walking back towards your house
#1
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 300+
1. Character Name: Urma
2. Character Birthdate (including year): 22nd of May 2007
3. Whether s/he is a regular wolf or a Luperci: Luperci Verto
4. Species: Arctic Wolf
5. Gender: Female
6. A secondary form of contact (AIM, MSN, Y!M): divine_elocution@yahoo.com
7. How you found 'Souls: Returning
8. Initial post: It had been a long time since her paws had tread on this path. Although her steps were hesitant, her heart knew the way and recited it to her like a long forgotten lullaby. The weather was holding on well, and time didn't seem to have affected this place, as if the memories she had of it had kept it out of harm's way. She wondered whether she'd still find anyone here; the fear of disbandment surfaced in her mind, and she pushed it away, too tired from the long journey to consider the disappearance of what had never ceased to be her home. She remembered the time Shadowed Sun had disbanded right under her eyes, and how she had followed Pilot blindly, trusting him, how he had led her to Crimson Dreams. How things had changed for her there. Before she caught wind of his unexplained absence. And that night, when she had given him the violin, when they had lied down under the blooming stars, anticipating anxiously what would come. But in the end, all their dreams, they never came to be. She remembered how much the news of him missing affected her, and her resolution to leave Crimson Dreams, anguished. Time had passed, and her time alone had brought her back to where she felt she belonged to.


She stopped as she reached the boarders and reclined on her haunches, her eyes surveying the distance. Dusk was rapidly closing in on the surrounding forests, casting shadows in the grass. The soft breeze combed through her fur, and she kept her gaze on the horizon, hoping, after such a long time, that a white coat would appear against the blue of the sky. The white coat she had last touched, before having lost. For a few long minutes, Urma waited, her heart racing and her thoughts wandering, thinking whether anyone she knew would find her, whether there was anyone left from the pack she had torn herself away from. Another few minutes passed in silence, night steadily claiming the area. And then Urma lay down on her belly on the grass, lifted her head towards the sky and howled. Deep and long, so the sound of it would carry as far as the air would take it. When silence settled, she called into the surrounding darkness, "Pilot?"

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#2
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Hey! Welcome back! Big Grin 300+



The rain had stopped for the moment and the air was crisp. The rain laden grass soaked the dark Commanders paws as she walked through the lands. This time of day was always beautiful, the sky turning into a canvas of rich reds, pinks and oranges. The dimming light only made the picture more stunning. Lungs took in a deep breath and then slowly re-released the air to the world. Emerald eyes that had only been half alert soon widened. Was that...had there been a familiar smell in that air? Familiar yes, but no one who lived inside the lands currently. The memory danced through her mind like a ghost, teasing her, but she was never able to grasp it fully.



Savina continued to try and remember the owner of that scent as she walked when a howl split the twilight. Feet stopped for a moment as the voice joined the smell in her head and the ghost became clearer. A white wolf, yes, female. One that had left months ago. Left after...Pilot. A shudder ran down her spine and she was thankful the quiet femme had never seen the former Brigadier General after his ordeal. No doubt it would have broken her heart to pieces. It had been hard enough on the Italian fey. But now it seemed she was back and swiftly ebon legs ran in the direction of the call.



It was only a matter of moments before the image that had danced in her head became solidified and real right before her. Pace slowed, so as not to startle the other. It had been so long and they had only met a handful of times, would she remember her? "Urma?" the accented voice called out. "You've come back?" Or had she just come looking for Pilot? Savina's stomach dropped, she would hate to disappoint her.

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#3
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OOC: Thanks! Big Grin ::Word Count:: 500+

Her senses were on edge, waiting for someone to respond to her howl. Her heart was straining against her chest as she anxiously surveyed her surroundings for the form of a white male. Eventually her eyes distinguished in the night the dark form of a female whose scent brought back memories of the early days spent with this pack. She sat up on all fours and met Savina's gaze, her tail wagging excitedly. She drew closer to the female wolf, grateful someone she knew was still in the pack. Her eyes sparkled with the smallest bit of joy, before her thoughts about why Pilot hadn't shown up resurfaced. Surely he would have heard her call... Unless she had lied to herself and he was still not here. She let out a deep sigh, searching with her gaze, her hope nearly extinguished. Eventually, she turned to look at Savina again and softly broke the silence. "I guess so." She realized she longed to know what had happened during all this time, but felt it almost impossible to put into words. After a while, she continued, "It's been a long time. And I haven't found him. And if I haven't found him until now, I don't know when or if I will. This is the only place left for me to look now. Although, much as I'm glad to see you, a friend, I also guess that means he isn't here either, or else he would have been here, and not you." She paused for a moment, realizing that had probably sounded more rude than Urma had ever intended. "I'm sorry, Savina. I didn't mean to make it sound as if I wasn't happy to see you," she said, managing a truthful smile.


