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The coyote had left Cwmfen back in the apartment to rest. She had been sleeping a lot, but that was good. Her body needed the rest and for so many reasons. Besides they needed fresh water as well as food. He had locked the door behind him and the key lay inside the pocket of his coat. While no one had ever ventured inside the apartment building for as long as he had taken up residence there he wasn't about to leave her vulnerable. Even if it wasn't a hostile soul who found the place, he wanted her undisturbed. With some wincing he climbed up into the tree and hid his coat among the branches, taking his knife with him.
Onus was by no means a great hunter. Hunting was a skill better suited to the four legged form that he never reverted back to. All these years he had managed fine on his own, but now that wasn't good enough. He needed to feed himself and Cwmfen and the litter that was growing in her womb. He had some tricks up his sleeve though, at least he hoped that they would work. He had found some rabbit pellets in a run down pet shop once and he was going to try and use the human-made food to lure some prey to him. Hopefully once they were distracted by the free meal he could make quick and easy kills.
The man's little hunting excursion had gone better than expected. He walked back towards that large tree outside the building where he lived with three rabbits in tow and a fresh gallon of river water. Leaving his catch he climbed back up to retrieve his coat and carefully climbed back down. Though all that movement had made the wounds upon his shoulder and neck reopen and he could feel blood soaking through the bandages. Oh well, there was no help for it now. The coyote sat down with his back against the tree, his coat laying beside him on the roots. Picking up the first rabbit he began to skin it. He could have done this inside he supposed, but he didn't want to make a mess. It would just be easier to do it out here.
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Summer had descended upon her world, heat and a humidity that was as unwelcome as the change. The world would have benefited from a little more spring. A little bit more of all the cool nights and the rainy mornings. The breezes that were crisp and combated against the warmth of the sun. She could have lived happier with a little more of the waking flowers and planting new buds in rain-softened soil. She was not ready for the humidity, and then for the arid sand underfoot. But despite her need, the world was changing and the seasons morphing from one to other with or without her consent.
The city was not where Anu hoped to flee from the changed and hot atmosphere. There was nowhere to hide in the concrete jungle, not for the female at least. She would not venture into the buildings, fear of collapse, being trapped, and fear of unknown inhabitance keeping her to the streets and sidewalks. She came to find him, a mission set in her mind and not falling from her course. Blue eyes, black nose and tawny hued ears searched of him as she strode up and down the streets. It was foolish to walk in the middle of the road in broad daylight, but she did know how else to find him.
His scent came to her first, familiar among all the unknown that surrounded her. She cut through a dark shadowed street and followed the hints of Onus, and of blood, that lingered in the air. She turned the corner, arms across her chest and eyes wandering to find the male. She was sure that he noticed her, he always knew she was there before she could introduce herself. Memories of their first, and then second meeting came to mind as well as all the things that now connected them. They had much more to talk about then Anu even realized. Her voice was low, and she approached him with caution, though she had no fear for the male only of their surroundings.
Onus. She called, closing the distance between them. Anu wondered why he was so beaten, and she was open about her concern. Your bleeding. The soft spoke female looked to his masked eyes, wondering what had happened.
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His knife tore into the fur and skin of the rabbit, cutting it away from the body. Many of their kind didn't take such care with their meals, not bothering to get ride of the pelt before they ate. He knew that Cwmfen probably didn't care about skinning them either, but it was just personal taste for him. He didn't like getting bits of fur in his mouth when he ate and since he never changed out of his bipedal form it just worked better. Though at the sight of the blood the spatter that had been on the hallway wall in the hotel flashed through his mind as well as the sickening scent of her lifeblood that had hung in the air. His hands stopped and he clamped his eyes shut, trying to force those memories away.
