Anu, but didn’t feel like her own found its way to the dark furred girl. A gentle finger wiped the tears away, so that she didn’t need to scrub them harshly aside.
She watched her, believing that she was beautiful. Believing that she wasn’t the evil that he had created, knowing that she wasn’t destroyed and feeling a heartbeat that wasn’t broken. She was whole, she was clean and pure. She was blind. She was more then anything she could ever believe she was.
So close, Anu fought to find the words that might make her closeness acceptable. No, you can. The words came slowly but held steel fibered between them. He doesn’t have to take everything from you, you can leave, you can find something more. You can be loved. With the words that fell from her lips, Anu uncorked the new bottle of wine and let it sit between them. Blue eyes never left hers, and while she words ended in silence Anu felt warmth in her face. The thing she thought, the thing that came to her brain screamed for loudly that it formed upon her lips as a whisper.
I know I could....
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Coli held her breath as Anu's delicate touch caught the glistening tears on her cheeks. When had nightfall caught up with them? It was dark already... but the shadows glinting on the lake's surface transformed their hideout into a magical place, trapped between the countless glittering stars. Anu looked pale in the darkness, the night fading the subtlety from her colours. Like a spectre, she drew imperceptibly nearer, and Coli felt her heart racing faster in her narrow ribcage as the cool glass bottle touched her lap, slipping between her thighs. That's right, there was still another bottle of wine, she thought disjointedly, feeling a slight shiver of anticipation chase down her spine.
She had nothing more to say, her eyelashes sticky from the hot tears she had shed, her mind swimming with unhappy thoughts and memories. It was a relief when Anu spoke again, her light eyes shining in the shadows beside her, so very close. Coli inhaled her scent, drinking in her every word. He doesn't have to take everything from you... You can be loved. Swallowing, the werewolf tried to form the words on her tongue, but could not articulate the ones she wanted to say. An agreement? A denial? Remaining silent, she watched as Anu's deft fingers uncorked the wine bottle, the sudden 'pop' making Coli stiffen upright. Laughing softly at her own shock, she tried to smooth the erect fur of her bottle-brush tail, to calm her jangling nerves. Why was she so anxious, all of a sudden? Was it because they were so close, so very close, brushing up against each other with every move they made? This tension was not one she had encountered before, with a man or a woman. She was no virgin, but she had never before known the anticipation that had her feeling light as a feather, the tingling that heightened her awareness of the physical, the soft shallow breaths that caught in her throat.
I know I could.
And with that quiet confession, Coli squeaked in surprise, her blue eyes wide as they could be. Blame it on the alcohol, but she did not try to run, did not question Anu's preferences, did not deny anything in return. She merely froze, hands clapped to her muzzle, gazing in disbelief at the slender lady beside her... unable to break away from the pools of her eyes...
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loved your post!
PM'd ur slay account...
The space between them did not shrink. But it didn’t grow. Her eyes felt heavy from the buzz in her head, and behind them thoughts whirled through her skull. Swimming through the wine was everything that she had tried to drink away, every thought that made her heart scream in pain. They were quiet now, silenced by the alcohol, hushed by the innocent presence of the young female, and calmed by the unadulterated truth that Anu felt she could say in the moments they shared.
As the words left her mouth and silence filled her ears Anu wondered if what she had said was as honest as it felt. Would she? The question made her head hurt, needed to dig so very deep into her mind to find an answer. She hoped she could, she wished her heart would be whole. Even if for the briefest of moments. Maybe for one moment she could show someone who so longingly wanted to be treated with kindness and love that such things existed. For once Anu hoped that maybe there would be something she could give. Instead of taking, instead of wanting so greedily.
When Coli remained silent, her smile only grew. A grin formed her lips, and white teeth shown through the crack of the beam on her face. The shock of the uncorking of the wine painted a humorous picture on her form, making a single quiet laugh rise in her chest. The hand that had rested on Coli's face moved in an experienced and feather weight motion to her shoulder. Using her soft fingers, Anu hoped to eased the tension from her body. The single gentle touch was made in hope of releasing the nervousness, and to smooth the standing fur that she had brought to rise.
For a moment they just breathed, taking in the mix of warm air that they shared. Anu watched her shocked face, waiting to see if it would melt into anger or disgust. She would wait until she moved away, or shook her head when no words could pass her clenched throat. Instead she remained, though solid. Was it in fright? The possibilities were to many, and Anu was in no state to find and ask them all. Instead she looked on as her free hand moved to the paw that held Coli’s nose. With slow but deliberate movements Anu removed it, exposing the soft curve of her fragile snout.
Her smile remained, but lessened as she spoke. The words didn’t seem her own, but some whispering smooth voice that Anu had never experienced. I could show you. Anu completed the hung sentence. Her heart fluttered and she became nervous, suddenly questioning her ability and her confidence. Anu hoped Coli was grasping the bottle she had given her, she might need to refresh her drunkenness when the words she spoke were processed.