She lay down on her stomach again, trying to relax her tired muscles, trying to convince herself, for the millionth time, that she'd find him, in the end. But the night seemed to stretch beyond the horizon, beyond where anyone could see, and she felt more lost here, at the boundaries of her home, than she had ever felt, running through unknown forests and pacing herself over steep cliffs and rocky shores. All throughout her journey, she'd envisaged Pilot having come back after her departure, had always imagined him waiting for her to come back, as the two of them knew she would. It had seemed unimaginable to her for him to have just disappeared without a trace. Despite the endless nights forcing herself to keep walking, looking everywhere for even a shimmer of white fur, she had always believed that she was just a few steps behind him, a day or so distance. Now, standing next to Savina, the closest she had ever come to Pilot seemed the furthest point from him. She had no idea where to look. Somehow, though changed by her journey in many ways, she had yet to learn to shut herself away from her emotions. When the silence, at least in her head, seemed to have gone on too much, Urma looked up to meet Savina's gaze, her eyes watery, and slowly asked, "What happened?"

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#4
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Went ahead and got you titled up because Kiri's going to be gone until Tuesday ^^ 300+



At first when the other femme saw her she rose to her feet and her tail wagged. A smile formed on Savina's face and her own tail wagged a few times before a sigh was heaved from Urma. That coal tail stopped and the smile turned into an understanding frown. She had been expecting Pilot. If only she knew how much the Commander also wished that he could have been here to greet her. As the words of disappointed flowed from the pale wolf Savina's ears drooped on her head. Not for once did she feel she was being treated unkindly, she understood how much it must hurt to not find him. The fey shook her head. "Don't worry Urma, I understand. No offense was taken. I'm sorry he isn't here..." She certainly wished he was, she missed him as well. Though, she knew, not nearly as much as the woman before her did.



Concerned eyes looked on as the yellow eyed wolf sunk back down to the ground. She must be exhausted, how far has she traveled? Worried as she was, she let the silence stretch on. No doubt the other was collecting her thoughts and trying to figure out where to go and what to do from here. But when that question was asked she didn't hesitate at telling her the truth. She deserved to know. "A coyote from Inferni took him. Held him hostage. I didn't know until after he was free." Though she couldn't bear to tell Urma the darker details of Pilot's imprisonment. It was not really her tale to tell. The words her broken friend had uttered haunted her. "Urma won't love me now." "He joined a tribe to the east of here for a while, Ani Waya, but now he's gone. He learned he had long lost family somewhere to the south. That's where he is now, though I don't know where exactly. His son, Apollo, went with him and returned here not long ago." If only she had more information to give, or better news to share.

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#5
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OOC: Thanks loads! ::Word Count:: 500+

Urma set her head on her front paws, trying to take in all the information and at the same time, push it away. It seemed too much to accept as reality. How could this happen, how could this be true when her reality of him was that last night they'd spent counting stars, grateful for each other's presence? All the times she had blamed herself for his disappearance, how eventually the desire to find him and the guilt of staying amongst pack members she thought she had driven him away from had forced her to leave, all the emotions she had experienced whenever she had glimpsed a bit of white fur in the distance, these things all came back to Urma now, chanting to her in her head how wrong she had been every time. Back when she had left, convinced Pilot's absence was somehow her fault, she had thought that if that theory were ever to be proved wrong, she'd felt relieved, happy maybe. But now she felt none of those things. In a way, she didn't think she would ever feel any of those things, now that she knew him to be further away with every step she took in the pack's direction.


But Savina's next words brought a glimmer of hope back in Urma's eyes. If Apollo was back, he'd know where Pilot was. Where he had to be. Her body seemed to ache less at the prospect that after a few hours' rest she could finally turn back to the road and find him. But, as she tried to push herself up and realized she was far better off on the ground, she understood it would be at least a few days before she could even consider the possibility of leaving again. She wondered, replaying all that Savina had told her in her head, whether he'd ever mentioned her, when he met Savina. Urma didn't want to ask. It seemed the least important thing. She'd understand how he might not have thought about her, after all that had happened to him. Her voice was cracked as she finally said, "How long was he hidden by Inferni? How did he manage to escape? What happened to him? Did he ever come back?"


To look for her, was how she had meant that to end. It was hard not being a bit selfish, and Urma hated herself for that. She had no idea what he had gone through, and it was to be expected that Savina couldn't know everything herself. No one could, except for him. But if he had run away, he probably didn't intend to tell anyone. She should have stayed. Maybe if he had found her, he wouldn't have left himself. It broke her heart to pieces to know that she had left out of love for him, searching for him everywhere, and that maybe all it would have taken was for her to be there for him, to have waited a while longer. She closed her eyes, pushing back tears, knowing she had been so hasty to leave in search of him because she had lost a mate like that, out of patience. So why had she lost Pilot now too? Why always because of the wrong decision?

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#6
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300+



Once again silence settled between the two females and as before Savina did nothing to break it. It was a lot to take in. Thoughts whirled throughout her own mind. Why had Urma left Crimson Dreams in the first place? But then it all clicked into place and she was surprised she hadn't realized it before. She had gone to search for Pilot. After all, none of them had known where he had gone to. After he had been missing for a good amount of time Savina had gone looking for him and had never picked up a trace of his scent. It was like he had vanished off the face of the Earth. It was only when he had shown up near Rabbit Lake afterwords that the dark truth about his disappearance had come to light. A spark left of the anger that had overwhelmed her in that moment flickered in her chest. None of that should have ever happened.



