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If Cambria had known that Mati hadn't considered herself attracted to other women before then she would have understood all the confusion and hesitation that flew around the room. Cambria had known this about herself and even she was hesitant. While she had been with another female in a physical manner she had yet to open her heart to anyone. She had never felt such feeling flooding through her and the undeniable desire to have those feelings reciprocated. In that way Mati was more experienced than she, having at least had one experience of emotional attraction before even if nothing had come of it. The both of them were tiptoeing through unknown territory and both were afraid to make a wrong move. The discomfort threatened to overtake them and their emotions were at risk of flying into an uncontrollable frenzy. Most times the girl looked to her seniors for guidance and support, but she couldn't do that in this situation and it seemed to make it all the more needing of care. She was more than willing to work their way through this together, it would just require give and take on both their ends.
Just as Mati found it hard to believe that Cambria did not see herself as anything special, she too would have found it impossible that the Church fey could not see how beautiful she was. Her coat was filled with all the colors of fresh earth, a myriad of shades where her own fur was a bland, single shade. Her wavy, untamed hair was intriguing and full of life and all Cambria wanted to do was to brush her fingers through it. Mati's size didn't seem bad or awkward to her, but displayed her strength both mentally and physically. She was petite and weak, but Mati wasn't either of those things and she greatly admired that. There was also an almost constant sense of security and comfort emanating from the older girl and that was something that Cambria needed almost more than anything else. She needed to be sheltered and protected and Mati had always done that for her, even before she had officially been the pack's Nanny. Though their past interactions were far from her mind now. They had little to nothing to do with what was occurring now and this was so much bigger and so much more important. She couldn't see a single thing wrong with her desire to be closer to Mati, closer than just friends.
Her heart glowed at Mati's words. Seeing yourself through another's eyes was not someone often got the chance to view and she looked forward to what she might be able to find in that filter of herself. Maybe she would learn to better appreciated herself, though the most alluring prospect was seeing what it was that the other female appeared to value in her. "I hope I will...and I look forward to that." Her own voice and words came easier now, though the tension was far from being completely dissipated. After her last sentence though she didn't know what else to say or do. She knew what she wanted to do, but she was afraid that any physical contact right now would scare Mati away. The girl decided to test the waters though, and took a careful step closer to the other woman. There was still a good deal of space separating them, but she hoped that whatever reaction she got would help to guide her further actions, whether it would be to leave things as they were or further venture to be closer.
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One moment she had wished that she was free of these feelings, and then in another she found that she didn’t want them to stop. It was a new sort of excitement, and a new form of joy that Mati had yet to experience. It did not loose its frightening feeling, but it was no longer terrifying. The notion that this was something more then just friendship was not even the scariest of all, and to think that she could be attracted to another female was not exactly something she could wrap her brain around. It passed through her, but quickly and only slowing down long enough for Mati to dismiss it. It shouldn’t matter, for Cambria was everything she could ever truly desire and if she just allowed herself a moment to let the fog clear and concentrate less on the immediate feelings of rushing warmth to her face or the fluttering of her stomach Mati might have been able to think through it logically.
But she was wrapped up in the moment, just as she had been with the coyote woman. The fear, the confusion it all existed but Mati was beginning to see things more simply. Her mind had given up, allowing her body to simply feel what it desired to feel without its intervention. It couldn’t go on any longer submerged in the giant ocean of anxiety that stemmed from her unknowing and insecurities, and Mati had to make a unconscious decision. Save the thoughts and the worries that plagued her, or reject the quickening pace of her heart, and the butterfly wings that tickled her stomach. To keep her consciousness alive and all those thoughts of reason and thoughts of her security she needed to leave the situation and separate herself from the source. In the end saving her heart from any pain was not worth the loss of this moment.
Cambria spoke, and Mati felt a growing pressure. It needed to be perfect, each brush stroke propelled by a hand dedicated to showing her that there was no flaw in who she was. Her breath came more steadily now, and as Cambria stepped forward Mati felt the air lock in her chest. Unsure how close the other female would come Mati did not breath until the step was completed and Cambi remained still. “I think I can finish it in a week of so.” Mati responded, eyes glancing from the girl’s face to the table. The papers were scattered all over, as her submitted mind’s thoughts were just scattered at every corner of her brain. Looking back at the female Mati caught sight of the necklace she wore, swallowing she asked “I never asked if you wanted your necklace in the picture.” As she said the words Mati looked more closely, letting her hand rise as it had that day she had hurt her finger and she thought tentatively about touching Enzo. She reached for the silver charm, unsure if Cambria would flutter away like the dove would have.
