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The woman had come to the realization that it had to be true--she was pregnant. She didn't know what to make of this news, exactly or who she ought to tell. Ehno, probably...he'd be the first one that should know about it. She didn't want to tell Savina or Anu...or even see them at all if she didn't have to. She would have to be accepted by one of them at the border when she rejoined Crimson Dreams, of course, but she didn't have to tell either of them that she was expecting. She had made a mistake, but she still didn't believe that she should have been kicked out of the pack for it. Told to clean up or get out. She needed help, her family around to get her through all of it.
Somehow she had managed to do it herself. Naniko wanted to rejoin the pack so that she might be around her family, around her daughters...and so that these pups would be born in a stable environment. So they would be able to see their father. She didn't give two licks about what Savina and her ex-mate Anu did any more, as long as she could live there. She would say whatever they wanted her to say, give whatever apology they thought they needed. It wouldn't be genuine, but she would give it willingly. These pups were what mattered now.
The pale female had two blankets over her back, a third folded carefully atop the other two. She was stock-piling things to prepare for her return to the pack, to Ehno and Brooklyn and Mati. She would need these blankets later for sure. She'd gotten a wagon a few days earlier and would ask some of the creatures from the surrounding woods to help her pull her belongings back to her old packlands in a week or so. Naniko was heading toward the clothing shop that she lived in, the one that read "NANIKO" on the side of it in paint.
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OOC: Will Urma be surprised to find Naniko... xD ::Word Count:: 300+
The weather hadn't changed much since Urma had finally reached Crimson Dreams, and as she lifted her head up to the skies and stared at the thinning clouds ahead, overlooking Halifax, she hoped that wherever Pilot was, there was still a chance that he wouldn't be stuck somewhere alone, in bad weather. The fact that she had spent her time resting these past few days had done her only good, enabling her journey up to Halifax. She had taken a somewhat longer route, enjoying the landscapes as she passed through Ethereal Eclipse and then turning southwards on towards Shattered Coast. Now she had again turned northwards in the direction of Halifax, all the while thinking about whether there was any chance she'd find what she was looking for. The fact of the matter was that her journey didn't serve a better purpose other than her desire to look for the shop where she had bought Pilot the violin.
She took her time walking through the city, conscious that she was in no hurry, seeing as she could turn around and head back to the pack any time she wished to. It seemed quiet around the area she was in now, and the pale sun cast reflections on the windows in shops and buildings, and whenever she caught a glimpse of herself she looked in the other direction, realizing for a split second she had hoped it was someone walking alongside her. She hadn't been walking for a long time like this when she spotted something that stopped her in her tracks, startling her. On the side of a shop was written a name that she had come to associate with friendship, and an undying link to Pilot. She quickened her pace, her heart beating quickly against her ribcage. However, the sight that greeted her only managed to sadden her.
There was no one there.
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[html] http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/ ... itbann.jpg); background-position: top center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> I frickin' love Urma
It had been raining an awful lot lately, and though it hadn't for a few hours the clouds in the sky still spoke of more rain to come. Alabastor wolf lifted her head to glance at them as she walked, noting their swirling patterns. She had seen pictures of different cloud formations in a book that she'd gotten from the library. If she could have, she definitely would have taken a picture of this. She had read about the picture-taking devices called cameras. Oh...what she would give for one of those.
She was approaching her shop when she saw a figure up in the distance, another white wolf. Cercelee? Or Pilot? She hadn't seen either of them in a while. The woman stopped, unsure of what to do. She should go up to them, of course...but she didn't know who it was. "Hello?" She called, coming a little bit closer. Maybe they would turn around so she could see their face.
