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She had not sought the Lykoi matron out after the Halloween celebration. She had not liked to see Kaena all smashed up and out of character like back that evening. It had actually scared her in a peculiar way. Perhaps the idea of Kaena’s other, more unknown, sides was perturbing. She just knew that she had not really liked it. She did not like what the bottle and the sweet scented joints did to those who used it. What was pleasant about polluting the body and turning the brain into porridge? No, she could not understand it. The young hybrid’s hair was tied up in a wild ponytail, momentarily tired of having it dance wildly around in her face and down beneath her shoulders. There was a second reason why she had pushed back her dark auburn hair: Halo had a new necklace with a vaguely red tinted tooth. It belonged to her despite the repulsion dancing under her skin. She did not want to be fucking miserable.
She was very quickly forgetting about the touch of extra weight from the lovely half-skirt she was wearing. She loved how it looked against her rich coat. Rich reds, black and gold with beautiful decoration that included an eastern dragon twisting through the deep sunset clouds hunting golden dragon balls. The girl had practised whole first half of the day, and it was odd how her mood could be so high while her body was being burdened with weeping muscles. In a way it felt good actually; to feel this way. She still felt like a fat failure, but not as much. A lonely twin sword hung obediently in it sheath on her back, not at all tired like its master. The ruby eyed Lykoi basically danced the last hundred yards to Kaena’s home. Halo’s grandmother had mostly come and visited the mansion, but it was not rare for the young girl to visit her cave either. When she reached the cave entrance she simply called out for the older woman as always. ”Heeey, Kaena? You home?”
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[html]  OH SHIZZLE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS THREAD DDDDDDDDDD; please don't hurt me libriface <3
The hybrid lifted her head blearily at the call of a voice. She had been sleeping the afternoon away, as she had been inclined to do these last few days. With the liquor gone dry, it was more and more difficult for the hybrid woman to cope with the daily life, though she knew it was important to put on a completely stoic face, pretend everything was normal, even if she was writhing and burning on the inside. To Kaena, it felt as if a jagged hole had been punched in her chest at the best of times, let alone when she was feeling particularly down or even malevolent.
Shame was the predominant thing running through the coyote's mind. How could she be so stupid, so weak? It was all her goddamn fault anyway, she was just asking for it by wandering alone by herself in the dead of night. She was squarely to blame for what had happened to her, and she damn well knew it. Perhaps it was the fear of being told such a thing to her face, that horrible knowledge that all could have been prevented, that kept her quiet. She stirred, opening her single golden eye and glaring with that glazed-over thing toward the entrance of the cave.
It took a moment for the coyote to recognize who was intruding on her solitude, and she found that the presence was a welcome one, thankfully. Halo. The coyote sat up slowly, and called for the younger canine to enter. "Come in." The hybrid leaned toward her candles and flicked a match at it, the smell of sulphur invading the tiny cave. It was far easier to light the candles this way; her flint and chunk of steel worked just fine for starting fire, but not on such a tiny scale. Dim light danced about the cave, and the silver-furred woman waited for her granddaughter's entrance, her golden-yellow eye focused on the entrance to the cave.
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For a moment she waited in silence, but Kaena Lykoi’s reply came. The young woman breathed out in instant relief, but she was puzzled at the somewhat blurred ability. Inside the cave, darkness was pushed back when the sound of a match scraped against the matchbox and a small flame started to dance. The young woman smiled as she entered the Matriarch’s home, but her ruby eyes were sharp with a hint of concern. Kaena had not been her old self lately. Not the woman that the young hybrid knew of anyway. Halo too had changed, but she had quickly dismissed her own change as a cause for her grandmother’s altered behaviour. She seemed miserable. Halo knew nothing of what was going on. Kaena had not said anything, but that depressing mood seemed to choke the air around her lately. Halo was full of concern.
The girl’s stride was full of confidence that she did not really possess. She too had been completely ruined within, but she found that she could draw out some unknown strength when she had to deal with more important things. Kaena was the only creature the young girl currently held higher than her self. As the girl closed in her pace slowed down. She tilted her head lovingly and reached out for the woman whose love had given her motivation to stay and learn more about her family and clan. ”How are you?” the girl's gentle and warm voice wondered, though with a strange and sad melody attached to it. Seeing Kaena like this gave the girl a feeling of failure and she could no longer bear it.
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It would do her no good to release the details of that grimy and horrific night; there would only be blame and pity for the ashen-furred hybrid, neither of which she wanted. It was her goddamn fault Haku had happened to her anyway, and though she knew this in her heart she did not want to hear it. The cinnamon-furred canine reached out, and it was only their shared blood that kept the coyote complacent; she would have shook and trembled, recoiled even, from the touch of one outside of her precious family. The question was met with a half-smile and a slow, secretive shake of her head. "The same as always," she said, reaching up to take hold of Halo's hand-paw, squeezing it firmly in her own. "Yourself?"
