I'll never look back
#1
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Private Emwe.

The boy was downstairs in the living room. He missed Lexey already. After she had saved him from starvation, the hours without her were horrible and filled with emotional pain. He loved her. He bounced on the couch, slightly bored. He did not have the strength to keep up with Emwe’s puppy energy just yet. The weeks of starvation had been hard for his little body. He was a bit undersized compared to Emwe, but this would change. His ribs were not that obvious any longer, so things were going in the right direction. Lexey always made sure he ate and drunk. He felt much better. Together with nutrition and healthy love, Conor Soul had been brought back to life. The child looked up at the roof, wondering why father never bothered playing with them. He had scared the boy shitless one day when Conor walked into his bedroom. He was scared of the chocolate and cream adult. Father or not, he was very scary.

He wondered where Emwe was now! Before they had been separated, the two boys had been together every minute of the day, but it seemed they were walking in two different directions. The child jumped down from the sofa and went to the dusty book shelves. The child was still too small to understand what these things were, but he instinctively knew that they were filled up with important knowledge. He wanted it. He yawned and sat down on his not too fat bum. Bored, why was the world boring? Where was everyone? ”Daddy!” No response from upstairs. Not a surprise. ”Emwe!”

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#2
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//Emwe Soul


tar det siste verset av en sang han ikke kan

The ball of dust dodged his cunning attack as the pup's movements set air in motion, blowing the little ball away from the point he had expected it to be. Again! What a sneaky little thing. Even if Emwe knew quite well (although one could never be certain!) that it was not alive, it kept moving like that! It set his knowledge of the world to the test. He was unable to predict where the dust-ball would be, and chasing it was very hard. It seemed to always move at the right time, and it was very annoying. Of course, if he had stopped breathing out so heavily every time he landed, it would stop flying, but Emwe hadn't thought of that - in fact, he didn't quite grasp that idea just yet. Things were heavy, everything in the whole world was heavy, but that was of course only because he was weak. He didn't know that either, thus the ball of dust and its flight across the floor satisfied his needs for something to do for the time being, and probably a long time ahead as well. That is, if it hadn't been for Conor, who called for him from another room. Emwe was glad his brother was back, but he wasn't completely the same as before. He was much smaller! Or perhaps Emwe was bigger. It was hard to understand.


Trotting into the room where Conor sat, Emwe's tongue lolled out of his mouth as he sat down in front of his brother. Hies! Failing miserably at the notion of conversation, the slightly dim boy sat there, simply smiling and looking at his sibling. It didn't occur to him, for example, to ask why he'd been called, but mommy had told him that it was good to greet people, so he did. He was a good boy.



//der er de like tøysete og rare alle mann //
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#3
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He sat in silence for a few more moments before his brother arrived with in a merry trot. The boy watched Emwe. How could he be bigger than Conor? The blue eyed boy’s gaze stayed on the other puppy. They had always been identical to each other, but now Emwe looked like a big boy and Conor only little boy. The other boy was also a lot fatter than him. He could not see the obvious, that this was because he had spent a week starving while he had been alone. It was just unfair, and he was jealous of his larger brother. The puppy sat down in front of him and let his tongue roll out of his mouth in a slightly retarded manner and offered a ’Hies!’. Conor let his own pink tongue stuck out, but he did not seem to get a feeling for it. He felt silly, so his tongue withdrew quickly and he looked down at Emwe’s feet. Why did he feel so strange inside?

”Emwe why is you so big?” This seemed to really get to him, because he felt a rather heavy weight upon his shoulders, and a sad feeling in his chest. He chewed lightly on his tongue while he stared at that plump belly of his brother. He got up on all four legs and executed the distance between them, poking Emwe’s belly with a soft paw.

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#4
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Crappy post etc.