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OOC: Yay!  ::Word Count:: 300+
Urma found it hard to leave. Although there was no sign of anyone around, the name on the side of the shop kept her rooted to the spot. Could it be the same Naniko? It had to be. The news that her friend wasn't in Crimson Dreams anymore had come as a shock to her, and the need to find her had lay dormant, but the hope of finding her had kindled faintly in the back of her head nonetheless. Naniko had been the first person she had ever openly talked about Pilot with. Her first bridge between being 'just Pilot's acquaintance' and 'Pilot's friend'. Naniko had helped her with a thank-you gift for Pilot, acknowledging all that he had done for her. There were so many things that Urma owed Naniko, so much help that she had got from her, that she couldn't even begin to put into words.
Movement behind her startled her, and when a voice called, Urma turned almost instantaneously, her tail wagging frantically and her eyes sparkling up. She couldn't mistake the white female standing just a small distance away, looking hesitantly in Urma's direction. However, Naniko didn't look as Urma remembered her. She seemed alone and lost and somehow weary of coming any closer, unlike the Naniko that had once greeted her at the borders of Twilight Vale, assertive and confident, but also friendly and welcoming, inviting you to engage in conversation with her. She seemed to be carrying something, and Urma hurried to help her, before remembering that she hadn't introduced herself and it was quite possible Naniko wouldn't remember me. "I'm sorry. I... It's me, Urma. Remember?" she asked hesitantly, before deciding to close up the distance between them. "Here, let me help you with those," she offered, indicating the blankets on Naniko's back.
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She had only found someone outside of her newly found sanctuary a couple of times now. One had been Kaena, one of the past leaders of Inferni, and now this wolf. She inspected them carefully, looking for any minor detail that might alert her to who they were. She was a little worried, with a stranger snooping around outside her dwelling. Was it someone looking for her, or someone looking to get inside to get at the things that she owned? She never could tell, with this city.
She gasped when the female announced herself and turned--she could hardly believe it. The other had left and she hadn't expected to ever see her again. She came closer as well, heart pounding. How long had Urma been back? Surely she had heard of what had happened to Naniko, her falling from grace in Crimson Dreams...but the other seemed happy to see her, so maybe not. "I do remember. It's been a while, huh" She nodded at the offer, lowering her head so that Urma could slip the blankets off. "What are you doing back around these parts? You've found my home--I live in this shop now."
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OOC: ::Word Count: 400+
Urma shifted position around Naniko, so as to be able to lift the blankets with her muzzle and push them on top of her head, then working her head and neck until the blankets had settled on her back. She was glad Naniko had decided to accept her offer to help. Who knows how long she had carried all of her things alone, and they were enough to maybe wear her off. She followed Naniko back to the shop she had described as her current home, and nodded as she glanced around hesitantly. Somehow, she felt this couldn't be as comfortable as Naniko made it seem. Not nearly as comfortable as belonging to a pack would make you feel, or at least that was Urma's vision on the matter. She placed the blankets neatly to one side, all the while thinking about the few words Naniko had said, filtering them through the picture Savina had painted of the ex-Commander. Maybe the white female didn't look as certain as Urma remembered her, but had she not know about the reason for her sudden departure from Crimson Dreams, she would have most likely not have seen it on her companion's features.
She reclined to her haunches and watched Naniko somewhat thoughtfully. "I left Crimson Dreams so suddenly in search of Pilot. I hadn't found him, so I thought he might have come back to the pack, but obviously he hadn't. Now I'm back in Crimson Dreams. I've decided to stay, I guess maybe in the hopes that he'll come back. Or maybe because it's the only place that I can think of as home. I was only wandering throughout these parts... I intend to head back before dusk sets." She thought a bit about whether it was safe to bring up the matter of Naniko's absence from the pack. "I can see you've settled well here." Silence fell for a while, before Urma suddenly continued, "Savina told me what happened. I wasn't expecting to find you here. But I just want to say that... I don't bear you any grudges. Maybe... I don't know exactly what happened. I don't mean to bring it up again. I just think it's not my place to judge, and I thought you should know that too." She waited on edge for a reaction from the white wolf beside her, hoping she hadn't offended her. "I still think of you as a friend, if that makes any difference."