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Both were unaware of the damage they both suffered from; both had made it a choice to suffer alone. After it had happened Halo’s soul had ached to confide in Kaena and – hopefully – receive a comforting shoulder. To carry such a heavy burden all by herself drained her horribly. She had been unable to confide in her grandmother, afraid to cause more harm than gain. Samael was Kaena’s son. Halo had imagined a worst case scenario – where Kaena took her son’s side and pushed her away. The young hybrid’s heart could never have carried the additional burden. Kaena was all that she had and there was no way she would risk losing her. There was another reason why Samael’s crime went unmentioned, one that made her soul cringe whenever she thought of it. She did not believe she truly hated her uncle despite the fact that she ached to do just that.
Kaena replied and reached for her hand, and Halo’s hand squeezed firmly back, feeling that was all she could do as she fought against those stupid, pathetic tears that sometimes tried to take her by surprise. She was so fucking sick of feeling emotionally unstable. Her mind reached for Kaena’s answer as the older woman asked how she was. Jaws tightened visibly for a moment before a dangerously fragile moment passed and they relaxed. It was important to avoid the wrong direction of thought. ”Were you asleep?” the girl asked, trying to make it sound casual enough to safely lead Kaena’s attention away from the question about how her granddaughter was doing.
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For all the love in the world Kaena could offer Samael and her other children, some things were simply reprehensible. Before Haku, she would not have stared down her nose if Sam had chosen a wolf to satisfy his urges; now she would have hardly been able to stomach it if he had done such things to any canine, wolf or coyote alike. Some things were unforgivable, and a crime against the blood such as the one Samael had committed would have required punishment. Gabriel might have killed him for it, but as with Vitium, Kaena might have only exiled him. Still, such a punishment—rejection by and utter separation from his absolutely beloved mother—would have been more than enough punishment for Samael.
Still, the coyote woman had no knowledge of the transgressions on Halo; she knew only of her own more recent drama, and as usual it weighed heavily on the coyote woman's mind. The younger canine's question drew her out of her thoughts, and she nodded, still somewhat dazed from the nap she'd been taking. "Yeah. No problem, though," the hybrid said, trying to appear uplifted by the other hybrid's presence. It was not as if Kaena did not wish to see Halo; she was simply feeling as she usually did (or so it seemed): miserable. It had passed Kaena's notice that Halo did not respond to her question, and the hybrid's interest was mostly reflected inwards and on herself. "It's good to see you," the hybrid said, wanting badly to reach out and touch the other canine in some way, reassure herself of her presence; any comforts to the grizzled canine were grasped and clutched close these days.
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A part of her wanted to announce Samael’s deeds to the entire world so that she could watch Gabriel rip the Prince of Fear apart. Again, there was no way for her to know what kind of reaction she would be met with, and she could not risk that. Samael was here in Inferni now. She could taste his devilish scent on the air. He had been in the mansion at several occasions as well – she had not been able to sleep those nights despite barricading the door heavily with all the furniture she could find. Despite his constant presence she had yet to meet him again after what had happened. Her innards cringed just thinking of it, but she knew too well that it was impossible to foresee her emotional reaction should they happen to face each other again. She was torn in half. He had ruined her in so many ways, but part of her could not hate him. He had allowed her to keep her pathetic excuse of a light. He had let her live, well knowing that she could easily run to her beloved Kaena and the strict Aquila to reveal his crimes. He had shown her what true pleasure felt like.
Large, copper hued ears fell somewhat when it became clear that she had disturbed Kaena at a bad time. Kaena responded with kindness and did not seem to want Halo to worry about what she had done, but the young hybrid could detect that she was not her usual self. What could the young Hydra have done to make the Lykoi matriarch shut down on her? Kaena’s personality had not changed, but there were definitely changes in her behaviour. Halo could easily misunderstand these silent signals and she did that now; almost certain now that she had done something to offend or displease her silver grandmother. The hybrid could not take it – she could not lose the one individual that was one of the few reasons why she had not broken down into a heap of flesh overpowered by misery. She could not believe Kaena’s words as the older hybrid expressed happiness at seeing her.
Halo’s young heart fluttered oddly as she could feel her ruby eyes water slightly. ”Have I done something to displease you, Kaena?” the girl whimpered lowly as she held tightly on to her grandmother’s hand. Her bushy, nearly black tail moved slowly, insecurely to press against the back of her knee. What else could have changed Kaena’s behaviour so? She said those same nice things, but she was not the same.
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The other canine seemed on the verge of something, and the silvery woman's attentions focused in on her, her single golden eye gazing into the brilliant de le Poer crimson of her eyes, passed to her by her father. The coyote did not forget the man from whence those eyes had come, and looking at Halo made Kaena think of Ahren, which ached still. The tawny-furred female spoke, and the coyote was taken aback for a moment, astonished—her grogginess cleared and she shook her head, tightening her grip on the other coyote's hand and reaching out to touch her face briefly.
