Things were finally returning to normal. The soft beat of home was warming Jaden’s paws and he was surprise to see just how much had changed while he’d been gone only a few weeks. His fellow leader had been busy. It was slow getting back into the swing of things though. For almost a week he had been home and it still seemed new. Days had been spent getting reacquainted with the patrol paths and a few times he stopped by the newest construction in their land just to take it in. It wasn’t as elaborate as the tall buildings he’d seen left by humans but it was surely something he couldn’t have pulled off on his own. And he had still gone without meeting the architect responsible: a fellow by the name of “Asgeir” who needed a grand thanking for his hard work. It was all a lot to take in.

But this evening wasn’t to be wasted away like many of the previous had been. Today he had a desire he wasn’t sure how to handle. He wanted to see his friend and he missed her dearly. Even with him being home it seemed she was still gone. They had so little interaction that it was shocking. If he didn’t awaken in the middle of the night to find her asleep in her chamber or hear her leave occasionally, he might not have even known they still lived so close to one another. It appeared the time apart had not softened her disdain with his choice of friends.

But he had to ask, as he often did, how he still felt toward her. He definitely wasn’t as angry as the day of the incident. There had been many long ours of travel spent pondering that confrontation. Some of what she’d said could have been born of anger and not meant. But if that was the case then why did she still give him the cold shoulder? Why no apology? He had been in the wrong too. On the long trip it had become apparent that X’ies, though extremely irritating nearly all of the time, did not have the intent attack others at every turn with his uniquely skilled tongue. He realized that now and knew that he should probably apologies for his narrow-minded attitude. He might have done it the day he came back too had it not been for his wounded pride. Nearly all that had angered him had to do with the position she took in demanding obedience from him. Both of them were leaders and such shared power meant nothing if she felt the ability to command him was hers.

He couldn’t come back home only to crawl on his belly and beg her forgiveness. That would be a sign that he accepted his place as her subordinate. If she expected him to bridge the gap and thought herself above it than nothing would be solved and the problem would likely arise again the next time she found it favorable to issue forth more orders.

So he was still a bit put off with her too. It didn’t change that he missed her smile, her affection, or the melodious sound of her voice. He missed her and couldn’t keep out the thoughts of longing for a single hour of any day. What else could he do but what he was in the process of doing now? He had to find her and interact with her, say something so she would have to speak back or even look at him. It was foolish to hope for that smile he cherished but anything was better than nothing. He tracked her scent to a cave and sniffed near the entrance. A stuffy warmth invaded his throat and he paused for a moment to gather his courage before venturing inside.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

The pause he took was only a moment or two in length and mostly because he had never ventured into this particular cave. The air that bellowed from the cave was heavy and warm. Whatever caused this he had no knowledge of. But he could smell the thick scent of autumn fur aloft in the warm air. Surely she wouldn’t venture in if it were dangerous. So Jaden pressed in slowly with eyes wide and analyzing everything he could see.

Only a short time later the white and black male found himself squinting in order to see through a mist that had settled around him. The thick and warm air also held the scent he wished to find so he continued inward. The Issum looked for words and tried to find the right way to greet her but nothing came to his mind while it watched the steam for anything unfamiliar. It was a bit of an interesting discovery but one that put him on edge. He shook a bit of collecting water from his fur while walking and dispersed his own scent in the air.

Visibility got to the point that Jaden couldn’t see the opposite wall of the cave from where he stood by the other. He stayed close to his visible wall and watched the floor ahead as his steps slowed. The sound to trickling water reverberated over rock ahead. He lifted his nose and sniffed the air for X’yrin. The whole room was stuffy and filled with her scent, and it seemed even heavier here than usual. But he couldn’t locate her by it. X’yrin? he called gently for her. With his quiet steps and the lack of visibility he wanted to ensure he didn’t become an unwelcome surprise.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

The sound of her voice told that his attempt was useless. The discouraging sigh proved he would be unwelcomed regardless of his approach. It did well to disassemble the man’s desire to be around her but he had come too far already. It would do no good to turn tail and retreat from her now. So he pushed forward silently and found his friend sprawled out on the edge of a small body of water in that filled the cave further in. She remained just as unreceptive to his presence in act as in words with eyes concealed from his view. She looked rather comfortable there and beautiful as always but he still remained silent.