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She knew that she had made a mistake, yes, but the thing that had kept Naniko from going back to the pack even though she was doing better was that she didn't feel like she would fit into the family atmosphere that Crimson Dreams was all about. She'd done wrong, yes, but her "family" had kicked her out to fend for herself instead of trying to help her overcome her demons. She wondered now about their morals, if they would kick out any member who made a mistake. They had come together, Anu and Savina, to force her from her own lands, to make her an outcast.
"Ah, ok. It'll be nice to visit with you for a little while...I don't see wolves that I know out here very often." Mati and Brooklyn had come just that one time, and she hadn't seen either of them since. "I have some children back in Crimson Dreams...my daughters have stayed there, Mati and Brooklyn."
She pushed the door to the shop open with her muzzle, holding it so that Urma could go in. She came inside after her and listened carefully to what the other white wolf had to say. She was glad to hear it, that Urma still thought of her as a friend. But it did make her wonder; if she did someday rejoin the pack, would Savina still tell her shameful story to every new member or returning member who came to the borders? "Thank you, Urma. I'm glad. I don't know how much she told you...but it was an accident. I of course wouldn't have intended for anyone to get into my bag...especially a pup. I'm going to be a mother again in a month or so, actually. It's what helped me stop. The only packmember who really came here and tried to help me get through it all was Ehno, Savina's brother."
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 500+
Urma went in at Naniko's invitation, and looked around curiously. She had only ever lived in caves and dens dug deep in the ground, at the base of a tree, sheltered by the small bushes and tall grass, or, as had been the case in Europe, steep mountain sides and snowy forest roads. Buildings had never even crossed her mind as possible shelters, maybe because her life had always been closely related to nature. It didn't strike her as any bit odd that she should feel somewhat out of her element here. But Naniko seemed comfortable, had transformed the former shop into what appeared to be a cosy enough place. Of course, Urma hoped her white friend didn't plan on living here forever, would eventually consider returning to pack life, even if it wasn't Crimson Dreams.
Her ears pricked when she heard what Naniko had to say. She could imagine it as an accident. The way she had known Naniko, it was unlikely that she would want to hurt a pup. But on the other hand, she could see where Savina's anger came from, could see that the same motherly instinct had fueled the ebony wolf's outrage. It was impossibly hard to take sides in this, and maybe Urma was taking the easy way out, understanding both sides. But it seemed at the same time, the only rational way to look at things."Well, from what I know, and maybe Mati and Brooklyn told you this, Cambria is much better herself. I don't think it's my place to say whether or not Savina and Anu have managed to put it all behind them... but the pups you're talking about... they'll need a home." She looked around the shop again, before turning to look in Naniko's green eyes. "Maybe... they'd be willing to accept you back in Crimson Dreams given the situation?"
Urma wondered, for a moment, who these pups belonged to. It seemed somehow inappropriate to ask. If it was self-explanatory, Urma had been gone a long while not to know anymore what went around, and, even if that wouldn't be an impediment, she still felt that she didn't want to explain it to herself, or give it much thought. It wasn't her business. Naniko was capable of making her own decisions, and Urma was in no position to meddle in that. She stood up and paced around for a bit, thinking of what piece of advice she could offer her friend. Instead, she found herself helplessly drawn towards the past. "So many things have happened, Naniko, I can't even fully realize how time went so fast. I remember vividly our first conversation... How easy it all seemed then. I never thought things would change so much." She stopped and sat down, heaving a sigh. It was a bad time to remember all of these things, when they'd bring nothing but sadness. Much as she found it hard, Urma had to be pragmatic. It wouldn't be easy, bringing Naniko back, but there was no other pack she wished her white friend would be in. It felt like nothing would fit her as well as Crimson Dreams did."When are the pups due?"
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The inside of the shop had a rustic theme to it, small models of tractors and old cars lining the shelves on the walls. It was a clothing store, but it was clothing that was meant for farmers and ranchers, heavy-duty stuff. She would surely take some with her wherever she went...she had put one of the coats over herself and had found it to be very warm indeed. Most of the items were coats or sweaters, the coats wool-lined and sweaters as soft as her own fur.