"Nothing, my dearest," she said softly. "What could you do to lose my favor?" the hybrid asked. She did not think Halo capable of betraying her; the crimson-eyed girl had shown nothing but devotion to her grandmother so far. "I haven't been myself lately, I know," the coyote added as an afterthought. She declined to offer a reason why, and simply shook her head. "You're nowhere near the root of that, Halo," the hybrid said reassuringly, a more genuine smile showing on her scarred features as she squeezed the Hydra's hand.
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The young hybrid’s eyelids fluttered lightly as Kaena’s hand brushed her cheek faintly. It was a welcome gesture – yet the girl barely managed to hold back a shiver of discomfort. But this was Kaena and she was the world. Of course she should find gratification in her touch. Ears shifted slightly to rest against her coppery fur in a submissive manner now, not frightened. She pushed gently against the older woman’s soft fingers, but the touch disappeared too quickly. Eyes held on to their clasped hands and found comfort in the limited contact. Kaena’s soft voice made her oversized ears flitch slightly, but the girl’s pose kept on begging – pleading whatever was wrong. She would never willingly do anything to lose her grandmother’s favour, but what was it then? The girl wanted to press herself against Kaena like a feline manner, wanted to hold her tight and openly show her intense devotion and love. Instead, the coppery girl kept still, staring sorrowfully at their connected hands.
To be reassured that she was nowhere near the root of Kaena’s altered behaviour brought the young Lykoi little joy. If Kaena was miserable, then Halo too would be. To willingly take on that extra burden was a foolish thing, but it could not be helped. Horror tickled her spine and she shuddered lightly as her mind browsed possible causes for the Matriarch’s changed behaviour. ”What’s wrong then?” the girl pleaded, voice rising slightly as worry started to get a proper grip of her. Perhaps Halo could help – she’d do anything for the woman that had cared for her when no one else had. Halo’s remaining hand clasped the connected hands as she leaned closer. She wanted to crawl and beg; Beg for Kaena could not reject her plea to help. "You know you can trust me with anything." This was something Kaena should know already.
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[html] Rawrrr. I tried to respond to your PM and it just kept like, blanking out on me. o_O;;
Oh, to share to misery that had been brewing and boiling within her for the past few weeks—it had been growing rotten within the hybrid, the expanding gasses of its decomposition leading to a bloat within her, a seething stew of pus and rot and misery swirling within her soul. The coyote could hardly chase Haku from her head these last few weeks, his cruel laughter and the sound of his panting snarls echoing through her nightmares. In her dreams she ceased to see anything but his blue-eyed gaze and his sallow, sharp teeth. She felt only his weight on top of her, suffocating her, crushing her down into absolute nothingness. Her golden-yellow eye slowly closed, squeezing tightly as she tried to shove those images to the deepest reaches of her head, away from her consciousness. It was not an easy thing, and the hybrid grappled with the process, showing some signs of discomfort on her face for just a moment.
The other canine spoke once more, and the hybrid's eye reopened, gazing at Halo with a distant, faraway pain in them. There was a dreamy look to her golden eye now, as if the effort of striving for cleanliness of her mind had caused her physical strain. She smiled weakly as the girl pleaded and leaned forward, weary with the weight on her shoulders, dropping her voice to a snakelike whisper. "Your brother. Half-brother," she said, hesitating for one moment only for everything to come seething back into her consciousness at once, a flood of bad memories better forgotten clamping ahold of the hybrid woman. She seized up, freezing in place where she was for an instant before she began to quake, a horrible shivering overtaking her limbs, and she found she could speak no more; her throat had frozen and her words refused to come. Her golden eye darted wildly to the other hybrid's face, and she could only whine softly, unable to continue to talk.
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It was not long ago that Gabriel had revealed Haku’s surname and confirmed that both Halo and the Lilium of Dahlia de Mai had the same blood running through their veins. She had not been particularly disgusted or excited about that thought. The young hybrid knew that her only family currently lived here in Inferni. She had fully rejected her birth name, plus everything and everyone connected to it. She had erased them all from her heart, even the ivory wolfen mother that only had wanted to love her. Vitium’s cruel lessons still lived on through his daughter. Colibri Soul had been a pathetic bitch and their father had saved them from eternal damnation by shaking some sense into them. The girl knew that she would most likely kill her father if he ever returned, but that did not mean that she was not grateful for what he had taught her – well, the part of what he had thought her that was not a lie, that was.
She saw the amount of fill the woman in front of her. Now she regretted pleading, because she realized that she was forcing Kaena back to whenever something horrible had happened to her. It was not generally heavy thoughts? The young woman had underestimated the dark secret that Kaena had been holding on to, she could see that too clearly as pain poured into her beloved grandmother. Still, an ear perked as the older woman leaned in and whispered those horrible words. Kaena’s body locked down, shook and suffered. Halo felt trapped inside her body; unable to move over in an attempt to soothe the other Lykoi. This had happened once before and that was as she had watched Samael rip Charon apart – before her devilish uncle had come after her.
