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Libribabe. This fails. Gah. :| 300+
There was no way to turn back time. Alexey knew this, because up until recently, she'd tried just about everything to do so. For the longest time now, the Acer had found comfort in the daily routine she'd settled into. A predictable lifestyle provided her with the security she so desperately sought; that alone had always been enough to satisfy the Acer. Her very existence revolved around nurturing others; Conor and Emwe above all. But now, times were changing. With them nearing the age of one, Alexey found herself unsure of what the future held for her. Having no control over such things was unsettling to say the least. How quickly they had grown up.
Conor's love and appreciation had expanded over time, stretching far beyond their close-knit relationship. It was definitely a good thing for him to frequent other wolves; many of their packmates, for example, had impressive skills and hobbies of their own. Perhaps he'd even get to learn a few things. Alexey had no particular talent to relay; nothing that could've been of use to a young wolf. After all, it was only normal for the Soul boy to seek knowledge elsewhere. Although Alexey understood this, she couldn't help but worry. Would Conor eventually move on? It was a strong possibility, one far too realistic. It left her feeling helpless and intimidated by what would inevitably happen. Accepting fate was much easier with Emwe, mostly because he'd always been much more independent. At least that's what she often told herself. But with Conor, things were different. Things would always be different with him.
There was a harsh, almost severe expression on her face as she tried to make sense of the chaos in her mind. Thankfully, Lexey's strenuous task was soon interrupted by swift movement to the left. A fiery blur appeared around the corner, and the Caregiver's frown instantly vanished as her golden gaze found the fox's big brown eyes. He was fully grown now, dotted with a new set of teeth and a silky coat of apricot fur. His presence, as always, foreshadowed his owner's. Her nose twitched with recognition as Conor's scent slowly wafted to her. Her little prince had come home.
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Conor could not help feeling surprised every time Alco showed up. He had expected the lovely animal to linger close to the house and the people for a few weeks or top one month after they released him, but he kept coming back to them. It was not at all uncommon that he followed Conor on his walks either close or from afar. He could still be stroked and scratched and seemed quite tame considering he was an animal that lived in the wild. The young Filix of Dahlia loved this animal. It made him feel like he and Alexey shared something. The fox had never really belonged to anyone ever, but Conor and Alexey had been the ones to take care of it. The fox’s name was also a charming mix of Conor and Alexey. He liked that.
The young luperci took long walks every day, determined to slowly work up muscles and stamina in a distant hope to one day match his father’s strength. This was not a fully conscious move, as Conor had never once thought of confronting and challenging his father. However, the light cinnamon coated boy wanted to be able to protect and defend. He was no longer the run he once had been and he was absorbing everything his teachers taught him. Cwmfen had done well with helping him train with one-handers in optime combat. He totally respected the woman and her skills. He had never seen her go all out when they were sparring, but her motions were fluid and her movements determined and certain. Cwmfen in mind, he actually wondered where she was..
As always, every thought left his mind when he caught the form of the pack’s caretaker. The golden boy’s face lit up in a sincere smile as he jogged over to her with ease, feeling slightly puzzled as always when he was reminded that he somehow had become slightly taller than her. It was pleasant not having to look up at her like he had done as a child though. He wondered how tall he would be when he finally stopped growing. ”Hey Lexey! What are you up to?” he greeted easily, as he had not yet fully realized that she was mostly aware of his feelings for her. He had never tried to push things further. Not yet. However, the meeting with Anu from Crimson Dreams had opened his eyes a bit further.
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It was amazing how his mere presence never failed to radiate warmth, like sunlight shinning through the cloudiest days. Would he ever realize how special he really was? His smile, the one he bore every single day, never failed to baffle her. The last few months had been a blur; it felt like she'd woken up one day to find her baby boy all grown up. An adult rank had been assigned to him just recently. Perhaps this promotion was the source of her inner turmoil; the passage from Surculus to Silva was not to be taken lightly. With adult ranks came a great deal of responsibilities. Already, the Acer could foresee the path he would follow; one similar to Cwmfen's, one that would require him to protect Dahlia de Mai with his life. Accepting such a thing wasn't easy for Alexey; never would she have been able to predict that their roles would one day be reversed. He was the one taking care of her now.
