Sankor had felt like everything was getting farther and farther away lately. Ade was so caught up in her own pains, Alexey was moving on with her life, he'd screwed his friendship up with Ril'o and now it seemed that no matter how much he would search he couldn't find Cwmfen anymore. He was feeling a little low and it was hard to be the therapist when your own problems were building up and bubbling over. Sometimes he just needed to take the time to sit back and take a breather but that didn't always work when you never saw the warning signs that told you to back off.
The two toned male was sitting beside the pool of the thundering waterfall that hid his den. It had been a long time again since he'd stayed in his own place but realizing how alone he was in the pack of Luperci was starting to wear thin on the male. Talking with Slay hadn't actually helped, only made him think on the subject a little more obsessively. He lay down with his paws dangling in the cool waters as he listened to the birds overhead. It really was strange to be normal, yet find out that being normal really made you the different one.
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Mind if I join? Could we date it for the 12th?
300+
Cwmfen returned back to the boarders, allowing Onus to return to the city. Her step was quiet and light. While nothing about her seemed changed, she felt different. She thought that it was strange, but all at once it was a good sort of strange. Once within the packlands, she returned to her den, returning the spear to the watchful tree before she shifted back down. The wounds were less aggravated by the change than they had been the day before, but they still tingled with the memory. Before the black fae set out once more, she looked upon her reflection in the pool, a thing she rarely did. The white orbs did not see her features, only the scars which she inspected, a brief inspection and then she had moved away, almost as if the rest of that reflection had not existed. She knew only that the scars upon her face and jaw would fade, though not completely. Once completely healed, they would be flaws noticeable only through meticulous observation.
Much of her time had been spent outside of the packlands—aside from the pups lately, which had suddenly begun to cross her path ever since the incident with Avarice and Brennt, she had seen very little of her packmates. The woman’s paws carried her lightly as her mind wandered, and as her mind wandered her other senses were alert, watching and yet not. She was still relatively deep within the packland, and she did not expect a stranger. The white orbs looked up, finding that her paws carried her to the place where she had last seen Sankor outside a pack meeting. Wondering why she had come there, the woman paused. Through the trees, she saw a familiar form, and she remembered that the cave had been claimed by the male wolf. Quietly she approached from behind. Standing behind him, she watched his prone form, his paws creating ripples within the pool. But he seemed to be missing the cheerful demeanor that usually accompanied him. "Sankor?" the soft melody called. She was accustom to addressing one by the direct use of their name when first encountering them. "Is anything wrong?"
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I never keep dates, whatever works for you is fine for me. 
He constantly kept dipping one paw in the water, listening to the soft splash of his paw as the ripples echoed across the pool before they were eaten by the foaming roar of the falls. His mind had wandered far from the norm mellow temper that the male had become known for and was currently inhabited by a more dark brooding character. He had always been able to shrug off the silly little things and return to his normal cheery self quite quickly but there was some sort of emotional barrier that was allowing all the sludge to just build up inside his normal little head.
The sound of another's voice broke him out of his thoughts though he never heard the approach of the owner. Turning his head slightly to where he caught the profile of woman he realized that it was the black warrior that had plagued his mind far too often yet he never was able to capture. She was a slippery thing and always seemed to escape his grasp just when he thought he'd found her once more. The words she'd asked seemed to echo through his ears as he turned his face away from the profile of the raven woman.
"Nothing.." he lied. He didn't know why he did it but the words had already slipped before he could even think if he wanted to stop them. He pinned his ears back against his skull as he flinched slightly at the idea that he had just lied to the woman. She'd never done anything wrong to him, it wasn't her fault that he felt like a mutt among a cast of purebred beauties.