She wished Kaena had never told her. Her own Samael demon leapt up at her and clawed her in the face – replaying the horrific scenes where he had forever ruined Halo’s innocence in multiple ways. Although her body had experienced pleasure, her psyche had been severely damaged. Then, Halo’s body obeyed her again, and she quickly lifted her hands to disguise her own face, heavy tears already streaming down her light cream face. She could feel her own body tremble, but it was lighter than Kaena’s overloaded body. The young hybrid wanted to scream out in agony. Although she too suffered from the same type of damage, she imagined so much worse for Kaena. In truth Samael had been gentle once he had bended her after his will, but the scenes of Kaena and an unknown wolf flashing behind her closed eyelids screamed only of violence and despair.
Halo wanted to reach out and draw out the woman’s pain, but she was unable to mentally outrun the awful images dashing through her mind. Her own renewed misery crippled her. She felt a sob force its way out into the cool air in Kaena’s cave. How could he.. Kaena had ripped the healing wound open again. How could they! She dimly felt knees hit the hard stone floor as her feet gave in, and she wrapped her arms around Kaena’s right leg, unable to find the strength to drag herself up from her current position on the floor. "No.." Forehead was pressed against her grandmother’s knee and she wept for them both.
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That rotten feeling which had been sitting and stirring in the very pit of her stomach and pervading her whole body over these last few awful weeks seemed to be overpowering at times, blinding her and making her feel nothing else. Other times she was able to distract herself from it long enough, with alcohol or smoking or really good company, the simple distractions of life overwhelming the miserable feeling in her. Focusing in on it, really zeroing in on what had happened to her, that gave the hybrid the feeling that someone had ran a knife over her belly and up to her throat, and splitting her open and scooping all of her innards and guts out, drying them for a few days and stuffing them back inside all twisted up and upside down. There was an absolutely rotten, dried-out feel to the hybrid, and she seemed to shrivel at the sight of Halo falling to her knees, more affected by the hybrid's revelation than Kaena thought she would be.
The coyote woman did not suspect a similar crime had occurred to Halo, and if she had, what would she have done? She loved Samael and she wanted the best for him, but Halo meant a hell of a lot to her as well, as much as any of Kaena's children. There was no distinction; Halo was on par with Gabriel and Molochai and Razekiel and Ahemait and Rachias and Kerberos—they were her world, and they were all family. The cinnamon-furred coyote whispered a single word and placed her head on Kaena's knee, tears brimming on her beautiful red eyes, those valued de le Poer things that Kaena so loved to look on. All thanks to Halo's grandfather generations of de le Poer blood flowed in their veins, intertwined with Lykoi and as much a part of Inferni now as the aforementioned. The old magic of Chimera flowed through their veins and now strengthened Inferni, lending its power to the Aquila now thanks to his father, once king of the pack in his youth.
The coyote leaned forward, wrapping her arms around the other canine's shoulder and tucking herself downward as best she could, her trembles coming in waves now rather than a constant, her breath short. There were almost tears in Kaena's single eye, brewing there and threating to spill now with thinking of Haku again. He seemed to infect her head, a virulent thing sweeping over all functioning parts of her brain and seizing them, controlling them, prodding and twisting at the buttons and levers of her brains until she was absolutely miserable, beyond anyone's help. But there was something in Kaena, some rock-solid core of her, that remained unaffected and indifferent to what had happened to her. Perhaps that was the reason why she had not succumbed; there was still some strong center inside of her, unwavering and not so much as budging, no matter how hard Haku shoved at her. It was this that kept her sane and gave her strength to carry on, and it was this part of Kaena that battled his influence valiantly, absolutely unrelenting and refusing to submit an inch to him.
Strangely enough, it was not this part of Kaena that was vengeful. It was not aggressive, nor violent. These parts of her were part of that shadowy, dark thing caged up elsewhere in her, closer to her heart but far from the rational, thinking machine of her head. This part of Kaena was tender, gentle, loving. It was the motherly part of her which forced her to continue these days, out of devotion to her children, her family, Inferni. It was this gentle thing that had become so vicious inside of her, fighting off the terrible things that Haku had done and forcing the silver-furred hybrid to cope, or at least as best as she could. The mother in Kaena had given her the stoic face and strange, reclusive behavior in lieu of a total raving breakdown in front of all Inferni. It was this piece of Kaena that gave her voice back, drawing it up from somewhere deep down, forcing the silver-furred woman to speak fateful words out of motherly instinct.
"Halo... you can't tell anyone," the hybrid said, breathing the words out in a quiet whisper, hoping to penetrate the girl's sobs though her own voice cracked at the words. "Not Gabriel, not Samael, not Rikka, not anyone," the coyote added, emphasizing the final word. The silver furred hybrid clutched at the girl's shoulders and said this more forcefully, almost commanding, almost the tone of a Centurion—she did not wish to venture there and pull rank in this situation of any, but to Kaena it was most important to keep Halo safe. Halo must remain safe, out of Haku's reach, away from Haku, lest the same terrible thing fall on her gentle auburn-haired head. The coyote stroked at this hair, brushing it away from the girl's face, some instinct still forcing her to display strength for her grandchild when she seemed to need it. "Don't go to him and seek vengeance. He will kill you, or worse."