“Its really pretty.” She commented, eyes looking upwards to catch the sea green of Cambria’s.
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There was so much that she didn't know about Mati. So many details that had never been delved into. She didn't know about her family, was even fairly ignorant to the fact that Naniko was her mother, and Anu as well. Cambria had been so young and the only she had really known was that Mati had been there to look after her and take care of her when her parents couldn't, or needed to be other places. She had been the one to watch her after the accident, it was her care that she had been put under while her mother and Anu dealt with the offender. Now though, she found herself wanting to know everything. To know about her childhood, to know about her past. To know why and how she had found her artistic gift. She wanted to know her, to know everything about her. To have an attraction surface so suddenly and so fiercely was scary, but Cambria knew that she didn't want it any other way. She just wanted to be close to her, in any way.
Mati relaxed more, but as she stepped forward she could feel the tension in the other rise again and she decided to make no further moves forward. She didn't want to push her, couldn't push her. Having her own emotions running so high made her hyper aware of how the other fey was feeling and she wouldn't dare do anything that could make things worse. She didn't think there was anything wrong with what she wanted to do, but she knew it just simply might be too much right now. This had all descended upon them so quickly that they needed to take things slow and let ideas settle before taking another step. Still, that didn't keep her heart from beating so strongly though, or from feeling like it was pulling her towards the Church wolf like a magnet to its opposing force. Cambi wanted to lose herself in those arms, but it would have to wait.
"Okay. Take however long you need." Though not too long, she mentally added. She wasn't sure if Mati would want to see her again before the picture was finished, and if she didn't then she didn't think she could bear for it to take much more than a week. Her gaze was focused so intently on the other wolfess that the change of topic to her necklace left her momentarily dumbfounded. "Oh? Oh, yeah, that'd be nice. I wear it, most of the time." Always when she was shifted. Her father had given her the necklace and it meant a great deal to her for that reason. She felt that when she wore it he was never far away. Her eyes caught the movement of Mati's hand and her heart quickened. For a moment she remained still and then almost involuntarily she moved forward just enough so that Mati could reach the charm, and by extension, her.
Cheeks burned so hot that she was certain that Mati could see the blush, even through her dark fur. "Thanks," she answered, somewhat breathless.
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Mati would have never guessed that she was somewhat a mystery to others. It was true that she stayed in her room for long hours at a time. She had friends, but with the disappearance of Ares Mati found that she had none in the pack, other then Cambria. They had not spoken much in the past, or at least at the point where Cambria could be seen as an adult. The details of her everyday life were not know, but Mati was finding out more and more about the other woman with each moment they spent together. To an outsider their last meeting would have seemed more informative. But Mati found that she learned much more now, simply by standing beside one another and sharing the static emotion that rang with each ticking second. She knew it was not enough, and if the painting took a week it would be too long. She could almost picture herself glancing down the hall in hopes of bumping into her, though why that vision came to her and how it made her feel would remain shadowed just like the rest of the things that still needed to be understood.
She was sweet, to not protest the wait and Mati smiled a bit brighter at the understanding. Though the artist would find that she stayed up night after night, painting by candle light in hopes of it always being perfect and finishing it as soon as she could. The look on Cambria’s face once she saw the finished product something that she yearned to see. It made hiding the work in progress important, and though she had not asked to see it Mati would like to keep it all a mystery.
Nodding softly Mati focused on the sliver three butterflied charm, wondering where she got it. She had been wearing it the week ago when she had bandaged Mati’s hand, but before that Mati could not remember. She wondered who had given it to her, and without being able to first explain why her heart jolted, her stomach knotted. Had there been someone else? Another that she had actually liked, and not just might liked. She pushed the thought from her mind, pushing the reason it matter so much to her away as well.