We should both return home, but before I let you go… She swallowed, gathering the fragments of courage that floated to the surface of her drunk mind. Anu didn’t want to leave, and her words were filled with the regret of her inevitable departure. She would have to let her go, and Coli would have to be released. But Anu wasn’t whiling to do either unless her question was answered. Releasing the breath she was holding Anu let the words rush from her mouth before she could trap them again and shallow them for good.
Can I kiss you?
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OoC: Ah, I love all of your posts. So beautiful! ^_^ This will be my last reply, for the sake of the deadline. You can end if you like, or just "fade to black" now. Thank you so much for having this thread with me!
Words: 300+
Coli could honestly say that she had never felt so alive before, feeling her own trembling pulse throughout her body, feeling the very light of the stars glinting on her silky hair. She had no idea how they had reached this point, and instinct told her this moment could never last. It was too magical to remain anywhere except in her memories. It was so quiet by the lakefront, every second seemed to hang in the air before them, lasting for a lifetime and then vanishing, as fleeting as each before it. She dared not speak, for fear of breaking the spell that held them in place.
Anu smiled then, a beautiful expression on the pale-furred fae's muzzle, and her gentle hand slipped from Coli's damp cheek to her tense shoulder, the warmth flooding through her from the contact. She felt a faint blush rising behind her creamy-furred cheeks, but it was not from embarrassment. Wordlessly, she raised her hand, shyly touching Anu's fingertips with her own. It was a tiny gesture, but a bold one all the same, amplified by her inability to look away. Was this what love felt like...? She hadn't expected to fall in love with a woman... but there was no denying how much she yearned for Anu to touch her again. No need to think. Her mind was buzzing incoherently anyway, jumbling her words into an incomprehensible mess. She couldn't even tell why anymore, whether it was the wine she had so needily consumed, the tension vibrating palpably in the air between them, or her own anxieties, wailing in her head that none of this could be real... that this was too perfect to actually be happening to her.
"...Please..." Coli finally whispered, raising her trembling hand to brush tenderly against Anu's slender throat, rising up to her soft cheek. She swallowed nervously, her bright eyes filled with pleading. She didn't want to go, not ever. They could stay here forever like this, and it would be the most perfect heaven on earth. She didn't want to return to her worries and her doubts, to the day-to-day turmoil of living, to question whether this meeting ever happened, and if she should try to seek out Anu again after this. In the light of day, without the drink coursing their veins, would they still feel the same? This unbearable attraction, the gravity between two broken souls?
"...I can't let you go without knowing what it's like." And she let her eyelashes flutter shut, feeling her heart stop as she leaned forward for her first kiss.
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I say this is finished :]
If Anu had ever thought that she was dead, lost in the disbelief she had towards her heart and its ability, the brief seconds she held proved her wrong. The moments were cradled lightly in soft hands, holding onto the dark coated girls sweet scent, the soft pure sea of her gaze and expression that formed her face. She understood that it was new, even as she fought the liquor Anu could still feel how nervous the unknown was making her. It was so profound that the emotion seeped into the older fey, suddenly feeling as inexperienced.
The pressure on her fingers brought her further out of the haze, guiding Anu to where she knew she was in control. The touch was as soft as the night airs kiss, and the paw that found its way to her neck mimicked the hesitation. Anu felt it on her pulse, and was wondered if the chocolate fey could feel it pause and then it race. With her own Anu brought it to the long stands of her mane, not just watching it disappear into the silk fur, but knowing and purposely placing it at the back of her neck.
Her single word was enough. The space between them shrinking from their duel efforts, but Anu waited. Taking another breath and letting the idea of it sink into her brain. She waited for Coli, her own decision made and eager to be fulfilled. She paused to the other, just in case she hoped to pull away. Hearing her voice again, Anu braced for her to jerk her face away, but instead Coli sealed her request. Now Anu was the one being held. She melted with the thought, her body burning at the idea and knowing that she was the one who was captive.
Nothing let Anu know if Coli would remember this. It was beyond obvious that she was drunk, and with such a feeling the memory of such a night could easily slip from one’s grasp. The light hued female was sure she would, though maybe a detail would fall away or the series of events might change. But maybe Coli would remember this if nothing else. Not recalling the things that had led up to it, but waking with faded remembrance and with the phantom feeling of her touch.
When they parted Anu would hand her the last bottle of wine, knowing that she might need to ease any regret she might have on the walk. When she said goodbye it would be in a silent touch against the soft fur of her face. When she watched her leave, nose pointed towards what Coli called her home Anu would regret not asking her to stay, even if just for the night. But neither were ready to let the other go, not until they both knew.
Giving in, letting the wine fill her mind and her heavy eyes fall as they had wished for moment upon moment Anu let their lips touch. It was slow, gentle and soft. It was Coli’s smile, the way she greeted her so tentatively and hoped beyond everything else for more then what life had given her. It was Anu, in the way she wished to comfort and show that life need not be so hopeless. It was love pouring onto paired open wounds, stinging at first then soothing until it was as if the pain had never existed.
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