Kaena had no idea what Halo knew of her brother, and she did not want to find out. It was direly important to her to protect the younger hybrid, however, and Kaena would not have Halo anywhere near that side of her family if it was up to her. It was poison, unworthy, a disease that would overcome her and devour her if she tried to contact them, even to avenge Kaena's dignity. There was a bitter smile on the hybrid's face now, her golden eye half-lidded as she ran her fingers through the other canine's pretty styled hair, sighing to herself. "You feel too much for me," the coyote murmured, shaking her head at the other canine's tears. She did not understand; Kaena Lykoi was not an empathetic canine, and she surely was not psychic. She did not recognize anything mirroring her own distress in Halo; the world was revolving around the silver-furred Centurion and her own problems at this very moment.
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The chaos inside would leave nothing but fresh destruction once it calmed down again. She could only cling to the silvery woman until the worst of it passed and hope for survival. The young hybrid could feel her heartswell with sorrow – found it impossible that she was able to live on with such misery inhabiting her body. It struck her that males were horrible creatures. If they should be feared or not was not a topic she touched, but because of their additional strength and size it seemed they could do so much more harm than a female could have. She found it odd as she immersed the damage and took in its unimaginable dimension. She snivelled silently and was slowly taking back her self control again. The gentle embrace by her grandmother soothed her damaged soul, and despite the weight of her misery Halo managed to produce a small yet heartfelt smile for the woman.
Kaena pleaded for secrecy and the young woman nodded, feeling an odd numbness spread through her bones. Her body jerked involuntary as Halo’s rapist’s name was spoken out loud, but that was it. He lived in these lands now, did he not? She would have to learn to live with his horrible, blood tainted presence. Her lip shivered pathetically at all that she would have to endure, but there was nothing to be done about it. Samael was Kaena Lykoi’s son and he would be immune to anything. The girl firmly believed that she was a lesser being than her crimson eyed uncle. Her body was overwhelmed by wolfen influence and she had showed weakness in the presence of another Lykoi. Perhaps she had deserved it. Perhaps it had been necessary for her to witness the horror and be taught a lesson. Halo had never feared anyone as she feared Samael. She hoped she would never do the gruesome mistake as to underestimate him again.
The girl nodded – silently promising not to reveal the ugly truth about Kaena’s altered behaviour to anyone, not even the Aquila. Now Kaena’s grip suddenly tensed. The girl’s already flattened ears pressed more forcefully against her copperish skull. She truly meant it and the girl nodded again. She wouldn’t tell a single soul. Another heavy, secret burden was placed on her shoulders. Halo was not in a position to complain, for she had pleaded for Kaena to reveal what was wrong. Halo’s eyes fluttered and closed slowly as the Centurion’s fingers brushed through her dark hair. Although she was as miserable as ever, she could still feel an injection of love enchant her body when she was given kindness from the woman she adored most of all. Her jaws invisibly tightened when she was told not to seek vengeance. Gabriel had said something similar – that Haku was a monster that should not be approached. It set the girl’s curiosity on flame and now there also was a burning desire to hurt him back for what he had done to her beloved grandmother. Her lip twisted in disgust as she thought of their shared blood.
The girl’s former smile was rought back to life when the older hybrid commented her feelings. Perhaps this was true despite her own tragedy. ”Perhaps,” was all the coppery girl said, voice sang low tones burdened with misery. She was glad though, for she had always wished to have something to fight for. Life held more meaning now than before, and her new goal in life was to make Haku Soul and Samael Lykoi pay for their crimes. Her heart throbbed with refreshed strength in her chest. She would not wither and let them win.
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The silver-furred coyote could sympathize with thoughts of devilish men in that moment. For the first time in her life, indeed, she felt disgusted with them, barely able to stand the touch of most of them—her children were the only precious exemption to that, even Samael, even the one who harbored the most unholy desire for her, for she trusted him to never hurt her. It was terrible the hybrid hadn't considered others closest to her; she had not thought to consider that Samael being closer to Inferni meant that those who also meant something great to her could be injured in the process. That same trust that the coyote woman had for Samael could not be extended to Halo, Gabriel, or any of the rest of them—they were all subject to his terrible reach.
Kaena could have reflected perfectly what Halo felt in these moments; she had deserved every moment of what Haku had wrought on her. It was her own fault that she'd been in the dark, alone, her very presence a taunt to him. She thought she'd killed him, once upon a time—the silver-furred hybrid should have taken that chance and smashed his skull to make sure the job was done. If Halo had informed her of Samael's transgressions she would not have delivered the same fate to him, which was sadder still. That he was her son would have redeemed him from death, but what he'd done to Halo was loathsome and deserving of punishment. The silver-furred coyote could have withdrawn her presence from his life, and it would perhaps be worse than death on the sable-furred coyote, but in her heart she would have known even that would not be possible. She would not have ostracized him entirely from her own life.