Slowly Savina moved to lay down beside Urma. They weren't close enough to touch, but still close enough to feel one another's warmth. Hopefully it would give the tired femme some comfort. The pain in the words next spoken cut the Italian to the quick. "I'm not entirely sure, at least a month I believe. I'm not sure how he finally escaped, when I finally saw him afterwords we didn't talk much..." Emerald eyes turned to look into those bright yellow ones. "He wasn't the same Urma. He was...broken. What happened to him was nothing good. Nothing that he should have had to endure." A heavy sigh was heaved from her chest. "He only came back the one time, the time I saw him. I haven't seen him since. But at least I think he's better." That was what she had gathered anyway. That he was finally recovering from what had been done to him.



Those eyes closed and she knew they were holding back tears. "I'm sorry..." the accented voice whispered. Savina hated to see anyone in such pain, especially a friend.

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#7
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 500+

It took a lot of Urma's resolve and composure to not break into tears at what Savina was telling her. Thinking of Pilot, although painful, always gave her a sense of peace, always put her at ease with herself, always calmed her down. But thinking of Pilot as hurt, broken, as Savina had put it, did nothing but put the bricks for an imaginary place she wished she could encase her memories of Pilot in. But it was useless to pretend nothing had happened. Much as she tried, she couldn't imagine Pilot any different. Laying down next to him not far from where she was now, looking at a sky not very different from this one, were the only things she could associate him with. The pain, the suffering Savina talked to her about seemed forlorn. But Urma couldn't know more than the ebony female. Her searches had proved futile. At least Savina had seen him, even in that state, even for a bit.


"I've been gone for so long. Sometimes I thought the roads would never end and none would ever bring me back here. Other times I'd glimpse a shine of what looked like white fur and race to catch up with it, only to find it was the shimmer of the moon on the sea or some other small animal that I'd frighten off. But I always thought I'd find him. Even when there were no more places for me to go and I decided to head back here, I was driven by the certainty that I'd find him at the boundaries of Crimson Dreams, just like he found me at the boundaries of Shadowed Sun. I ran here as fast as I could, ignoring the fact that I still couldn't pick up his scent, no matter how much closer I got." She'd barely whispered the last sentence, her voice diminishing, her last reserves of energy failing her. She buried her head in her paws, letting out a long, despairing wail, agonized by the fact that her efforts had eventually come down to nothing. Part of her envied Savina for having seen Pilot at all, while the other part knew it would have broken her too to see him that way.


The tears trickled down the side of her muzzle, and she felt grateful for her friend's proximity, for her warmth. She buried her nose further between her paws, trying to regain her composure, to find a solution out of this situation, just like she'd always found solutions. But the disappointment of having failed to find Pilot threaten to strangle even her most hesitant hopes. What was there left for her. Everything she had had, all her energy, all her determination had been poured into her image of finally snuggling side by side with him. What would she do now, when not even her memories of him portrayed him the way he was now? How come no one knew? Who would do such a thing? "I've been gone for so long," Urma continued, as if she hadn't interrupted her thoughts, "but I always thought that no matter where he was, he was safe. When I'd find him, he'd be just like before. And all this time I've been trying to find him, I never knew the extent of his pain."

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#8
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I apologize for the wait x.x 300+



She listened with a heavy heart as Urma relayed the tale of her constant search for Pilot. It was heartbreaking. Savina tried to imagine herself in the lighter woman's position, searching for Kansas but never able to find him. Even just thinking about such a situation was nearly too much to bear, and Urma had lived it. Lived it and even now, returning here, she was not able to be reunited with him. The Commander had always hoped that he would return at some point, but as the months slipped by that seemed less and less likely. Even if he did return to Nova Scotia, would he come back to Crimson Dreams? or would he go to the tribe? Or even neither? There were too many questions and not enough answers. The only one who would be able to answer them was Pilot and he was hundreds of miles away.



That wail of pure agony reverberated in her ears and made her muscles tense. It was a sound that came straight from the soul and none of its pain was veiled. That cry broke down the cordial barriers and Savina moved to nuzzle Urma's neck reassuringly. Of course nothing would truly be able to alleviate the other's pain, but she would do what she could to be there for her. She wished there was more she could do, but there wasn't. "Perhaps he is happy now. I think he is. It has been a while since that all happened. He has had time to recover. Not only that, but now he has a whole family that he never knew about. Maybe they've been able to bring the old Pilot back. And maybe, when he's ready, he'll come back here." Nothing could be said for certain and she would not give Urma any false hope. But maybe he would come back sometimes

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#9
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OOC: No worries Smile ::Word Count:: 600+

The silence dragged on after Savina spoke. It seemed hard for Urma to find any words she could say. It was reassuring to know Pilot was happy, but no one could know that for sure. Indeed, the fact that he might have found his family was a nice prospect, but it was far from a certainty. Maybe this was what kept Urma in this indecisive state-- any good things she hoped were now happening to Pilot could easily be true, but they could just as easily be a source of false hope. She appreciated the fact that Savina was reticent in reassuring her about anything-- without their knowing, those reassuring thoughts could by far be only hopeless dreams. And Urma was more or less sick of dreaming happy endings to a story that she couldn't even control, nor change the course of. It didn't make her feel any better that she was here, where he wasn't, and that wherever he was, she could not be.