His size struck her the most when, in a huff of relief, she'd thrown both of her arms around him. There was no hesitation as she embraced him affectionately, in the same motherly way she'd always used. "Coco!" she exclaimed jubilantly, creamy tail thrashing back and forth. A few seconds were spared for Alco, who also received part of the love she had to give. Delicate fingers moved to the back of the tangerine creature's receivers, lightly scratching the top of his head like she'd done a million times before. The Caregiver's attention then returned to the adolescent boy standing before her, seemingly towering over her small frame. "Oh, nothing." A few seconds of silence sprung forth while she assessed the second part of her answer. "I was just waiting for you two to come home," she admitted, gesturing to their smaller friend, as if her explanation hadn't been clear enough. ""Haven't seen much of you lately. Where have you been, mister?!"
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It was she that threw her hands around him first. In response he wrapped both of his golden arms around her frame, but the pressure was light. They had always had a relationship filled with affection. As a child he had pressed his tiny runt body against her whenever his nerves got the better of him. He had slept in her bed until he was way past six months old and he was still living with her now despite knowing that he was probably expected to find a new home on to finally live on his own soon. Conor had no desire to move out from Alexey’s house, just as he had had no desire moving out of her bedroom as a young boy. Being thrown out of her bed had been a shock, and now a fear had started to cling to him again, though the boy disguised this well. It was important to try to enjoy every day as much as possible, and the boy did his best to push away such negativity from his mind.
Despite the light response to her hug, the boy felt like melting in her arms. Oh, if he just had not been so young. He was aware that his chances were seated close to zero percent, but he could not change what he felt for her. It was done before he had realized what this enormous feeling truly was. She had been his everything all along; how could he have known this was more than the ordinary affection a child had for its parent? Also, as always, the woman was the first to withdraw from the embrace. He too looked down at the apricot coated animal below them. Alco seemed quite content as the caregiver’s fingers scratched its head. For a moment Conor felt jealous of the smaller creature, but he pushed it away instantly, feeling rather stupid for his mental outburst altogether. His lilac gaze returned to her amber orbs as she revealed that she had waited for them. She often said that, so was it truth or simply old habit that brought those words out into the crisp air?
”Oh,” his voice uttered with playful wonder. ”And all this time I thought you wanted me to get out more and stop clinging to you.” This was true. It was the woman that had pushed him out from the home in order to gain some spine. He had not been a strong child, and she had been everything he had known that was good and safe, and therefore reluctant to stray from her side at all. They had slowly managed to change that, but the young adolescent knew that he still preferred her company than any other. Unfortunately he could no longer cling to her. Although he had waited forever to grow up, there were certain things he felt that he had lost. He could not be careless and honest like he had in the past. Everything had turned so much more complicated now. ”I found a few extra metal jaws today and decided to throw them into the sea so that nature faster can destroy them. Took time to walk to the harbor” although these human made jaws were not at all pleasant, it surely had helped teach the boy constant awareness when he was out walking.
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Things were ever changing, and nothing could be taken for granted. She'd purposely lingered in his embrace, lightly pressing the tip of her nose against his. Her insecurities were eating her alive, spreading little seeds of doubt in her brain; stirring up emotional injuries she'd thought long healed. Somewhere along the way, her dire need for affection had caused their relationship to become far more complicated than it ever should have been. The Acer had nurtured him far too much, in ways that went far beyond a mother's unconditional love. He was to her what she was to him, everything. Many people had come and gone; Adelaida, Sankor, Aiden, Dreyrugr, Kol. None of them had stayed. And for that reason, she'd opened her heart and soul to the only person who'd shown unfaltering proof of eternal devotion and loyalty. But he was growing up far too quickly. They could go days without seeing each other. There were times when she'd wonder if he would up and disappear, just like so many others had done.
Although his assumption had a playful undertone, the words were enough to freeze her blood. Alexey couldn't help the anxious expression that briefly flitted across her face; honey-hued orbs riveted to his face, silently pleading her case. He was putting her in a position she didn't want to be in. The Koios girl could not admit to how much she needed him, as it could've been easily misinterpreted on his part. Her thoughts wandered to that night, months ago, when she'd exiled him from her bedroom. The memory was not a pleasant one, but Lexey found comfort in the fact that it had been necessary. Was he old enough to hear the reasoning behind her actions? Before she could even deliberate, the violet-eyed boy broke the impending silence with another affirmation. "At the bottom of the sea, where they can hurt no one," she acquiesced softly, with an absent-minded smile.