The silver-furred coyote's features hardened as the other canine spoke again, uncertain if she was accepting the decree not to retaliate. After a brief moment, the silver-furred coyote decided to let this go, deciding that Halo did not require another warning to stay away, and if she did not heed the first she might be able to take care of herself. The hybrid woman did not doubt that her daughter had been made the Hydra of the clan for nothing; Kaena had seen the cinnamon-furred coyote's skills in action when they had hunted that lone wolf vandal. Instead, the hybrid again ran her fingers along the other coyote's hair, smiling bitterly at that moment of inaction she had just decided upon. Certainly, she could have reinforced her decree not to seek out Haku, but what good could it do for Halo if she was truly determined to mete out her grandmother's revenge? "I fucked up," the hybrid said, her voice wavering as she spoke these words, growing stronger on her next few, "but I won't allow him to ruin me." There was some foulness of Haku still stuck in her and trying to escape, certainly, but the hybrid woman would put on the pretense of a stoic Centurion, she would play the part of a firm and unwavering force within the coyote clan no matter the cost to her own sanity.
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Sometimes the young girl thought that she should have been consumed with relief rather than the aching pain, whose quest seemed to be to hollow her out; burn up everything within until she was an empty shell without a soul. Samael had shown her how easily he would deliver death to another canine. Samael had also given her life back when he could so easily have taken it. The end of Charon’s life had been horrific beyond imagination and had shattered her little imaginary world where she had imagined things would die with merely a few drops of blood. The invading wolf brought down by the clan in cooperation had been her first kill, but the atmosphere had not allowed for much thought. Her teeth had dug in and held on to his flesh as she had twisted and tugged until the skin had given in and caused hot red blood to turn her face crimson. He had died so quickly and she had been distracted from the mess immediately as Gabriel had spoken up and revealed her new and shiny warrior rank.
Kaena’s wavering voice broke into the girl’s chaotic mind and she clung to it and tried to maintain her focus better. Although she could not tell whether the older woman’s words held truth or not, she shook her head in what could only seem like true conviction. Her eyes had never seen the other part of her abandoned family name here in ‘Souls, but she was starting to realize that the stories about Haku were not mere stories. If he was so cruel and horrible and even managed to overpower and hurt her Kaena then he truly was a monster beyond her imagination. Perhaps there was fear lurking in the background; statists with adrenaline flowing by, plain in sigh yet out of her focus, but she knew what she had to do. She wanted to use her rank for once and do damage instead of receiving the damage. She wanted to be strong and most of all she wanted her clan to acknowledge this strength. She just had to find it first. Her dreams had changed since she came to Inferni, but they still withheld the same desire for acknowledge and greatness.
”He won’t ruin you.” the girl said with dire determination and reached out for Kaena’s face; stroke each of her scarred cheeks with smooth palms. She could feel the memories of damage wrinkle her grandmother’s skin and revelled at the sensation. Kaena was so beautiful with her scars and her history. The young hybrid was older now than she had been when she first had adored Kaena’s scars and so it seemed easier to think that Kaena’s life had seldom offered her peace and happiness. They were Lykoi – perhaps they weren’t meant to find peace in any form. Halo held crazed blood in her veins; de le Poer and Lykoi, and she was beginning to wonder if perhaps the Soul blood too held a few dark secrets as well. Still, with revelation apparent in her mind, she wished for nothing more than to be just like Kaena.
Table credit : Chelsie(Ásmundr)[/html]
[html] 368.
In Character
Bloodshed did not cause Kaena any trouble. It never had. Her very first kill had been her stepmother, Sabryne, and it had been in a fit of vengeance that the silver-furred hybrid had taken the other woman's life. The silver-furred coyote had not hestitated an instant to spill the gray wolf's blood, she had not given her life nor the blossoming lives in her belly—Kaena's very half-siblings by Andre—so much as a thought. The children in her stomach were wolf's children, and even if they were her father's they deserved death. She could not imagine such a thing would have bothered Halo; indeed, the silvery hybrid could hardly grasp how anyone could be bothered by such a simple, instinctive thing as violence.
The idea that peace was not meant for Kaena had crossed the silver-furred canine's mind many times, but still, she sought it in some form or another. A life spent in Inferni was peace, even if the clan was at war, even if the clan boiled with drama and unrest, it was better than a life alone. A life with her family was certain peace, even if Vitium was an outcast, Andrezej was dead by his own brother's claws, and others were scattered to the wind. They could always come back to her. Some had already begun to do that, perhaps the silver-furred coyote's addition to the call of Inferni stirring something deep and ancient in their blood.
The cinnamon-furred Hydra reached out to touch Kaena's face, and the hybrid remained still, no longer quaking. The simple presence of her granddaughter had calmed her down again, the catharsis of admitting her own shape more than enough to keep her level and sane for the moment. Halo wasn't accusing her of anything; the auburn-hued woman was strong for Kaena when she needed it most. "Maybe not," she admitted, her golden eye falling on the young Lykoi who was the source of so much joy for Kaena. To see this generation of herself, reflected back in Halo's eyes and face and body, it was better than words could hope to express. She had to be strong for her family; she had to be strong for Halo.