Thankfully a different scent came to him to distract him. It was still a bit distant, but he recognized it with ease. It was Anu. It had been a long time since he had seen the tawny woman, though he had no doubt that she knew that he had been the one to rescue her daughter. Mati had been very open about giving information about him and her other mother had seen and talked to him, so it was almost impossible that at least some word hadn't reached her. That made him think of Conri Church and how he had failed to track that man down. But he had come to the conclusion that that scum was long gone. No trace of him lingered in these lands anymore.
Soon footsteps came to his ears and he caught sight of her in his periphery. Onus kept up his work of skinning the rabbits, but he did it slow with no sense of haste. "Hello Anu," he replied. "The wound just opened up again. I'm fine." That voice, while still rough, held none of its normal hardness and edge. The man was like a dulled blade. Dulled by all of the recent events. "You don't have to worry about Corvus Vendetta anymore. He's dead." It was clear that the vigilante had been the one to end the life of that creature that no doubt kept the Dreams pack on edge ever since Mati's return.
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There was so much that Anu wanted to know. But she was able to keep her questions at bay, knowing that he would shoo her away like some stranger walking on his turf. He had welcomed her into conversation many times. The greeting was almost hollow, unable to show the same energy that had always been present in his voice. Anu found it odd; Onus was always the same, never changing no matter the situation. He was different, moved by something. She figured it was something much greater then the wounds that lined his exposed torso. What made him take his jacket off and feel comfortable or uncomfortable enough to do so was just one of the many questions bubbling in her mind.
She nodded, not pushing him to find new bandages or let her to look at them. Her time with Naniko had taught her something, but she really didn’t know enough about healing. Blue eye stared at his veiled face as the last sentence came from his mouth. Calmly the woman sat, processing the information as she did so. He was dead, but what did that mean? She no longer needed to fear him coming after Mati, or any other pack member. There was no need to fear the death of Dahlia pack members. The death or injury of… a certain flower-pack wolfess Anu fought to rid her mind of. He was stopped, and what did it mean for the shadowed wolfess Anu had just recently met.
Then its safe, again. She spoke, feeling as if they needed to be said aloud to make the fact real. Of course the world would never be safe, but that type of danger was beyond the normal state of the universe. Her face looked bleak, still unsure and without comfort. Confusion and insecurity were written on her face. Mati had told me you would kill him. The words were involuntary, unable to control the thoughts that came and those that slipped past her lips. The woman settled down at a sort distance form the male. Blue eyes looking at his face, wondering if he was truly fine and not knowing whom truly needed her concern.
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In the back of his mind he knew how odd it must be for her to see him as he was right now. All the times she had seen him he had been as he was in front of anyone. Cold, distant, hard though not necessarily uncaring. But now all of that was gone for the most part. All his walls and armor had been stripped from him. Seeing what had become of the woman he loved had left him as Anu now saw him. Defeated and confused. Afraid of what was to come. As much as he wanted to believe whatever was growing in her belly wouldn't turn out like its sire, there was no way to know. He wanted to think that it would turn out like its mother. That with the proper guidance it would not follow that dark path. But he didn't know and he didn't know how it would change everything once it arrived.
Idly he watched her as she sat. For some reason he found himself somewhat comforted by her company. After all, she had gone through something similar, had she not? Loved a woman that was carrying the product of a rape. Perhaps she would be able to give him the reassurance that he needed. Though of course he could not ask for it directly. As changed as he was, he was still ingrained in his ways of social conduct. Actually asking for something was not something he was able to do without great humility and effort. It was not that he was overly prideful, it was just how he had always been.
"From him, at least." The world was never safe. There was always some maniac or psychopath lurking in the shadows, ready to spread their filth and their evil. Though Corvus had been the greatest foe that Onus had ever faced and there was a great amount of accomplishment in having vanquished it. Still, the victory felt so hollow. "I hope Mati is doing better." He might not ever admit it, but he had grown fond of the girl. Hopefully her ordeal had not left her emotionally crippled. Onus continued to skin his rabbits, careful not to get the blood from his catches on the bandages that encircled his forearms.
