[p] it's fine by me if you never leave

POSTED: Wed Aug 29, 2012 1:48 pm

[html]<blockquote><b>(442)</b> dated for the 30th!
<p><I>Listen to what you want.</I> She had thought over what Skye said. Ever since returning from her short trip to Cercatori, the words of the woman echoed within her.

<p>What was she trying to tell herself? She tried talking to Macbeth about it, but he was just as helpful, which was not much. He told her to do what her gizzard--her gut--told her to do, just like Skye had said, though a bit more brash in language. It was the fifth day since the propsal, the last time she talked to the man, and she was flayed out on her bed of furs, rabbit and squirrel tickling her nose as she buried her muzzle into the blanket. She was thinking, but not about Jazper, not about Skye and her pups. She was thinking about herself, something she hadn't done for a very long time.

<p>What did she want? Her sense to please others were wrapped tightly around her own wants, and she was trying to pick around it, albeit uncomfortably. Say if Jazper hadn't mention his new pups. Say if there <i>weren't</I> any pups. Would she had said no, throw his feelings back at his face? No, she thought. She would have jumped into his arms without much thought, and taken the ring and proudly show it to everyone in the pack. <I>Look,</I> she would have said, pride crystal clear as she would waved her hand, gem sparkling, <I>I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I love him, and he loves me, too!</I>

<p>Is that want she wanted? Yes, though with less bravado, of course. She shifted a bit in the furs, propping her head on her arms. Skye promised no one would get hurt. Alyssum hoped that included the d'Artisan woman as well--she definitely did not want to hurt her. She promised. Would that be enough to free her from her guilt? There was only one way to find out. She glanced out of the many windows that lined her way, and realized how late it was. The sun was already gone, but there were still a few bleeding streaks of light. Maybe it was not too late.

<p>Was this the right thing? part of her asked. But, she did not allow herself to answer as she left her room, took the few steps, and knocked softly on the Sole's door. She didn't even know if he was in there. <b>"Jazper?"</b> Her call was tentative, unsure. She avoided him since that day, and knew that she had hurt him by the look on his face when left her room. She wouldn't blame him if he pretended he wasn't there, if he was.
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POSTED: Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:07 pm

[html]<div class="jazzytab2">
<div class="jazzytab2ooc">OOC: WC: 300+</div>

<p>
It had been more than a few days since Alyssum had told him to leave her alone, and he had not approached her since. He hadn’t told anyone, save Ismeme, about the rejection but he knew his emotions were crystal clear to his pack mates. Unlike most other leaders who tried to save face, keeping their emotions at bay around members, Jazper was not one to hide his feelings. He loved his pack mates and trusted them with his life so he felt no need to shield his grumpiness. When he was like this most of the pack avoided him, as he tended to run with his emotions when in such a state. Ismeme had attempted to reassure him, dragging him out of the Fort and to the hot springs for some relaxation and a heart to heart over a few drinks. It had helped him sleep better for at least that night but now he was back in his slump.
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He had retrieved the ring from under the bed, where it had landed after he threw it. Now it lay untouched again on a shelf, mocking him every time he got a book to read from. The Sole had debated taking it to Halifax and trading it for some other small token but he simply did not feel up to it. It seemed Alyssum had ben avoiding him along with everyone else, which only added to his confused emotions. What were they going to do now? Avoid each other like a pair of 9 month olds? He tried to keep his mind off of everything, lying on his bed focusing on the book his hands, but it was no use as he just stared blankly at the pages.
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A quiet knock and voice at the door automatically caused his ears to fall to his head as he quietly shuffled off of the bed and placed the book down gently. Standing stupidly he stared at the door not sure what to do. Was she here to tell him off? Try to explain why she had rejected him? He was conflicted between a childish need to hide from someone who would scold him and his respect for the female he loved and who was now his equal in rank. Finally he called back in a small voice, <b>“Come in.”</b> It was that quiet anger, the silence that had caused the Alpha to submit to her demands. If she had been loud, yelled at him and blamed him for ruining the moment or something he would have no problem standing tall and demanding in pride she lower her voice and keep her accusations to herself. But that quiet anger moved him to behave, even to be obediently quiet and accept whatever she had to say.