Urma appreciated Savina's closeness, and she curled up closer to her friend in an attempt to close the gaping chasm between her misfortunes and her desires. She hoped her unexpected absence hadn't caused a rift between them, hadn't affected their friendship. Urma had lost enough already to want to hold firmly onto what she had left. She let out a sigh, managing to control her tears and patch herself up somewhat. The night air helped numb up her senses, and the earth allowed her to cool down, her stomach pressed against it to keep herself from experiencing the draining feeling coursing throughout her body. Her thoughts battled for priority in her head, and she tried in vain to push them somewhere to the back of her head. She had never imagined a life without Pilot there, somewhere, even as a friend, no matter how many feelings that would sacrifice.


"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to bear any of my burdens' weight with me. I'm sorry I left like that. I should have told you, or Naniko. Or anyone else, really. Just... someone. But... I felt I couldn't consider this my home if he wasn't here, or at least somewhere I could visit him. No one knew where he was. I panicked. I thought of everything while I was looking for him. I thought of what he'd say when he'd come back to Crimson Dreams and he wouldn't find me and no one would know what to tell him. I thought he'd think I left him. I was afraid I'd break his heart without even meaning to. I imagined coming here a million different ways. The things we'd say to each other, the way we'd spend our nights awake, under starlit skies, as if we had never been apart at all. I never thought I wouldn't find him here either." Urma spoke with sincerity, but also with a pain in her voice that came from the innermost reaches of her heart. It seemed difficult to put into words all that she felt, but she also knew that she needed to let it out. "I left my first pack and Europe because I couldn't cope with my first mate's death. I came here and I found Pilot and I finally belonged in a way I never thought I would, again. And now he is gone, and he is nowhere that I can follow, and it's almost as if he were dead, yet worse, because he is still living a life somewhere. A life that is his and not ours. And yet, I can't leave. I'm tired of running." Her eyes stared ahead at the endless stretch of land that belonged to Crimson Dreams.

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300+



As Urma moved closer to her Savina help bridge that distance as well until it was nonexistent. Physical comfort and reassurance were the best tools she had right now. There was not a single part of her that held any bitterness at the snowy fey's disappearance those months ago. She had known that Pilot's absence had been hard on her and honestly hadn't been surprised when Urma turned up missing as well. When you felt so strongly about someone, you couldn't help but feel the need to go after them. She knew that if she had been in Urma's place, she would have done the same thing.



At the sound of the ex Commander's name her body flinched. It had been so unexpected to hear it that it was impossible for her to control her reaction. The Italian wondered if it would be commented on or not. If not she would be willing to share that news at another time, but if Urma did ask then she wouldn't hide it. It wouldn't do any good to try and keep it in the dark. "It's all okay Urma, I understand. I know how powerful those emotions are and sometimes you don't think about acting upon them. If it had been me I probably would have panicked too. It's only a natural response. I wish things were different, that he was the one to greet you here instead of me. It seems so much doesn't turn out like we hope it will..." She couldn't believe everything that had happened in Crimson Dreams recently. None of it had been easy.



Once again she listened to those pain-laced words that poured from the woman beside her. It was so unfair. Damn Hybrid. If not for him things would have been so different. Pilot would have never disappeared and then Urma wouldn't have run off looking for them. They would have been able to be together and start a life together here, in Crimson Dreams. But the actions of one sick, demented individual had thrown both their lives off that course.
"I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this all is on you. I can't imagine being separated from the one you care so much for in such a way," she said taking a deep breath.
"But...you still have a place here. I know it's not the same. It's not the same at all. But if you want to live here again, or even just stay for a while, you know you can."

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#11
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 500+

Urma was grateful for the comforting words Savina was saying, and she knew they were heartfelt as much as Urma's own words were. It dawned on her she was lucky to have friends like Savina, especially in times when trust and safety were a rare thing, as Pilot's unfortunate ordeal had proved her. At the same moment that she registered Savina's flinch, she realized that she hadn't asked a thing until now about how either Naniko or Savina were doing. She let out another sigh, smaller this time, realizing how unthoughtful she had been, so wrapped up around her own misfortunes, even if they were by no means small in scale and dimension and depth. She took a deep breath, to steady herself and maybe even try a little harder to sound more cheerful. But nothing except finally being in a place she had come to consider her home and spending time with her friends were capable of making her happy.


