So, Leucion is going to be my next charater, once I've had Vuk long enough to be allowed to make another. So, you guys have any constructive criticism to help me make her better?

Name: Leucion Ir'all A'hriar

Gender: Female
Age: 2 years, one month
Birthdate: March 1, 2007

Relations:
Father: Leucient
Status: Deceased
Mother: Lucelia
Status: Unknown
Sister: Loria
Status: Unknown

Luperci: Luperci Ortus (Father)

Appearance:



Family-


Right= Leucient (Father) Center= Lucelia (Mother) Left= Loria (Sister)


Lupus:
She is a smallish, lean-bodied wolf. In her Lupus form, she is about 27 inches tall, about 64 inches long, and weighs around 57 pounds, give or take a few depending on the time of her last meal. Her pelt is a deep, rich cocoa brown all over her entire body. Her "hair" is not visible in her lupus form, short and hidden by her normal coat. She's of a thin build because she's more of a sprinter or a runner than anything else. Her paws are small, making her good at the whole stealth thing. She has dyed-on markings on her head: the front and tope of her muzzle, and her ears. They mark her as of the ShadowPath clan, to which her mother and father's families had belonged. Her mother's were sea-green, and her father's were royal blue, both colors of high families, and as such, her and her sister's were teal, a combination of their parents, to show the joining of the two families. Her's are more blue than her sisters, symbolizing her status of both first born and of high blood, as well as the fact that she takes more after her father in appearance.

Secui:
In her Secui form, she is about 32 and a half inches tall, around 89 inches long, and she weighs around 148 pounds, making her about medium-small compaired to larger individuals. Her "hair" is longer in this form, actually visible, and she sometimes wears it down in her Secui form. When she does, it reaches her shoulder, or there about. Her hair is dyed a light, silvery platinum blond, because it suits her eyes, which are a startlingly light, icy blue in color. Her "hair" is long in the back, down to her paws, almost, and in the front her bangs hang to her jaw line and are swept to one side of her face.

Optime:
In her Optime form, she is about 6'4", making her of about medium-small height, ans she weighs around 196 pounds, a bit light, as she's built for speed, not strength. Her hair falls to her lower back in this form, and she normally wears it up in a ponytail, minus the long, side-swept bangs.

Physical Weaknesses:
She's light-weight, built for speed, not strength. She's kind of like a cheetah, in that she has good stamina for moderate speeds, or can sprint for very short periods of time before having to stop, catch her breath, and refuel.

Biography:
She was born to Lucelia Ir'all of the ShadowPath clan, along with her sister Loria, in a faraway land (the Peruvian Amazon). Their father, Leucient Ah'riar, had died of a snake bite four months before. For her first year, she stayed with her mother and her sister, and the rest of the clan.

When Leucion and Loria were about a year and two months old, a nomadic pack decided to try to winter in the Clan's terriotories. Their mother, as the head of the PeacePath of the Council, tried to negotiate terms with the pack's alpha. The wolf refused to cooperate, he and his pack thinking they could stand against the clan. A brief war followed, and by breif I mean that it lasted about two months. The WarPath, lead by her father, and including Leucion herself, defeated the small pack, wiping them out, but not before a rebellious faction of the PeacePath seperated from the pack and left halfway through the war, sick and tired of the violent ways of the WarPath. Loria was among the dissedents. Leucion hasn't seen her since.

She spent another six months with her mother and the Clan before finally deciding that it was time to move on. After all, her mother and her had begun to argue constantly, and she didn't get along with any of the other females in the Clan, so she decided that life would be less troublign i she were on her own.

Three months ago, she found her way here, to this land, and has decided that, come hell or high water, or both, she's tired of moving around, and that she's going to stay, right here, until, and if, life presents her with some incentive to change her mind.