There were racks of clothing everywhere and she went around them, leading the way toward the back room that she had been sleeping in. It had a door to it, that room did, along with the front door having a lock as well. It was a relief, the locks...she did get afraid some nights, when she spent too many nights alone out in the city alone. It was only at night, though, and only if she heard noises that she became a little afraid. She nosed the door to the back room open. She already had a few blankets but she needed a couple more just in case she did end up staying in the city. If she had the pups here, she would need many blankets.
She had thought long and hard about going back to the pack and rejoining everyone there. She had so many friends and relatives there. But she wouldn't be on good terms with Savina or Anu...and that was something that was important, too. She was still very angry with them for kicking her out and not helping her out, despite the fact that they were all supposed to be a big family. She'd done one thing wrong, had made a mistake. But they couldn't stop dwelling on it. And she was clean now. She couldn't go back to that pack without being the leader there. It was her pack.
She was worried about her pups, too. What if she did something wrong or did something Savina didn't like? Would she try and take her pups from her? She couldn't risk anything happening to them; that was why it was better to go somewhere else. "I don't want to come home, Urma. It's not my home any more." She admitted. "I didn't think it would be so hard to come back...I thought I could do it. But I'm not ready and I don't think they are either. I want everything to be stable by the time the pups are born, to live in a stable place. And I don't want them to be affected by what I did in the past...for anyone to dislike them or treat them differently because I'm their mother." She looked down toward her belly. "Not for a while now...sometime in mid to late September"
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 500+
Urma followed Naniko to what seemed to be her bedroom, and reclined on her haunches somewhere near the doorway. Although in Crimson Dreams many of the wolves preferred the comfort and safety of the manor, Urma had always been closely related to the earth beneath her paws. She had spent her entire life seeking the cosiness of a den or a cave or any sort of natural construction that could offer her a bit of privacy and safety. But she had by now gotten used to the fact that many pack members took to the luxury of a bed and a closed door to spend some time with the people who meant a lot to them. The thought brought back the memory of her night with Pilot, and she wondered whether she would have felt the same things somewhere indoors, where her relationship to the environment she felt such an essential part of, would have been hindered.
The alabaster female's words saddened Urma, driving away most of her hopes of seeing Naniko back. She couldn't possibly know how it had been, which was what stopped her from making any suppositions or try to coax Naniko before convincing herself that she knew all the variables of the issue. Part of her inability to accept the fact that her white friend's mind was made up was the fact that she had come back to what she hoped she had left behind, not really conceiving for even a moment that she would not find it the same way. She could remember the day she had followed Pilot to where they had met Naniko and Savina, on the same grounds where Twilight Vale had stood, the same grounds Crimson Dreams now stood on. They had all had a dream, and they had gathered people and made it happen. To have Naniko, or anyone else, tell her it would be over, when they had already lost Pilot, seemed in itself unconceivable. She almost felt she wouldn't be able to stand anymore bad news.
She realized her silence might make Naniko think a million things except what was going on in her mind, so she said, "I'm sorry. I realize I have nothing to say in this matter. I don't know how much of a friend I still am to you... I left like that... like I told Savina... I went to find Pilot. I came back after fruitless months of searching, and I hoped he'd be back... back home." Her voice was failing her as she fought back tears. "I don't know what's left of the Crimson Dreams you... we made. I wish I knew what went wrong, so I could fix it. I wish we could all wake up one day and everything would be the same as before. Pilot would be back, so would you... And the worst thing is, there's not even someone you can blame. This is no one's fault." She felt it hard to express her emotions without breaking down. She didn't want to do that. "Have you thought of some other place?" She knew there was no use trying to convince Naniko to come back. She would have to take it up with Ehno, whom Urma's white friend had mentioned as having helped her through her difficulties.
