Empty Arms and Lonely Graves

POSTED: Thu Aug 30, 2012 7:20 pm

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<div class="character-HotaruBlind">
<p class="wordcount">Word Count → 000</p>
<p class="ooc">Dated August, 28th</p>

<p>Claps of thunder crossed the sky, sounding like drums as rain drops fell like tears from the clouds. Though summer was at it's end, all Hotaru could feel was the cold rain seeping into her summer coat and freezing her limbs. Mud stuck to her fur and coated her arms and legs. Even so, she wouldn't go inside, wouldn't relieve herself of the pain for the aesthetic comforts of a warm fire and soft fur.</p>

<p>Hotaru reached down again, scooping a large pile of wet earth away as she dug another hole. One more hole, one more grave to mar the backyard that she couldn't even see. Again and again, the female went for more mud, trying to dig the hole before the rain filled it again. Water streamed down Hotaru's cheeks as the falling rain threatened to break her heavy back. She didn't want to do this. Not again.</p>

<p>The day before, Aysun had passed away in her father's arm. Some disease had stricken the albino puppy, taking her forever from her mother's arms. But before departing, Aysun had passed the disease to her brother. Aiden had spent the night before coughing up blood and running a raging fever that slowly eroded at his body. After a long period of suffering, Aiden had followed his sister to an eternal sleep. Her little fire was extinguished.</p>

<p>Hotaru's body shook, her hands were freezing as she removed the last few inches of mud. Even though she couldn't see it, just a foot away was the marker for Aysun's grave. Hotaru reached over, feeling the wet bundle of leather that protected Aiden and his small wooden coffin. It took the grieving mother several tries to grab onto the box, her hands slippery with mud. Yet, she couldn't do it, she couldn't bury him. Hotaru brought the leather bound box close, rocking as she hugged it to her chest. Why? Why did they have to leave her? She had just buried Aysun the day before, so why did she have to bury Aiden as well?</p>

<p>Whimpering, Hotaru finally, placed the box into the hole that was already filling with water. Stiff movements brought the removed soil back into it's rightful position. Hotrau could hear the water slosh and knock against her son's coffin. Slowly, she worked, until the last bit of dirt rested atop the grave and a large stone had been placed on top of the loosely packed mud. No one would disturb the graves, not even the small bundles resting inside. Another clap of thunder rocketed across the sky and Hotaru let out a long mournful howl.</p>

<p>Quote by: Maurice Freehill</p>
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POSTED: Thu Aug 30, 2012 11:30 pm

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<p class="ooc"><font size="4">:C</font><br><br>Changed my mind, so he didn't know... This was depressing.</p>
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<p>Rain pattered heavily on the roof of the small house, but it had ceased to become any sort of distinct sound and was instead a steady thrumming in the back of his exhausted mind. Curled up on the floor in the living room, the man refused to lift his head or move or eat or even sleep. He’d tried to sleep, but the second his eyes shut he was panicked again, sobbing breathlessly as he reached for the little body he knew wouldn’t be there. It would be cold as stone now, a limp sack of flesh, far beneath the earth churned by the torrential downpour. The thought made him sob again, and the sharp taste of bile flooding his mouth told him that he hadn’t eaten lately, either.
</p><p> It had only been a couple of days—or a day—or who knew how long. One child had slipped from the world at the breath of a curse, and all he could do was curl in a tiny ball and shiver with cold and listen to the rain. The morning the babe died he’d howled until he was hoarse, and he’d had to see the look on Hotaru’s face as he managed to get the words out, the confession, the dear God what had he done wrong. He’d given her the body, his hands shaking so hard he almost dropped it, and he’d curled in on himself again and not even been able to look at her, to touch her, to give her the comfort he needed to. The mother of his children, he loved her so much, and this was what he’d given her—a dead body and a night to deal with the trauma alone.
</p><p> Levent knew she had her birds, though, and Dalgina if she’d allowed the wolf—just a girl herself—to be present. And he had Wilson, who’d come to him and pushed himself into his arms and whispered words he probably wouldn’t dare whisper if Levent had been fully conscious. He’d had someone, and that was all that kept him from giving himself up to any of the magical things hidden away in his drawers, which was probably for the best, because Lev knew he would have overdosed and would have seen demons the second his soul fled his lungs.
</p><p> Thunder boomed, louder than it had been, and the merchant was startled into clenching his body tighter and finally sitting up. There was the ghost of a feeling creeping up his spine, and he bolted out the door before Wilson could question him, his feet slipping on the wet cobblestone and his lungs heaving and rain all in his eyes—headed for the woman’s house, where he could see her grey form hunched now in the dirt, in the graves, she had dug another grave.
</p><p> Hotaru howled, and Levent fell, falling in the mud and whimpering before scrambling onward again, his chest and arms splattered. He scrambled to his feet and fell again, his elbow striking a rock and sending a jolt of pain up his arm, and half-dragged himself until he had reached the stone marker. He stared at it in horror, and looked up at the she-wolf before barking out a sob. <b>“What have I done, what have I done?”</b>
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POSTED: Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:31 am