Her fingers touched it, the smooth metal in between the thumb that Cambi had healed and her pointer finger. Her sweet voice spoke, a single words and Mati took the closing step so that her arm was not extended. She didn’t let herself think of how it might have been stepping over the line, but Cambi had not flown away as Mati feared she might. Of course she needed to get a good look at it so that she replicated it perfectly in her painting, but Mati found that it was not the only thing that she focused on. This close her scent was all that she could inhale, the soft sound of her breathing playing in her ears right beside her own heartbeat.
“Where did you get it?” Mati asked, eyes looking back at it, her thumb running across the first butterfly and then onto the second. She held her breath in waiting, waiting to hear the tale of lust and love and pure happiness that Mati instantly concocted in her mind for the younger female. And fearing it would be true.
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Cambria would have thought it crazy that Mati thought she had no other friends in the pack. She knew that both her father and mother thought very highly of her and respected her a great deal. That was obvious for not only her co-rank but her high standing in the hierarchy of the pack overall as well. What didn't occur to her though was that such high regards didn't necessarily constitute a friendship. There wasn't anyone that she had met that she did not consider a friend, except for the male in the city who had scared her so. That wasn't saying too much though, considering that the amount of wolves she had met outside of Crimson Dreams could be counted on her fingers. Mati was older and so surely had many more connections, not to mention that she was far more confident than the Marino. Almost every new meeting was an anxiety for her for her shyness became nearly completely crippling. The girl was sure that Mati had to know and have many more friends than she did.
It seemed that Mati appreciated her understanding and patience and the growth in the other's smile translated onto her own as well. Cambria never had been and likely never would be a demanding individual though. She would always be willing to wait upon others, even if deep down she didn't really want to. She didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable and didn't want to presume that her time and needs were more important than anyone else's. A lot must go into completing a painting to satisfaction and the last thing she wanted was to rush Mati or put any pressure on her. The girl would be overjoyed to see it once it was finished and she had no doubt that it would be well worth whatever wait it took.
The taller wolf stepped closer so that her arm wasn't uncomfortable while she inspected the necklace and Cambi could feel her heart jump as they became closer. The more distance that was closed between them the faster and more she wanted it to be gone completely. The urge to hug herself to Mati was becoming overwhelming but still she retained her self control and held back. This close she could feel the light tickle of Mati's breathe on her face and her scent invaded her nostrils with a new bravado. Lids fluttered as she took a deep breath, savoring her smell. It was so hard to resist reaching out to touch her or to rub her face against her gorgeous fur, for each breath she took brought a new level of intoxication and her willpower wavered.
If she had known the worries that ran through the Church's mind she would have been unable to help a giggle. The necklace was hardly a token from some other romantic tryst and Mati had nothing to fear. Though, if things did progress between the two of them, she would greatly fear coming forward with the encounter between herself and Lolita in the city. Would Mati not want her then? See as some sort of spoiled goods? That idea made her chest feel tight again. No matter what had happened between her and the pale Dahlian, she did not have these feelings for her and she knew that Lolita did not have them either. It had been a one time occurrence, and nothing more, but how would Mati see it? The question of the necklace's origin diverted her attention, thankfully. "My dad gave it to me, a few months ago when I first learned to shift." It had been an unexpected and thoughtful gift from her father and she loved it dearly.
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The stories she imagined were things that only her creative side and the misunderstood desire combined could make up. Her eyes took in the face of the other girl, roaming as they had when she was behind the safety of her easel and looked at her slender neck, the locks of neatly tamed mane resting on her shoulders, a few longer and almost falling to the portion of her chest that rose and rounded and that created the soft valley of brown fur that her hand was held right above. Gaze was set forcefully to the necklace, and then drifted to the side wondering as eyes roamed if Cambria noticed that she could not keep her sight uncontrolled. Softy voice brought them back to her face, and Mati looked focused and almost as if she had just been scolded for wondering to where she knew she shouldn’t have been.
Her father? Mati smiled once more, and let the charm go. Her immediate and irrational worry had made her reluctant to let it fall from her grasp. She set it gently against the soft pillow of fur that was its home, inadvertently touching the silk like chocolate as she did so. At the contact Mati withdrew her hand faster then she had intended to, not wanting to make Cambria shy away from the small, yet momentous in Mati’s mind, touch.