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It was easy to relate to Urma; Naniko had always gotten along with the woman before and it made sense that their friendship would pick up again now that she was back. She hoped that the other wolf might visit her in whatever pack that she chose, even if it wasn't Crimson Dreams, to keep updated with her. Maybe Pilot would come back after a while. She didn't know exactly why he had left, only that he was a member of the Aniwaya tribe where her sibling led now. "No, no, it's not that you have nothing to say...just that I'm trying to make a good decision for me. It's good to know that I have friends and that they care about me. I care about them too. I just can't go back right now. Maybe someday, but this is something that is too hard for me to do right now."
The added stress of being pregnant, her hormones raging most of the time, didn't help things. She didn't want to go back and be on the bottom of the totem pole in a pack full of wolves who didn't trust her. Her actions wouldn't be decided by Savina, her past subordinate and friend. Maybe before all of this had happened she could have dealt with it, but not now. "I'm thinking about Phoenix Valley. My friend Geneva lives there, and it seems like a good place. My mother helped found the pack, and my brother lived there up until a short time ago. It's not that far away, really, if you ever decide that you want to visit. I'd love to have you visit. I don't know how often I can come to Crimson Dreams--I don't want to run into those two." She said. "And Urma, maybe he'll come back some day. But in the meantime you should try and think of other things--you should try to be happy, even without him"
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 400+
Urma listened to her friend and nodded. Of course is was Naniko's decision. All that Urma could possibly offer was a piece of advice, but it was clear that Naniko had probably thought about all the aspects coming back to Crimson Dreams would imply. She sighed, knowing her alabaster companion was right: it was premature to plan a return to a pack where her relationships with everyone else were flimsy, if not completely inexistent. "I understand, Naniko. All I meant to say is that... you helped Crimson Dreams to exist. It would only be unfair to leave it like this. If indeed, you'd never want to stay there ever again, it should still feel like a second home to you. But now I understand that it's only right for you and your pups to have a decent place to stay." Her plan about talking to Ehno about this was still in her mind, but she knew she shouldn't let any of that on.
Urma listened to her friend further, thinking about all that was being said to her. The thought that this pack that Naniko had chosen was close by gave Urma some sense of comfort-- at least she would know where to find Naniko at all times, as opposed to never knowing where Pilot might be, or how he might be. She knew, somewhere deep inside her, that her friend was right-- she had to be happy, even without him. A sad smile fluttered on her lips. "Remember when you told Pilot he should let go of Dierdre, move on? I don't know how it must have been for Pilot, I never met her. She must have been a great wolf, I'm sure. But I'm afraid that moving on will somehow help him move on. If there is still a chance that we could be happy, then I don't want him to leave it all behind. I don't want to be a second Dierdre." She sighed, knowing that all these thoughts were a product of her deepest fears. Pilot had been her rock-- she knew she could always lean on him for support. There were so many things no one could explain, and that convinced Urma that her next big journey should be to Inferni lands. If there was anything anyone knew that could help her, she needed to find out.
Her thoughts strayed back to Naniko, and she added, "Anyway, what have I to move on to? I have nothing left from him. Not even the certainty that he is well, somewhere."
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If it was anyone who made her feel like she should stay, it was Urma. She hadn't yet told Ehno about the pups, hadn't had the chance to hear what he had to say about it. Much of the same, she would guess. But it wasn't completely his choice; though the pups were as much his as they were hers, the alabastor woman was the one carrying them and she would carry them to wherever she decided to live.
"She wasn't that great of a wolf, Urma. You're a better wolf than her, and Pilot is too. She was my adopted sister, and I love her as much as I do any family member or friend. But she did some things that I have wondered about. She cheated on Pilot...and now I find out that she's alive somewhere out there after I thought that she had died in the fire. I thought that she'd perished in the flames, and I took her children to safety and raised them myself, as my own. Now I've heard that a pup has shown up...I don't know how old, but Dierdre is out there. It's Dierdre's daughter, Addison. Last I heard she lived in the Valley...so maybe I'll see her. But she abandons her children, Urma. As defenseless little puppies. It's not right. My own children are grown up, and don't need their mother any more." Her words were harsh, perhaps, but it was the truth. She didn't feel that she was abandoning her own children by leaving when they were now adults. Heck, two of them had left HER.