[html]
<div class="character-HotaruBlind">
<p class="wordcount">Word Count → 000</p>
<p class="ooc">ooc</p>

<p>Between Aysun's death and Aiden's imminent departure, Hotaru didn't notice Levent's absence. He had been in the back of her mind as she had struggled to maintain the life of her son and bury her daughter. Even Fawkes and Kelia had disappeared into the background. That didn't change when Aiden died in her in arms. Hotaru had sat there shocked as his body fell still and grew limp. She had remained in her room with him in her arms for at least an hour. After that, Hotaru had buried herself into her work as she crafted Aiden's coffin. The grieving mother wasn't able to make Aysun a coffin, so she at least wanted to send Aiden off with a little bit of herself.</p>

<p>Why her? What had she done to deserve loosing every member of her family? Regret, grief, and rage filled Hotaru as she heard the sloshing sound of splashing mud and the thud of a body as it fell. The rain dampened the blind female's sense of smell, but she could take a guess as to who was behind her. Scrambling came, followed again by the splashing of mud, but Hotaru refused to turn around. Hotaru's body shook and she sent out another mournful cry, her howl long and sorrowful as it announced the death of puppies.</p>

<p>Levent's words were just the excuse Hotaru needed to blame him. She wanted a scapegoat, someone to yell and scream at for the sudden loss of her puppies. Anger and grief blinded her as her black lips pulled back into a snarl. Hotaru growled as her wet heckles stood on end. <b>"This is your fault! I told you time and time again not to take the pups out, but you didn't listen! They died because of you, pup-killer! "</b> Hotaru's voice began to shake and it completely broke as she croaked out the curse. Pup-killer was a huge accusation, and insult only given to the worst offenders. To call her mate such a thing only made the pain in the grieving mother's heart grow. She turned away from Levent, letting the rain wash over her as thunder rang in her ears.</p>

<p>Quote by: Maurice Freehill</p>
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POSTED: Sat Sep 08, 2012 3:07 am

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<p class="ooc">SAD. SAD SAD SAD.</p>
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<p>His little boy was gone now, too, little fiery Aiden who looked so much like Mommy and Baba, and Levent knew that this was the end of all of it, the end of everything, and he couldn’t even hold his son and watch him grow and tuck the memory of his baby girl away somewhere until he could cope. There was nowhere to direct all his love, nowhere but the howling creature in front of him, and he’d already failed her. Maybe she’d loved him, but he knew the second her auburn eyes snapped sightlessly toward him that that wasn’t true anymore, and he didn’t know if he was weeping harder for losing the puppies or for the inevitability of losing her.
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Hotaru snarled, rain running down the creases in her muzzle, and threw her words at him, the words she’d said over and over. A confused sob stuck in his throat before the last words cracked out of her mouth, and he felt like he’d been kicked in the chest. They died because of me. His gaze dropped to his trembling hands, the once-cream fingers clutching the mud, and he shook all over. No, no, he’d kept them a secret, he’d not told the dişi şeytan and so she’d hurt him bad, and she’d cursed them, and he’d only ever wanted to take them <i>outside</i> so they could see everything that the god had made.
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<b>“I—I’m ss-sss-sorry,”</b> Levent managed to get out, his voice catching in his teeth and coming out in halted breaths and shivering hisses. <b>“I’m nuh-not a—I’m <i>not</i>.”</b> He swallowed hard, the ball of grief growing sharp and edged, and he couldn’t breathe for an instant. He struggled to his feet, shaking so hard he almost fell again, and skirted the edge of the tiny graves. <b title="(stuttering) God forgive me.">“Tanrı buh-beni affets-ss-ss-sin,”</b> he whispered, and looked to the beautiful woman coated in mud and soaked with rain. He loved her so much, but he’d failed her more than anything else, anyone else. He’d killed her babies, and if he’d just left her or not even <i>come</i> to the godforsaken pack for sanctuary on his stupid mission, she’d be okay, and fuck immortality if she wasn’t okay.
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<b>“Hotaru,”</b> the man whimpered, and tried to reach out, to touch her, to hold her close, but he knew that wouldn’t fix anything. He’d never fix this short of sacrificing himself for the souls of the children, and he was so much of a coward he couldn’t even do that, he didn’t think he could look at her.

