seeing myself this way, I am a monster I believe

POSTED: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:51 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat;">
I'd like for someone else in the tribe to jump in later on. Or earlier. Only one other person in addition to Tayui though. :]      The kill had been made swiftly. Luckily, the weather had warmed enough to melt some of the snow, and gave her better traction. Aurèle had always been an accomplished hunter, and her size allowed her to work alone with the larger prey. Luckily, the weather aided in this as well—the ice and mud had crippled the caribou, which was incredibly lucky. Though, she supposed, luck was something that seemed to follow her (both good and bad).
     Dragging the carcass to the pack her sister had mentioned was not as hard on two legs. In her Optime form, Aurèle was taller then even her sister, though the winter had taken most of her weight. Her hair, straight and thick, was pulled up though falling out as she went. Frustrated, the green-eyed woman kept cursing under her breath. Still, she had to do this. She had to keep appearances up and keep her sister on her side. She hadn’t gone to the lighthouse since that day. Hopefully no one else had, either.
     Barbed wire met her at the border, and she put down the muddy animal carcass and let out a call for her sister.

POSTED: Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:17 am; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
     Sounds good. Thanks for starting. :]
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     Tayui had been waiting for her sister; half waiting for the girl's arrival, half dreading it would never come. But at the same time, if one could divide a whole into three halves (which one could not, as she had explained to Claudius two days ago), another part of her would have believed her sister had intended to arrive all along, wholly believing and never doubting the pale female's intentions. The part of her that believed in her sister had told the puppies all about Aurèle, and the part of her that was still wary had warned the puppies she might not come. But it had been for nought; Aurèle was here, and if they were lucky, she had brought a snack.
     Tayui gathered the four puppies up in her arms, wrapping herself with the fur of a bear which she had been using as a cross between a coat and a blanket the past few days. She bundled the puppies in a fur of their own, and set them in a sled she'd managed to salvage from Halifax a few weeks prior. After this, she took off her cloak and set it over the puppies, tutting disapprovingly when Attila began to chew on it. For the sled, she had managed to fashion a handle with leather, braided and sturdy. This would be her first outing with the puppies, and each of them intoned their opinions of the current situation in their own way. Claudius did not approve, and he made it obvious by baying like a donkey. Noir seemed to be mumbling something contentedly, and Ocèane and Attila seemed to be enjoying the ride.
     It did not take long to reach the border, and when she did, she saw that Aurèle had indeed brought something to eat. Tayui grinned as she neared, calling out a cheerful “hello!” before ducking through a large hole in the fence and meeting her sister on the other side. “Aurèle, it's good to see you again!” Tayui grinned, then shook her head with a chuckle. “I'd give you a hug, but my hands are a bit full at the moment,” she noted, sticking her tongue out in jest. At this point, Claudius decided to poke his head through the opening at the top, and was promptly pushed down by Attila, who shouted a garbled greeting of his own, then dove back under the furs to hide.

POSTED: Fri Jan 30, 2009 6:15 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat;">
     Four children. Aurèle saw them, bundled up in their mother’s contraption, and studied each of them carefully. She could only catch glimpses, but it told her enough. She was curious, now, as to whom the father was. These, of course, were questions she could ask. For now, formality. “I can see that,” she offered, and smiled faintly. “I suppose that makes me an aunt now. I hope you don’t plan on telling them stories about your mean older sister, Tayui.”
     Not that she had changed that much, of course. If anything, now she was worse; now she knew how to manipulate people. “So would you rather we have a picnic out here? This muddy slush is just wonderful for it,” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

POSTED: Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:59 am; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     Tayui allowed herself a quiet chuckle at her sister's words; indeed, Aurèle's powers of observation appeared to be as strong as ever. The chuckle quickly morphed into a lopsided smile, then a shake of her head and the raising of one eyebrow. “Perhaps I might. I can tell them not to be like their mean old aunt Aurèle. But that hardly enforces a positive learning environment, so I think you're in luck,” she replied lightly, glad she could refer to their childhood with such ease. With the risk of sounding clichéd, Tayui felt as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She could converse with her sister without worrying (as much) about what Aurèle would say or do. Although she did not trust Aurèle fully -- and still suspected there might be an ulterior motive hidden somewhere, regardless of the situation -- she was willing to wipe away everything and start over. They had both changed. Perhaps she could get to know the new Aurèle. If her new sister was like what she remembered, well, Tayui just hoped no one else would get hurt when she discovered that (if at all).
     Perhaps it would be better to not know at all. “Trying something new is a popular saying around here. Perhaps we should give it a try,” she replied, repressing the urge to wink. She was no longer a puppy, and the gesture would probably look out of place, if not forced. “There's a few flat rocks a short ways away. They're probably covered in snow, but once we clear them off, I should think they would make a suitable dining location.” Tayui laughed, surprised at how silly her words sounded. She shook her head slowly, then glanced over to Aurèle to evaluate her reply.