"Good idea." How she'd managed a reply was a mystery, because her mind was still focused on the youngter's minor accusation. A light frown creased her forehead as she debated with herself, knowing an explanation could either alleviate the atmosphere, or ruin everything. "Conor," His name tickled her throat as it left her vocal cords. It felt unfamiliar. Affectionate little nicknames had always been used in reference to the boy. But not today. "I had no choice. You know that, right? People wouldn't understand," she murmured, partly intimidated by the idea that someone might overhear their conversation. Such eventuality would destroy the credibility she'd worked so hard to attain.
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Part of him hated how his hope could never seem to die. His fur wanted to bristle with goose bump spikes as their noses touched lightly and he got to look into her pretty honey hued eyes. Why did she have to be so pretty and lovely? It almost made him a bit sad. He registered the swift change of expression in her face and flicked his ears back in instant worry. Had he said anything wrong? Again this foolish hope; his mind attempting to connect her reaction to his words. He wanted her to want him close. Instead of dwelling on that foolish hope he focused on her reply. He nodded slowly. They would slowly rust at the bottom of the sea. Poor fish thought, that was what he was thinking of now. His heart roared victoriously at her praise and the boy smiled lovingly at her.
When she used his proper name instead of the little nick name she had given to him, his ears flattened fully. This meant that she was all of a sudden serious and he was not sure if he liked that. When her words sounded he did not understand at first, fear cold as ice threatening with invasion. He blinked then he understood. It was about being kicked out of her bedroom. His gaze broke from hers and settled on Alco. He did not like to have that subject up again. He could probably understand her reasoning, but he knew that if he could have chosen then he would still be sleeping in her bed. Things had slowly changed now though; he thought differently about her. When he had been a small runt she had sometimes held him in her arms during the nights. Now he wanted to be the one to hold her in his arms.
”Yes, I know.” He did not really care if people wouldn’t understand. It was not their business anyway. Conor wondered when Emwe was going to move out. While the young boy did love his brother he had never liked having Emwe live together with him and Lexey. He had never liked the thought of sharing her. Not now either. He was afraid that Kol’s brother would come back. He knew Lexey had had a mate before he had come to live with her. Lavender eyes rose to take in her face again. He thought of Anu and her glittery eyes. He thought of the woman’s love for his half-sister. He remembered her words. His cheeks prickled uncomfortably as he thought of how it would be to give into that desire to move in closer to the latte hued woman. He wanted no regrets. He wanted to kiss her. He needed to.
Without thinking the young boy leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, closing his eyes as he did. His chest and belly exploded into a million fluttering butterfly wings. It was impossible to pull back from Eden, and so he didn’t. He just wanted to love her.
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More words tumbled out of his maw, forming an agreement of sorts. But whether he truly understood the essence of her decision was questionable. One faux pas would send her whole world crashing down. Perhaps Conor didn't see how dangerous of a game they were playing. She couldn't blame him though; because it was his right, as a teenager, to experiment between right and wrong. On the flip side, it was her job to set the record straight between them. She'd tried once before, and it had been the hardest thing she'd ever done. Fear was the source of her motivation. The Acer had briefly considered giving in before, more than once. But every time she'd come close to doing so, the Lillium's face had materialized before her eyes; his face contorted in a grotesque manner. Dahlia de Mai's very own executioner. He, of all people, would never understand.
What came next was irreversible. She did not have time to prepare for it, having detected no signs of his intentions until it was too late. Their gazes intertwined, a mixture of gold and violet as he internally debated with himself. There was something different about the way he regarded her. Alexey was about to react, to question the boy's sudden change of behavior, when comprehension finally washed over her."Don't," she murmured, just a millisecond before his lips met hers. A variety of emotions ensued, flooding her mind with feelings ranging from sheer horror to unexplainable bliss. He'd sealed her fate with one swift movement, condemning her to a life of sin. His lips might as well have been sugar-coated, because the Caregiver simply could not pull away. She too, allowed her eyes to flutter close, long enough for her to savor the forbidden fruit until shocking blue orbs flashed behind her eyelids.
