ooc: Maybe Emwe can convince Conor to come, Firefly wants to say goodbye to the puppies before she leaves atleast.
ic:
Firefly had been hanging out in the town park, shying away from the members of the pack. She figured that none of them cared if she left and it was coming down to the day that she was going. She wanted to see her children before she walked but she didn't know if she'd actually get the chance. There was no one in the pack that she thought would take the message to her children for them to come out of their father's home. She was lucky enough that Emwe was good about leaving quite often but since Alexey had found Conor she hadn't seen the child once.
The emerald eyed woman sat staring off into the distance, hoping that she would catch a flash of the fluffy fat puppy or the scared little near twin. She sighed softly and lowered her head, knowing that if she didn't find the boys soon she'd have to leave the lands and them behind without any sortof explanation to her children on why she could no longer even live near them anymore. She had lived with her broken family as long as she could but now when the world was crashing down she was given a second chance. She'd have to leave behind what had once been home, but when home wasn't somewhere you belonged that wasn't as hard as it seemed.
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Nah, Conor found her all by himself. If Emwe joins, play it out as if he randomly followed Conor?  (300)
He had found her scent and followed it for a while. The woman had nearly been forgotten until the pack meeting. It had been horrible, but he had recognized the pretty lady. He knew her scent well, even if she was not around any longer. She had left him all alone, and she had not come to save him when he had been lost and all alone. He had needed her more than ever back then, but she had not come and saved him. When he had been brought home to the cabin where the family had always lived, she had not been there. He had waited for her, but she had never come. At the pack meeting, the memory of his mother had come back, and he felt a new, strong sadness fill his heart. She had been close to the cabin not long ago, and today the child had managed to find her again.
Conor was still a little child, but he had quickly learned how to make use of his senses. He had never walked this far away from the cabin by himself, but his mother’s scent was growing stronger and edging him further. Soon he could see the big adult sitting all alone in what he later would learn was a park. Why was she sitting here all by herself? Why did she not love him anymore? Questions bubbled up in his mind, but the timid child stayed silent, unsure what to do now when he had finally found her. He took a few steps towards the female, but was not sure exactly what he wanted to do. To be honest, the little boy was slightly scared of the angry woman. She was his mother, but he remembered raised voices from his earliest days.
He tilted his ears slightly backwards and tucked his tail between his legs as he watched her eyes find him. Now when his mother knew he was here, what would happen next? The puppy only managed to stand there, completely frozen. Conor felt the need for his brother rush up. Emwe had been following him for a while, but he did not dare to turn around to see if he was still there.
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Firefly hadn't believed that she would be so lucky to actually get to see her boys. The pack did a good job of keeping them away from her and she could hardly even get a glimpse of them ever. She caught her breath as out from behind some shrugs came one little form that she'd been longing for. She hadn't meant for him to disappear from Lysander's cabin, in truth the times she'd visited he'd been safe enough.. but the events had conspired and she had lost her boy for a moment in time. By some luck he'd been discovered but that luck wouldn't have been to her advantage for the pupsitter had been the one to find him, not her. She'd never liked how the sitter had become so obsessed with her children but there was little she could do about it, to the pack she was worse that anything they'd ever encountered. She knew what she'd done was wrong but it was too late to try and fix it now.
She couldn't have stopped her brush of a tail from wagging if she'd wanted to when she saw him sitting there, but ever slow slowly the motion seemed to cease when she saw the fear in his eyes and the scent that seemed to drench the air around him. She took a step forward, her eyebrows furrowed together as she said his name softly. "Conor.." her voice caught slightly. "It's mommy.." The word sounded so alien on her tongue and yet she was just that.
Right now she wanted nothing more than her little boy cuddled up against her. She feared that at any moment one of the pack would catch her with the boy and run her off, but if that did happen she'd take every second she had now to spend with him. Tears seemed to threaten to take over as she patiently waited, hoping that he would accept her for who she was. She wished that it didn't have to be like this but she couldn't rewrite the past.