The Issum moved forward and slowly took a seat just a foot or two from the woman’s paws. He was here by her and that was something but what exactly to say in order to prolong their contact escaped him. He sat for a few moments in silence and looked out onto the water. The steam here was even thicker. He couldn’t see the far wall of the water filled chamber if in fact there was one. Such a thing assured Jaden he would find the discomfort of his phobia in the strange and dark waters. But the closer he got to the water the warm the air seemed to be. He’d never dealt with natural warm water and didn’t know if it would have a positive or negative effect on his irrational fear. Now wasn’t a good time to figure it out though. So he crossed his legs and sat forward on supporting elbows that pressed into his exposed thighs to hold his weight. Had the warm atmosphere not been pressurized by tension, the warm air might have been quite comfortable. It’s rather nice here, He lied. It was all he could think to say.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

Deep breaths in of the moist air warmed Jaden’s nose oddly. The small droplets of water tickled as the collected within too causing him to reach up and rub his muzzle before continuing his breathing through an open mouth. It was better this way. That the female beside him had been slipping slowly into heat wasn’t lost to him. He simply tried to ignore it because, even with their wounded relationship, the instincts that dwelled in him created an uncomfortable desire to peruse he readiness to breed. They were unaffected by his own displeasure and he found the thoughts drawn out by them irritating and misplaced. He couldn’t taste her heat on the air so keeping the air from his nose would work well enough.

He felt her sit up beside him and listened with a gentle turn of his head to her worlds. His eyes briefly flicked over at her when she mentioned her knowledge of him. He was looking for any extra meaning to the words she spoke but found only a calm indifference to them. Returning his gaze on the curiously steaming water, he was quite again. She was on his mind. There was nothing else, no other reason he had come here than to be by her. It was a desperate act to feel something similar to the pleasure their interactions used to bring about. Thus far it wasn’t particularly enriching, but he was still beside her and could hear her voice as it was directed at him. That was something. …I wanted to congratulate you on the construction of the barn. It’s an impressive structure. You should be proud of the pack for that, He lied again, hoping she wouldn’t see through it as easily this time and recognizing his desire to say “your pack”. But he didn’t. It might have been more effective to be honest but he couldn’t see how she would share the same sentimental desire. She hadn’t come looking for him, after all.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

Again he was reminded of her desire to be away from him. That sigh where once it might have been of content and happiness in his presence bid only displeasure for his existence now. His ear flicked as irritation claimed him. Was she content living the way they did? He wanted to be around her and missed her. The way she acted made him feel she would rather them just live their intertwined lives in an unnatural separation. That she had no desire to interact with him. Maybe it was her heat that had her so irritable. Hopefully that’s what it was.

The voice he heard felt odd and strange. Smooth with no emotion showing like that which he couldn’t hide in his. The words it formed might have sounded plain to a stranger but not to him. Never had he heard her refer to sangi’lak as anything but “their family”. He didn’t glance over at her this time but still looked for what the simple change in wording meant. Did she actually believe like he had feared in the days following their fight that the family didn’t belong to him? She hadn’t said “my” which would have reassured that painful thought. He could only guess at her reasoning. The sound of her claws grating against stone drew his eyes to the simple movement. I’ll do that, he said simply. How he wished she would just try to converse with him. Granted it had never been a strong point in their relationship but again, what else could he do?

A short and quiet sigh of exasperation escaped him and swirled into the churning steam. She didn’t want this small talk and something told him that pressing it further would result in retaliation of some sort from her. There was simply no other alternative he could see. About how long did it take to get that finished? The black and white male suddenly wished he had better conversational skills.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

The grating was nearly deafening. He couldn’t believe he was that much of an irritation so it was rather shocking when it ended with the sound impact of her fist. His eyes darted to her and he was moving before he saw her attack. He would come to recall how sad it was that he was expecting an attack from her but his readiness kept her claws from his flesh. The snag of pulled fur wasn’t as painful as the burn of sliced skin. Still, it was enough to get his full attention.

It wasn’t shocking to experience what he had been subtly watching for. It was only confusing to wonder why their simple attempt at a conversation called for this. Jaden had managed to push his crossed legs form under him so they sat bent at the ready while she took hold of him. In the moment his jaws snapped shut to display bared teeth he drew in a deep breath of her heavily expressed scent in the warm air. It was distracting even as her hard eyes meat his offensively crinkled features. One quick paw snapped to her wrist and held tightly.