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Anu gave a nod, eyes venturing down to the ground and then back to the male. “She is doing better.” she spoke with a hesitant voice, “ She is healing, and the dreams don’t shake her anymore.” Anu was proud of her daughter. Though things rarely shook her, the emotional tirades that her mothers had placed on her, the truth of her father and her brothers’ departure left her only scathed. This had rocked her, as it should have. She had always been a scared pup, but her strength was immense and she had been able to handle many things that others crumbled under. Anu was nothing but grateful and proud. “I wanted to thank you, for watching over her. For saving her life.” For a moment Anu thought tears would fill her eyes, at the thought of loosing her daughter.
Onus was a man of mystery, but Anu was insightful and observant. She watched him skin the rabbit as she spoke. As always there was precision and skill in the workings of his blade, but Anu noticed that he cut more meat off the kill then necessary. A delicate and hesitant motion, for a man that would know the strength hidden in the hide of the dead fragile beast. Anu looked to him, mind working the details of her conversation with the deceased villain’s daughter. The midnight female with painted accents had moved Anu with her sorrow, her guilt and her responsibility. She knew that Corvus’ appearance and demise meant that she had found him.
Slowly Anu spoke, instinctively feeling the fragility of the conversation. “And Cwmfen? Do you know how she is?” He knew, Anu was sure. Remembering the hidden, subtle motion the female had made when Anu mentioned Onus in their conversation. He had moved her in a way Anu could not ignore. He was troubled, deeply and Anu wondered if Cwmfen was at the center of it all.
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Onus was glad to hear that the girl was recovering. At least that time he had not failed. The thought of what could have happened to her if he had made him sick to his stomach. Seeing his beloved, a strong, grown woman who had almost been expecting that to happen was hard. Harder than he had imagined it would be. But to have something like that happen to one so young and fragile as the Church girl. That was truly unbearable. "Glad to hear she is recovering." There was true sincerity in his voice that he could not hide. There had been times he had wanted to stop by Crimson Dreams and check on her, but finding the crow wolf had been too pressing and now he had a whole other load of problems to deal with.
"Don't have to thank me," he said, sheering off another strip of fur and skin. "It's what I do." He was becoming uncomfortable. He could feel the emotions of the woman much more acutely than he was used to. The coyote was able to empathize and it was an entirely new sensation for him. One that made him nervous, just as his love had when it was new. Though even then he hadn't been expecting the words that left the tawny wolfess' mouth next. The movement of his blade and hand stopped, the knife nearly falling from his grip with how suddenly it had happened.
The man's face moved up to look at her straight on. "Cwmfen?" he said, his voice betraying him once again. How did Anu know of Cwmfen? Not only did it seem that she knew his lover, but knew that there was more than mere acquaintanceship between them. His head and shoulders drooped, ears falling back against his skull. "She lives," he said. "But I did not come in time." Onus took a deep breath. "She carries his seed." Even though Cwmfen had told him multiple times that he had not failed her, he still felt that he had. Nothing would be able to erase that from him completely.
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Anu smiled, his words kind to her concerned ears. A mother never wanted to see a child hurt, let alone as broken as Mati had been. She was well, and getting better daily. Anu was grateful for that. Grateful for him. She wondered if he could tell, how much she appreciated what he did and how he was there for her and for the rest of the world.
She would be dead, without you. There were things that many would not admit, needing someone as reliable and unwavering as he was. It was a rare thing, and sad that most would not know the things he did. Even if they were just, “what he did”.
She had opened the conversation to the woad female, and Anu easy saw the emotions that ran through the normally emotionless male. It peaked her curiosity, but her concern overpowered all else. Blue eyes looked deeply into the male, uncovering everything thing that he had once hid. There was more then just what Anu had once thought, he had saved her, Anu was sure of it. And if she only lived, there was pain and agony that surrounded her. And to the other’s dismay, it had filtered into him.