Personality:
Typically, she is calm and friendly. She seems rough-and-tumble on the outside, humorous, sometimes morbid, and sometimes apathetic; this is a facade. In reality, she is sensitive, easily hurt, and very emotional, but she doesn't let anyone see this side of her, because, even though she's never been hurt emotionally befre, she's still afraid of it. She is easily angered, though she usually doesn't show it. It builds up inside of her, and she does her best to resist it. When she gets reallly angry, she starts to cry silently, and that's her cue to run before she blows up and hurts herself or someone else. She is very proud, stubbornly proud, and she sometime lets it get to her head. She has a very strong will, or, at least she acts like it, and goes through with her decisions, no matter how badly she's beating herself up on the inside. She is dreadfully afraid of snakes. Her mother instilled that fear into both Leucion and Loria with the stories of how their father had died. As she never had a father figure, she craves approval from male or father-like figures when in a family or pack-like group of individuals. All in all, she is a fairly down to earth girl. Having spent so much time in such a large communal familial group, she is comfortable among crowds, and she is supportive of strict, but fair rules and a council-style government.

Skills:
She is fast, really fast, and stealthy. She knows a little about healing, but not much, and she knows how to sew (though she's not quite sure when she picked that one up). She can read in English, and write, sort of, though it's easier to read chicken-scratch than her scribbles. She's good at wood-working. She makes her own fishing spears that she fishes and hunts small game with. After all, she's built for speed, not strength, and it doesn't take much strength to throw a sharp stick at a rabbit or a fish. She also employs a slingshot for bird hunting. She can make simple furniture, like tables or chairs, but there's always room for improvement. She can climb very well, and it's sort of a hobby of her's.

Fishing spear:
pic
pic

Slingshot:
pic

Deficiencies:
She is easily angered, though she usually doesn't show it. It builds up inside of her, and she does her best to resist it. When she gets reallly angry, she starts to cry silently, and that's her cue to run before she blows up and hurts herself or someone else. She is stubbornly proud, sometimes to the point of mule-headedness and ensuing trouble. She can't swim very well, though she can float, and she's clumsy on slick ground, what with her small paws, and she also she has trouble walking in snow or sandy soil. She's dreadfully afraid of snakes.

Since this is now in our field, I will give you my thoughts!

Appearance-wise, I think you designed her very well for her personality and such. The only thing I'm going to warn you is that it is pretty hard to find a chocolate brown wolf photo-wise; you'll probably have to have someone do some photo manipulating to get all the correct colors and the like since a solid brown isn't a common color in wolves, but there are plenty of people here who probably wouldn't mind, as it isn't too terribly hard.

Personality-wise, she will make for an interesting enough character, but unless you give her something to struggle about or something that stands out about her a little more, you might grow bored of her. She doesn't appear to have a "dark" past or something to particularly regret, nor does she have any skills that might shape her or goals that might drive her--you just need to pick out one or two big ones or a couple of each and see where that takes you. Also, it's pretty near impossible to have dreadfully low self-esteem and still be able to have a huge amount of pride at the same time. You could have her be really prideful, but a lot of pride can often be the sign of inner insecurity. Either way, one isn't just prideful for the hell of it. Give her some reason to: make her especially beautiful, etc. I just think you'll have a hard time keeping her personality consistent with that huge gap between traits. You emphasized that she was very fast--maybe you could tie that in there somewhere. On that note, you ought do something with the speed thing. Make her a really great hunter because of it, or something similar (since you don't want to stress strength). One doesn't have to be strong to be an archer, which you mentioned that she made her own quiver, etc. Just some suggestions, of course. Just remember that every personality trait someone possesses--especially negative ones, like low self-esteem, confidence, or depression--is the result of something, not just a sporadic emotion. Every feeling must have a reason behind it.

History-wise, it's... so-so. She's the result of a rape, which always makes for some interesting conversation, but is she insecure about that? Is that the reason for the supposed "low self-esteem"? Will she have a thing against rapists, etc.? Where is her father, and will they (or have they) ever met back up? It's also pretty big to mention that the mother doesn't appear to be in any pack, which would make her a loner--which means she could not "own" or claim land, unless she is stubborn or slightly insane. She could have a den somewhere that another pack put their packlands around, which would be fine. You might just need to reword some stuff and you'll be fine with that.

Anything in there sound like something you want to work on?

