A howl rang out.

It called for someone in the dusky evening sky. Anu had left the small campfire Oak had made in the wilds of unprotected lands at any time she wished. It was a break away from her routine and she felt a bit of anxiety because of it. It was as if she was stepping away from something that she no longer had, a responsibility that no longer existed. It would be dark soon, and she still had not found the wolfess she sought.

That was when she chose to send the call. It would announce her presence to those that Anu did not want to associate with, but it was a risk that she was willing to take. As long as it brought her Tayui.

Her front paw rose slightly off the ground as the song played out into a low whispering tone. Blue eyes opened that see that the Sun had retreated another inch to the west. Spring days grew longer but the night could not be fought off forever. Anu looked back, checking the wood to the rear and noting no sound or scent of a hidden loner and then continued her search in the lands around AniWaya.

In the days beyond her pack's dissolving, all Anu could think of was the one she had invited into their fold. Though Tayui had not accepted, she still wanted to see her and speak the fate of the Dreamers. The once leader had to tell someone, for she had not said the words aloud since she had told the pack. The silence was killing her, causing her brain to believe that in a day or two she would return and her home would be the same as it had been. But it never would.

Slowly she was facing the truth. Her heart opening to the knowledge like a small blossom, and she only wanted one being that she trusted to share it with.

[/html]Tayui had been wandering around the AniWayan packlands for weeks now. She hadn’t left because she had nowhere else to go. She’d headed south to areas to which she had never yet ventured and met a few canines. For the most part, the southern lands were quite empty and the winds were strong. She returned to the fringes of AniWaya a few days later, not sure what else to do. Before, she’d had a purpose: for two years, she’d been possessed by a drive and a motivation that delivered her to darkness and back again. She always knew there was much farther she could fall and it had always been a struggle not to go down a road from which she could never return. Now, she almost regretted it. Boredom would kill her, not old age—she was sure of it.

The sudden sound of a howl, summoning her, was shocking—but welcome. She recognized the sound to be Anu’s voice, a most appreciated reprieve from the nothingness and monotony of her life. She was quick to find the source and there, she found Anu. It was not yet completely dark, but that was no matter to a wolf. Anu waited, standing there—for her.

“Anu,” she said. “It’s good to see you again. I’ve been bored out of my mind. Here to deliver me from evil?” she joked, grinning.[html]

It was there that Anu waited. Her heartbeats steady but the sounds of the woods and the stillness that the night brought played tricks on her mind. Many times she thought she heard another approaching, heard the tickling of the undergrowth, or smelled the musk of a male loner. No one appeared though, not until the clear scent of a familiar female came to her. Anu sighed in relief, and despite the past days she smiled to herself.

It was only a moment later that Tayui appeared, the pale and cream pelt almost illuminated against the shadows of the dark. She spoke first, casually and with a light joking tone. Anu felt a bit of laughter start to well in her chest, but she only first revealed a shake of her head. The words were hard to find, a sentence difficult to form. She did not know what to say, unsure if there was anything -to- say.

Anu shook her head again, now thinking that no one would be delivering either of them, I need my own saving now. she replied, tone not lost in true sorrow but on the outskirts.

[/html]Even though Tayui was in a rather light and jovial mood, it seemed as though Anu struggled to laugh. Tayui frowned out of concern, wondering if Anu was all right. She looked well and was not hurt physically, so Tayui wondered if there was something pressing on her mind. Even though Anu looked like she was on the verge of smiling, her lips twitching in anticipation, she didn’t complete the expression and just looked away. Tayui recognized that—that inability to smile because something was just so damn horrible that it made everything worthless. Her eyes widened and she moved closer, letting her feet bring her to Anu’s side. She moved to stand almost shoulder-to-shoulder with her friend and watched her carefully as she spoke.

“From what, Anu?” she asked. Tayui just hoped that she hadn’t done anything like Tayui had. The last time she had begged for redemption, she’d carved it into another wolf’s chest. She had destroyed herself, remade herself, and then saved herself—all with blood. She’d had help—plenty of it—but it didn’t change the fact that Tayui had become someone else and she was now someone with many beings existing within her. She was caring and cruel and with this in mind, Tayui just hoped that Anu had not become like her. Anu was the last wolf who could ever be a monster.[html]

Tayui moved towards her, coming so close as to stand beside her. Anu felt the need to press her side against the other female, to lean on her. But she remained still, attempting to hold herself together despite her weakening facade.

 There was concern on the other females face, a genuine gaze that made Anu look away and to the dark ground beneath her paws. It was only a moment before she raised her head to look at Tayui at a sideways glance. She knew that she needed to say the words, Crimson Dreams is gone. she confessed, her tone harder then she had anticipated. There was resentment that she did not want to admit with the fear that it would grow into bitterness.