POSTED: Fri Feb 06, 2009 7:46 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat;">
Feel free to powerplay them setting things up/ect. :]      The distaste in her face was masked completely, and she even managed to fake a smile. She hardly thought she had been mean; pointed out what needed to be said, let her ego flaunt, that was all. She hadn’t pretended to see a dead woman to get attention. She hadn’t acted like an idiot. Pushing her bangs out of her face, the French woman listened to her sister’s idea, and felt her lips purse at the laugh.
     Of course, as soon as Tayui’s eyes were on her she was smiling, swallowing the urge to lash out at the silly idea. Aurèle had grown up without time for childish antics and unrealistic dreams. The world was a cold place—no, that was the wrong analogy. The world was on fire. That was what the Buddha had said, at least. “Well, lead the way.”

POSTED: Sat Feb 07, 2009 10:00 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
     Sure :]
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     There was a short pause, after which Aurèle replied, quickly enough. Tayui shrugged, then nodded, but said nothing, for there was nothing that needed to be said. Again, she had to resist the urge to stick out her tongue at her sister; she could be so uptight sometimes! Or perhaps Tayui had simply loosened up a little now that she had puppies. In reality, it should be the opposite, but something about the children made her feel young again. It wasn't as though Tayui still fancied herself to be as young as her children, but rather, felt as though she could empathize with her children. Or, she hoped she could -- she did not wish to turn out to be too stern. She just wanted to be a mother, whatever that meant.
     She pulled the sleigh along behind her, pausing every so often to check at all the puppies were accounted for and still wrapped in the furs or when she hit a bump. They reached the rocks after ten minutes of walking, slowly making their way south through the trees. As predicted, the rocks were covered in a great deal of snow, and she would have missed them entirely if she did not know the area as well as she did. She recognized the strangely-shaped oak tree which she recalled to be a few steps away from the rocks. If they dug around a bit, they should be able to find the rocks and have a suitable enough picnic.
     “Well, this is it. We'll have to clear the snow off, and that will take some time, but it will be worth it,” she noted. There were trees surrounding the area, but few directly beside the rocks. As a result, there was no wind and plenty of sun. She glanced over at her sister, grinning quietly. She knelt down beside the sleigh, gave the furs a small poke and was rewarded with a silly squeal. It seemed as though someone was a little ticklish. She pulled back the furs and ran her hand down each of the puppies' backs quickly, then nodded quickly. She addressed them quickly, told them to remain in the sled for the time being, covered them back up, and then set to work. They would have their picnic soon enough.

POSTED: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:31 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat;">
     The snow managed to scrape most of the mud and blood from the carcass. While Aurèle was an efficient hunter, she lacked the patience to prepare her kills beyond this state. Additionally, she reasoned, it would have been more complicated to do so and then drag it halfway across the territory to find her flaky sister. Letting go of the legs, Aurèle frowned slightly as Tayui began to toy with her children. If there was one thing Aurèle did not fully understand, it was the impulse to nurture and care for spawn.
     As quickly as lightning, her frown was replaced with a force (albeit it natural looking) smile. As they cleared off the snow, Aurèle let her eyes wander over the peculiar territory. It felt strange here, she finally settled on. Like someone was watching her. “Who’s the father?” She asked suddenly, realizing she had failed to do so before.