"I've just realised... I got so worked up around my problems. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to listen to all of this. There's nothing anyone can do to change the way things went." This last statement, though final, granted Urma none of the closure that she hoped she'd find. Maybe if she wanted that, she'd have to say it to herself over and over again, like a litany. "It's been inconsiderate and rude of me not to ask, and I'm sorry, but how are you? How's Naniko? How has everyone been? Any changes in the pack since I was gone... I mean...", her voice died down to a slow, desolate whisper, "...except Pilot's departure." She wasn't even sure she knew if that was what it was. Just sitting down in the grass, looking at the sky and the expanse of territory around her, few things had ever seemed so complicated in her life. She'd seen enough to last her a lifetime, and experienced things maybe not many had. After her awful experience on the boat leaving from Europe and her discovering the changes triggered as a consequence of it, she had thought nothing good would ever become of her. And maybe, had she not found Pilot, her life would have taken a different course altogether. It was almost painful to think how much Pilot's mere presence had changed her, how much his words gave her, without ever demanding anything in return.


And then she said it. Without even meaning to, without even consciously realizing she had said it out loud. Clear, yet shaky, her voice rang through the air, almost amplified by the silence. Her entire body shuddered as the aftermath of what had just been said enveloped her. Urma hadn't for a second expected it to just come out like that, without her even being fully certain it was something she wouldn't have rather kept as a secret, although it was probably known by their friend's by now. It was so simple, so certain, as if she had never known any other certainty in her life besides this one. It frightened her that she thought like that, that she had been capable of coming up with such a dreadful idea. But it had been said, and that made it possibly more real than if it had been just in her head. "I love him. I wish he had never loved me, though, so it wouldn't hurt him like it hurts me."

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#12
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300+



It was true, there was nothing anyone could do to change the subject they talked over, but that didn't mean that Urma didn't need the comfort. Just because it couldn't be changed didn't mean it didn't need to be talked about. "I know there's nothing anyone can do, but it's good for you to talk about it. Keeping it all locked inside isn't good for you. I really don't mind. I want to be there for you whenever I can. That's what friends do." Savina was a firm believer in talking about your worries and concerns. The person you talked to might have a good idea of how to help. Even if they didn't, it was simply a release to get it all off your chest.



But next came the inevitable questions. With everything Urma was going through she wished there was better news to share. But probably better she find out now and be aware. The Commander heaved a sigh. "A lot of things have happened here lately, and not all of them good. Naniko...isn't the same wolf anymore. She's become addicted to some human drug. She hid it from all of us but then she left her pack out one day and one of my children got into it..." Thank the gods Cambria was finally returning to her normal self. It had been a long and tortuous process for the worried mother though. "Anu and I confronted her after it happened and she wasn't even upset about it, she tried pushing the blame onto my daughter and me. We told her she needed to stop using it and get rid of all of it but she refused. We had no other choice but to make her leave. I'm the Commander now." Emerald eyes looked distant and a pained frown was on her face. It was still hard to talk about it all.



But the next words her friend spoke make her ears fall back against her head. Though Savina could understand where such a feeling would come from, it still was one of the saddest things to hear. "Urma..." she said, nuzzling the fey again. "Don't say that. I know he doesn't regret loving you. I know it."

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#13
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 700+

Urma nodded appreciatively when Savina told her she felt it was only natural of her to be there for Urma, before saying "Thank you." But then the news about Naniko flooded Urma's system. She didn't how much she could still take, before exhaustion, stress, disappointment and worry took the better of her. She had asked about Naniko solely because she wanted to know how her friend was, but had never imagined that she wouldn't be fine, or even in Crimson Dreams, for that matter. Her mind could only register the shocking side of the story: in every book she'd ever read, drugs were a sign of weakness, of trying to find an escape route to something, instead of facing it and trying to deal with it. But somehow, that couldn't be Naniko, the determined wolf who had raised pups and had abandoned the idea of a flimsy Twilight Vale in the hopes of creating a better, safer home for them. Naniko had always had ideas about things, about her friends or about herself. Thinking of Naniko as trying to find release, more even, dragging others into her mess, just didn't seem like the wolf Urma had known.


What was even more depressing was that it seemed there was no limit to how many disappointments one could take. Urma wished she could have been here when this all happened, no matter how much it would have affected to see her friend like that; while she didn't credit herself with being able to stop her from what she was doing, or make her think otherwise, she could have at least been there for Savina, who had had to see her own child and her friend and Commander destroying themselves. Urma shifted position on the ground, trying to be as close as she could to Savina, and returning the nuzzle on the neck gratefully. "I'm sorry to hear all this. But hopefully, things are better now. Your daughter will be fine, as long as she's where you are. And I'm sure you're doing just as good a job as Naniko as leader, if not better." She realized that to most, those words would have sounded fake, but she trusted the tone of her voice to let Savina know that the words were sincere. Even if Urma didn't feel the same aversion towards Naniko as Savina did, she understood that the ebony wolf had seen everything, had lived it even alongside her daughter. Of course the magnitude at which she saw it was bigger than the proportion Urma gave the situation. And while by no means did Urma think Naniko had done anything right, her anger wasn't as strong, because she hadn't seen it, and her image of Naniko remained as strong and confident.