Eyes locked on the beast, Anu felt as if she watched an eclipse. A moment so rare that she dare not look away for fear of missing it. It was the loss of the shroud he wore, and for Onus he might as well have opened his chest to expose his heart. Anu recovered from her shock, seamlessly as she sometimes did. Cwmfen had been raped, as Mati almost had. But this was different, so very different. Cwmfen had spoken to her about the monster calling for her, as if he needed her or worse. How could she admit that she had turned her away just before all of it must have happened? But Anu did not loose faith, hope filled her even when the world was missing it. She held on.
Her throat closed, eyes looking away as she fought to find the words. Still unsure she spoke,
She lives, and will she recover from her injuries? It was only right to look at the positives, and the possibilities.
How can you be sure, Anu paused. Thinking it farfetched, yet possible. How did he know that she had no other lover, no other to give his gift before the monster had taken hers?
There could be no other, none before this? Her question was personal, and how would he know anyways…
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omg so awkward for him XD
He only nodded in response to her words about Mati. He knew them to be true. The demon would not have stopped at robbing her innocence. He would have taken everything from her. Silently the vigilante wondered if Corvus had known that Mati was acquainted with him. If that was why she had become a target. Perhaps he had only attacked her to provoke a response from the coyote. Well, a response he had indeed provoked. Though the Onus that had met Corvus that day was wholly different from the one that had been brought down upon him at the last. That day rage had seared his veins and fury had driven the logic from his mind. He had been a rabid beast, but that rabid beast had vanquished that evil.
Onus could feel her eyes upon him, staring at him. He knew how shocking this must have been for her, seeing him in this way. So exposed. For indeed he felt exposed. Like some naked squalling child exposed to the elements. The claw on his thumb picked at the hare that still lay in his hand, trying to distract him from the unending blue gaze. But then she seemed to regain some of her composure. "Yes she will. Though she was on death's doorstep when I found her." With all the blood loss and abuse that she had been subjected to it was a miracle that she had held out as long as she had. At least the cruel world had not taken everything from her, and in its turn, everything from him.
Her next question shocked him and he could feel a heat flood his face. Never before had he had to say anything to another about the nature of his relationship with the woad female. Not as if he had anyone to share it with in the first place, and no one else would have cared about him enough to ask. Even now as it stared her in the face, Anu could not see it. Could not see what truly was between the two warriors. "There...she..." The man stumbled over his words as he never had before. "I...I have been the only other to lay with her...recently..." His cloaked gaze was intent upon the ground, unable to look anywhere else for what he had just admitted. And what grew inside her could not be his'. After all he was a good deal older than she was, well past his prime. She knew that it was a dark seed that had begun to grow and he did not think to question it. She would know her body better than anyone else.
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This was hard for him. And Anu could see the pain that was written on his body, in his words and voice. Anu realized that it was suddenly the coyote that was in need, not she. Anu had come to him with thanks, in need of forgiveness and a guilt that was hidden deep within her chest. And yet, she was not faced with the Onus she was used to. Though she found the sincerity and understanding that she sought, there was something that Anu didn’t think she would find.
Anu had dreaded the things that she imaged would happen to the unfortunate Dahlia wolfess. Her history was still a dark haze, but what she did know had painted a very bleak picture. For a moment Anu had weakened and thought that death was the only future for the woad fey. Anu was happy to know that she was face, the monster slain and their lands free again. But Onus was someone Anu held dear. A savior in his own right, but he could not bear this burden, this truth too heavy.
She listened in silence, nodding slightly and absorbing the confession. Her face remained settled, even as she took the facts and put them all together. Eyes focused on nothing, looking at the ground and trying to understand where the male stood in all of this. It sounded familiar, though her own situation could not compare. At least when she looked back to it, it did not seem so traumatic. Asking the Anu of that moment in time might have a different opinion.