Anu sat, the dark of the evening settling like a weight on her shoulders. She should have felt as light as air with the release of the pack as her responsibility and yet Anu still needed to grieve. Savina left. she allowed a fair bit of that anger arise in her voice, and I couldn't, can't protect them. I had to let them go. the aged wolfess was certain of that, and knew that in the end they would be better off in the arms of another leader. One that could care for them, one that could give then the leadership that they deserved. 

[/html]When Anu revealed the source of her pain, Tayui drew closer to the other wolf and moved to hold her with her foreleg. Even if she couldn’t hug Anu like she might in her optime form, she could at least try to offer her some comfort—if Anu would let her.

“Oh Anu,” she whispered. “I—when Shadowed Sun disbanded, I was heartbroken. I’m so sorry. It’s so—it’s hard.” She mulled over Anu’s other words, that Savina had left, that she couldn’t do it anymore. She wondered if Anu was in a point in her life, like Tayui, where she no longer wanted to lead. She suspected that after so long, it became tiring.

“Why didn’t you find me sooner? I could have—” she paused. No, she couldn’t have helped. Anu had made her decision. “I was going to say that I could have helped, but… it’s done. I… I’m sorry, Anu.” She was sorry that she couldn’t have been there when it had all happened. Why had she turned Anu down? She remembered, but finding her reasons was difficult. She had rejected Anu’s offers too many times and even though she hadn’t caused the pack to fall, Tayui would have liked to think that maybe she could have helped—as a friend, that was all. [html]

There was nothing else to say in order to explain what had happened and why she stood before her friend with such a heavy heart. Anu could simply not do what the pack had needed her to do. Tayui did something that Anu did not expect, she moved in towards her and brought a forearm up to comfort her. Just as if they both stood in their Optime form, Anu felt the given concern and leaned into her slightly as she had wanted her to a moment before.

She had been in the same position, she had stood where Anu stood now. The former Dreamer hadn't known that Tayui had done that. If she had been told before it slipped through her memory. The pale woman was right, it was hard to do and she at this moment was unsure if she would be able to make it through the transition.

Tayui spoke, and her words caused the silver tipped wolfess to shake her head. No, there was nothing that anyone could have done to stop the chain of events that led to her standing before her friend as a loner. Something Anu had never expected to be again in her life. It is for the best. I just never thought this would happen. I feel betrayed, but I know need to understand... Anu tried to explain. She knew Savina had not left to hurt her.

Exhaustion overcame her, and she leaned her face and forehead into the neck and shoulder of the other woman. 

[/html]Tayui felt Anu shake her head, her fur moving against Tayui's pelt in the motion. Tayui moved back to give Anu some more space. Even though she wanted to help, it was difficult to read her expression when she was so close to her. Plus, she wanted to give her friend some space; after Shadowed Sun had disbanded, the only ones she’d wanted to see were Vedr and Agani. She’d spent some time living—or, existing (she hadn’t been all that alive or awake then)—in the same house as Vedr, wasting her days away. Would Anu be the same? She didn’t know.

Even though she’d retreated, she still tried to make Anu feel like she was close and there for her. With pleading eyes, she searched Anu’s visage, hoping to catch her eyes. After Anu spoke, Tayui moved closer again and felt Anu sink into her fur. Anu felt so exhausted—her entire body felt heavy. Tayui knew the feeling.

“Surely it wasn’t on purpose—I mean, it wasn’t, right? I… I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry.” She didn’t know if it was on purpose and she didn’t want to sound like an ass if it was. She didn’t know what to say anymore. It wasn't fair.[html]

It was her choice, and yet it was all wrapped up in circumstances beyond her control. She spoke the words and yet there were things playing along in the background that caused her to say them. Anu felt like a puppet on the end of strings. She wished so hard that the outcome would be something else and yet the path to achieve it was filled with craters created by others. They were all subjected to the actions of those around them, Anu was no different then anyone else. She needed to remember that; she was experienced enough to do so. Where was the immaturity coming from?

Tayui spoke, allowing the other wolfess to lean into her and held the slight weight sturdily. No, no of course it wasn’t on purpose. She was right. None of what had happened was on purpose. It simply hurt, and she needed to place the blame on something or someone and she could not hold it all. It had been spread thickly on her heart, but couldn’t she give it to someone else for just a moment?

Anu shook her head once more, feeling the fur of her crown rub up against the paler crest of the female’s shoulder blade. No, of course it wasn’t. Her tone was soft, accepting of Tayui’s sympathy and thoughts and appreciative. Thank you Tayui. I didn’t know who else to talk to. She moved out of the warmth that came from the other female, searching for her face and giving a small smile. With all the hurtful feelings there was still a great relief that was felt, a freedom given by the disbandment.