This was more or less like with Pilot. She couldn't begin to fathom the scale of his pain and how far his endurance had been pushed while in Inferni, couldn't even try to think how he had felt there, hadn't even glimpsed him after his ordeal, and all these factors contributed not to her forming an image of how it must have been, but to reinforcing the last image she had had of him. She understood that Pilot couldn't be that same wolf anymore, but the absence of any other visual image made it imperative to her mind to strengthen her memories as Pilot safe. Not only that, but her heart was broken just by his not being here, which made it highly unlikely that she could bear the thought that he was still just as miserable as the experience in Inferni had made him. She wanted her friends to be the kind of wolves she had always known, she needed the reassurance that it would all be okay. Destroying every complete image she had only made it harder for her to think she had come back to the same pack she had left behind. Urma looked at Savina, thinking about all these things. "Don't you sometimes wish it could be easier? That you could have some time... just you, and Kansas and the pups. Without the probems. Without the worries." She paused a bit, sighing, trying not to sadden Savina as she continued, "It always seemed unfair to me that asking for the simplest things in life only made destiny choose not to always give them to you. Had anyone asked for all this havoc, they would have had peace and quiet. Somehow, asking for the primordial need to be safe, the simplest and most basic need, you get offered a lot of mess that you have to sort through."

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#14
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300+



Urma already had so many worries on her mine, was already dealing with so much disappointment that it felt a crime to push more of it onto her. But it was impossible for Savina to just gloss over it and put off telling her until later. That wasn't right. Undoubtedly she'd ask around for the recent happenings and would sooner or later find everything out. Then she probably would wonder why she hadn't told her herself. Hard and unpleseant as it was, it was better to get it all out now. Maybe then the healing from all she had endured and learned could start sooner. And Urma deserved to be able to heal, to be able to be at home and at peace again. Of course it would take time, but the sooner the process started the sooner that could happen.



The woman closed her eyes as she felt her friend return the comforting gesture. It soothed her that she was not angry. No one else had been angry at her, besides Naniko and Brooklyn. She couldn't really blame the young D'Angelo for her outburst at the meeting. It had been her mother that had been cast out, it was an expected reaction. "They're...getting better yes. It's been a slow process. It hasn't been easy for any of us." Not only had they lost a leader but a friend. But the element of betrayal was the worst of all. She doubted that anyone else really felt that, but she certainly did. Naniko had betrayed her trust and their friendship. At Urma's sincere compliment a weak smile worked its way back onto her face. "Thank you Urma. I'm doing my best."



The next words were the very embodiment of what she wished for often. Savina had never been a particularly ambitious wolf. She had never striven for positions of power. All she had wanted was to live somewhere she was accepted and to find someone she loved and who loved her and have a family. Just the simple things. The fact that she was now the Commander had fallen into her lap quite unexpectedly. She didn't regret it (aside from the way it had come to happen), but at times she did wish for a less stressful situation. "I wish for that all the time." It was impossible to keep the longing from her voice. "I know, it isn't fair. I never wanted all of this, not really. I just wanted to live a simple, quiet life. I love being able to keep Crimson Dreams safe and afloat, but at times I wouldn't mind giving it all away."

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#15
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 600+

Urma listened anxiously to the dark wolf beside her, hoping her questions hadn't been inappropriate or pained her in any way. She understood that need to lead a simple life, and sympathized deeply with Savina. Her quest for Pilot, her desire to find him, had virtually been an application of that need to belong to a simplified version of the world, where, although she wasn't necessarily in control of everything, she could still feel there was always a safety net under her. Urma knew where Savina came from when she said she had never been an ambitious wolf. Although the child of the Alpha's of her pack in Europe, she had never wished for the responsibilities of leading the other wolves when her mother and father would step down. She had always fallen back on her brothers to rise up to that challenge, never envying them and never wishing to be in their place, more so, encouraging them to do it when the time came. All her life revolved around at the time was being safe alongside Mörker. She could remember vividly how it had been to find him dead, to know she would never curl up close to him, how long it had taken her to come to terms with the finality of that. How she had tortured herself endless nights, thinking about whether his last thoughts had been about her, wishing she could have said goodbye, but not knowing if she would have been able to bring herself to say it.


She felt the same things now, as she laid down on the grass, with the night pressing around her and her friend. She could remember the first time she had ever seen Pilot, wandering as she had in the Dampwoods, could still remember the way they had taken to reach Shadowed Sun. The memory of that first night in her new home, when she had slept in Pilot's den, before she had thought she would be abusing his kindness and had run off to spend the rest of the night under the open sky. How he had helped her pick a spot and dig a den, the memory of his kindness washing through her. It was something no amount of time or distance could erase from her mind. Pilot had been more than Mörker had ever had the time to be. And he still was that. Irrespective of his horrible experience in Inferni, Urma was convinced that the same wolf was quietly nestled in him, and nothing could change that, to her. She was prepared to wait as long as it took and dig as deep as she had to to find that stray wolf within him that she had so recklessly fallen in love with.


