[m] who will bring me flowers when it’s over

POSTED: Mon Aug 27, 2012 2:46 am

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<td><b class="red">WARNING</b>: This thread contains material exceeding the general board rating of PG-13. It may contain very strong language, drug usage, graphic violence, or graphic sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.</td>
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<div class="txtooc"><p> <span class="word">(1287)</span> Read only, dated tomorrow (27 August). This does not actually contain any of the above content, but it was a bit hard to write, and so I'll tag it just to be safe. Warning: death ahead.</p></div>
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Weak sunlight filtered in through the old windows of the hut, falling in a neat slant across the dark-haired man’s face. He shifted slightly, one scrawny arm thrown across his eyes for protection before he inhaled and was spooked into sitting up; although he was used to waking in a new place every day from his trading in Eurasia, pack life had conditioned him to the smell of his own house. Blinking sleep from his eyes, he looked across the unfamiliar room then leaned into something wooden—his children’s crib.
</p><p> He remembered and smiled, slowly standing and stretching. He was sure Hotaru hadn’t the heart to wake him after he fell asleep playing with the puppies; he wasn’t too much in the way of the blind woman’s path, after all. The sound of breathing told him that she and Dalgina were sleeping, and he was about to leave the house as quietly as he could when a soft whimper grabbed his attention. Pushing his untamed hair back from his face, he peered down into the cradle to see pinkish-blue eyes staring back at him and smiled again.
</p><p> <b title="My darling girl, did I wake you?">“Benim sevgili kızım, seni uyandırdım mı?”</b> Levent asked quietly, reaching into the crib and picking up his daughter, holding her close against his chest. It seemed that her brother was still sleeping; his pudgy brown body uncurled from its tight ball, little limbs stretching, but he did not wake. It registered as Lev as kind of strange, to see his fiery son so calm after Aysun stirred. Recently, he had become used to the girl acting sleepy.
</p><p> He guessed he might as well use the occasion to bond with Aysun, who’d secretly become his favorite; although he guessed that was the way of things, for him to be more protective and attached toward his albino daughter. <b title="Let's you and I take a walk.">“Seni edelim ve ben bir yürüyüş yapın,”</b> he said, and she maybe babbled something quiet, noises that had yet to become words. He hoped that her first word was in English, for the sake of his skin. Hotaru would probably be angrier that he’d taken the puppy outside, like when she had yelled at him last time, but he knew they had to get used to the outside world sometime, and they were safe in his arms.
</p><p> There was no tree-felling going on today, at least. He glanced curiously at the empty space then headed for the woods, taking the paths well-worn by pack wolves since the founders. Aysun tried to look at everything, but her head wobbled when she lifted it, and she eventually gave up in favor of snuggling into his chest. It was strange for a puppy that age to not be overly curious about the world, but he’d become accustomed to the girl being calmer than Aiden, who demanded he see <i>everything</i> with yips and jerking motions.
</p><p> Levent diverged from the trails once—to find a more subtle one headed toward the aptly named Forest Oasis. It was a shaded area, the better to keep sun off the babe’s near-translucent skin, and to keep himself from growing too warm in the summer heat; his chest seemed a bit hot.
</p><p> <b>“I might ask your mother to be my mate,”</b> the man confided, slipping past the trees and reaching the clearing; the pond sat placidly, beautifully reflecting the cloudless sky. <b>“Would this be too cheesy a spot? I think the effect might be lost on her, though…”</b> He closed his eyes. The air was cool now, but as the sun rose higher, he supposed other luperci might want to come to the water to take a dip. The scent of the forest was calming, and he could hear birds shouting their territorial cries—pretty melodies to normal wolf ears. <b>“Or perhaps not,”</b> he concluded, and sank down into the shadows on the grass, setting the child in his lap and stroking her fur.
</p><p> Aysun began to whimper after a while, sucking on his beige fingers when he gently caressed her little face with them. He smiled softly then, cautiously, settled her down in the patch of grass and made his way briskly to the water. He returned with his hand wet, letting her lap the moisture from his palm. She didn’t seem entirely sated, but she no longer whimpered, so he only lay down in the grass on his side and settled beside her. She curled up against him, shivering though he thought she was a little warm, and after a while fell asleep pressed against his stomach.
</p><p> Levent closed his eyes again, reflecting on his life—only because this seemed like the time and place to reflect, settled with the beautiful daughter he never thought he’d have in the beautiful territory he never thought he’d call home. He nearly dozed, because it was a quiet place to doze, but woke himself up periodically to run a hand through the girl’s fur.
</p><p> Perhaps tomorrow he’d ask Dalgina to watch the kids, and take Hotaru to this place, and ask her the question he believed they both went over in their minds when they were certain no one could read their thoughts. He wouldn’t make the same mistake he did with Agape; he wouldn’t wait, only for sin to tear him away from his future. He might have been near a pond in Greece, with Agape’s daughter, had he not waited and taken her for granted.
</p><p> He thought, and imagined, and half-dozed, and petted the white pup, and wondered where he might go today to look for a suitable gift.
</p><p> All of a sudden a cold shiver passed through him, a deep shudder that brought with it such a feeling of dread he’d never known, and as his heart skipped and throbbed in his chest, he tried to pinpoint what was wrong. His hand trembled terribly as he ran it over Aysun again, and then again, and he knew something was wrong but he was shaking so badly he couldn’t be sure, so he bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood because it somehow made sense in his mind for stopping the shaking of his hand.
</p><p> His hand fell on the puppy’s side, and rested there.
</p><p> <b>“No,”</b> Levent mouthed, and his insides seemed to freeze up and fail as if a cold blade had sliced through his belly. It was strange to feel so cold, and he might reflect on that cold feeling years from now, when he woke from a nightmare to feel that once-feverish little body that had stopped breathing.
</p><p> He murmured the word again, a whisper, and reached to take hold of the baby in both hands, and hold her against his chest, but she still felt so hot—and heat must mean life, heat must not be what took life away. Or maybe she was on fire, and he stumbled to the shallows, sprinkling water on her tiny pale body and then almost splashing water all along her sides, holding her face toward him. <i>Open your mouth, cry,</i> he screamed at her, trembling all over, <i>get mad at <span title="Daddy">Baba</span> for splashing you and cry.</i> He realized he was holding her tight and let go, her body rolling limp back into his lap.
</p><p> <b title="God, no,">“Tanrım, hayır,”</b> Levent croaked, and sobbed, <b title="my little girl.">“benim küçük kızım.”</b> He looked at the sky, at the beautiful cerulean blue and the wisps of clouds, and he wanted to scream. <i title="Take me instead">Onun yerine beni al,</i> he wanted to scream, but he was a coward and he couldn’t make any sound.
</p><p> The words of a demon with a swollen womb echoed in his throbbing skull, but he couldn’t feel anger, or regret—only grief, and so he buried his face against the body of his dead child and wept.
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