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300+
The masked male seemed surprised by her presence. For a moment he had turned his head to look at her, but then he turned away and muttered a quiet reply. While he claimed that nothing was out of place, everything else, his voice, his demeanor, his air, seemed to say otherwise. But the woman was silent, for she did not believe that it was her place to deny the word of another. And it was not her business to pry into the personal affairs of this male—or anyone for that matter. The black fae stood there for a moment, wondering if she should leave him in his peace. Perhaps she was bothering him. But finally the warrior thought against it; perhaps a quiet presence would be better for the male than solitude—and she had offered her company for many in the past. This male, who was both a member of the pack and her friend, should deserve no less. With a quiet grace, the black fae moved to his side and lowered herself beside him, not too far and not too close. But she was close enough to feel the melancholy.
Her woad bound paws were held just above the waterline. Her nose was pointed down as she watched the male’s movements and the consequences thereof. The black fae remained silent, listening to the sound of the waterfall and the echoes that were sent from the cave that hid behind. "Ripples," she noted suddenly, the soft alto speaking as if remembering a distant memory in which she had said something similar, but the memory could not be recalled (had it even happened?). "They begin with the most insignificant disturbance, and yet the grow to such magnitude." Her voice fell silent again, that melody quickly devoured by the pounding of the water. The white orbs turned to look at the eyes of the mahogany male. "It’s strange how similar to life these occurrences can be." The silence of her melody was allowed to persist once more as she lowered her head to her crossed paws, content to leave the male in his peace should he desire it over her conversation.
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He knew that she could see right through him, hell anyone who met the male would be able to see through his simple little lie this day. He wanted to be alone and yet he wanted her to stay. He hadn't seen the woman in forever and finally she was here but only to see him at his lowest. While he'd been working so hard and helping everyone else he seemed to forget to take care of himself and now he had no clue how to pick up the shattered pieces and mold them all back together again. His eyes glanced back to the form of the woman once more as he caught the movement of her frame from the edge of his vision. When she sat down just close enough he seemed to relax slightly, atleast he didn't have to worry about the lovely raven warrior escaping once more, even though part of his still wished she had.
The steady rows of ripples that set across the pool were like the echos of the call of a packmate howling to the moon, a constant shell of what was, a reaction to the initial action, and yet in the end nothing at all. Then her soft sweet voice hit his ears as she commented about the creations in the water. He drew his paw back from the water and watched the last of the bands die off in moments as he sighed. "It's never insignificant to the victims.." he said as he let his paw drop back down into the water as he chewed on his lip, not wanting to met her eyes again as instead he stared at his own face in the water. His voice was bitter as he advised, "It's not as strange as one would want to believe.."
He lifted his frame up from the side of the water and glanced away towhere his den was located for a moment as he remarked. "One's efforts can seem so small in the light of everything.." and he felt like a little ant lost in the forest anymore with the feelings and emotions that had been let run rampant in his soul.
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300+
"However insignificant they seem, every effort is made for a purpose." And perhaps the male did not believe in such things, in purpose or fate. But...would that change anything? If not for a purpose, then why did life exist? Life existed to procreate and to die, but for what purpose did we procreate? To simply maintain a balance? The warrior did not know the answers to these questions. While such thought occasionally crossed her mind, she did not allow them to trouble her. What would she did if she knew her true purpose? Purpose cannot be changed, and so she would simply continue to live life as she had. Nothing would have been changed if she knew such a thing. With that knowledge, one could do nothing. And many chose to allow such things to detriment their lives. And the warrior, being a simple and accepting creature, did not allow such a thing to dictate her life. She didn’t and wouldn’t waste her time.
The black fae lifted her head, turning to look at her packmate once more. Those white orbs washed over him carefully, wondering what it was—or perhaps there were many causes—that caused the male to despair as he was. She was silent for a moment, unknowing of what should be said and done in such a situation; the warrior didn’t want to be seen as insensitive simply due to her social inabilities. "What has so victimized you?" The alto melody was soft, quiet, gentle as those words were sent across the space to him. Sometimes it seemed as if the life of a civilian was much more complicated than the cycle she followed: protect, fight, heal, protect, fight, heal. And of course, that was a simple life, was it not? Her eyes followed the place where the male’s ripples had died, seeing only the vague ripples of the waterfall.