"It's up to you. It's your choice. But if someone does come along, then I give you the same advice that gave him. You shouldn't wait. You think that you have all this time, that you can wait for them...but I don't want to see you waste away alone, giving up every chance that you get at love, either. Those chances don't come along very often." Would she have that same chance with Ehno, if she didn't come home? If she did come back, she wouldn't be happy...wouldn't be the same wolf that he had comforted, helped through all of this.
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OOC: Haha, badmouthing your own ex-characters! xD ::Word Count:: 300+
The pale femme listened to her white friend talk about Dierdre, experiencing a pang of fear clawing at her heart. Dierdre was alive? The fair Crimson Dreamer's ears pressed to her head, her entire figure almost sagging under the crushing weight of this piece of information. While she could not possibly wish another wolf's death, neither could she claim to feel incredibly happy at the thought that Dierdre was not in fact dead. A million fears bloomed in her mind, and she felt her entire head spin with their burden. She closed her eyes, feeling the swelling tears concealed by her eyelids, trying as hard as she could to push them back. Finally, she opened her eyes with great care, as if afraid that anything sudden might break the precarious balance she had managed to find. Her voice was hoarse as she spoke. "Well... there must be something in her that is good. Otherwise Pilot would have never loved her as much as he... did." She struggled to say the last word in past tense. Maybe he had stopped loving Dierdre, convinced that she was dead. Maybe, if he ever came back, and found out this, he would forget about Urma entirely. That thought alone doomed her to despair, so she hastily discarded it, knowing, however, that it would haunt her later on.
She sighed as her pale friend continued, trying to make sense of everything that had been said, while also finding the comfort and truth in her companion's advice. It was strange that all it had taken was for her to come back for everything to seem as if it were toppling right down. Indeed, she did not have so much time so as to be able to wait-- but neither did she feel like there was anything else to live for except Pilot. She hadn't known anyone like him, nor did she think she would again. She had returned in the hopes of finding him well, not of forgetting all about him. "Indeed they don't. But... there could be no one for me, if not him. At least not now." Really... not ever.
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She wanted Urma to be safe and happy as much as Urma wanted her to be. Maybe mentioning that Dierdre was alive wasn't the best thing...but Pilot never had to know. She had a new mate anyway, apparently; Addison's last name was D'angelo, so Naniko assumed that her adopted sister had hooked up with a member of the extended family. It also proved that there were other D'angelos out there as well.
"I think things will turn out right in the end. They seem to, after things go wrong for a good long while." She hoped that her life would improve when she moved to the Valley, and that Pilot would come back to Urma as well. It seemed that the conversation was beginning to dwindle a bit, and she felt that she ought to liven it up with something new. "How are the members of Crimson Dreams doing? Two of my children do still live there, but they haven't come to see me for a little while."
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OOC: I wonder what Dierdre has to say about Naniko, on that same note xD ::Word Count:: 300+
Yes. In that Naniko was right. Things did tend to improve after all hope was lost. After all, she had slipped into an outright rut after Mörker's death, one that she had no conviction she would ever get out of. Back then, she had chosen distance as the most favourable course of action to take. In the end, even after the horrible experience on the ship, in which she never thought she would make it out alive at all, it had all turned out for the best, with her meeting Pilot in the Dampwoods. However, those raw memories still etched deep wounds into her soul and heart. No matter the outcome, she clearly remembered the horrible passing of the nights aboard the ship, constantly trying to avoid anymore pain, hiding herself away from her tormentor and, in the last days, her hidden resolution that death would be a becoming fate that would at least bring her closer to Mörker.