It's all stuff I guess I need to work on. ^_^ I'd never have thought about them on my own. Except for the image thing, I know what you mean! ^_^ I could have one of my friends make me a picture of her, if need be.

Is that a little better?

Sorry, I'm not used to having constructive criticism on characters; I don't normally ask for help. But, since their are so many friendly people so readily availiable, and since I have to wait so long and get permission to make her, I thought, 'What the heck, why not? It can only make her better...' XD

One thing that I noticed was in your "Skills" section. You said that one of the reasons that your character used a bow was because it did not require strength. Realistically, a bow, if it is to kill a deer, should have at least a 45 pound pull-back weight, and that's the bare minimum. This strength would be drawn from the shoulder muscles, which most girls and runners don't have. More importantly, she would have to have strength and endurance, because she would have to be able to pull back the string to the maximum pullback, hold it long enough to aim, and release smoothly and with control. And of course she'd have to be able to pull it back again. This is actually more strenuous than you might think.... (And I know this because I am an archer) ^=^ I know that you want it your wolf to be able to pull a bow off, but her speed should be able to allow her to hunt, even if she is weak. Rabbit doesn't necessarily require strength, ^=^

Rabbits can be hunted with bows, also, but I get your point. ^_^ Hmm...... How about a sling? She could use sharp rock or bits of metal... Would a crossbow be too "modern" a weapon?

'Souls is set in futuristic times, so nothing is too "modern"...
...but a crossbow is a little weird. Technically, if she knew how to make one (which would be pretty hard, as they are more than just wood), then go for it. I guess it would be possible to come across a stray crossbow and the like, but rather unlikely. Despite all that, it's possible.

It's your character though, you could work it out to suit if you wanted to do it that badly.
If you really wanted her to have bows and arrows, it would take some upper body strength to maneuver them well. You could start her off as a rookie just learning to use them and have her just gain the strength over time (target practice is unusual, which makes for interesting threads). You must also keep in mind that archers don't need a lot of speed, since they don't do a lot of running--either switch her to make her a little more strength-oriented (but not a lot, maybe), or give her a different weapon that she can use quickly. Or, make her balanced: fast enough running-wise, but strong enough to pull off a bow and quiver.

In some cases, there's also a certain mindset to your typical archer; if you look at Legolas in the LOTR series, he's not extremely prideful or outspoken. Thinking about it systematically, archers attack from a distance, which means they're not willing to be upfront and in the face of conflict. They'd risk strength for safety. A lot of them tend to be a bit more introverted or shy, since they're not courageous enough to be right in the face of people, regardless of conflict or not. That's stereotypical though it does make sense, but you could work around if you so wished. Keeping that in mind, depending on what you decide to do, might help you more with fleshing out a good, understanding personality for her.

Javelins? They're light, not too hard to make from wood, and can be used from a distance or in melee. Hmm....

Javelins are long and somewhat bulky. The point of them is to fight with the blade at the pole's end; it's a lot of unwieldy stabbing and pointing. You could do a javelin if you wanted, but they are most definitely strength-oriented.

She could use a regular bo staff or something similar, where she fights just spinning the pole around and smacking people with it. Someone in the Mortal Kombat games uses it, but I forget whom... It requires a lot of skill and speed to use. You could have her use a Javelin in a similar fashion you wanted, but they are typically longer than bo staves and thus much harder to use. That's something she could have taught herself, as well crafted her own weapon out of wood.

Hi! My comments:

Size
You list that she's 27 inches tall, 64 inches long and weigh 115 pounds in her Lupus form. Wiki says that on average, grey wolves (you haven't listed a specific wolf species so I assumed it was the gray wolf) measure 26-38 inches in height, and 4,5-6,5 feet in length. Both of these are fine and work well with your setting your character up as a smallish wolf. The weight, however, does not. Wiki says this on wolf weight:

Quote:Wolf weight varies geographically; on average, European wolves may weigh 85 lbs, North American wolves 80 lbs, and Indian and Arabian wolves 55 lbs.[6] Though rarely encountered, extreme specimens of more than 77 kg (170 lb.) have been recorded in Alaska, Canada[7], and the former Soviet Union.[8]

... which means that your wolf is quite heavy. Since she's smallish and lean, and not strong, this does not fit. For the secui and optime forms what you have written should be fine though, as the weight increases quite well with form descriptions. As I see it your character's weight in optime form is fairly "smallish", fitting the description.