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Her words only caused him to shake his head as he tried to figure out just how to explain all his petty little problems to the woman who was always so strong. He cast his paw over a pebble, flinging the stone into the pond with such force that it skipped across the surface before plummeting into the depths below. A soft hiss escaped between his lips as his eyes lowered to stare at the bank that encircled the pool. His shoulders sagged as he finally spoke. "And what if every effort seems to go unnoticed?" Perhaps in the end it was all his fault, he flirted and played but never took that second step. His jealousies were centered around the same manner, he thought about it and wanted to ask about it but he never took that next step. He could talk the talk but he faltered when it came to the walk.
He couldn't answer the question that she last asked as he just shook his head and tried to figure out where he'd gone wrong. There had never been a bad moment between the dark warrior and himself and yet here he was trying to place one between them. He lifted his eyes and glanced back towards the mystic eyes of the woman. "It's all just petty.." he said. It would have been petty to any other he'd helped, the fellow packmates with the horrible pasts while all he had was jealousy and a craving to know more yet with everything he'd ever attempted he fell short. He could lay it on heavy til the girls blushed but when the truth came down to it he was nothing more than a lost little boy who didn't know how to take the next step.
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"Then those efforts are made for the wrong reasons." The soft alto tones shifted slightly, almost indiscernibly. Perhaps, if the mahogany male truly knew her, he would be able to hear that subtle change. And it was something sharp, something hard within that voice. And perhaps the woman’s eyes held that change as well. There may have been a quiet confusion; why was the pack’s psychiatrist so unable to see himself? The efforts should not be made to be noticed but simply for the joy of the making. If attention was sought, regardless of the selflessness of the deed itself, the effort was made for the wrong reason. It should not be that way, and she knew that the male must know this. And yet, she knew also that for some it was difficult to see the self, to comprehend the energies of one’s own mind. The woad marked tail flickered once, moving the air near her as she tried to comprehend this concept.
Those next words, however, caused her ear to flicker back, a mild irritation flickering within the female for the first time in a long time. But it was a quiet feeling when compared to others, and it may have hardly fazed the woman. "Enough, Sankor," the alto melody growled; her lips pulled back in a show of aggression that may have been real. Yet the woman did not even come close to experiencing the anger or irritation that she displayed upon the surface; it was merely a display, and she knew that such a thing could be unexpected. It was something also used on the battlefield. For a moment, she held that bristling air before letting it drop and allowing silence to proceed. "You cannot change the world. You can only change yourself," the silver melody advised. "If you dislike the path of life, change direction." Only he could help himself. Those around him could show him the way, but only he could walk that path.
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"How would you know.." he asked, his hazel eyes turned towards the woman with distaste at the fact that she didn't seem to understand just what he was trying to say. He didn't know any way of telling her the truth without coming right out and saying it and he was too chicken to do that. She was the pack warrior, she was strong and brave. He was just the shoulder to cry on and a friend to all. Just a friend, always a friend. Sankor could dive into the depths of anyone else's issues and fears but when he looked into his own reflection all he saw was his own face peering back. He could see nothing beyond those green flecked gold orbs, he wondered if anyone else could.
He knew he should have just told her to leave when he had the chance but he hadn't and one by one everything was building up and he was losing it. The last mark was when she growled at him. His eyes flashed to the warrior as he forgot about his own pity and woe at the fact that she'd just demanded him to silence. He didn't realize how whiny and disgusting he sounded but he did not like even Cwmfen telling him he had no right to his own feelings. "Atleast I don't shut out my feelings.." he said after she'd made the display of how he had been acting. In some way his hurtful words had been truth, the woman always reverted to her warrior ways, always a lack of the real emotions. There was the shallow layer she played to the word but he couldn't think of a time when she'd showed anything deeper. Just because she was like a machine didn't make him one.