What will I say to you now? I have no home to offer. She spoke with a surrendering laugh, allowing the helplessness come to her as well as the fatigue. If she wasn’t going to offer Crimson Dreams as a home for Tayui, where would the conversation go? Anu did not how to solve any of her problems. Anu did not know what she was worth.

[/html]Tayui felt Anu lean on her and so she shifted ever so slightly to compensate for the added weight.

Tayui shifted slightly to compensate for Anu’s added weight as she leaned on her. She felt Anu shake her head again, brushing their fur together in a mix of greys and whites. She felt so heavy, as if she were rooted to the ground; and when she spoke, even her voice sounded heavy. Lost, too. Anu thanked her, but Tayui couldn’t think of any reason why she would need to do that. After all, Tayui hadn’t done anything. She still didn’t really know what had happened—why had Savina left? Where was Anu’s family? Where would Anu go from here?—so she didn’t feel like she’d played a large role in all of this, whatever it was. But she couldn’t deny her friend her gift of thanks, so she just stayed silent.

Anu then moved to look at Tayui, causing her to recoil slightly at the loss of the warmth. Anu smiled and Tayui tried to smile back, but she didn’t know if it worked. She tried not to look away.

“It’s no matter,” Tayui replied. “We’ll find one,” she promised. She had been looking for one for months, years now. Maybe with Anu, she would finally find one.[html]

Blue eyes watched the other woman, her smile was forced and fragile. There was heartache breaking apart the thin black lines of her lips, a struggle that consisted of more then the problems Anu had brought to her. Anu had wished to solve her wandering, she had wanted to give Tayui something that a mother and wolf of their experience deserved. To rest, to live the rest of their days at peace and without the conflict that the past had built within them. That was what Crimson Dreams had been to Anu, and had she thrown that away? Had fear made her toss aside the life she had wanted? The life she had offered to Tayui weeks before.

It was a turmoil that would haunt her for some time.

Their bodies remained close. Anu felt a great needed comfort by the gentle graze of her pale fur against her own, knowing that she was not alone. Despite her son’s presence there was a hollowness that she only felt filled by another with the same experience. A friend that understood. She was grateful she had known where to find Tayui.

You can not stay here, alone. She spoke, her tone lighter and yet more of a whisper. There was nothing left to shroud her intention or her care that she felt towards the other fey. Come with me. If Tayui’s words had been not only to comfort the grieving woman, but to assure that they would find something more… then Anu meant to solidify that intent.

There was no plan, or place that Anu had yet to find. There was no deliverance to her place of pure contentment and happiness. Previously she had offered to bring her to a sanctuary. Now she only asked that they walked through the chaos together.

[/html]Tayui didn’t know what to call this—not any of this. If she were in her optime form, she would have held her palms up in a sign of surrender (to what, though?) and shrugged. She felt limited in this four-legged form; she couldn’t show her exasperation enough. It wasn’t fair to Anu and she didn’t know how to help. She wished she could have been stronger and she wished she had a pack to offer her friend, but she was worse off than Anu was: a loner of too many years who could never venture too far north lest she be discovered by Salsola.

When Anu spoke, Tayui nodded, trying not to catch the other wolf’s eye. They were close enough now that she could avoid looking at Anu directly without Anu suspecting too much. And she knew she couldn’t stay and she also knew that she wanted to go with Anu to find a home, though it need not necessarily be a pack. Just a home.

“I was planning on it,” she replied, almost smiling. No, she was definitely smiling now. “Where to?” she asked, almost flippantly. She wanted to leave—with Anu.[html]

close this? have another sooooon??

Feeling helpless was not new for the once-Dreaming leader. It had started with the war, and only became worse once she had been released and returned to her home. Though the pack had functioned, she knew that their numbers would never grow to what they had been, and the pack members had been quiet and there had been an eerie air of discontent around them. None of it had been settling and content for her, and so when Savina had decided to leave Anu had done the least-helpless thing she could. She had called the disbandment. Though the woman had not realized it yet, but she had preformed a powerful and strong action. Her blue eyes could not yet see passed the defeat to see the actual victory that lay beyond. The freedom.

Anu looked back to the pale female when she spoke, and bit of smile that Anu could capture was a surprise. It was contagious as well. The gray and silver fey smiled too, and she found it a bit fantastical that Tayui wanted to indeed come with her. North. She replied. She watched the other female for a long moment, and then rose so that they could indeed move in that direction.

But she didn’t stray far, waiting for Tayui to come along so neither would be left without the other.