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Despite the pain that ruined them both, Halo smiled at her grandmother. It was true, it was sincere – it was plain adoration and gratefulness. It did not matter if Kaena did not understand it. Halo doubted the older woman knew how much warmth she had brought into her life just by taking her into her scarred arms and held her tight against her aging body. Kaena had accepted her before anyone else had done and Halo was unsure if it was possible for any other being to hold such a large portion of her heart as Kaena did. Halo had grown up without a mother, so his father’s mother was everything she knew. Though, Halo remembered warmth and safety as she had cuddled tight against her mother’s silky white fur. Colibri Soul had given them all the love and comfort that a mother could give to her young, but Vitium’s toxic words had ruined those early memories that should be blissful. Halo knew that she was likely wrong to loathe her wolf mother and the family name that had been abandoned when she had started to wear Lykoi instead, but she could not change this feeling more than she could change the colour of her eyes. The hatred was sat too deep within her young soul.
The granddaughter knew that her idol would find strength again. There were monsters in this world, but their damage could be mended to a degree. Halo had to believe in this. The first days after Samael had had his way with her she had been like dead inside her own body. She had thought death would come to finally release her, but somehow she had just gotten up on her feet and walked away. The hybrid had retrieved the swords by the unrecognizable wolf corpse and retrieved one of Charon’s upper teeth. The tooth held her worst memories and she had chosen to let it rest around her neck in a chain decorated with pieces made out of tail bones. She had not killed this wolf, but she had been the reason why he had been killed. She thought her lesson well learned. She had found strength in her sword and their weight. She worked her body hard and mercilessly until she was unable to think straight. As her intense training continued day in and day out she found treatment through endorphin explosions and mental exhaustion. She had been all nerves after what had happened, but some form of confidence had found her again, for she would be able to defend herself better now. There was not a day when she did not practise both sword and unarmed combat, and her frequent sessions with Gabriel and Anselm did wonders too.
She had to ask. ”Does invisible wounds like these heal, Kaena?” Eyes quietly pleaded as her quiet voice seemed almost reluctant to let the words out into the open air. Although she was finding more calm and strength today than when the scenes had been a day fresh in her head, some days could be spent in the rollercoaster of emotions and she sometimes felt like curling into a ball and die in a corner. She wanted to hear that there was absolution for both of them.
Table credit : Chelsie(Ásmundr)[/html]
[html] Wurd count: 396.
In Character
As painful as it was to the silver-furred hybrid, as much as it felt life a poison-dipped knife burrowing slowly into her chest, Haku was not the first. That honor went to her half-brother, Kairo, who had the distinction of being her first in both senses of the world. He'd taken her virginity—quite literally stolen it from her, to be truthful—when he'd raped her. She'd been a hell of a lot younger and a hell of a lot weaker then, it was true, but after Kairo had violated her Kaena Lykoi had vowed not to let the same thing happen again—and this time, she'd chosen her fate. She had asked for that before death, she had given up her dignity and her pride to avoid the unknown. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do, but now Kaena could hardly think of making that choice without her stomach turning.
Still... even back then, even utterly shattered by what he'd done to her, she'd moved on. She'd grown stronger. Perhaps it was thanks to her father's vengeance, but the silver-furred woman knew in her heart that she would not have survived ten long years if she had allowed Kairo's horrible intentions to ruin her from the start. She had to be stronger than that—her family required it from her. Halo's question seemed pleading—the silver-furred Centurion could not simply give up. She was still completely unaware of Halo's personal crisis; the auburn-haired girl had not made it overtly obvious to Kaena, and the usual arrogance of the ashen canine had turned into total self-pity. She could see nothing but her own problems.
There was a sad smile from the elder canine, and she stroked the side of Halo's face once more, marveling at her pretty little granddaughter. There were elements of Kaena's very own face reflected back in Halo's. Her slim coyote-like features, the shape of her face, the sharpness of her cheekbones—they were a generation apart, but it was something like looking in a distorted mirror, her own genetic material filtered through Vitium. It made her smile stronger, and she nodded. "Time can heal just about anything, dear," the coyote said. It was the truth. Physical wounds scabbed over, mental anguish was forgotten with time. Nothing lasted forever, and that included pain, even the worst of agonies.
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[html]<style type="text/css">#ásmundrdec29 b {color:#4b525d; font-weight:bold;} #ásmundrdec29 {margin:auto; width:455px; padding:10px; padding-bottom:150px; border:1px solid #fff; background:url( http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y199/l ... enshot.png) bottom no-repeat #8d9297; font:12px georgia; color:#bec0c3; line-height:12px; text-align:justify;}</style> New thread soon, jaaplz? SSWM 628
Halo did not try to drop seeds into Kaena’s mind so that she would one day understand what hidden message twisted in between her spoken words. No, Halo did not intend to let anyone know about the horrors that had torn her inner walls apart and stripped her for her precious virginity. There was no way back and despite the burning rage that made her want to rip her uncle into a million sad pieces, she could not risk shatter her grandmother’s love. She could not gamble with her grandmother’s love no matter how big the pot turned out to be. No one was more precious than Kaena Lykoi and this was why she would soon set out towards Dahlia in an attempt to kill a monster. She had been warned several times already about her gruesome half- brother, but this rage could not be soothed or dealt with unless she went ahead and punished the beast that had forced Kaena Lykoi against her will. It was amazing how well this was hidden behind the young girl’s delicate features. The emotions displayed in Halo’s face as the older hybrid gazed into it were only love and warmth. Beneath the skin, she was boiling.