“That was really nice of him.” She added in her exhale, almost mindlessly. The tension that had been laced between them seemed to be knotted in every joint, every inch of skin covering the two females. Before when such a thing had happened she had been stoned, lost as her mind wander to another place and recognizing none of the energy that ran between she and the coyote until it had been almost too late.
Mati still held her reeling mind back, the panic, and the anxiety fatigued but ready to rebound the moment the intoxication of Cambria moved far enough away. What she wanted could not be explained, and something that she had never wanted before. Never had she felt so much relief by knowing what kind of gift someone had been given. It had never mattered before, but now she couldn’t have managed to continue to breathe if it had been any other way. Each second was delicate, so fragile that Mati could not move, the fear of breaking it overwhelming. She needed to run away, she needed to breathe air that was not laced with her scent. Then maybe her mind would work as it once had. But Mati found that leaving would be as uncomforting as the blindness that she swam through as she stood before her pack mate and friend.
Cambria’s passive nature drew forth a side in Mati that she had not yet known. She had never played the lead in anything moving, and nothing like this at all. But she didn’t know the experience that the other girl held, and didn’t even understand where they stood. Mati felt on the edge, a feeling unlike anything she had ever experienced, and never wanting it to stop and at the same moment wanting it to be over. To return to normal, her lonely studio sketching her desires and needs on paper and mulling over the small loss that she had experienced when Ares had left. Mati could count the hours she and Cambria had spent together on her fingers and she still would believe that if she slipped from her hands now it would bring a disastrous feeling upon her heart. Her breath had quickened at the realization and new feeling, unmoving with her hand lightly clenched and held towards her own heart.
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Maybe in another situation have Mati's eyes study her so would have made her uncomfortable, but now she nearly relished the attention. They weren't really physically touching, as much as the girl wanted to be, and so the roaming of the other's eyes were the next best thing. With the energy and heat that was bouncing between them she couldn't help but imagine Mati's hands touching her in all the places her eyes did. She could almost feel her fingers soft and warm again her face, touching her hair, gently caressing her neck. Cambria had to be careful though and not let the imaginings run away with her for they made the heat flare up and feelings similar to those she had felt with Lolita poke their head. Getting excited like that wouldn't be a good thing, not right now. There was so much more to get through before even thinking about that.
As Mati gently placed the charm of her necklace back she felt her fingers brush her fur and soft intake of breathe was drawn into her lungs. That contact, no matter how brief, made her want more of it even more than she already hand. She wanted to feel Mati's form against her own. It really wasn't a sexual desire, more a desire for comfort and to be close to the one these strong feelings were for. She wanted to be as close to Mati as she could be. Still, the older fey's swift withdrawl made her wonder what had cause it. Had it been she didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable? Or had it been that Mati didn't want to touch her? The girl tried not to let her worries get the best of her though, focusing on their small conversation. "Yeah, it was. He's always doing nice things like that." Her daddy was one of the people that could always make her feel good no matter what kind of mood she was in.
Cambria watched the older female intently, looking for any queues or signs as to what it was she was feeling and going through. She was nervous herself, but that nervousness seemed even stronger in Mati. The Marino seemed to be in an odd situation where for once she was not the most scared or the most confused. In all other experiences the Church woman had been the one to lead her and to give her confidence and reassurance. Now it seemed that their roles had been somewhat reversed and Cambria was scrambling in her mind to find what it was she should do to make things easier for her friend. Every decision held some risk of pushing Mati away instead of bringing her closer which was her goal. Indecision swarmed in about her as she tried to decide upon the best course of action, the decision seemed to big for her to logically make.
The larger wolf's increased breathing seemed to decide things for her though, even if Cambria wasn't really consciously making the choice. Carefully she stepped forward, closing the distance between them until it no longer existed. Mati's scent filled her head and her form towered over her, encasing her in its protective shadow. Her small arms wrapped around the other fey, holding her in a gentle embrace. A contented sigh pushed from her lungs as she rested her face against Mati's chest. She had only been there a millisecond, but being there against the other felt so right.