Weapon choice
You write that she is not strong, but (it seems) more of the agile, runner type. Because of this, I see her more easily with a knife than with a bow, or simply hunting/fighting with her natural strength as a predator, in wolf form. As Requiem pointed out - archers are fairly strong (I've tried this myself, it's hard work to fire many arrows in a row!). After reading Lin's post, I'd say that staves sound really cool, and that form of fighting require more precision and agility than actual strength, and thus fits your character very well(!). If you don't like the staff there are lots of other cool weapons that rely more on agility than pure strength as well.

Skills
You list a lot of skills she has, without letting us know how she has learnt them. It is fun for both you and readers to weave it into the person's background, as it adds more depth. It also offers you something to write about in your threads!

Personality
Like Lin mentioned, you may have trouble playing a character whose personality traits are somewhat contradicting. I did that with Mew, my first character, and instead of changing her right away I set up a list of things that she likes, dislikes, things she would or would not react on, and how her reaction patterns would be in a situation - which let me play her weird personality without having to change her too much from post to post. It helped me a lot and I'd recommend it to anyone if they want to make sure they play their characters smoothly, without jumping their personalities up and down.

Hope any of this is helpful

Does that personality still contradict itself? Oiy, I thought I'd fixed that...

Wait, I though javelins were the spear-class weapon without blades?

And I pointed out that they were wooden- basically just pointy sticks, without blades. They can kill just as easily if they're sharp and made from a hard wood. Short (-ish, about arms-length for good throw-ability) and thin. Like in the Redwall books, or Diablo II, or, heck, at the Renessaince (I know I mangled that word...) festival. XD

Is javelin not a good term for them? That's all I've ever heard them callled, but if you can think of a better name for them, PLEASE tell me. I hate the word javelin... It just sounds weird...

And oiy, yeah, I was using something in the 'Souls RP Guide for her weight. I'll have to figure a good number for her lupus form... Wait. Should I go by North America for weight, or Canada/Alaska/Russia? I'm confused.... I'm assuming North america since this roleplay doesn't appear to take place in tundra or over permafrost...

Quote:Does that personality still contradict itself? Oiy, I thought I'd fixed that...

Eep, sorry, I was reading in an unrefreshed thread when I wrote that. I hadn't read the changes you'd made, sorry It looks fine now!

I also have *no* idea what a javelin is, and as I said just above here, I wasn't updated, so sorry again on that stuff! But I maintain that staves = win! It would be a really cool ability I think, and if a javelin is that then.. cool by me, maybe? It seems like Lin knows more than me, though.

Quote:And oiy, yeah, I was using something in the 'Souls RP Guide for her weight. I'll have to figure a good number  for her lupus form... Wait. Should I go by North America for weight, or Canada/Alaska/Russia? I'm confused.... I'm assuming North america since this roleplay doesn't appear to take place in tundra or over permafrost...

Like the wiki quote says, the numbers mentioned for canada/alaska/russia are very "extreme" numbers, and wouldn't be representative for the species I think. Perhaps you should look into what specific wolf species you want your character to be, and then look to wiki to see if that species has any specific measurements typical for them. For example red wolves, which Dawali is, are typically smaller, leaner, with thinner fur. If you want to go by grey wolf I'd say north america weight is perhaps the better number, since the only thing mentioned from canada is the extreme weight (also as you say yourself, larger animals often comes with lower temperatures, and we're not on the tundra).