The older woman’s words were somewhat reassuring. Though they were openly talking about Kaena’s pain, this brightened Halo’s hope that she would one day be able to turn away and forget what had happened. Right now she could not imagine how she could. Would she ever be able to be close to anyone without freaking out and imagine Samael? This was something she would have to figure out. Her mentality was gaining strength with the training – or so she thought. Samael could not keep her within his grasp forever if she did not want to. No, she wanted her strength back. She was still the same as before, nor did she carry any visible markings of what had happened. What had happened lived on within her, but it could never be undone. She sniffed and felt the scarred skin under her fingers. It felt good – soothed her and gave her peace, though she knew it was only temporary. ”Be strong, grandmother, he will not harm you again.” the young woman suddenly purred, ruby eyes no longer leaking.
Her red gaze was hard now, but the rage was not meant for Kaena. Her fingers left Kaena’s face as she rose and brushed off dust and dirt from the cave floor that had grown attached to her skirt. She felt the well known weight of the twin sword on her back and knew that she could conquer the world if she just went for it. She just wanted one male right now, and that was Haku Soul. She wanted to be able to reassure the woman that she would go to Dahlia and chop Haku Soul’s head off, but it would be unwise to reveal this after Kaena’s voice had commanded her not to seek him out. Oh, but Halo was not a girl anymore. She was Gabriel’s Aquila, and she wanted to be his burning rage. His eyes would turn into fire if he was told what had happened and as his warrior it was Halo’s duty to kill the Dahlian. Her smile was smooth and innocent still, though she could not quite extinguish the burning fire in her crimson orbs.
”If you want I can stay for a while here with you.” She did not wish to leave her grand mother’s side, but she could not bear spending a moment longer within these sorrowful walls of Kaena’s home without revealing the upset anger that raged through her hotter than fire.
Table credit : Chelsie(Ásmundr)[/html]
[html] Agree. :B We can haz ending on this one soon, maybe this post would be good, but you are welcome to go once moar, of course. Word Count: 509
The hybrid woman was not sure she would ever wholly trust a man again. She had always preferred them sexually despite finding herself fairly attracted to females on occasion, but now the thought of allowing any man to touch her made her skin crawl. Maybe it was best to simply avoid sexual altercations entirely for the time being. It was not so long ago that the hybrid had avoided sexual relations, more out of lack of anyone to play with than actual fear, but now perhaps a second period of celibacy was in order. The silver-furred Centurion was not sure she could endure touches, even gentle ones, from a man she did not completely and totally trust.
If Fatin were still here for her, the hybrid would not have had to worry about these things. The cinnamon-furred woman would have been utterly and completely patient with Kaena, moving at whatever pace was comfortable for her. But the Kali woman was not, and Kaena was left to deal with the sexual issues her rape had imparted on her. This included a generalized aversion to touch, but as the silvery hybrid remained quite close to her granddaughter and the pair exchanged comforts, she felt this fear begin to dissipate. Certainly it would be some time before Kaena was completely healed, but even now the coyote felt a tiny bit of her former strength flow back into her limbs.
The auburn-haired girl's words were distinct comfort to the ashen-hued coyote, and she smiled, nodding in agreement. So long as she surrounded herself with family and Inferni, so long as she had a strong granddaughter and strong sons and daughters to protect her, Kaena Lykoi could not be harmed. The clan and the family would protect her, for she had nurtured both in her time. The silver-furred hybrid might have even argued that such protection was owed to her by the remainder of Inferni, but Halo did not need to hear such arguments. She offered her comfort and protection without the hybrid elder even requesting it. "Not with your strength to protect me, he won't," the coyote agreed and complimented, her coal-colored lips twisting into a smile.
The Hydra offered to stay with Kaena, which was not so much a surprise as it was a delight, and she immediately nodded. "I would like that, yes," she responded somewhat eagerly, finding her granddaughter's presence immensely comforting. It was easy for Kaena to see herself reflected in the young Lykoi woman, some inner strength that the rust-furred Hydra had yet to fully tap. Her granddaughter was destined for great things, Kaena thought. Someday, the world would cower in fear at her name as it had once cowered in fear at the Centurion's name. Those days were long passed, true—perhaps now that honor was owed to Haku Soul. Still, since her return, Kaena had not been silent; she was certain some still remembered that fear striking into their hearts at the mere mention of the cloudy-furred canine. Those good old days might still return yet.
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