[html]
Private, Cercelee (300)
Life was a sad thing sprinkled with tiny moments of contentment here and there, but seemingly nothing long lasting. It was early morning, but he knew his father had not even come home to them last night. The child felt nothing about that. He was not sure if he felt much warmth for his chocolate father any longer. Hugs and kisses tasted better than teeth and claws. This was a broken home, and he was a broken child. He had no taste for the misery that surrounded him, and sometimes it felt like his heart could not take it anymore, although he was still standing. It would not have been so bad if he had never known anything else, but the problem was that he did. He remembered love and safety being dominant in the past, but now there was nothing left.
Emwe had been slowly waking up as the little boy left the cabin, but Conor wanted to be alone. The air was fresh and the grass wet with unlimited amounts of dew. He poked his nose down into the wet grass and felt the cool dots of water tickle his face. His face lifted and he raced off to the forest border, slightly afraid Emwe would find him if he stayed too close to the cabin. His left bum still hurt a bit after a random kick from his father after the puppy had gotten in the way of something. One thing was clear though, Haku really knew how to mistreat a child and get away with it. Both of the children were a mix of their parents’ colours, though Conor’s fur had started to slightly darken even more. The bruise was placed under thick, dark fur. Still, it hurt, but he would never dare to tell anyone, in fear of what would happen if daddy ever got to know.
When he was well into the forested area, he found a random place to sit down, sighing heavily as he lowered his face and rested his forehead against the cool ground.
[/html]
[html]
A moment of silence. Some space to think. It was all Cercelee really wanted this morning, but it seemed a lot to ask at times. So much of her time had always been devoted to the pack, meeting with others, asking about the borders, trying to stay on top of their ever growing numbers. Before, going home to Slay had been a chance to breath. And still it was pleasant, Cercelee loved the pups more and more each day, but it was not relaxing. When they were home they were often squabbling amongst themselves, as puppies do. When they were away Cercelee had to worry about them coming back, counting five heads each night when they went off to sleep. And feeding them took more than Cercelee had imagined. Hunting became a chore she did more frequently. Slay lightened the burden, a lot, but she fear he resented her always been busy. And she missed their time alone.
Still, they were rewarding, even if they weren’t her own. Even if they did not love her quite like she loved them. So blindly she had been thrown into this, young herself, but she was being the best mother figure she could. Who could blame her for stealing away in the early morning? It was only just this once. And as it turned out she was not alone. The small boy came into her view, and she approached him. Having seen him at the pack meeting, but not much since she decided they could speak. He was, after all, a child of Dahlia. And in some way a cousin of her’s as well.
“Conor? Conor, how are you today?” Cercelee’s voice was soft, warm, melodic. Her steps halted feet from him and she lowered herself to the ground, wrapping her tail swiftly about her paws. Leaving the boys with Haku had not been ideal, but she knew Alexey cared for them as much as the women could and Cercelee too stopped in from time to time to check on them. Perhaps asking Mew to take in her nephews would have been a better idea, or handing them over to Alexey fully, but she could not insult Haku in such a manner, and as long as he maintained he wanted them, he would get them.
[/html]
[html]
(300)
A voice sounded in the crisp morning air, and the child stirred. He lifted his face from the cool earth and let his silvery eyes fall upon the white woman, Cercelee. He gave a sharp inhale and reluctantly felt his hackles rise. She had surprised him, but he did not understand how. Maybe he had dozed off or something, or maybe she knew how to perform magic. His gaze was almost questioning, as if unsure if he actually knew her. The child had seen and talked to her on a few occasions, but not one and one. Not as he could remember anyways. He felt uncertain, as always when he encountered people he did not know. Actually, this happened all the time, no matter who it was. He even felt weird with Emwe nowadays. Nothing felt natural anymore. She had lowered herself to his level and wrapped her pretty white tail around her paws. He turned to look at his own small tail. White would be prettier, but he was not white, and so he was not pretty.