She laid her eyes on his face again, finding that he was a man of love and held an ability that she had once thought him incapable. She hadn’t known, didn’t understand that he loved her. Maybe if she had know she would have allowed the woman to rest inside the manor, kept her save for a few more hours or maybe a day. “Then there is hope.” Anu spoke to herself as if child. He would tire of her optimism in mere moments. She straitened her back and looked at him softly. “You will be surprised what can grow from love.” If that was what they felt, though Anu did not doubt their bond. When Anu needed reality, needed protection and someone to trust, she came to him. Now, Anu could only hope she could help him in some way.
“You know of my children,” She paused, seeking the gaze that had fallen to the floor, her voice stronger the before. “they are nothing like their father. Raised in a pack, love and security surrounding them. You will never know Onus, and there will be no hint until their birth. But if,” her voice faltered, feeling so deeply that such a thing could be true, needed it to be for the sake of her broken family. “you believe they are yours, know it, then they will be.”
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It wasn't Anu's fault for not knowing of the love that was between him and the Dahlian woman. The fewer that knew, the safer she would be. He didn't have many enemies in this land, but even one was enough to put her in danger. Any truly evil being knew that the best way to harm an enemy was to harm those that he was close to. Putting himself in mortal danger had never been an issue. He had dedicated his life to that cause knowing that eventually someone would overcome him and his life would be lost in that struggle to rid the world of evil. But now she was in that struggle to, willingly or not. So he had to keep it secret so that the risk to her was as minimal as it could be. The thought of her being hurt because of him was unbearable. It had already happened. He knew that the burn upon her inner thigh was because of him.
Onus hoped that Anu was right. That there was hope that the litter growing in her womb would not turn out dark like the man who had bred them. That with the proper care and guidance they would turn out like their mother instead of their father. That they would overcome that heritage just as she had. He hoped that for her sake and for their's. Because if they did turn out like their sire, then Onus would have no choice but to terminate them just as he had their source. And if that turned out to be the case that could likely cause a rift between Cwmfen and him that could never be bridged. And the man could not live without her, not truly. He would continue to function, but only in the most base sense. His body would go on but he would already be dead inside.
He was still unable to raise his gaze to her, but he was at least able to respond. "But even if that is so. Even if they turn out like her, I will not be able to be there for them. I am banned from Dahlia. Banned from their lands because Haku Soul is a criminal and yet he holds the reigns of power there. How can I be there for her when I'm not even allowed in her home?" The man let out a heavy sigh. "Besides, what kind of parent could I be? I'm not fit to raise children. I'd probably only do them harm." The coyote knew nothing of nurturing. Nothing of helping something to grow and thrive. He had no past childhood to look back on and remember what was necessary. In this venture, he was useless.
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Anu thought heavily, looking to her fingers as the fiddled with each other. Her ears turned at the sound of the Soul wolf. A frown creased her face and Anu was suddenly aware of another very wrong aspect of life. This one wolf had turned on many, including his daughter. It pained her to think of the chocolate fey beneath the monster and her creator. The woman needed to bite her tongue, envisioning it truthfully in her mind for the first time. He is a criminal. Raping his, own daughter. Dahlia has more problems then it cares to recognize. Anu had felt such a way before, but now that Onus had recognized it as well, meant that her feelings were justified.
Growing calm, Anu turned to the true subject. The presence of a father is not just the physical being. Anu paused, picking blades of grass as if she needed a distraction. But she didn’t, knowing that what she said was true. Its knowing, the idea can be just as powerful. Them knowing that you are their father will be more moving then having nothing, or the idea that it is indeed Corvus. She thought of Haven, and the dull pain of her absent son. Anu had wrongfully favored him, and the pain she felt by his departure was her punishment. He had been moved greatly by the history of his father, and that was only an idea. If Onus could just be something more, it would be better then the mere shadow of a parent his children would be left with.
The wonderful thing about the birth of a child is that only so much is programmed, and we get to help create the outcome. The she smiled, looking at the male and understanding that there was more love in him then there might have been in her own heart. Love the propelled him to kill, love that protected Cwmfen without hesitation, and love that was shared and no doubt reciprocated. You’re their father, and you wouldn’t hurt them. Your love for them will surprise you, there is nothing stronger. He looked frazzled and disoriented, and it wouldn’t be the last of it. He was in for a long and winding ride.