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Apologies for the wait. (300)
Conor had never understood why her mother had taken them away from home and left them with a stranger. Unlike Emwe, Conor had never really warmed up to the man, no matter how nicely he had treated the two boys. He had been dominated by the feeling of being lost ever since, and after the horrible week alone in Halifax, it seemed to have a more permanent grip on him. Perhaps this was because everything had changed. His parents were separated and he did not understand why. His father mistreated him and he did not understand why. His mother had seemed to completely abandon him and he did not understand why. Conor did not understand why. Nothing made sense and there was always confusion in his heart. Wonderful Alexey managed to sooth his soul and give him sanctuary, but she did not live to serve him, and he always spent the nights alone in his father’s cabin. Emwe was there, but he was still all alone in the darkness, waiting for the monsters to finally get him.
Her voice carried his voice on to him so soothingly, and it created the horrible lump in his throat to grow, feed on his fear. She introduced herself as mommy, and he knew very well that this was what she was. Yet, she was not. The feeling of safety that had always made him feel safe around her had perished, and there was only sadness crashing down on him. His bottom lip shivered slightly, hinting of the raging storm of hurt inside of him. He had been holding his breath, and gave a deep inhale when he realized. It was let out again together with a single, angry word, ”No!”. Why did it have to be like this? Why did she not love him anymore? Why had everything changed? What cruel thing had Conor done to ruin his whole family? The brown boy blamed many, but mainly himself. He had ruined everything because he had never been good enough. Why?
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Her heart ached as the one simple word poured out of her son so bitter and angry. She couldn't help it as her ears pinned back against her skull, taking a step back she looked down at him with sad eyes. It seemed that their father had got the wish he'd wanted, even being able to find her Conor seemed to want nothing to do with her. She was a cold heartless bitch yes, but she was a mother first to her two little boys who were growing up without her now. She regretted the choice she'd made but there was little that she could do about it now. She lowered her head, not wanting to see the pain in his eyes, knowing that this was all her fault. If she'd only been able to deal with the heartache and pain that being the mate to such a selfish man brought with it.
One tear threatened to pour over as she cast her gaze away from the small boy as she spoke softly, the words painful. "I'm sorry Conor.." She didn't even know how in the world to explain to him just what she'd done wrong, how it had destroyed their little family.. and how he was alone now with a pathetic excuse for a father. The little tear finally won as it cascaded down her cheek, leaving a dark damp trail as it rolled along before splashing down to the dust at her feet.
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She said she was sorry and the little child was sorry too. It was not good enough, he could feel anger and sadness rage inside his little body. Why had she left him! Why! She lowered her face and looked away from him. Conor Soul’s little body shook with upset feelings. She did not even want to look at him. Emwe had told him that he and mommy had met and they had talked lots and that mommy loved him. Why didn’t she want to love Conor too? What had he done wrong? He had always wanted to be a good boy, but what had happened? When and where had he failed? The child did not understand why the whole world had to be so sad, and so he laid down on the too cold ground and pressed his face against the dirt. The child started to sob pathetically, wondering why the world was like this when it in the start had seemed so promising in his young eyes. Conor only wanted to be loved by his parents, but in the end it seemed none of them cared to give him any.
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She didn't know what to do, he was standing so close and yet there was such a fierce look burning in his eyes. She thought that perhaps his father had been telling him all sorts of cruel things about her to try and keep the children away from her but she quickly abandoned that idea, Haku was probably trying to escape the children as much as he could, leaving that damn snobby little bitch in charge of her little boys. She closed her eyes a moment and tried to stop the hot tears that threatened to burn and send trails down her cheeks. She knew where she'd gone wrong with them but she had never expected Conor to be lost. Hell he could have gone lost in Dahlia de Mai, but no, he'd disappeared under the wash of a man she'd trusted with them.. and so she must pay the price.