He knew her name, so he was sure he could manage to come up with a reply. ”Cercelee, hi.”, the boy offered politely. ”I are fine.” This was not really true, but this was his usual answer to that question. He was sad, he was hurt, he was unhappy. Yet, he wanted the world to think he was fine, or else there would be horrible consequences. He did not want to endure more misery than what was necessary. He looked up at the large female. Her eyes seemed cold, but her voice had sounded kind and interested. Maybe it was just her eye colour. Daddy’s eyes looked warm, but he was not very warm and nice. It was strange. Appearances were so deceiving.
[/html]
[html]
The child spoke and Cercelee smiled at the properness of his greeting. Conor was unlike most children, she had already observed that, and in one way it was really charming. In another it was tragic. Quiet, polite, and he kept to himself. Rarely did she find him playing, and unlike Emwe who seemed constantly happy she didn’t much notice a smile gracing the boy’s face often. He seemed fragile, and in a way Cercelee compared him to Coli. Did Haku break all his children in such a manner? Emwe seemed unscathed but there was still time for that situation to change. The best they could do was damage control now, Haku seemed to work his magic as soon as his speed spread inside another’s womb.
“Good. I’m fine too.” The white lady smiled down at the boy, knowing that he was not really fine, but direct question weren’t always the best way with children. “How is your brother?” Breaking the ice with Emwe was easy, it was a bit thicker and colder with Conor. “And is Haku still sleeping? Did you slip out without his knowing?” Cercelee knew honestly that Haku probably rarely knew where his children were, but their conversation had to start somewhere and Cer’s words were so sincere no one would no she was playing dumb.
[/html]
[html]
---
He felt fragile out here on his own, fragile compared to the woman. It was she that was the one that controlled them all. She said she was fine too, and he was glad she believed him. His eyes were too full of sorrow for his age, but the boy was already a thinker, and his depressive lines of thought seemed to bring him repeatedly deeper into misery. He was so tired of it all. ”Emwe is happy and fat and okay.” This was true. Emwe was a well fed puppy and he had few worries in the world. The boy envied his brother’s nature, and did still not fully understand what had happened. About his Daddy, Conor did not really know if he was still sleeping or not, did not even know if he was in the house at all. He hoped he wasn’t, he did not like it when daddy was home. He wanted to be with Lexey. ”I don’t knows where Daddy is, are maybe sleeping.” the child said slowly, light violet eyes investigating the iced blue.
[/html]
[html]
Cercelee smiled at the child with his sincere description of Emwe. Why had one child inherited all the happiness of the world and the other all the sorrow? It did not seem fair, but that was their lot in life and Cercelee wouldn’t change the children even if she could. Cercelee nodded at his knowledge of his father. She hadn’t expected the boy to know Haku’s whereabouts, she didn’t expect Haku to keep them informed of it. “Maybe he is sleeping.” Cercelee nodded in agreement and let them both slip into thoughtful silence. Then the idea popped into her head, it was something she had considered before but hadn’t let herself dwell on. “Do you miss your mother?” Cer knew she had done no wrong to Firefly, the women deserved everything she had gotten, but to hurt the children it had never been her intention. Still, they were safer in the pack than they’d be out there with her, Cercelee believed that.
[/html]
[html]
(300)
The little boy nodded at the white lady’s words. He sure hoped his father was sleeping, that he would sleep away every day the whole day and the whole day after for many many days so that he would not walk around in the house and be angry. Yes, sleep was a very good thing. Sometimes, when Conor felt unhappy, he took a nap, and afterwards, he felt a little bit better, so perhaps if daddy slept a lot and a lot he could actually be nice. He continued to nod, although now he was only working with reassuring himself about this fact. Yes, daddy was sleeping and would sleep for a very long time. The boy’s lilac eyes sought out the icy blue, wondering if this woman was nice or bad. His daddy usually never pretended to be nice, but it did happen. This woman seemed more genuine in several ways, although her colouration was less welcoming because of the lack of warmer colours. That was not her fault though, and he thought it made her pretty.