Her reaction was immediate; a gasp escaped the Acer's lungs, as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Amber-colored eyes then snapped open, followed by a swift retreat. Several steps were taken backwards. It was the safest direction she could find; away from the child she'd just taken advantage of. The Koios femme brought her left hand up to her mouth, trembling fingers lightly touching the area where he'd come into contact with her. No sounds came out of her mouth as she examined his face, golden globes wide with undeniable shock. Her face was devoid of emotion for quite some time, and then reality struck. What had they done?
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He had never imagined that this lovely yet horribly aching feeling that had raged for so long in his chest would explode into such purified bliss. His world shook dangerously and he got lost, knowing of nothing else but her, her, her. His arms instinctively rushed with burning intention to draw her closer, but they were too late. The young Dahlian male’s heart had for a moment sung out with full strength, radiating with a happiness he had never expected to know. Her face drew away and his lavender eyes opened to see her face fill up with horror. Dread hit him straight in the face and he wanted to die. What happened? His imagination had kicked off and away and made him believe that she had actually let his lips linger on hers, even returning it to some degree. Conor would not know because this was his first kiss. Despite first timers he knew that this was a feeling as ancient as life itself. Couldn't she see that he only wanted to express his compassion?
For a moment her face seemed blank, but then the terror returned with full strength as reality hit her. Conor’s heart bled heavily now, because he did not know what he had done wrong. ”Lexey..” the male begged pathetically, reaching out for her in a comforting manner. Her facial expression and frozen body scared him more than he thought was possible. He could handle his father's rage and terror, but not Alexey’s misery. She was his everything and every emotion that moved through her touched him too, for better and for worse. What had just happened?
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Something shattered within the Acer. Harsh, cold realization. The broken boy she'd loved and cared for was now dead. Little Coco was no more. Someone had replaced him, and Alexey had failed to realize this until now. What troubled her most was the fact that she adored this new person just as much, if not more, than the child she'd protected for so long. It was disheartening, suffering the loss of her little boy, only to find herself smitten by the man who'd taken him away. A sudden chill travelled up the Caretaker's spine, but not from the chilly temperature. Disgust with herself, followed by fear and confusion, all dominated by the unexplainable feelings of warmth swelling in her chest caused her to take another step back. This was as new to her as it was foreign to him. Even Dreyrugr, with his handsome looks and charming manners, had never been granted access to her soul.
His arm reached out to touch hers, offering the comfort she so desperately needed on a silver platter. But her feet remained firmly planted to the ground; she was frozen in place. Her heart ached for him. It was as much physical as spiritual. A hint of pain was noticeable, a prelude to the crushing blow that would inevitably happen if she didn't walk away right now. Her right hand lightly coiled around the boy's wrist, stopping him in his attempt to soothe the pain. This was morally wrong, no matter how wonderful it had felt. She deserved to feel pain. Her heart had betrayed her common sense, consequently trapping her between a rock and a hard place. "I can't do this," she breathed, shaking her head with firm conviction. They couldn't. Her gaze avoided his, not wanting to see the desperation in his lavender-hued orbs. By refusing to let their eyes meet, she hoped that he would not see the distress hiding behind her unshed tears.
"I'm sorry, I need some time to think," Before he could protest, that is if he had any intention of doing so, the Acer turned and left; headed for the pack borders and beyond. Away from him.
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Her hand darted up and locked around his wrist with a claw like grip stripped for the gentleness that she usually was made of. He froze then, knew that he had destroyed something beautiful. How could he have believed Anu’s words to be true? His father had been right all this time. He was not worthy breathing the same air as Alexey. The young male’s teeth clenched visibly as the area precisely between his eyes started to ache warningly. He blinked and let his face drop slowly. He had seen the rejection in her eyes before her voice finally confirmed it. He remained silent – that was all he was able to do right now. He did not see that her honey orbs too glanced away, filling up with agony matching his. Then she was gone. Conor let her go.
She had rejected him. It burned. He had destroyed his whole world with that single kiss. Although he had not known true happiness until now, he knew that he would spend the rest of his life in utter misery. He had ruined what they had with his silly dreams and foolish beliefs. How he could have dared to believe was beyond him now. He turned away and started walking, silent tears welling up in his eyes. His hand rose to press hard against his chest. He was surprised to find his heart still beating when he knew with absolute certainty that it had been destroyed. He headed toward the house to gather whatever was his. He would leave her home tonight, could not stand to wait for her to come home to tell him to get out of her life.
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