POSTED: Thu Feb 19, 2009 10:59 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     Tayui moved from her children to the rock, sweeping the snow off the the rocks with the motion of her arms. Luckily, it had now snowed too much, and the snow was light and fluffy, so it would not take Tayui and Aurèle too long to clear it off. Tayui worked in silence, only glancing up when she heard Aurèle address her. For a moment, Tayui was a little taken aback by how suddenly her sister had posed the question, but realized quickly enough it was not that sudden and that her sister deserved an answer. Tayui wondered, for a moment, if even she knew who the male had been. His name had seemed so irrelevant that night, a fact not worth remembering or knowing. The sky had been dark, but alight with stars, so she knew he was an off-brown wolf, male, fairly handsome. It had been a night of lust and desire. Tayui had been so caught up in that nights events, she was unsure if she could even remember his name. She had not thought of it before, what to call him, since he was not a part of her life. She had taken what she had needed -- unknowingly at that time, of course. She had not realized their night together would result in four beautiful puppies -- and left him soon enough. She had not seen him the next morning, for she had not waited that long. They had remained in the jewelry store only long enough after the act to stare at the things around them. And Tayui had left. She only brought one thing back with her was a reddish gem. She did not know the name of it, but that rock, too, did not need a name. It was a thing, a memory that danced through her mind like everything else did that night.
     He had told her his name. But she could not remember. “I don't know,” she replied honestly, eyes shining in amusement. She continued, “because I don't remember,” paused, and: “because it doesn't matter. Not to me. To the children, sometime later I expect they will ask. When they do, I will know.”
     She pushed the rest of the snow off the rock.
     Perhaps her logic was flawed. Or perhaps she had too much faith in things that could not be determined. Because of them. How they had been conceived: through an act that had nothing to do with love, where neither party thought ahead to what might happened. Where, perhaps, Tayui had been hoping all along something would come as a result of their union.
     That she could be greedy.
     And want something more.
     Because his eyes had been so bright that night, because she (they?) had the stars guiding them on their way to the store. To where she had been given a jewel she could not touch and four more she could.
     Because she could trust, even when she had nothing and no one to trust. But it did not bother her. She had what she needed.

POSTED: Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:02 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat;">
     Aurèle saw the subtle darkening in her sister’s eyes, saw her go hazy and recall some memory, and just as soon turn girlish and bright. She didn’t know. A peculiar thing happened then. Tayui began to explain why this was an irrelevant bit of information, and suddenly, Aurèle laughed. It was almost hysterical, that sound. The laughter was a sudden and unchangeable response; she laughed because it was the bohemian answer she might have expected from her silly sister, and she laughed because a part of her wanted to cry.
     If there was one thing that Aurèle had learned to do, it was control herself. To hide those impulses and hide the horror in her eyes, hide everything except the hubris and the mockery because without it she would collapse on herself like a paper dragon. She saw the bodies each time she closed her eyes. She felt iron twist in her gut each time she thought of the matter. She had no desire to go back, no desire to confess, and knew that her survival depended on silence.
     The laughter settled into her chest again, and she smiled honestly—though at what, exactly, was perhaps harder to say. “I hope the children have names, at least.”

POSTED: Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:10 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     She did not need him. She had not needed him, not ever, and never would. For a long time, she had thought she would never need to be in contact with her family again, but here she was, talking to Aurèle. She had not imagined this would ever happen, that she would ever want to see her sibling's face again, and so Aurèle's strange laughter came as a surprise to her. On some distant level, Tayui acknowledged her sister's reply as normal, as something so Aurèle-like that she could both dismiss it and peruse it and watch the green-eyed girl with discontent. And on some other level -- the closer, more familiar one she knew was still barely within reach -- she felt resentment rip through her chest with such force that she nearly gasped aloud. Her sister was laughing. And for some reason, it mattered to Tayui.
     Before, it wouldn't have, but now, it was different. Almost like she valued what her sister had to say, what she thought. Tayui frowned, eyeing Aurèle warily as she moved toward the the kill. “Yes,” she replied after a pause, and: “they do.” She glanced over at the kill, then at her sister. She leaned down, motioning with her hand toward the dead animal, indicating that she needed some help. She grasped a leg with each hand, testing the weight of the carcass. Too heavy to lift by herself. Tayui looked at Aurèle once more, her eyes saying, assist me, but inside, she was demanding.

POSTED: Sun Mar 01, 2009 5:27 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat;">
     There was a fine line they were walking, one which would remain frail as long as Aurèle had to keep up her façade. She could not risk exposure. For these reasons she continued to play, and did not object to moving the carcass in time with her sister. Once settled on the cold stones, like some pagan altar, she exhaled heavily and watched her breath float away into the bright sky.
     “Well? I should have something to call them besides flo,” she offered, slipping into their native slang. At that, one of the children (she did not know which one, given they had not yet been named for her) managed to nearly escape the contraption holding him, and began to wiggle furiously to complete the task. “Hey, demiard,” she called out, more to alert her sister then the child.