//Emwe Soul


tar det siste verset av en sang han ikke kan

Conor asked a good question. Emwe had thought about it before, but not that way. He had wondered why Conor was so small, because when he went on his adventure (although Alexey and other adults had said it had been no adventure at all, and they all made a big fuss about it), they had been the same size! It was as if his brother had shrunk while he had been gone - surely he must have, because Emwe was just as big as he had always been. He'd know if it he changed. His head was turned to an angle as he considered his brother, and when he reached otu to poke Emwe's slightly fat tummy, the boy giggled, one foot lifted as if to touch the spot which tickled, but then changing its mind and seeking the floor again. Then he tried to be smart, even though he knew that Conor was the smart one (Uncle Ly had said so once). I's not big. Why is you so small? It was a good question in his mind, and once Conor realized that his eyes were deceiving him, and it was him who had shrunk, the world would be in balance again.



//der er de like tøysete og rare alle mann //
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#5
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His brother replied to Conor’s random question, and sent the little child into deep thoughts himself. He had yet to put two and two together himself. Could it be him there was something wrong with? The Soul boy’s face turned to look at his own belly. It was true, it was he that was small. They were supposed to grow and become big just like the adults, but it seemed that Emwe had gone ahead of him on that plan. His mouth turned into a thoughtful grimace, severely disappointed with himself now when he was aware of what was wrong. He did not understand why he was smaller. It was true what Emwe said, because before Conor had gotten lost, they had been approximately the same size. Well. Emwe had a big belly, and they all got big bellies after eating, so perhaps it was because he had not eaten anything during the week he had been lost.

Conor had never regained his normal appetite after that incident. He had believed he would be crazy for food because hunger was all he had known for a while, but that had not happened. Emwe ate more food than him, which had to be the answer. The puppy hesitated for a moment before he gave a slow nod to his twin. ”I doesn’t like to be small, Emwe..” Mean people picked on small people. Daddy was mean and Conor was small. Emwe was big, and he did not seem to get into half as much trouble as his smaller sibling. It was not fair. It was not that the blue eyed puppy wanted Emwe to be hurt too, but he just did not understand why he was the only one with the bruises. ”Emwe, are dad angry on you?” It was random, but if not, then Conor had to figure out how to be like Emwe so that he could be spared.

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#6
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indentind//der kan alt gå an

//Emwe Soul


tar det siste verset av en sang han ikke kan

Emwe's gaze lingered on his brother - he seemed strange. He'd not been the same lately. No one had. Not mommy, and daddy was really weird, and Conor was just not.. so much fun anymore. Maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe it was because Alexey had scared him - maybe she had been really angry at him too? She'd been angry when she found Emwe anyways. It seemed logical to the child, as the dim boy hadn't yet attempted to get his father's attention lately, and thus hadn't really been presented with that problem as much. Alexey came by often enough, and Emwe had so much energy that running in circles and the like could entertain him fine, as long as it made him tired on time. He also did visit his mother sometimes, even if the trip was very very long (which, of course, in fact it was not). Conor had been unlucky, that way. But small people go into small spaces - I doesn't. I doesn't like small spaces, and mommy says I's fat. He had all the symptoms of someone claustrophobic, although he had no idea of what this could be. All he knew was that sometimes the walls tried to eat him, or maybe fall on him or the like, when he was in small places. Of course - it meant that he was too big, and Conor was very lucky!


Emwe tilted his head sideways as he listened to the strange question presented to him by his smaller brother. Strange boy. In Emwe's head he was unlucky to be fat, but in reality he was lucky to be daft. Not having approached his father, since he lacked the need for attention that his smaller brother had, he'd not yet been punished by their ill father, and his swinging moods. Um, well I's not talking to daddy so much! It was stated as if it was the most brilliant and fantastic solution to the problem in the world. Perhaps if Conor listened to Emwe more, everything would be allright.



//der er de like tøysete og rare alle mann //
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#7
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Ears moved to catch his brother’s words. Some did not consider Emwe a smart child, but he had some reasonable points sometimes. It made the slightly smaller boy feel more at ease. It was soothing to know that it was not all bad to be small. However, the ending words of his brother’s sentence caused his heart to drop and leak emotion. Conor was not in a position to see if a child was fat or not. All he could see was that Emwe was bigger. What pinched the little boy’s heart was that Mommy had obviously talked to Emwe. Good thing or bad thing, it did not matter. Why hadn’t their mother wanted to come see Conor as well? The blue eyed boy’s bottom lip slipped in between sharp baby teeth. Why? Whywhywhywhywhywhy?