These thoughts, and the silence they caused, brought fresh tears to the white wolf's eyes. The world had been impossibly unfair, these past months. Lives had had their course changed dramatically, and not all for the best. A single careless act had changed the fate of so many wolves, had significantly altered their perception of the world. She closed her eyes, trying to push these thoughts away, not wanting to dwell on them any longer. Her tired limbs ached, and she stretched them a bit to relieve the soreness in her joints. She stared ahead into the looming darkness, fighting against the sleepiness creeping into her bones. "I never thought so many things would change. I never thought I would miss him so much, every minute, with such an intensity." She turned her head to look at the ebony wolf beside her. "I'm glad you're still here. I really am."

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#16
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I apologize for the length and quality, but didn't want to keep you waiting <3 300+



The world could be a cruel place, but it could also be a beautiful one as well. It was a balance of both. Her mother had always told her that it was the painful things in life that made you appreciate the pleasurable ones. Savina believed that, but at times like this it could be hard to see past the pain. To see past all the injustice that had left their lives in shambles. She did her best to be optimistic, but the weight she felt upon her back was suffocating. While she had been second-in-command for as long as the pack had existed, she had never felt the amount of stress that she was feeling now. Of course she knew it wouldn't always be like this, that it was partially the circumstances, but it still felt so different. That small change in her role felt so very massive.



The Commander could feel the weariness emanating from her friend as they lay there. While it wasn't the most safe place, being on the borders as they were, if Urma were unable to move deeper inside the lands this night then she would stay with her. Her children had their father to look after them for the night, as well as the rest of the pack inside the mansion. Right now the pale wolfess was her top priority. "I didn't either. I don't think any of us did." A sympathetic frown was on her face. Savina could imagine how painful it was for Urma. She could imagine the longing she felt for Pilot. "That's what love does to us, though when you're away from that person it's almost like a curse." That wonderful emotion could be a blessing and a curse. "Thank you, and I'm glad you've returned. For however long it is you will stay." If Urma wished to simply rest and then continue her search than Savina would completely understand.

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#17
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OOC: It's okay, I didn't give you much to work with anyway :/ ::Word Count: 500+

Urma took comfort in Savina's words, knowing her friend meant each one, and wasn't just saying them to ease Urma's pain. Laying here on grounds she knew finally belonged to a pack, to a structure of unity, made her feel safe, although her heart broke at the thought that this was a safety wrapped in his heavy absence and her endless longing. She could remember how hard it had been to leave Crimson Dreams, how her resolution to search for Pilot had left her with a heavy heart. Plunging into the unexpected had never appealed to her, even if her life seemed to consist of only such situations. Many of her hopes had been put in her single wish to find Pilot safe, and the fact that she had returned to a comforting place with no certainty of his well-being ripped her apart.


The long road had finally taken its toll on her. Her bones ached and her feet felt like rocks, and she wondered if she was even capable of standing up. Thirst and hunger finally made their presence felt in her subconscious, and she tried as hard as she could to grasp the memory of when she had last eaten. It seemed eons ago. With great effort, she pushed herself to her feet, fighting to maintain her balance. She sought Savina's warm, emerald gaze, and smiled weakly. "I'm sorry... would you mind if we found a place where I could drink a bit of water?" She felt bad for asking. Her friend was doing enough already, staying with her out here, keeping her company. "I don't want to keep you, though. You have your pups and Kansas who will be worrying about you." She took a few hesitant, slow steps forward, unsure of where to go and uncertain she would be able to make it there. She hadn't fully realized how tired she was, scarcely sleeping the past nights in an attempt to reach pack lands as soon as possible. The thought that her hurry had been in vain tortured her, so she tried not to give it much thought.


She reclined to her haunches as steadily as she could, before laying down on her stomach again, sighing deeply. Feeling immensely embarrassed, she forced her legs to sustain her weight once more. Scratches and cuts crisscrossed her legs and paws, and she silently thanked the dark for making them hard to notice. She didn't want her dark friend to worry about her. Painfully, she thought that if Naniko or Pilot were here, they would know what plants were best to use to heal her wounds faster. She had never had the opportunity to learn some of the basics herself, and now, for the millionth time, she felt stranded without him. As if she had no means of going on without him. In a way, part of her existence would always depend on him, and she knew that part would never be whole without him. Barely standing, she pushed beyond her limits and took another few agonizing steps forward. "I don't mean to be such a drag," she whispered apologetically. "You've done so much for me... I don't want to keep you any longer... You've got so many things on your mind." It felt as if the fact that she had failed once more to find Pilot had left her with no more strength, had emptied even her deepest reserves. She felt terrible, keeping Savina away from her family.

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#18
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Nah, it was more to do with my muse than anything. Your writing is always wonderful Smile 300+



Savina watched with concerned eyes as Urma struggled to her feet. It was clear how much of a task it was for her and she wondered how long she had been running to get here. And then to only be met with such heavy disappointment. Quickly she stood as well, staying close to her friend in case her legs gave out on her. The Italian wasn't exactly a large, sturdily built wolf, but she wasn't weak either. If Urma needed help getting around then she would give it. "Of course I don't mind, the lake isn't too far away." The Commander shook her head. "No, it's fine, don't worry about it. They understand that my position often calls me elsewhere. I won't leave until you're settled and taken care of." While her voice was still soft there was a strength beneath it, meaning she meant her words. She wasn't going to leave the pale femme's side until she was cared for.