She realized, however, that such thoughts could only trouble her more. Indeed, she had managed to spot the silver lining on the cloud after Mörker, but it wasn't an absolute guarantee that that would be the case with Pilot as well. She did not want to so readily put him aside, maybe as a consequence of the fact that his absence had no complete explanation, nothing certain, like Mörker's death had had. She needed to at least know for sure what was going on before she could decide whether it would be wise to simply assume she knew all the details behind his disappearance and following decision to stay away from the pack. The pale femme appreciated Naniko's decision to change the subject and answered gratefully, "They're okay, from what I could see. I haven't been especially social just yet." She frowned a bit. "I haven't had the chance to meet your children. Why haven't they come to see you?" Her expression betrayed shock. "They can't be that mad at you too, can they?"
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It was good to hear that they were doing okay, at least. But at the same time it was bittersweet, that they could all get along without her. She wanted them to be torn apart, missing her, secretly. She wouldn't tell Urma that, though. She would tell her that it was okay and that she was glad that they were all happy without her. "That's good. I am glad to hear they're doing well. I wonder if they'll get another healer. You would make a good healer, I think, Urma."
She began to explain about her daughters next, jade eyes coming up to meet the other female's. "One of them, for some reason, thinks that she's above me--was there when I was kicked out, and took care of the ill pup. I've changed, but it seems to me that she doesn't want to give me a second chance and I'm not going to demand it from her. If she's going to act like a child then I'll treat her like one. They did come to see me, but she was angry and bitter at me--didn't even care. The other one's better...Brooklyn. She's a nice girl, and believes in her mother. I have two boys, too, but they both took off. I brought them into this world...you'd think they would have more respect."
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OOC: Urma would have despised her for being a threat to her and maybe stealing Pilot away xD ::Word Count:: 400+
The alabaster female pressed her ears to her head shyly at Naniko's mention about becoming a Healer. She had always considered what role she would want to have within the pack, but healing and medicine had always seemed something related to Naniko and Pilot. Although she secretly coveted their ability and talent of choosing the best medicine to aid those in need, she knew that as much as she liked helping, she would be unable to leave behind the suffering and turmoil of a "lost case". She felt their burden heavily, knowing that, although rewarding, their talent carried many risks that she was, shamefully enough, too scared to take. Her passions already lay within the stories that ran through her veins, inherited myths of old, the remainders of her ancestry.
"No. I don't think I'm made for that. I can't save myself, let alone others," she said, a bit sadly. It wasn't anyone's fault. She had always learned to let go and run from the problems that she couldn't deal with. The only real mistake that had led to her current situation was that she had done the running before the actual problems had made themselves noticed. Faced with the hard transit that sorting through her issues put her through, she was now forced to face her demons and learn what it really was to cope with the hardships those haunting ghosts implied. As she listened to Naniko tell her more about her children, the sudden thought that she was so alone enveloped her like a heavy blanket. At least there was someone to be angry at her white companion. Urma had nothing like that. Not anyone closer than her friends. And they way things were going, all promises for a better future were just frail hopes, ready to be dispelled at the smallest disappointment.
"All children grow up to despise small things about their parents. Most learn in time the benefits of forgiveness and the futility of judging parents in situations they themselves have never been and would never dream of putting themselves in. Some fall through the cracks and end up hating their parents instead, blaming them for their misfortune. But if you say this Brooklyn is nice and believes in you, some of that faith will brush off on her other siblings." The pale femme smiled warmheartedly, sincerity underlining her words. "Don't worry, Naniko." Her head indicated her friend's belly with a soft sideways movement. "You're not alone. You have lots of children, and they are not old enough to know now. But give them time, and they will come to you. Nobody can hate their parents forever, because we're all small-scale replicas of their mistakes and choices, to some degree."