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POSTED: Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:03 pm

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<div class="character-HotaruBlind">
<p class="wordcount">Word Count → 000</p>
<p class="ooc">Sorry for the wait and short post</p>

<p>Immediately after saying the curse, Hotaru regretting ever speaking. How could she call Levent a pup killer? Was it really his fault that they died? Was it right to blame the male? No, it wasn't. Hotaru felt shame well up in her breast, causing her chest to tighten even further until she was sure she would implode with all the pressure and anxiety. Why? Why did her family always have to die? It wasn't fair. Ashamed and upset the grieving mother turned her back on Levent. She needed time to herself, she needed time to process the deaths of her puppies.</p>

<p>A choked apology came from Levent, but Hotaru didn't want to face him. Her own body began to shake and she wrapped her arms around her as if she could block away the pain. Red ears lay flat against her head and her hear felt like it would break. She ignored the turkish words, hating herself and the male. Hotaru regretted ever meeting him, ever bringing the two failed lives into the world. A shaking hand touched her shoulder, causing the female to snap again. She twisted around and growled, her dripping jaws snapping at the male. One claw rose up, deadly nails aiming for where she believed flesh to be. <b>"Don't touch me! Leave me alone!"</b></p>

<p>Quote by: Maurice Freehill</p>
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POSTED: Sat Sep 22, 2012 3:24 am

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<p class="ooc">I'm sorrier. x___x;</p>
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<p> For all his protests, his childish pleading, Levent knew that she was right. He’d killed their puppies with his carelessness, and this was his punishment—his punishment for everything he’d ever done, the inevitable conclusion to his massive sinning. He’d never been able to love anyone right, he’d always destroyed the relationships that could have <i>been</i> something, skipping town or making foolish, drunken mistakes. He hadn’t felt this pain since his betrayal of Agape and the realization of what he had done, but this was a thousand times worse than this, because this was the mother of his <i>children</i> and he’d let them die.
</p><p> Shaking, the man dared to reach out to her, to touch her, to tell her again how sorry he was—but she snapped at him, whirling around and shouting. He saw her claws coming for him, and it would have been so easy to step back and let her swing and lose her balance, but he only closed his eyes tight and let the talons rake through his skin and draw blood. Agony exploded there and in his chest all over again, and he whimpered and stepped backwards, staring at her and waiting for another blow, another curse.
</p><p> <b>“I’m sorry,”</b> the man whispered again, and he stepped backwards again, until finally he turned and broke out into a run away from her, from the graves, from his sin.

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POSTED: Thu Sep 27, 2012 7:31 pm

[html]
<div class="character-HotaruBlind">
<p class="wordcount">Word Count → 000</p>
<p class="ooc">Sorry for the wait and short post</p>

<p>How could she have let this happen? How could she have allowed something so horrendous to occur. It had been her job to protect her pups, yet she wasn't able to do so. Hotaru had failed as a mother and as a mate. She had allowed her pups to die and was unfairly taking it out on Levent. He didn't deserve her rage or anger. Yet, there was nothing else to scream at. Hotaru could howl all she wanted, but there was no one to hear or listen, no one that she believed in. All that left was Levent, the kind and courageous male who she had shared her life with. And she was throwing him away too.</p>

<p>When her claws connected, Hotaru couldn't help but reel backwards. She brought her arm in, clutching it to her chest as her unseeing eyes widened in shock. Sure, she had wanted to hit him, but it didn't feel good. Now she quite literally, had Levent's blood on her hands. Turning her head down, Hotaru's body curled up into a muddy ball. Lighting continued to strike down, crashing through the land and ringing in her ears. Hotaru didn't strike out again, nor did she yell. She just sat silently and let herself drown in grief. Levent's last words to her washed over her like the rain, soaking into her and causing her chest to clench up in self loathing. She wanted to say it wasn't his fault, to apologize. But nothing came and thus, the two wolves parted.</p>

<p>Quote by: Maurice Freehill</p>
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