Urma took a few hesitant steps forward and Savina moved with her, guiding the way towards Rabbit Lake. But quickly her friend fell back onto her stomach. She looked back, unable to hide the worry from her eyes. She was so exhausted. Urma once again rose to her feet and took some more steps but Savina quickly cut in. "Urma...if you wanted I could shift and carry you, if that would be better for you. I don't want to embarrass you, but I can tell you're in pain..." Savina was fairly self reliant and understood how much a blow it could be to admit you needed assistance in such a way. She just wanted to make sure that Urma didn't tire herself out further. "Nonsense. I want to be here for you. I'm not going to leave you out here to fend for yourself." That was that. No amount of apologies were going to drive her away from her tired friend's side.

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#19
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OOC: Heh, thank you, but I wouldn't go that far. More like manageable Smile ::Word Count:: 600+

Urma wished the earth would just swallow her. It seemed a nightmare that she should ever find herself so helpless in front of a friend. She thought about Savina's offer and said, "No, really, it's okay. Maybe it would be easier if we both transformed. It would maybe give me a bit more strength. I've exhausted myself like this enough." That being said, Urma gathered all her strength and concentrated on transforming. It came much more natural than it had back when she had done it for Pilot. Not many people knew her when she was in her Optime form. She rarely used it, seeing as her Lupus one had always been natural to her, being born a normal wolf. As soon as she was accustomed to her new frame and built, she stood up on her back legs, now much more muscular, and although the tiredness hadn't left her bones, she felt a bit more confident on her feet to make the distance to the lake.


As she walked steadily forward, she hoped the lake wasn't far away. Much as she felt more confident on two legs, it was hard to approximate for how long she would be able to keep her necessary strength. It seemed a long time since she had had the luxury of knowing exactly where the closest water source was, so when, in the end, they made it near Rabbit Lake, she couldn't help feel a sense of relief wash over her. As soon as she was on the side of the lake, she knelt on the riverbank and cupped water with her hands, drinking it greedily and thankfully at the same time. Her elbow joints were sore from all the up-down motions by the time her thirst had been quenched. She sat down on the grass, leaning back on her hands and looking at the starlit sky. Her stomach grumbled with hunger, but she'd leave that until tomorrow. She looked at Savina, still feeling embarrassed about the fact that she had ended up in Crimson Dreams with not even a decent meal in her stomach. But she trusted her ebony friend would understand that she had made reaching Crimson Dreams and what she had hoped would mean reaching Pilot her top priority.


She took deep breaths to steady herself after having drunk all that water breathlessly. The thought of food nagged at the back of her mind, but she tried as best she could to hide it. "I'm sorry I came back like this... Like I was begging food and water and shelter." The thought of shelter brought back her den to mind. "Which reminds me... Would my den still be where I left it?" She didn't even know if she'd be able to go back to that same spot. The last spot she had ever seen Pilot, had ever felt his fur brush against her cheek as she lay with her head on his chest, looking at the stars together. The den where they had eventually fallen asleep together, in a warm embrace, where all promises had seemed superfluous in the face of their emotions. That would have most likely been their home, together. She'd have seen the plants he cared for planted around in a small garden somewhere nearby, she'd have been able to watch him tend to them, learn from them, and in the night, she would have sat with her head in his lap, listening to him playing the violin. All those things made the empty feeling in Urma's stomach feel like a deep chasm. How could anyone forget that feeling, after living it, even for such a short while?

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#20
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Well, I think they're quite good ^^ 300+



Yes, perhaps Urma was right. If they both transformed then she could be spared the humility of being carried and it would be easier for Savina to help her along in case she did need it. The woman nodded her head and focused on changing shape. Ever since becoming a mother the transformations had come much more smoothly and quickly. Sometimes she needed to have hands to help the children with things, like when Gotham had gotten a thorn in his paw or when Cambria needed to have the jar she kept her caterpillar in opened. It what seemed like no time at all she was in that more human form and standing up. She brushed the wavy raven bangs from her eyes and walked with Urma towards the lake.



When they reached the lake she stood by quietly as her friend drank her fill. How long had it been since she had last had a drink? No wonder the poor thing was so tired out. Long period of running could be tiring enough, but if it had been a long while since she had eaten or drank it would be even worse. Then as Urma lay back Savina lowered herself to the ground and sat with her legs criss-crossed. Her ears flicked as she heard the other's stomach rumble and was about to say she could get her some food when Urma broke the silence first. "Urma, stop apologizing. There really is nothing for you to be sorry about. We're a big pack, we have plenty of food and water and shelter." It really was silly for her to keep saying she was sorry. Savina understood why she was, but it wasn't necessary. "Your den? I would imagine so." The Commander had taken to the mansion and never chosen an outside den, so she didn't really keep track, but she saw no reason why Urma's would not still be there.

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