He looked into her eyes and heard the words but all meaning dripped from them just as moisture did from the woman’s muzzle. Only the tone she spoke held any meaning and that still offered little clarity to her intentions. Being attacked provoked an instinctual understand of this situation, one where it seemed she sought to place her dominance in a similar way to every other time she attacked him. Rekindled feelings of wounded pride drove him into sudden anger. He would not be dominated again. With a snarl, he went to pull her claw painfully from where it was wrenched into his fur before moving to overtake her. If he was successful in his attempt it would leave the woman partially under him dangerously close to the edge of the warm pool of water.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

Upon reflection of this event, Jaden would wonder if this pattern was to be learned from. Both times he had approached her they had ended with teeth bared at each other. Maybe it would be more effective next time he had matters concerning their relationship in mind to just tackle the woman in the beginning. It would save time. But even if he did that there was no telling where the conversation might go. He didn’t care for that thought now though. The anger that filled his blue eyes was intense and only let him believe one thing: he would be victorious this time. He would pin her and force her to acknowledge his superiority or be mangled trying.

He was quick enough to avoid her claws once but not the second time. The impact of her grip on his throat brought a sudden stop to his growling. He continued to try and force her down with strong arms while also pulling his torso away from her in an attempt to escape her reach. After a hard sputter that shook both their interlocked bodies his snarling returned in a strained voice under her grasp. He took hold of her other claw now and began digging sharply into the flesh of both wrists with the points on his paws. Neither of them would give. She pushed against him and he against her to no avail.

In a sudden movement that would leave the Issum’s abdominal and back muscles strained and sore when they had a chance to be, he yanked at her using the grip they shared. He moved to use the strength of her resistance against her so she would be helping him pull her over his body before she could stop pressing against him. Without the stability of her seated position she would fall under him and he would hopefully be able to escape her chokehold. He knew how vital his throat was in this and would be rendered immobile at the slightest pressure of her claws on the vulnerable flesh. He only hoped to have her subdued before she could take advantage of that.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

It took a considerable amount of strength to lift her over him even with the added help of her own momentum. For days his back would be stiff and horridly sore from the act fueled by anger. No comfort would be taken in saying it was worth it either. The vice like grip held tight through the entire movement. The smell of blood filled the warm and stuffy air and he felt the warm liquid seep onto his fingertips where they were imbedded in flesh. Still her hold stayed. He pulled and pushed and tied to fight the paw off but it was impossible. Her grip was like steel on the soft tissue. And it was getting tighter. When before he could breathe, the air in his throat now became constricted. Where she anyone else he could have thrown a stiff strike at her extended elbow to break it and free himself but he couldn’t do that to her. His claws still tore into flesh but that was all he could bring himself to do to the beautiful body in his own defense. He gave up his desire to subdue her and his grip changed to simply trying to get away. Still she held him.

A final bit of tightening and his lungs were completely blocked from air. No oxygen could reach into his body and feed the racing heart beating in his chest. Darkness began to creep into the corners of his eyes and they then lost all hostile expression. What was she doing? Dominance was something to fight for but how far would she go? Confusion and hurt replaced the anger in his blues in a dulled way as their focus wavered from lack of oxygen.

The pressure was suddenly let up and he was free to fall forward onto her. For a moment he held himself up and took a few quick, deep breaths. Then he hurriedly threw himself off her. There was a strong urge firmly instilled in him to get away from the golden form. He stood and shakily took a few steps to the nearest wall where he leaned against it and continued to breath. He was just beginning to get full length thoughts flashing through his mind again and a majority of them were plain disbelief.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

Disbelief and confusion mingled in his mind as he lean against that wall just like the swirls of steam still alive from the conflict. How she could find it in herself to take their scuffle that far he just couldn’t understand. Never would he be able to do such a thing to her. Even if she spat on their once proclaimed love, cast him out of the pack, and personally traveled to ever other collective in the land to destroyed his reputation would he be able to even contemplate it. It was because he loved her. Simple and past all the drama he loved her. Leaning against that wall and trying to breathe he still loved her.