POSTED: Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:50 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     The two of them worked in tandem, lifting the carcass up and onto the stones. Tayui paused for a second, examining the dead body, then shrugged. She moved to gather up the pups and shepherd them to their crude dining table. Tayui heard Aurèle address her and chuckled quietly to herself. So she did ask. Tayui had wondered if she would. Their names. She paused, frowned, smiled, and-- “Noir and Ocèane are the two girls. Attila and Claudius are the two boys.” She paused for a moment, about to point each out to Aurèle when her sister interjected. Tayui turned to see the beginnings of an escape mission, and laughed quietly when she saw who it was. “That's Attila, the one who's trying to escape,” she stated with a snort. “Noir and Ocèane are the ones helping him, and Claudius... looking rather guilty at the back there.” She nodded her thanks to her sister, then moved to see what the puppies were up to.
    Attila had taken it upon himself to wiggle free of the furs, so Tayui found him sitting proudly beside the sled. Noir and Ocèane were smirking (obviously proud of the part they had played in freeing their brother from the oppression of the warm, cozy furs), while Claudius was frowning guiltily. Tayui chuckled, then shook her head. “Out we go!” she declared, and the three remaining children bounded out of the sled -- landing in the snow with a distinct oomph -- and scrambled to climb the rock. Ocèane made it first, followed by Noir, Attila, and Claudius, who seemed to be a little hesitant to venture up the rock. He eventually found some footholds and scampered up, tripping over his feet once he was on top.
     Once they had all assembled, Noir and Ocèane stumbled over to where Aurèle was and began to babble about their trip in the sled, the food, the rock, daisies, octopi, and an assortment of ideas that did not necessarily connect. Tayui examined the corpse, moving closer to better take it apart. “Children, say thank you to Aunt Aurèle for the food she brought us,” she reminded the puppies, each of them voicing their thanks to varying degrees. Tayui raised her eyebrows, chuckled, then glanced at Aurèle to see what she would like to do.

POSTED: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:44 am

     They came, one after another, resembling her sister and the unknown man in part. Names that meant little (for human history did not interest the woman) were given to the boys, but she marked these down as well as the others and did well to remember them. Regardless of what had or had not passed between the two, they were family, and these children were her family as well.
     It was the girls who made their way towards her first, tiny little drunken figures that spoke endlessly and told two stories at once, both overlapping each other. She smiled and tried to listen, but managed only to make out minor details and no solid storyline that she could follow. A warm smile was offered in response to the children’s prompted thanks. “You’re welcome,”she granted, pushing her hair from her face.
     The two adults began to work the skin off the animal, allowing the children access to the prime and softer flesh that would serve as their meal. “How are you enjoying living here?” Idle, small conversation. Anything but the silence.

POSTED: Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:10 pm; background-position: center bottom; background-repeat: no-repeat; width: 494px; outline-color: rgb(154, 154, 154); outline-style: solid; outline-width: 1px; background-color: rgb(104, 214, 235);">
A ghost in the system, and angel on the stairs.
     There was no pause, no quiet reflection. An offer of thanks and a sincere, You're welcome in return. Tayui smiled, glad her sister and her children were able to interact with smiles and grins. She was doubly glad the puppies felt comfortable enough around her sister to talk to her, for Tayui had been concerned they might cling too much to her in the absence of a father figure. Even though she knew she preferred it this way, Tayui could not help but wonder what it would do for them (or to them) -- not having a father, that was. Certainly, she had Dawali and Lannen, but neither were their fathers'. Tayui only wanted to give them as good a life as possible. She did not want to deprive them of anything they deserved.
     Tayui began to work with Aurèle, skinning the animals so they could better access the organs, the meat. Perhaps she could dry the fur and give it to Aurèle as a present -- of thanks -- unless Aurèle was thinking of doing that herself. “I like the trees,” Claudius replied suddenly, inching closer. “They're tall. Ahn pritt-tee,” he said, nodding once. Then he grew embarassed, flattening his ears and seeking refuge with his sisters. “I's likes yummy! Meat is! Moose-i-bou!” another one declared, but Tayui could not place the voice. It sounded as though any one of them could have said it, for their voice was excited, and followed with a puppyish burp. “Ewwww,” Noir shouted, and Tayui chuckled. “They are... a lively bunch,” Tayui said at last.

POSTED: Sat Mar 07, 2009 5:25 pm

     A young and high voice broke through the noise and confusion and Aurèle followed it to one of the boys. Claudius. She found it interesting that for being so young they were all ready forming distinct personalities. More babble, more giggles, and then her sister was speaking again. The pale woman turned her head, for a moment saw a mangled corpse, blinked, and it was gone.
     She smiled, unwilling to admit that perhaps she was going mad. “It seems so. Taking after the family, I suspect.” Not that she remembered most of her childhood, but she knew they had been a rambunctious group.

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