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POSTED: Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:32 pm

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<p>There was a pause. Alyssum began to consider he wasn't even there when she heard him answer. His loud voice was quiet as her's, and she bit her lower lip as she gripped the door handle. She smoothed out her face, though her brows remained a bit furrowed in concern, and opened the door, stepping in a little. She took a quick glance around--she had been in there before, but she felt compelled to waste a moment or two until she finally looked at the sun king.

<p>She lingered behind the door for a moment, but she did not remain longer before she stepped out and closed the door behind her carefully. It felt like glass, as if she accidentally flick her wrist it would shatter. <b>"Hey."</b> There was no anger in her voice. <b>"How're you doing?"</b> The pretense felt foolish to her. But, she knew she hurt Jazper, and didn't want to upset him by doing anything stupid. She was good at that, doing stupid things. She should take it slow, she told herself. Nothing rash.

<p>She looked the man in the eye, and while her demeanor seemed calm, her eyes couldn't lie. She was sorry. She didn't mean to hurt him like she did. And some other emotion was hidden within them, but it was masked by the others.
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POSTED: Wed Aug 29, 2012 5:21 pm

[html]<div class="jazzytab2">
<div class="jazzytab2ooc">OOC: WC: 300+</div>

<p>

They looked at each other for a moment. He wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted and reacted poorly to the situation. Jazper was rather far from graceful when it came to conflict. He was a very simple wolf when it came to disagreements, not being one to sit and listen but rather to push his pure size in an aggressive manner in order to force the other to back down. He would not take others putting him down silently but in this case, a situation where they were both hurt and had both been pupish wish their actions and words, he decided that he would listen and hold back his instinctive urge to be in control.
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She stammered, holding her words back for a second before the unexpected happened. In all but a brief moment she had moved from not speaking to him and avoiding him like the plague to hugging him and apologizing. He was shocked, standing awkwardly looking down at her in surprise with a dumbfounded look on his face. What the hell what he suppose to do now? Her tone of voice instantly put him into protection mode. Wrapping his arms around her he squeezed her tightly into his chest, <b><span title="my darling/treasure">“Relax mio tesoro.”</span></b> The Italian slipping out as he tried to reassure the small female.
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Her words confused him, she was sorry…so what? Was all well in the world now and they would continue to lead as friends? <b>“Of course you didn’t mean to hurt me. Just so happens rejection and hurt go hand in hand.”</b> The words were meant to be reassuring but came out in a rather mater of fact manner. Did he expect him to just forget his feelings and work beside her as a friend? For her he would certainly try but such things took time and Fenris knew Jazper would need time. <b>"I didn't mean to hurt you either... I just wanted to be honest with you."</b>

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POSTED: Wed Aug 29, 2012 5:54 pm

[html]<blockquote><b>(362)</b>
<p>The blatant lie made her frown a bit. But, again, she did not fault him. She was to blame, she made him feel like this. What did she expect him to say, really? That everything was cheery and happy? He evaded her just as much as she had, and she was lucky enough to get a chance to speak without being shot down. Even then, she expected to be asked to leave at any moment, and she felt rushed, not wanting to leave until she could tell him. There may not be another opportunity like this; she may lose the courage to do it, or Jazper could bar her out as much as he could, or perhaps both. It couldn't end like that.

<p>The man spoke again, his words a whisper, his eyes full of the emotion that was lacked in his voice. He sounded so formal, so distant, it pained her. She took a tiny step forward, and parted her jaws to speak. <b>"I..."</b> Whatever self control she managed to contain slipped away. She was never one to hold back, in words or action. Her proud nature did not allow it. Being stationary, being withheld, by her own constraints drove her over the edge. Now in Jazper's presence, being away from it from five days too long, his hurt gaze and quiet words were more than enough to push her forward.