He turned away from her once more as he huffed. "So I'm just a coward, that's it?" He wasn't bold a brash like most males, he was somewhere lost down a path he'd never stepped paw on before and he was tired of walking it alone.. but he knew it was true. He was a coward. She was right before him and he still couldn't find the words to tell her the truth. All in all he doubted he ever would.
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"Perhaps I don’t," came the melody’s soft response. "But you’re not helping me to understand." The white orbs watched the male and truly wondered why it was that he did not smile—his soul, that is. Why wasn’t his soul smiling? What had brought the rain and thunder, obscuring the sun and its light? And the woman looked but could not see what it was, as if he were blocking her from his thoughts. And she thought again, was it her place to pry into such a personal place? And perhaps it was not, for he seemed to reject her futile efforts. And perhaps her futility was due to her inability to understand, to understand the male at this very moment but also to understand the way in which society moved.
His eyes flashed as he shot her a rebuke. A single, woad bound ear swiveled back at those words, a small but true irritation flickering in those white orbs. For a moment she was silent, a darkness flickering over her. She did not understand the logic of those words, nor did she understand why they had elicited that irritation. Perhaps, she thought suddenly, she had been angered because that had been the purpose of those words. "What I do requires that I am in control, not my emotions." Her voice was quiet, but the melody took on a hard tone as she steadily held his gaze as the ear returned to face him. And even still, it was not as if she were incapable of such things.... Perhaps Onus would be the only male to know. There was a sharp silence that followed her words. But then he turned away.
"That is not what I had said, nor is it what I had implied." Her voice had not softened, but it had not elevated either. "You have deduced that yourself—perhaps that should be enough for you." Perhaps the woman did not word it in the most clear of ways, but she meant that he, as psychologist, perhaps would understand what his own mind had done. She had never implied that he was a coward. She had simply stated that he was trying to change the wrong thing, the wrong part of the world. For a moment, she turned away, her gaze falling into the pool as she watched those ripples and contemplating this meeting. "Look, Sankor," the voice suddenly said, and with a sigh she released that irritation, sending that energy into the world. "If you find my lack of feelings intolerable, I won’t make you endure it." She looked back at him, but she did not yet rise.
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Why did she have to pry so, his dark thunderous mood seemed to grow darker with every little move she made to dig her nails in deeper. He couldn't stop the rolling expression that crossed his face, from the sad look to a more dangerous temper. The male lately had begun to lose his temper over silly things and if this wasn't the worst he didn't know what was going to be next. He huffed as she pressed further. His words were short and snappy as he spat back. "Maybe you're just too blind to see what's right infront of your face.." His ears swiveled back as he felt the thunder and lighting crash inside his head, louder than the roar of the falls that were so close.
She tried to explain herself and all it came out as was an excuse. He couldn't help the laughter that escaped his maw as he turned the green flecked golden orbs towards her with a sneer on his lips. "I'm sorry we can't all be perfect emotionless warriors!" He moved a step farther from the woman as he growled. "Can't you just let me get it all out!" Not that he would ever be able to find the words to say to her what it was that caused so much pent up anger and frustration. He just sighed as her words seemed to float back to him, muffled by the roar of the water crashing over the ledge.
He shook his head and closed his eyes, not knowing if she had left or not. He knew that he was a coward, if she didn't believe it then that was on her but she probably wouldn't ever find out what a coward he was until it was too late. Too bad he didn't know already that time had come. "I just wish it wasn't so difficult, you're so damn different." he murmured as he sighed, his shoulders falling as he made his way towards the den he'd shared with the exotic beauty so long ago.
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300+
The woman was silent. Perhaps she was too blind, especially in such a topic, but she had made an effort to understand these things. And the woman had never been in such an argument with a pack member. Indeed, Firefly and Svara both had created quite the uproar with the juvenile tempers, but it had never been anything like it was now, here with Sankor. The woman really didn’t know what was to be done, and it was not as if she could just attack him. He could not really attack her either. An attack, she had understood, would be quite unwise. And yet what did wolves do when they argued? Because she did not know, the woman was silent, merely rising to be seated as she turned to look at his back-turned form. Yes, perhaps she was blind. She was looking now and could not understand.