Then the mixture of disbelief and confusion twisted into pain. It wasn’t a shallow hurt like that of his tightening back or sore throat, but a deep set unbearable pain that turned his stomach and drained what energy was left from his form. Believing love was seen in the nomads eyes similarly as in his own, how could she still love him? It was the only thing he could think of to justify her actions and her attitude toward him. Somewhere along the line of his love or Thana, sour relations with X’ies, or his friendship to Amy she had lost that promised gift to him. He had once thought love to be more powerful than these painful things. He was wrong and he was a fool. All of it was his doing too. The way she had to feel was his fault and it was foolish for him to have even come here to find her in the first place.

Realizing this still left him with the question of how to act on it. With her love being gone, this attack took on new character. It was nothing more than a contest between pack mates, a contest he had lost. And, like any other subordinate to authority, his spirit of contest was crushed. He would never hold a place by her when she was obviously willing to go further than he to maintain dominance. She was Alpha and he was not.

It was an odd feeling to say the least for a man who had never acknowledged someone in such a way. It filled his hollow heart with an odd burning sensation he couldn’t place. His breath finally came back to him as he heard his Alpha’s footsteps approaching. He turned to her but his eyes wouldn’t lift to meet hers as they might once have. They only ascended high enough to see the shame on her features. Like the whines he’d heard before it proved nothing further than a simple value on their friendship. She could feel shame for hurting a friend. It didn’t prove his assumptions of lost love were wrong. But he was still the fool for being here and for angering her with his petty talk. I’m sorry, he apologized to her quietly. There was no fathomable way for those two words to hold all the regret he felt because he truly couldn’t comprehend how badly he’d hurt her to lose her love. And because without his many regrettable actions, he still might have it. He waited for a response as was respectful. If none came, he would proceed to show himself out and leave the Alpha to her business.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.

He was sure of what would be said if she didn’t simply let him go. Perhaps she might tell him no apology was necessary in her guilt. A lie is what he expected and when he heard it he would nod and leave anyway. There was no need to stay and make this evening even worse, if it was possible. But he didn’t get what was expected. The alpha fell slowly into his down cast gaze and began asking for forgiveness. This wasn’t the behavior of a dominant she-wolf. It was what he might expect from a subordinate. His new view of her and broken spirit urged him to fall to her level and not stand over the Alpha like this. But he didn’t. He stood over her watching and listening carefully.

The wolf he saw and heard wasn’t who Jaden had slowly come to associate with his friend. In all reality, he didn’t look at her the same way he had when he’d told her he loved her that night on the shores of Adlarto’k. The rift that had grown between them and her actions toward him had convinced him that he hadn’t truly known his once dear friend as well as he had thought. Tonight was just another example of this. But he didn’t see a stranger in here sorrow filled features now. He only saw the woman he loved and felt that she was truly sorry for her actions. It warmed him a little. Some hope flourished in him. Maybe she would prove him wrong about her love too.

They both now believed the other held no love for them. And, unfortunately, Jaden didn’t hear anything to the contrary. Once he thought she might have come close but nothing was said besides “friend”. She admitted to attacking him because she didn’t want him to ignore the situation like he had. She hadn’t wanted him to assume their relationship was still something it clearly wasn’t any longer. She wanted to be able to speak as friends without the looming awkwardness of other assumptions. This is what he got from her without the words he so desperately wanted to hear, that he needed to hear. The hope alight in him faded like the last ember from a mighty fire. Don’t leave them. He had helped build this pack for her. Did he truly want to go parading about pretending to be a leader the likes of which he could never be without her? If it was what she wanted he would try.

Finally she stood and turned away from him. He watched as she seemed to ready herself to leave and was reminded of her words the last time they had proclaimed their love for each other, “I love you, Jaden… you, and only you. Nothing will change that.” He knew she hadn’t been lying that day. She just hadn’t yet felt the sting of his regrettable actions. She hadn’t understood and he cursed himself now for forcing her to this. Jaden circled the beautiful autumn body so he stood before her. A blue gaze looked for hers and he began to say what really needed to be said, I… still love you, Begun but not finished. If ignoring how things had changed between them angered her then it would be better not to proclaim his ignorant feelings. So he forced a smile upon his face and set a friendly claw on her shoulder before finishing differently. I’ll always be here. Indeed he would try. When he had so thoroughly ruined their love it would be only cruel to then leave her too. Then he would turn to leave. The forced expression on his face wouldn’t last long and he wished to have a veil of thick steam between them before contending with his broken heart.

Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.