Her spirits had fallen when she'd seen the fury in his eyes but they crashed even further when Conor fell to the ground and began to sob, she couldn't escape the tears that coursed down her face as she uttered his name so helplessly. "Oh..Conor..." This was all because of her and she had no clue what to do. She was afraid if she got close to him he would run but she had to try, she couldn't just stand there and look the idiot while her poor little boy was crying his heart out.
She took a step closer and another until she was finally at his side. She lowered her muzzle down and nuzzled the small form of her little boy as she whispered tearfully. "I'm sorry Conor, it's all my fault..I never meant you to get hurt.." It wasn't all her fault and she knew it, but no one else was going to take the blame.
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His eyes closed and shut the world out. He needed Alexey to cradle him and tell him that everything would be okay and that she loved him. The boy was extremely uncertain and was in dire need of attention and love. Alexey was a wonderful caretaker, but he wanted her to be more than that. He wanted her to love him like he was her baby, and he wanted to be her baby. She wanted to live with her and sleep with her during the night. Alexey always left in the evenings, and that was the worst time of day, because his heart leaked when she was not around to shower him with her love and care.
Suddenly a muzzle touched him, and he froze for a small moment before he went on crying his heart out. Her words were slightly comforting, but he did not trust her enough yet to reply to her. More than anything he just wanted her to pick him up and cradle him and tell him that everything was okay and that she was there now. He wanted her to come back home and live with them. He wanted her to keep daddy from hurting him. He wanted all the bad things to go away. Conor wanted to be a happy child again, because those few happy memories were not yet forgotten.
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Firefly's heart was aching at the sight of Conor laying there in tears. She brushed her face up against his once more as she cooed. "Conor baby, I'm sorry.. They kept me away from you but I'm here now, Mommy's here.." She picked up the boy gently and cradled him to her breast as she continued to lull him with soft gentle words and hushing sounds. She wanted the tears to dry up and her little angel to return.
She brushed her fingers against his tear stained cheeks as she softly began to sing him a lullaby.
"Hush a bye don't you cry
Go to sleep my little baby
When you wake you shall have
All the pretty little ponies
In your bed Momma said
Baby's riding off to dreamland
One by one they've begun
Dance and prance for little baby
Blacks and bays
Dapples and greys
Running in the night
When you wake you shall have
All the pretty little ponies
Can you see the little ponies
Dance before your eyes
All the pretty little ponies
Will be there when you arise.."
Her soft voice caressing the words as she smiled down at her sweet little boy. She didn't want to see the tears coursing over his cheeks and down his chest. She wanted to see those pretty lavender eyes and that little smile she knew was there somewhere. She hated the pain that her choice had caused her children but it was just too late to take it all back now..
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He was finally picked up into her warm arms, and that only caused him to cry harder. It seemed like a negative reaction to her move, but in truth it was not. He wept because it helped expressing the emotions that were constantly building up and trapped inside him. Now there was a comforted touch in him, and he only cried because it was good to do so, and she was warm and held him and kept him safe. He pressed his wet and snotty face against her warm chest, remembering her smell and the happiness he had known in the past while pressed tight against her. Did she love him after all? He did not entirely understand the woman’s words, but there was comfort only in hearing her voice.
To his surprise, she started to sing for him, and he felt a calm flush over him in gentle waves. Maybe things were going to be okay after all. Right now he felt better than he had for a little while. He had believed she had left him for quite a while, and seeing and feeling that she cared was amazing. Conor snivelled and looked up at her with his big, light violet eyes, a strange colour that had come from none of his parents. Why did Mommy leave Conor and not see I more?” He wanted to understand. Was it his fault or not?
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She was beginning to worry as Conor kept on crying, his sobs seeming to increase as she'd picked him up from the ground. The pitch of his voice did seem to change and soon she found that he'd pressed himself against her form seeking comfort and assurance. She smiled softly to herself, glad to see that the small boy seemed to be coming over though she was upset herself that he ever had lost her trust in the first place.