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At the mention of one of the brown brute's other crimes Onus' face finally looked up at Anu. "What." His voice was suddenly hard again and almost came out as a hiss. Did Cwmfen know about that? If she did, how could she possibly follow the bastard? The same had happened to her after all. Powerful jaws clenched together and his hands made fists. He was powerless to do anything against the wolf unless Haku came after him. Inside his mind screamed in outrage. That beast was a sore upon the face of the earth and was so very deserving of death, and yet the woman he loved was loyal to the creature and sworn to defend him. It was all the coyote could do to keep himself still and not go and tear something apart. The two sides of him were at war on the subject of the Soul male and he knew they would never be resolved.
The woman's words entered his brain, and yet it was hard to compute them. No matter how he tried, he could not think of himself holding the title of "father". It scared him. Being so responsible for the life of another. Cwmfen was one thing. She was an adult and she could take care of herself. She understood that he could not be there for her all the time just as he understood that in her. But children didn't understand such things. And while the simple idea of knowing they had a father could help, it was no substitute for someone actually being there. "Perhaps," the man said. "I worry for her though. For her mental and emotional state. She needs me now. It is not easy for either of us to admit needing someone, but she has. And yet when she is able to return home I will be barred from her. How can I be there for her then?" Onus didn't think Cwmfen the type to try and harm herself, but in such extreme situations it was hard to be certain.
The man shook his head. "I didn't mean that I would hurt them intentionally." He would never do that, not as long as they didn't start to behave like their sire. "But I do not lead a normal life. I'm not someone a child should try and model themselves after. I don't even have a clue what a normal life is supposed to be like. I can't give them what they need." Another sigh was heaved from his lungs. In his mind, Anu was giving him far too much credit at his ability to meet this role. "And if anyone against me should find that they thought of me as a father they would be in danger. Them and Cwmfen. My very attachment to them puts them at risk." He doubted his lover even fully understood the danger their relationship placed her in.
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She would have been better off if Onus had not replied to her accusation of the Dahlia leader. Though she could not be angry that he had, she only thought harder on the issue, and more about the little female. Anu had tried to keep her from her thoughts, but life would not let her slip from the General’s grasp. Again and again she was made to bring her face forward in her mind's eyes. Each time it was easier, and appreciated by her heart. I only wish for her to be safe. she spoke before truly thinking the words over and understanding that they were indeed being spoke aloud and not just running through her mind.
Onus spoke, his deep hard voice rising in her chest and bringing her back to the present moment. She nodded at the ideas he preached, of course he would fear for her. That was something he had always done, no? He was in the most difficult of situations. It was a Romeo and Juliet kind of love, sacred and the purest of feelings, yet forbidden and felonious at the same moment. Anu wished she had the answer for him, wished that there would be an answer. But they both knew that there would be no compromise and that nothing would be perfect. The woman let him speak, for she had no words for him and at times like these letting the worry from your mind and into the air helped more then any other remedy.
A small nod told him that she was taking it all in, and she let her legs cross as she thought it all over. It wasn't long before she found what she wanted to say. Blue eyes looked at the tired man’s face, finding his exposed body full of the tire and concern that his voice betrayed. Cwmfen is strong. Anu stated the obvious, taking a deep breath and letting the words come on their on accord. And if it is her choice to return to Dahlia, she must recognize that she puts that strain on her and her littler. Anu did not mean to place blame on the woman, and her voice was soft with caring. You can only be who you were meant to, and living the “normal life” the rest of us try to live (something Anu strived for; a bit or normalcy) won’t be how you live. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t try, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have something to give them. The moment he recognized that he did indeed have something worth sharing, he would start being a father.