The next question voiced by the adult made a pout slowly form on his lips, although the boy honestly attempted to hide the incoming wave of tears, he was quickly failing. He did. It was a complicated question, though. He missed what she had been, what they had been. Mothers were supposed to stay with their children, but his did not. He did not understand why. He did not want to understand why. It just was not right. His ears fell down at his skull in a depressed manner, but he could not stabilize his voice enough to grant her an answer. She would think he was stupid and knew nothing now. Nobody liked him anyway, except for Lexey, and he had his doubts about her. She was the Caretaker of the pack, so she was supposed to pretend to like him and be with him anyway. He wondered what was real and what wasn’t. The child looked away from the Rosea, staring at the stomped down grass. He was a grass killer too.
[/html]
[html]
Months before Cercelee wouldn’t have known what to do with the weeping boy. When Emwe and Conor had been brought into the world Cercelee had been so far removed from her maternal instincts she could only view them from a leader’s standpoint. They were the first true Dahlians, born and bred in Dahlia de Mai. They were the next generation of the pack. They had been a blessing despite their parentage, but Cercelee hadn’t been able to extend much warmth towards them past that. Of course when they had gone missing she had been terrified, upset, and a million other emotions. Yet they had always been symbols rather than individuals, until she had learned what puppies were really all about. The large Sadira litter that had been dropped at her doorstep had changed the female, irreversibly, and Cercelee hope that her newly found soft spot for children was for the better of the pack.
“Conor, Conor.” Cercelee moved in closer, he was small yet and her body towered over him. She moved slowly so that if the child resisted she could pull away, but her actions were sincere and the white lady hoped he was receptive. Her head bent down to nuzzle the boy, a warm pink tongue extending to lick up the salty tears of her tiny distant cousin. “I’m sorry, I truly am.” And she was, because she knew it was partly her fault that the child was motherless, and she wouldn’t be able to explain it to him now, but hopefully when he was older they could have this conversation again.
[/html]
[html]
(300)
Her voice sounded soothingly, and her shadow came to get him. It slowly crept up to him and cast its darkness over him, but together with her shadow, the woman too came closer. There was nothing better for a wiping child than an adult that knew how to soothe and comfort an upset soul. The Rosea’s face grew large as she drew closer than she had ever been before, and a large tongue swept across his wet face. The boy hiccupped pathetically, and could not make his eyes let go of the ground. His paw pushed against the ground, slowly moving in a tiny circle. Conor did nothing whatsoever to return the woman’s kind nuzzle nor give any visible reaction, but the adult would quickly notice that it had helped. He felt slightly calmer, helped by her immediate kindness and soft words.
The violet eyed boy knew nothing about the blame the light woman deserved. He knew nothing of details. Actually, he knew nothing at all. All the blame had been pushed over to his father alone, and perhaps Conor too had some part in the blame because he was not good enough. Mommy was gone, that was what he knew. Why had the woman brought up the subject if she was sorry? He had not been too depressed, but now he felt worse and it was partly her fault. Lilac eyes finally rose to settle at her icy blue ones, accusation apparent in his wet expression. ”Okay,” the boy said, his voice slightly shaky. Actually it was okay, he decided. ”Cercelee has white-blue eyes, cold. Is Cercelee mean and cold-like mean?”
The question was slightly silly, as he already knew that she was not a horrible person. He did not know her, but by the way she acted, her position, everything. Or maybe it was just the fact that he wanted to find more kind souls that he could find support in.
[/html]
[html]
The questions did not surprise her, not exactly, but she didn’t think it was one that had to be asked. Of course, he was only a child and children did not always interpret the world as it really was. Or perhaps no one did. Firefly and Svara would certainly voice for Cercelee’s coldness, but it wasn’t there. Her actions towards them had been out of loyalty and warmth for her pack, to protect them, keep them safe and happy. Cercelee had offered friendship to both females, but it had been cast aside either by their own foolishness or their own desires and agendas. And so, perhaps some of her actions could have been interpreted, but them, as cold, but she was not.
“No, I am not. Do you think I am?” Yet she didn’t think he did, or else he would allow her to nuzzle him again, as she did. Still, the Rosea didn’t mind reassuring him, sometimes children needed reassurance. Sometimes adults did too. She could remember herself and Slay so at odds because of their own insecurities about each other. Yes, everyone needed reassurance sometimes. “I love you Conor, I do. You don’t know me well yet, but I’m here for you.” And for Emwe and Catalyst and the rest of the de Sadira gang. Perhaps she was stretching herself too thin, or maybe she wasn’t giving herself enough, but at least she was trying, which was more than some of the other Sadira adults did.