Throwing javelins, i.e. the Olympics and such, are the thin, pointed sticks you are describing. [html]They are not fighting weapons; those things will splinter and break unless you're making a very thick one... Actual fighting javelins are very similar to spears, as seen here[/html]. Spears are still very long and hazardous to use in fashions other than pointing and stabbing because you could pluck your own eye out. >_> I can't say for sure, but I believe bo staves are made of generally thicker wood or something harder to splinter and break than spears or javelins (since those are stabby weapons and bo staves are made to be smacked around powerfully) but I couldn't confirm that for sure. If you wanted a pointed-edge bo staff, it would not only be uncommon but extremely dangerous to use in the same way that spears are--you could really hurt yourself, but I suppose you could learn how to control that. You can also see [html]how much shorter bo staves are here[/html]. A spear minus the spearhead at the top makes a staff and a difference in length, so.

At least in fiction, javelins and spears were commonly used by horseback riders to stab things as they went by. -shrug-

I intended them primarily for throwing, anyways. After all, lone wolves don't commonly have much luck with hunting large game, and she doesn't need a melee weapon for hunting rabbits and such. Besides, I don't like staves... Bad experiences playing around with them in real life... Nearly broke my own kneecap playing with my dad's old one. XD I'll go be more specific with thwe javelins! ^_^

For weight I'm thinking somewhere between fifty and sixty pounds? What say you?

I've been playing around with photoshop and Kiri's easter gift to everyone (XD), and I'm considering addding some tattoos to her, but I'm not sure. I'll post up the two lupus avvies I'm workign on tomorrow, as they're on the computer in my fourth block class... I'm not sure though. The tattoos would be a more vibrant, blu-er blue than her eyes, and they look good against her fur, but, I'm not sure. And I'm not very good at smudging markings in, so, they're a bit iffy, but I'm giving it serious consideration. XD If I did, they'd be simple. The top of her muzzle, curvign down to cover her chin, but leaving the sides of her face her normal color, her ears, and maybe a ring around her right fore leg, and two rings on both her left hind leg and her tail tip...

I keep thinking there's something wrong with the whole "new posts" icon on this subforum, but I think it's just me who forgets to scroll the whole way down to check it out - sorry :/

between fifty and sixty pounds should fit your character better, yes!

And for tattoos - I like tattoos. But instead of just adding them, perhaps you should plot out that your character gets them while you play her here? Of course it's easier to just add them before you join with her, but it can give you some easy thread plots to instead have her get them on 'souls. That way, you can also plot towards whether she has a deeper meaning with the tattoos, and what brings her to find something special in it.

So instead of just having them or just adding them, you can find out 1) what would the tattoo be? 2) why? 3) why is it important? - which then gives you 4) the plot to make it important. The whole process adds lots of depth to your charrie, almost gives you free thread plots - and it's not like it's hard to find someone to plot with here on the board!

Someone (I can't remember who) supplied me with the proper word. I had meant dyes. As in dyed-on markings, not tattoos. ^_^;; My bad. Anyways, Im narrowing it down to just her muzzle and ears, and I'm gonna make it a family thing. I don't like roleplaying such trivial things. It's just me.

Later the same day>>>

Okies. I made the dye markings afamily thing, and even changed her history to be cooler. XD

I really like what you have so far. At the moment you have a better overall description of your character than many characters active on this board. I'm looking forward to see that character in action.

(is useless)

Thanks! *Uses single spare moment in fourth block to hop on 'Souls.* Now I must go... *Cries*

I don't know if this is allowed, but I was reading this and was interested.. maybe I can help with the weapons issue? Feel free to delete this and spank me if I'm out of line, just seems everyone's a little lost.

First of all, speed and agility are -great- traits for, as has been said, a feral form - i.e. staying in Lupus and slashing/gnawing things to bits. If you want her to be able to hunt and have her be agile/fast but not too strong, that is definitely the way to go. In a feral form, she wouldn't have to be strong (that is, wouldn't have to deliver hard blows) if she could deliver many quick blows (creating a cumulative effect, basically).

That said, if you like weapons for such a character, daggers are fabulous, as are shuriken, particularly hira-shuriken. The latter can be used as both throwing and melee weapons, and are lightweight (good for lesser strength) and don't require draw-back such as bows or crossbows do. I'm not entirely sure of how much strength it takes to throw them, but I do know that I can throw one and successfully stick it in wood, so your character should be fine hunting with them - I'm not incredibly strong.