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i wrote too much, payback for the wait, which wasn't a wait at all... ? (no really, im sorry D <333
Her heart beat away the seconds, one after another. Yet the time moved felt so slow, the pounding of it so loud, the passing of events moving so fast. Could she hear the sound of Cambria’s? They seemed so close, her soft warm breath felt on Mati’s face, her scent filling every corner of her mind, and Mati found it hard to tell where her heightened heartbeat ended and where the baited breath of her friend began. She wished to know what was going through her mind, just a single moment of time to understand what was going on behind those oceanic eyes. As unsure as Mati was herself, she couldn’t deny that knowing what Cambi thought would help solve all her problems and make everything clear as the day had begun.
But that was a false hope, since Mati had felt different since she had left the smaller woman’s room those weeks ago. She had been different since the day she found that Ares had left without a word, and she had been changed the night that she had met Rikka. Nothing had really been as spotless as her life was before she understood what an attraction and connection felt like. It was the sort of thing that could collide against all her senses like a moving train, or sneak up upon her when he least expected it. Mati felt like she had been hit, and surprised all at once. Nothing had prepared her for this, but everything in her life had. Still the artist could not see what was about to come and she would not move away.
Violet eyes peered at the soft face of the deep brown fey. Her features were subtle, gentle as her voice, as fragile as her tone. They reminded her of many paintings, of the human females that had been painted sprawling among the finest of fabrics, captured in a rare and delicate moment of time, unclothed and beautiful. Cambria’s expressions molded the soft lines, her eyes speaking volumes though she might have fought to hide them. They spoke, so loudly and Mati hated that she couldn’t read what they said. But even when she asked that question that seemed to be years old and yet replayed in her mind at the turn of a millisecond, Mati could not determine for sure what the Marino woman was feeling.
For the first time in her life Mati wanted to just say it all. Confess that this was hard, that this one moment in time was the most intense she had ever known and that she was frightened. Maybe if she said them then she would be able to just face it, giving it all to the other female to face as well. It would scare her away, Mati though as she listened to the brief few sentences that Cambi spoke. Kansas, yes he was a wonderful wolf and a thoughtful and strong father. Mati had known that for some time. And with that though the tall woman’s thoughts of Cambiria’s parents were laid to rest. Something was happening, like a ripple in the palpable energy that ran so thickly between them and any possibilities of a confession dashed at that moment.
It started before Mati could recover from the small change in the air. Cambria stepped forward, and Mati watched in wonderment. She thought for a small moment if she had paint on her face, as was common, but her green and blue eyes looked away, her head turning. The smaller figure moved against her. She felt feather-light, her form a ghost of soft fur against her body. The electric energy surged through Mati’s tall body, every nerve in her skin firing at the touch. The Church woman was intensely aware of the small arms that had wrapped themselves around her, and yet there was no discomfort at feeling the small hands held softly on her torso. The weight of Cambi’s chest was felt against her own, the sound of her exhale, a sound of comfort falling from her lips. Her senses were overwhelmed, her brain overcome by the idea and yet still too tangled to bring forth any reaction to override her bodies initial one. And arm rose, slowly and her hand touched the slight back of the other wolfess hesitantly. Her fingers made contact, moving backwards for the briefest of times and then returning to feel the silk that was her pelt. Her heart raced, her chest rising and falling with the exhilaration that she had been feeling since touching the charm on Cambi’s neck.
Nothing told her this was wrong, nothing that she body said it wasn’t right. Her mind had lost the battle long ago, standing in the shadows to rebound and plague her with questions and guilt. But right now Mati moved her nose downwards, eyes searching for the other girl’s face hoping to read the lines of emotion her eyes poured.
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There was so much of Mati she couldn't read. She could only gather the larger emotions the played on her features and not the sublties that lay underneath. There seemed to be a whirlwind swirling inside the Church fey and Cambi wanted to calm the storm and show her that it was okay. Anu had said it was okay, that there was nothing wrong with it. With such strong feelings, how could it be wrong? She saw now the Lt. General had been completely correct. There wasn't anything unnatural about this. Not the norm, perhaps, but not incorrect in any sense. She saw in Mati everything that she wanted and everything that she desired. The attraction was more powerful than anything she had felt before and to deny it would be to rebel against her whole being. As long as Mati was feeling similar things she could not step away or abandon what coursed through her. Even if the other female ended up not really wanting Cambria knew that it wouldn't be easy to get rid of. It wasn't something she could discard at will.