<p>She flew the distance that stood between them, a flash of movement, and her arms were around him. Though they were not tight, it was obvious she didn't want to let go. <b>"I'm sorry,"</b> she said, louder than she would have expected it to be, as she buried her head into his chest. <b>"I am so sorry. I was so stupid, I, I didn't know what was I saying. I didn't mean to hurt you like I did, Jazper."</b> While she did not dare ask for his forgiveness, she hoped he knew that she was sincere. She held herself closer to him, and murmured something else that was too muffled to make out, distorted because she pressed her face against him and her words were lost in the clothing he wore.
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POSTED: Wed Aug 29, 2012 6:57 pm

[html]<div class="jazzytab2">
<div class="jazzytab2ooc">OOC: WC: 300+</div>

<p>
They looked at each other for a moment. He wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted and reacted poorly to the situation. Jazper was fairly far from graceful when it came to conflict. He was a very simple wolf when it came to disagreements, not being one to sit and listen but rather to push his pure size in an aggressive manner in order to force the other to back down. He would not take others putting him down silently but in this case, a situation where they were both hurt and had both been pupish wish their actions and words, he decided that he would listen and hold back his instinctive urge to be in control.
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She stammered, holding her words back for a second before the unexpected happened. In all but a brief moment she had moved from not speaking to him and avoiding him like the plague to hugging him and apologizing. He was shocked, standing awkwardly looking down at her in surprise with a dumbfounded look on his face. What the hell what he suppose to do now? Her tone of voice instantly put him into protection mode. Wrapping his arms around her he squeezed her tightly into his chest, <b><span title="my darling/treasure">“Relax mio tesoro.”</span></b> The Italian slipping out as he tried to reassure the small female.
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<p>
Her words confused him, she was sorry…so what? Was all well in the world now and they would continue to lead as friends? <b>“Of course you didn’t mean to hurt me. Just so happens rejection and hurt go hand in hand.”</b> The words were meant to be reassuring but came out in a rather mater of fact manner. Did he expect him to just forget his feelings and work beside her as a friend? For her he would certainly try but such things took time and Fenris knew Jazper would need time. <b>“I didn’t mean to hurt you either…”</b>



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POSTED: Sat Sep 01, 2012 4:24 am

[html]<blockquote><b>(341)</b>
<p>In retrospect, what she did was not probably the best thing to do in her situation. She purposely avoided him, and now here she was, clinging to him as if she was scared to let him out of her sight. In fact, she was scared to let him go, she didn't want this abyss that spanned between them get too deep and wide to the point it was impassable. But it probably did not help on Jazper's part, the way she was acting. That much was clear in that moment of hesitation that he was confused, but her doubt deminished as she was gripped by the familiar arms and the soothing Italian was spoken.

<p>She went silent as she murmured her words, though the last part was, at first, unknowingly lost. She had seemed to be braced for his reply, one could felt the slight tense in her arms as she held him. But, what the man said was what she did not expect. She knitted her brows together in a more confused fashion, and peered up at him as he stated his last few words, about rejection and pain and an apology. Did he not hear what she said? Hoping that was the case, she pulled a bit away from his chest, though only to free her face. No, she did not try to wriggle from the embrace, she did not want to leave it.

<p><b>"Rejection?"</b> She reached up on the tips of her toes, which did not add much height to her already dwarfed size compared to him, but she attempted to get taller anyway. Maybe it would help him hear her. <b>"I never said no."</b> That was true. But she did give the definite impression when she told him to leave and never talked to him since. She released her hands from his back and carefully held his arms, hoping he wouldn't shake them off. She suddenly felt quiet like before, and again murmured, though this time nothing kept her from being heard. <b>"I love you, too, Jazper."</b>
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