The really nice thing about those shuriken, by the way, is that they have such a variety of uses (read the linked article) so it could make for great threads, especially featuring odd ways of hunting (one could be embedded in the ground, as is mentioned, then a rabbit scared towards it to be injured and disabled by it.. funny plot if someone else were to step on it first, haha) so yeah, very versatile, useful weapon.

Another great weapon that the Japanese have come up with: kunai. These are great weapons that can be used as a stabbing weapon (like a dagger), a throwing weapon, or a swinging weapon (note the ring at the top). They are also versatile, and they would "grow with her" so to speak, if she were to develop more strength. It might be questionable where she would have gotten these, but as Japanese and Chinese martial arts have become highly popular in the US and Canada, she probably could have found them somewhere along the way, especially if she fought, since they would have needed to find weapons somewhere most likely, and an old armory/whatever for a martial arts school would have been a great place for that (since they have swords, spears, polearms, staves, daggers, various small thrown weapons, etc).

As a note, the "actual javelin" displayed is more like an partisan or a type of pike (please note that both of these weapons are spears, not javelins), which were never meant to be thrown weapons. However, a javelin, seen here and here, is a much smaller, more lightweight spear, meant for throwing.

At any rate, any spear, or even a half-spear (such as a half-pike) would require some amount of strength. A spear would be more realistic, if either, than a javelin, as javelins -are- thrown, and thus are weighted. They are very heavy and difficult to wield. A spear would be more realistic, though you'd want something smaller, not like a guandao (literally a polearm, it's basically a sword on a stick). A small-tipped spear, such as a guanyin and a small spear like this.

If you're really set on a spear, you might want to consider a very small-tipped spear with the wooden bit cut in half.. basically making it a smaller, lighter spear. It would be a melee weapon, of course.

Something to think about is that a melee weapon is sort of goofy for hunting.. are you going to have her run up to a deer and poke it with a spear? A thrown weapon is the more logical for hunting. Alternately, for fighting, a thrown weapon would make minimal sense - once you throw it, you're shit out of luck. A melee weapon is a better idea for a warrior-type character, unless she's going to have impeccable aim with her thrown weapons.

An extra note - while you do have to be strong to use a bow, it's really more of endurance than strength. Honestly, I am not strong, and my legs are stronger than my arms - I can't lift myself up with my upper body strength. But I can shoot a bow plain and clear, and hit the target eight times out of ten. I took archery at summer camp and in high school. Now, do I use a smaller bow than someone who is 5'8"? Yes. (I'm just barely 5'0" to be clear, and weigh about 160lbs) But can I use it properly and effectively? Hell yes.

Swords are also easy to find, and while a smaller one might seem more realistic, even large swords (please keep that in moderation, not talking Cloud larger) are relatively manageable. They'd probably take a little work and practice to learn, but I learned the basics of wielding a katana within a month, and I can barely wield a knife and fork at the dinner table sometimes (exaggeration.. but just barely). So.. don't limit yourself too heftily, unless you're seriously making an "Ethiopian" wolf (lol pun.. there's a such thing I think.)

With proper training, a thin ten-year-old boy can wield a sword, spear, polearm, dagger, chain weapon, just about anything. A ten-year-old boy can only be just so strong, even if he is a Shaolin monk in training. So be careful how "weak" you make your character - you don't want them unrealistically weak, or they'd be defeated too quickly if they were ever to get into a fight. Just as you don't want others to God-mode their characters winning to easily.. you don't want them to have to do the opposite in order to keep your character alive for more than one post. =/

Just some thoughts. All of this is to the best of my knowledge and research, with the help of my husband.

<3

That's.... A lot to think about. XD Thanks. But, as I pointed out, I intend to make her a loner, at least for a little while, so she wouldn't realistically be huntign deer anyway (way too much food for one female). She will, at least until she jois a pack, live mostly on rabbits, birds, fish, small stuff like that. That does give me an idea, though... *runs off to do research on amazon native fishing methods*