Anu didn’t know what to say about his profession. She appreciated what he did, and could not for the life of her tell him to stop. It wouldn’t be right, and against every cell of her being. Leaving would hurt her more. You know that… was that his answer? Anu looked at him, waiting for him to gather the pieces and be the man that she knew he was. Her voice was not meant to push him, or meant to argue. But the female wanted to him to recognize that as hard as it was going to be, giving in to all the powers that kept them apart would be more devastating than if they put it all on the line
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Dahlia de Mai was a pack that made little and less sense to him the more he learned about it. The only reason he didn't actively pursue the Soul wolf was because of Cwmfen. How could they all knowingly accept a demon to help lead them? Sure, no doubt it gave them power. For now. But sooner or later that power would turn against them and eat them whole. One did not harness the power of one such as Haku Soul with eventually facing the consequences. He wondered when that day would be and had a feeling that it might not be as far off as some would like to believe. "I do not understand how they can follow one such as him. Especially Cwmfen. But questioning her loyalty to her pack will get me no where." The couple had already faced a hurdle that the brown wolf had placed in front of them. He would be damned if he let Haku destroy them.
Onus knew that she was strong. Stronger than most. And yet seeing her so weakened, so close to death, had struck him as nothing else ever had. She had truly been as delicate as he usually handled her. With the slightest action she could have broken. Seeing such a strong woman, the woman he loved, reduced to such a state had effected him more than he knew. "She is," he said, his voice holding a hint of hollowness. "But you did not see her as I did that day." No one could know unless they had been there. There was no other way to understand. As much as he wanted to believe that she would make the choice to stay with him for that time instead of returning to Dahlia, he knew she couldn't. She couldn't do that anymore than he could leave behind his life's mission. "She will return. I know that can not be avoided." Once she was strong enough she would return.
Perhaps he did have something he could give them. Maybe he wasn't as ill suited to the task ahead as he thought he was. Maybe someday he would realize it, but it was not to be this day. For someone who had spent his entire life alone, he did not carry a very high opinion of himself. In fact he was quite humble. He could do what he could do, but when it came to other things he was inadequate. The coyote felt now that he was not inadequate at love, but still the thought of being a parent to another life was something he was not prepared for. As Anu spoke again his gaze shot to her's and he spoke with more strength and conviction than he had this whole meeting. "I would never leave her." Never. Not willingly. Their souls were joined now and to tear himself away from her would to be to tear himself in two as well as her. That was something he could never, nor would he ever, do.
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For what Anu could remember there had never been a pack that she had thought more about, other then her own. She thought about their leader, their territory and their members. It was wrong of her to analyze, and she knew it. It was a secret of hers as well, as was the amount of time she spent thinking of a certain Dahlian. Secrets were not her forte, and as she had a trouble lying and found keeping things hidden just as difficult. Of course. she said softly. As they all did when in any sort of relationship, he must choose the battles that he wanted to fight.
Maybe they wouldn’t be a true family. Not even the oddball situation that Anu faced with her own family. He wouldn’t be able to wake each moment knowing that he would see their faces, nor the face of the woman he loved. In her heart she felt it tragic, and wanted more for him and more for his midnight love. They were pure, goodhearted creatures and a bastard rapist would keep them apart. Sadness and anger mingled, and Anu was left wordless. Blue eyes looked away, wrapped up in the helplessness of it just as he was. His voice fading in her ears, repeating the same lifeless message. It was only when he spoke with his true voice that Anu looked back to him.
Blue eyes looked at the male, and she fought the urge to look too intensely. She no longer felt the need to caudle him, as he seemed to finally return to the body that he left in his unease and insecure moment. He had a chance to help, to change the lives of children that will not have an easy existence. Then be there for her. Be there for them. There was a frustration, something inside that she wanted invoke in him. This was a small battle in a war. How long and arduous it would be was up to him, but he was whiling to fight and that was enough. For now.