[/html]
[html]
Short post is short D:
She said no, and the little child decided to believe her for now. After all, she had not become angry when he had asked her. The brown boy knew that if he had asked his father the same question, then he would have received a completely different answer, and not a pleasant one. No, his father was very bad, and this adult was not. Perhaps her eyes were just that way. Actually, they were very pretty. Conor too wanted eyes like that, but he knew that things did not work that way, unless he changed eyes or something maybe, but that was not possible he believed. He slowly nodded at the large and white woman, almost offering her a smile if he had not been so serious and uncertain in her presence.
Her next words made him uncomfortable as they sunk in and touched his heart. The woman loved him? Why? ”Why?” his voice echoed along with his mental disbelief. Why would anyone love a mean and useless child that scared its mother away? The white woman did not even know the child very well, so the possibility that she actually cared about him was not very likely, and he had never thought of such a chance before.
[/html]
[html]
Why? It was a very silly question and also valid both at once. Cercelee laughed her pretty musical laugh, warm and soft, her eyes shining down on Conor. His life was rough, and surely he was suffering for it, but he was still a child with childlike innocence and Cercelee found great hope for the boy in that. “Because you are Conor and I am Cercelee.” It was a clear, precise answer and one that made perfect sense to her. One day he would understand that sentiment, but maybe for now he needed more. And Cercelee would do her best to give the boy what he needed. “You are my cousin, very precious to my friend Alexey and nephew of Mew. Son of my Lillium, brother to Emwe. Does that not make it so I can love you?” Still, family relations had never been Cercelee’s strong point and perhaps the child shared this sentiment.
“You are the first of the Dahlian children, which means you are the very future I am working towards, always.” And maybe that concept was too complex for him, or perhaps not, but sometimes it was too complex for Cercelee. How did she know what the future held and if it was even worth struggling for? “You are quiet and thoughtful, like your sister and my best friend Coli, who I love very much. You are smart and have already lived through so much, so you must have a strong spirit. Really, Conor, I see that there is very little not to love you for.” Was that a good enough reason? Was there any a reason good enough to give another as to why they were loved? Cercelee could only hope so.
[/html]
[html]
:]]] (300)
He did not understand why she laughed, and he did not understand her words. He knew his own name and he knew hers, but what did that have to do about it. Perhaps because both started with the same sound? She said more, but he did not know. Having ties did not mean that there was mandatory love involved. Conor’s mother had abandoned him and his father tormented him. Was that love? Cercelee was never there. He believed this was the first time he had met her all alone without other people present, so it was not an easy task to willingly accept her words and believe her when she said that she loved him. Though, he wanted to believe this. She said that she loved him. Could it be true then despite all the lies he had been served in the past?
He did not understand what she meant by Dahlian children either, but he did notice an error in her speech. Conor had no sister. There was only one Conor and one Emwe, and they were brothers. That was it, basically. He was about to correct her about the sister thing, but then the adult said that he was smart and strong. The compliments from the pretty woman made his light cheeks blush slightly. It was a pretty thing to say and she had not needed to say that. The boy was not used to people calling him strong. He was still the runt, but he was slowly catching up with Emwe. He did not know much about being smart. He was a thinker, but he did not know what one needed to be to be called smart. It was so weird that she wanted him to believe this. He could not completely trust her words, but the boy felt that her words were good to hear.
A small smile was given to the woman, but he had to look down at the grass for a little while because he found it hard to look at someone while blushing. "Cercelee thinks that I is smart?" She was smart too. She also had pretty eyes. "You are has pretty eyes and smart, like verry pretty smart."