And then the mahogany male laughed and sneered at her. The woad bound ears pressed forward in an aggressive manner, but she did not take up the snarl that would normally accompany such a thing. The white orbs hardened. "Perfection is an unattainable state," the harsh melody replied quietly. "And we both know that I am far from perfection." Did he not remember how she had shared with him the story of her past? She had shared that story with so little, she wondered if Cercelee even knew. And now that past had caught up with her as she ultimately knew it would; somehow, she knew that here as well one could never run from the past. And yet she had run, a thing quite unlike the warrior she had become. Fear marred her, just as the scars of failure marred her body.
She could have left, but the woad warrior remained. She did not know quite why she did. Perhaps it was because once long ago and many times since, she too had been lost, plagued by an uncontainable anger that sought more than mere words, than mere thought. "And you think this would change one’s life?" Uniqueness changed nothing, it was the individual, the character. But her voice had been quiet, and he had already begun to walk away. The white orbs followed his form, challenging him to do as he said, to ‘get it all out’. But the woman did not rise to follow him, and there was that quiet irritation that stilled her. Silently, she looked into the pool, seeking something that the pool could not give.
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He really hadn't been thinking when he'd blurted the words out at the woman and when she so patiently reminded him of that he paused, his ears pinned back against his skull as she nearly thrust him from his rotten mood. Instead of returning to join the woman he lowered his head and softly said. "I'm sorry.." And he was, he hadn't meant to bring up her horrid past and he couldn't believe he'd let his emotions get ahold of him and allow him to use such bitter words.. but he couldn't just release his true feelings to her, she was the last one he would tell, yet she was the one he wanted to know more than anyone. It was a cruel game being played out inside his being. He just shook his head and moved on.
He never heard her rise to leave, the question she let follow him caused him to sigh, his shoulders sagging as he shook his head in response. "No, but it would make life easier.." He pushed on, trying to forget that this whole scene had even taken place. He wished he hadn't been so cruel and unjust to the woman but he'd never found himself in this situation before. He paused just before the falls, not looking back as he spoke, his words sorrowful but firm. "Just go Cwmfen, before I end up hurting us both." With that he moved past the curtain of cascading water and moved on down the tunnel where his little hideaway was, the place he hadn't shared with anyone but the exotic woad woman.
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Wrapping it up...
300+
Cwmfen looked up and rose fluidly and silently. Yet she was unwilling to move; something within her—perhaps it was simply instinct—told her to stay behind. She responded with nothing, but she could forgive him. He was her packmate and she considered him a friend. The black fae simply could not understand why he was displaying such hostility towards her. The woman paused; she thought that perhaps she should tell him that it was okay, that this was simply a minor event within their friendship, and yet she could not. His life was going down a path of doubt and she could not understand why. She was almost deterred by what happened, her tentative personality, ever present despite her growing social aptitude, recoiling from the mahogany male. Perhaps she had done something wrong—she felt that at least she had not helped the situation. For a moment the woman wondered why this was happening, what sort of Fate was dictating this event. She wondered what the purpose of this was, but in the end, it really didn’t matter.
"Sankor, it’s—" the quiet voice began, but his final words cut her short. For a moment she simply stood there, that quiet, red irritation intermingling with the colourless tranquility of her soul. The black tail flickered behind her as if she considered remaining, but finally she just turned away, a discontentment in those white orbs as she silently slipped back into the forest. Indeed, she did feel that she would forgive this strange outburst, but that did not stop the woman from experiencing a quiet anger and hurt. The woman did not think that she had done anything wrong, and Sankor would not enlighten her. There was also something that she felt, and yet she could not describe it. The colour of that emotion was a dark hematite, but she did not know the name of this feeling, nor could she explain what it was that it made her feel. A quiet sigh escaped the woman as she moved farther from that pool, her mind wandering to the missing pup Palindrome, to Brennt, and to Onus.
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