The moment she had let go of her inhibitions the two had come together and she knew that she didn't want to be anywhere else. Hugging herself to Mati's larger form was the most excited and most happy she had even felt. The feelings in her chest swelled and she felt as if she couldn't contain her heart any longer. Like the organ wanted to burst from her chest and hug itself close to the Church wolfess' just as she was hugging her body to her. The girl wanted to pour her feelings forth from her mouth but she could think of no words to do justice to them. They were too large to condense into simple words. She knew that it was not love, for it couldn't be that yet, but she knew that it could certainly grow into that. In that moment she knew that if Mati would accept her heart, Cambria wanted to give it to her someday. She wanted to share the same kind of love her parents held for one another with the woman before her.
She felt Mati's hand lightly touch her back before retreating and then carefully returning. Cambi wanted to encourage her friend to hold her in the same manner, but she couldn't force it. Hopefully it would just take Mati a little while to get comfortable enough to fully return the embrace. For now the Marnio was confident that the other wanted this too. Surely they wouldn't have gotten this far if she didn't, right? The logic seemed sound, and she clung to it fiercely, not even daring to think otherwise. The muscles in the elder fey's back stretched beneath her fingertips and Cambria looked up to Mati's down-turned face. Sea colored orbs locked onto the startling violet and even if her voice couldn't give life to her feeling surely her eyes could. The emotions saturated her gaze and the smile upon her face grew wide and bright as she looked up at her, certain this was the start of something important.
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you know I love everything you write. :3
insecure Mati is insecure :/
Her fingers seemed to melt against the soft fur of Cambria, the tips filtering into the strands and just barely touching the skin below. Mati felt the connection, as if electricity was running through them both. Small as it was Mati felt as if her knees had grown weak and her mind was now lost completely to anything that did not include the she-wolf that hugged her. It was a place she had never been to, a level of contentment that Mati had yet to know. The world slipped away, time no longer a concern, the places and faces of the outer realm fading. The face of her last crush; mere whispers of lines and shapes of features, the colors of his eyes and tones turning to a grayscale and loosing contrast. She was the most vivid in Mati’s mind, her color holding all that could be capture in the spectrum. Mati’s were dull compared to the warm sea that of the other’s gaze, she felt like the color of the world, her own brown tones, the sun that shown through the large windows, the paints drying on her pallet all fed the radiance that shone from the younger woman.
Eyes watched as the down turned face moved to look at hers. Mati did not move as she had thought she might. It was okay when she was not faced with whom she hugged, the pressure of her beauty not looking to the mask of tarnished browns that Mati’s face wore. But the Church woman did not feel the tightening of her stomach, or the chill along her spine. It was not overpowering beyond her ability to contain it, and she even felt content in the glow that shown off the Marino’s form. Mati did not feel anything but beautiful as their eyes locked, seeing the acceptance, trying to recognize the wanting that came from Cambria. But the Church fey did not move deeper into the understanding, relaxing and feeling the corners of her mouth curve as she looked down at the shorter female. Content, her body letting go of its hold on the mind that it had controlled to allow this connection to occur. But once she felt that comfort, it was lost.
Her mind awoke from the daze that it had settled in, screaming for her to see what had happened between the two women and to end it before it became too intense, her heart too vulnerable and in way of the inevitable pain. Mati grew tense, her arm falling away and she fought to control the negative reaction she was so suddenly succumbed to. Her eyes fell away, though her smile stayed ridged on her face. She did not want to push her away, to give her the idea that Mati did not like her as Cambi had confessed. This was just not what she had intended, and she was so confused. Her mind reeled, her voice false in it’s positivism. “I think it will take a week or so.” Mati pulled gently backwards and away from Cambria, her front feeling instantly cold as the free air circulated between them and instantly wanting to replace that warmth that had been there. She spoke of the painting, thought of the next that that they would possibly see each other.
“But, if I need you to sit for me again I will let you know.” Her voice was hurried now, eyes still away and not wanting to see that other girls reaction to her display of affection and not her discomfort. It wasn’t a rejection, for how could one friend reject another without the exchange of words? Feeling braver at the thought Mati looked up, her eyes trying to show that friendly glow once again.