[/html]
[html]
Although most of Cercelee’s explanations seemed to elude the boy, the complements she paid him struck home. Cercelee guessed that Conor did not fully understand why Cercelee knew him to be both smart and strong, but he did not deny them and seemed to cheer up. His own words were sugary, turning the attention back to her rather to himself, and the Rosea smiled down at the Papaver, her tail thumping softly against the ground. “Thank you for such kind words. I am only smart because of all I have been through, everyday I become smarter, learn new lessons. You will too, and because I can teach you everything I know and you can learn new lessons on your own, you will be smarter than I one day.” She knew that the next generation always benefited from their older one, if they tried. It was the way of nature, for one pair to make themselves again, a better and more fit to survive version of themselves. It was the purpose of reproduction, not just to keep going, but to make better beings.
Cercelee looked down at the boy, his soft violet eyes that came from somewhere unknown. Neither Haku nor Firefly had eyes like that, nor any of the relatives Cercelee could imagine, though she could think of that many. “You have very pretty eyes too Conor, no one else has eyes just like you. Don’t you think that is special?” Too many had her eyes, perhaps not the exact shade and tone, the icy waters of the north, but Ceres Sadira’s genes ran strong and many varying shades of blue ran rampant through their lines, it was not rare to see blue eyes set in a white face lurking these parts.
[/html]
[html]
Perhaps end this soon and start fresh one? (300)
Conor was clueless about such things. He only knew that daddy had called him many variances of the word ‘stupid’ and so on. If Cercelee said that she was smart because she had been through a lot, then he wondered if what he had been through had made him smart as well. Did this mean that even adults learned new things every day? The boy thought about this. So it was not as easy as to grow up and all of a sudden be very smart, average or just dumb forever. It was a skill that evolved all the time. Did this mean that if he was not smart already, he could make himself smart by just learning a lot? The boy liked that theory. He wanted to be smart and prove his horrible father wrong. That was why Haku was so angry all the time: because Conor was stupid and did only stupid and retarded things. If the boy managed to only do good things then daddy would no longer be so horrible to him. Yes!
However, the boy did not think that he would ever be smarter than Cercelee! The words caused a light blush to caress his white and cream cheeks. She was so kind. Why was it that mommy and daddy were not kind while so many other people seemed to be? He had believed his parents were decent individuals compared to the world out there, but ah, he had been so very wrong. A barely audible giggle escaped through the boy’s thin lips when the Rosea complimented his eyes. The sound disappeared as soon as it had entered the air and his own ears. He rarely did laugh, especially around other people. His daddy seemed to be super annoyed every time that happened. He swallowed quickly, but what was done was done. His lilac eyes sought for anger in the female, but could not find any. It was okay to laugh as long as Haku Soul was not nearby.
”I don’t knows, I hasen’t seen no one elses around.” He timidly replied while wagging his tail slowly. Could smart people teach dumb people how to be smart? ”You, can Cercelee teach Conor to be smarter?” the child curiously asked, letting his golden ears leap forward in silent expectation.
[/html]
[html]
Fade this to black?
Cercelee watched the effects her words had on the young boy. The blushing, the giggle and Cercelee couldn’t help but smile and laugh along with him, noting that he seemed more aware of her reactions than most children his age would have. Despite living with Haku and have Firefly for a mother, Conor and Emwe were both caring, sensitive creatures. It was amazing to find that sometimes neither nurture nor nature had anything to do with one’s being, and it was very comforting that sometimes products of evil turned out to be beacons of light. However it was also a bit unnerving to know that one day if her and Slay ever produced their own pups that they might turn out to be opposite of both their mother and father.
Cercelee nodded to the boy’s question. “We will learn a lot together, and if you ever have questions on anything, hunting, the pack, your family, girls… anything, you can ask me. You know what else, you have a lot of others you can ask too.” It was true, whether the boys realized it now, they had a large support system, even if that group excluded their own parents. “Alexey, Cwmfen, Slay, Mew… all of them would help you with anything you needed and answer any of your questions.” Cercelee knew she could speak for them, for despite it’s short comings Dahlia de Mai was a rather close knit pack, for those who chose to be part of it. The Rosea had absolute faith in most of her members and friends, and hopefully one day that would include the whole pack. It was what she worked towards. “We are all here for you Conor, really.”
[/html]
|