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[html] | http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c73/p ... otable.jpg); background-color:#90577A; background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding-top:239px; padding-left:15px; padding-right:15px; padding-bottom:10px;"> Dierdre was awesomeeee...but at least I still have Addison >D A Dierdre mini-me. Hey...do you want an Addison thread?! :o We could possibly have a thread where she goes into CD without permission (with your approval of course, it'd have to be plotted that she came in) and where Urma finds her? ^_^ She could update her on the Nani situation. She thinks Nani is still leader there. Want to end this one soon? :o
Being a mother was both the easiest and hardest things she had ever done. It was easy to give love to a child but not easy, apparently, to get that love back. All those hours she had spent with them, caring for them and making sure that they weren't hurt...and then once they went out into the big old world by themselves, they got hurt. Injured. Emotionally damaged. But they never came back to their mother to ask her for advice or for comfort, they went to other people. Who knew what was better for them than her?
"Heh, ok. And you're right, Urma. Thank you for the advice. I feel like I have a lot of experience with leading people and being a mother...but sometimes I need advice from the outside, from someone else." She thought about the trip back to Crimson Dreams, and then looked back to the other white wolf. "You want to stay the night and go back home tomorrow? It'll be a long trip."
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OOC: I think that would work. We could plot it some through PM, but you'll need to know that starting next week I will be slower, with school starting and all, and with time if things get really crowded I might just catch up with posts in the weekends. So if that hinders Addison's other threads, I understand  And yeah, I guess we could wrap this one up. Feel free to either post again or, if not, send me a PM and I'll ask for it to be archived ::Word Count:: 500+
Naniko's earlier words had brought back memories of her own relationship with her mother. Though at times distant, with her immaculate white fur adorning her like a queen's cape, her mother had always been a source of comfort and security, but also a puzzle waiting to be solved. Though back then Urma had not seen anything unnatural in her mother's liaisons with the Beta male, mirrored by the same between her father and the Beta female, she now found the power to understand that it had only been by brute force that her mother had ever bore the children of her father. Only a child back then, drawn by the mystery surrounding Mörker and his relationship with their mother, never quite understanding why Naja, though a common element between them, took greater care of the growing male, Urma could not know that she, along with her littermate and sister, Ingrior, and their two older brothers, Damek and Ilya, were the product of their father's ruthlessness, and not the fruits of true love, as Mörker had been. Now, as she faced the alabaster female before her, one of the first friends she had made in the by then new lands of Souls', she remembered the way her mother, though never seeing anything other than unwanted offsprings in Urma and her siblings, had always worried about them, had always tried her best to see in them her legacy, and not necessarily a tie between herself and a wolf she despised. It was due to this that the ivory female could understand her friend, through some kind of extended personal experience. Mothers always put their children before themselves, and with a pang of regret, Urma realized, few children stood by their side. As Naniko's children had moved on towards their own losses and misfortunes, never turning back to seek advice from the one who had given them life, so too Urma had left the lands of her parents, had amplified her mother's suffering after the loss of her purely love-born son with her own departure, and although her thoughts were with Naja now, she knew that her mother could not know. The only thing that still gave the blanched she-wolf hope was the matching femme before her, who had never forgotten her children; maybe neither had her own mother.
The offer to spend the night with her friend warmed her heart. She inclined her head as if to say 'yes', knowing the company of another would do them both good. She looked around the shop Naniko currently referred to as 'home', and it was this that hurried her decision, if anything; the fact that she needed someone, and the alabaster she-wolf had been her first real common element in her relationship with Pilot, her best adviser, and no amount of wrong that she could do would ever make waver Urma's thoughts. While still understanding Savina's reaction faced with betrayal, Urma could not feel the same way herself; maybe the distance that stood between Crimson Dreams and herself back then had helped her. Whatever the explanation was, it was clear to the fair femme that her respect for Naniko remained the same, and her desire for a solid friendship had, if possible, grown. "Thank you." A new kind of emotion flowed from the words, a gratitude that was beyond speech. "It's been a long time since I've stayed with someone. You might think that would be weird in a pack full of other wolves, but... except Savina, there's no one there that I can say I know from... back then."
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