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Mati's fingers seemed to pressed ever so slightly against her back and it took effort for Cambria to not press herself even more against the older femme. She felt the urge to simply melt into her. If she did surely all the pain and doubt would disappear for good. The girl thought that this must be the way that her mother and father felt when they were together. She saw their bond, and saw how strong and important it was, even if until now she hadn't had an inkling of what it felt like. This was a small fraction, but it was enough for her to understand the power of it. How dearly you wanted and needed to be with that other soul. Mati looked back at her and she felt herself swimming in her eyes, falling ever deeper into the attraction and the emotion that filled her being. The smile crept onto the Church fey's face and Cambi could feel her tail wag slowly, her happiness uncontainable. Even if she had been able to hold it back, she wouldn't have wanted to. It was too good to keep locked inside.
But then everything seemed to change. Mati became rigid beneath her arms and the hand that had been on her back fell away. It felt as if she had turned to ice in her hands, the distance separating them before it was even physically induced by the other female. Her eyes fell away as if ashamed, though of which of them she couldn't tell. Immediately the Marino assumed that it was her and her own body became tense. When Mati spoke her voice sounded cold to her ears and they fell back against her skull. Then she pulled away, the air flooding in where the space now existed between the two bodies. Suddenly the air that had felt so warm and promising was brittle and unpleasant. Embarrassment rose up in Cambria's chest and her own gaze moved from the wolf in front of her, wishing she were anywhere but where she was. That none of this had happened because now that it was gone she felt stupid. She had just made a huge fool of herself.
Swallowing, she stuttered out a response. "O-Okay..." Her downcast eyes shot over to where Enzo still sat on the chair. "I g-guess I'll g-go now..." Not giving Mati the chance to say anything more and not daring to look back at her she went and gathered the dove into her arms and held him to her chest, as if he would somehow shield the heart she had left so exposed. Gaze still focused on the ground she made her way to the door and out of Mati's room. The moment she was a few steps away she hurried up the stairs, feeling the pressure build behind her eyes. Stupid, she scolded herself harshly. She had never been so lucky before, why did she think she would be now? She shouldn't have been so forward. It had been a mistake.
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There was nothing that could prepare her for they Cambria looked, and she found something that Mati could not hate more. All the things she hated could not be counted, for the Church woman was one to hold a grudge. She hated the feeling of walking though fresh mud, she had the way her the floor boards creaked right outside her door, she hated Tokyo for chasing Ares away and hurting her, she hated Corvus for hurting her and threatening to take everything away and leaving the remembrance embedded in her arms, she hated her birth mother for all of her neglect and how her life simply continued without the children she had left behind, and she hated herself. At that moment, as brave eyes encouraged by a false hope lifted to look upon the woman that she had pained she had never hated anyone more. How could she have done that? It was not a fiery hate, but the kind that rained down and made her entire body grow weak. The type that made her want to fall to the ground and give up any fight for control. Mati Church hated herself that much, for placing such a look of sorrow and disappointment and shame on Cambria Marino’s face.
It was so powerful that at that moment Mati could not even ask the question why, why it mattered and why the pain rose so quickly in either of them. The questions would come later, rolling through her like the train of emotion that Cambi hit her with. Still nothing could be thought or felt beyond her self-hate.
And in a mere moment that female was alone, the echo of her sweet voice nothing more then her imagination replaying it in her ears. Dull purple eyes looked at the door that had been closed behind her and the tall wolfess took a deep breath and found that her scent was still fresh in the air, but nothing like the intoxication that came when she was standing so close. Her chest tightened, the muscle contracting. Her body moved, reaching for the window and opening the paned glass. Cold air flowed, piercing her eyes and chapping her lips. She stood silent and still, taking in the outside and wishing to rid herself of the breathless feeling her contracted chest had brought. But the pain didn’t go away, and Mati moved to sit and found the stool. A hand lay on her chest, her breathing rushing in and out. She counted them, slowing them and looked to her right to find the picture. Eyes focused, her heartbeat-filled ears softening, and her chest released it hold slowly with each concentrated breath.
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