Yes, it was not as easy as she stated. Onus, you either do it or you don’t. You love her or you don’t. Anu felt the rise in her own voice. And you do, so fight for every moment you can have with her. And its ok to be scared for her and to worry. You’ll find being a parent is worrying, about everything. Her voice faded at the last two, that was what parenthood had been for her. Worrying about every moment. Don’t let the obstacles be more powerful then you and your feelings for her, that’s when they defeat you. She looked away, unable to hide emotion that she felt and the way it controlled her so freely.
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It felt good, for this moment in time, to put down his strong front. Usually it wasn't a front, but ever since that day it had been. A front that had become increasingly hard to keep up. There were times when he had to work so hard to do it though. Like when he was around Cwmfen. He knew it was not easy for her to suddenly become so reliant on another to survive and the last thing he wanted her to think was that she was a burden to him. Taking care of her would never be a burden, even if it was necessary for the coyote to work his fingers to the bone. He would do anything for her, do whatever she needed of him. But he couldn't show her how weary he was and how fraught with uncertainty. It had nothing to do with her, none of it was her fault, but he knew how easily she would blame herself for his weakened emotional state. Onus wouldn't let her think that way.
Anu's strong words made strength return to the vigilante's body. It was true that he did not know what the future held for him and his love, did not know what he could do for her in this trial, but he knew that he loved her and he would be there for her no matter what. Maybe he could help the litter that grew within her. Maybe he could instill good morals and beliefs upon them. Though he would never try and force his lifestyle upon them or the severity of his judgment of others. While he did not view what he did as wrong, he knew it made him an outcast from the rest of canine society. These children deserved better. They deserved to have a chance at a normal life. Onus wasn't sure if he could give them that chance, but he would try.
The talk of fighting, now that was something he understood. Yes. Yes, he would fight for her. He would fight tooth and claw to be there for her. But how? How could he gain access into the flower pack's territory? Was there a way? He knew that even these circumstances wouldn't move Haku's black heart (if the man even had a heart at all), but would it move another? From his personal observations and interactions with Cwmfen, he had deduced that there was one more wolf that stood above Haku in the pack. Perhaps he could appeal to them, plead his case and ask for them reconsider his ban. As much as it would take for him to do it, he would even beg if he had to.
The coyote nodded his head, looking at the wolfess. He had not expected talking to her about all this to be so helpful, but it had been. Perhaps he had even needed this. Onus was still far from certain about everything, but he knew what he knew and he felt what he felt. "Thank you Anu," his voice stated sincerely.
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Anu was nothing more then a fool. A fool that allowed herself to fall in and out of love so strong that her body ached from it. There was no other pain like the kind love forced upon a soul. Everything she would see, touch, do was for the sake of such love. Of course, some had power over it; but Anu would not let herself believe such an outrageous lie. Love could take her places beyond the physical world, so high that she was above even heaven and so low that there could be no deeper hole. Everything she felt was because of that love. She wondered if he allowed himself to be as foolish as the lithe fey was. Though even as Onus sat unveiled and weakened before her he did not seem like a fool, yet in love.
They all deserved better then what they were given. There would always be something that could be changed and turned right. But it was what they became after such things; it was not always the problem they faced but how they were able to solve it that made them different and better for it. The effort must be strong, and he must not show any hesitation. He must show loyalty and bravery. He must be a pillar of support and confidence in the times ahead. He should be kind and sensitive to the changes that would occur within his love, and cherish each moment he had with her. Anu hoped he knew all these things, for they could not form into word and remained deep unaltered feelings inside her chest.
She gathered her emotions, and calming them as she looked from his face. He was silent, and she was able to collect her thoughts. It was only when he spoke the simple words that she looked back to his face. She looked for many moments, wondering if she did indeed help him. She hoped she did, hoped that he had not found her a preaching bleeding heart. But the words were pure and true. And she nodded ever so softly, and spoke her own thanks. Thank you, again, for saving my baby girl. She was not the only one that deserved credit. He had destroyed the dark, and saved them all from sleepless nights. Any words she could give him would never repay him for the things he had done for her and her family. She would always be in his debt.
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