When she'd begun to sing the soft words seemed to embrace the boy as his wails and sobs died down into something calmer, soon almost vanishing as she gazed down into those lovely bright eyes. She gave him a soft smile as he asked one of those questions that was so hard to answer. She began to try and answer as she rocked the boy gently in her arms. "Mommy's not allowed to be near Daddy anymore. Daddy's upset with Mommy because he didn't approve of the things I did. Because you live with Daddy I can't see you.. but that doesn't mean I don't want to.." She wanted to see her boys so badly.. but she couldn't stay here in these lands anymore. There was no life left for her here, none that they'd let her have freely.
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He felt calmer after the worst of the storm had passed, but he was balancing on the thin line and could easily burst into another round of tears if she was not careful with her words. The puppy swallowed heavily in an attempt to clear his voice, but there was nothing he could do with his nose, which was completely blocked after all the sobbing. The child attempted to snuggle closer against her warm body, slightly afraid something would happen so that she would go away again. She rocked him softly in her arms, and it felt like the world was not that bad after all as long as her mother was with him. Unfortunately, judging on her words, that was not possible. Why was she not allowed to be near Daddy anymore? What had happened? Was it because he and Emwe had come back? They had all lived together before, so why not again? The house was big enough.
He had the answer though. ”Can Conor lives with Mommy?” Daddy was scar and he was mean and created fear in the already broken home. Her mother seemed to care, and if she could not live with Conor because he lived with Daddy, then he could move out to live with Mommy. It did not occur to him that this could be an impossible thing. He was too young to be able to understand the complex world that the adult’s lived in.
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Firefly was at a loss for words, her gentle cooing and hushed murmured the feast the child dined on while she mourned for her two lost boys, one here for a moment of time but while he had no clue of the future she knew damned well what was coming. She closed her eyes as held the boy tighter, the soft puppy down tickling against her cheek as she softly kissed his little forehead before sighing softly. She should have never even started looking for them, if she hadn't found Conor she wouldn't have to reveal to him that she had to leave.
Firefly's eyes welled up with tears as Conor asked the innocent little question. She would have said with all her heart that she wanted him with her but she knew that if either of her children joined her that the pack would not allow it. She flicked her ears back as she shook her head sadly. "Conor.. I can't live here anymore. I'm not welcome in these lands you live if.. I'm not welcome to be near you or your brother. I'd take you with me in a heartbeat but they wouldn't allow it." Haku probably wouldn't notice for a few weeks if one of the boys were gone but she knew that there were one or two members that would find a way to make her pay if her own sons choose her over their erratic father.
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Her embrace tightened slightly, filling him further up with warmth and a satisfaction he rarely experienced. He was unable to understand her words. The world was not extremely complicated all in all. She was here, that was what mattered. If his pretty mother could be with him now, then she could be forever. Who were ‘they’. His lightly coloured orbs stared blankly at her, a mild accusing expression slowly making an appearance in the soft lavender. His question was simple as well, but the answer would be far more complicated. ”Why?” His mother did not have to live here, she could live with Conor. Daddy did not like anyone, so he had somewhat understand that explanation, but the rest was not understood. His mother belonged with him, just as Alexey did. He had not seen her for such a long time, so she could not possibly leave him again after he finally had been able to find her.
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She lowered her head to cover Conor's as she could feel the tears threatening to spill again as that one word was brought into the conversation. She shook her head as one lonely tear coursed down her cheek and splashed onto Conor's nose. She pulled the boy away from her chest as she looked at him and frowned, the sadness in her eyes more than apparent. "Because if you come with me the whole pack wouldn't rest until they got you back. They don't believe that you should be anywhere near me... and I can't risk anything happening to you.." Her voice began to tremble as she finished. "I'm sorry Conor.."
There was really nothing more she could say, she couldn't make the boys understand just what she'd done or how wrong it had been. She'd done what she could to try and make their father understand just how he'd continued to hurt their little family but it'd only drove them further apart. If Alexey hadn't found them.. perhaps things would be different but she couldn't change the past now.
She just sighed and pulled Conor close again and she dropped her head in defeat. She didn't know what to do anymore. She didn't belong here.
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