More words rushed towards him, but daddy was forgotten for now. ”Mommy?” It was a hesitation in the little boy’s voice, as if he lacked the understanding of what the word meant. Apparently he did, because she did not love him anymore. ”Emwe’s talk with Mommy?” His little tail shivered slightly in anticipation. He wanted Emwe to say no, say that it was something he had just made up to make his smaller brother sad. Somehow, Conor was certain this was not the case. Emwe was not a cruel child.

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#8
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Word count: 174 - crappy post etc

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The boy's face lit up as Conor realized he'd mentioned mommy. Yes! He'd found mommy, when he was walking around on his own - he'd tracked her because he was a good boy with a good nose! She had said he would be one of the best ones in the whole world, and whatever she said was true. There was not a glimmer of doubt in his mind. It had felt as if he'd walked very far, but in reality it wasn't that big a distance. He didn't know if she was there all the time, though. Sometime her smell wasn't there, and sometimes it was. Maybe she went on adventures, but the boy didn't know. She hadn't come here to daddy's place anyway. Mommy! Standing up now, his tail was wagging in happiness - mommy made him happy, and thinking of her did too. Probably because she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I's found her in a house - my nose did it! I walked and then I found her!


Table by Sace/Hemming. Thanks! Big Grin
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#9
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Why was Emwe so happy and not Conor! It was unfair, so unfair! As his brother’s face lit up in a happy expression, Conor reacted with a counter face, misery shining plainly through. Why did mommy live in another house and not this house? Was it because Conor lived here again and she did not like him? The little boy wanted to understand, but he failed at doing so. To him, it was plain that his mother did not wish to see him, and he had made her go away. ”Why..” The boy could feel his throat tighten up, and his eyes became slightly watery. ”Why isn’t she lives here with us anymore..” No one cared to explain, no one cared! Conor was sad, and no one was helping him. Emwe said things that he did not know, but if he could have chosen to know or live without these facts, he would have chosen the latter one. It hurt, knowing that his mother did not care. ”She no likes me?” It was unfair to put this on his brother, but the Soul boy was upset and wanted to be comforted by positive answers.
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#10
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Word count: 174 - crappy post etc

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His brother was plainly not satisfied - either with his own answers or something beyond that which he did not understand. The two were mirrors of each other, only visibly distinguished by the color of their eyes and the fact that Conor was a little bit smaller. Now one of them shone with happiness and the other with misery. Emwe's face turned downwards as some of the sadness reached out for him from the other boy, touching him gently. Mommy hadn't really explained that much why she did not live her anymore. It made him sad, too, but at least he knew where she was. Mommy said because daddy is angry and pack is angry. Maybe Alexi? His suggestions were a little right on, but a lot off, yet they sounded good in his head. It seemed to him that mommy had gone, and then Alexey had taken her place. Perhaps mommy did not like that?


........The smaller of the two suggested another solution, but at that Emwe shook his head vigorously. No no no, mommy asked about Conor. Asked about how he was and stuff. She likes you. Somewhere in his heart the boy wanted to heal whatever pains his brother was going through, wanted him to be as carelessly content as himself. He did not realize that in all probability this could never be done by him alone.


Table by Sace/Hemming. Thanks! Big Grin
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#11
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Their current family situation was too messy for such young minds to understand. All he could see and feel was abandonment, and it hurt. It hurt so much, but no one seemed to be able to explain to him exactly what was going on. Some individuals had tried, but failed as he simply did not understand why things did not work. Parents were meant to be together with their children and that was it. The fact that Emwe had been with their dame and not Conor really hurt, although the explanation behind it really was not all that complicated. Emwe’s words made some sense, and perhaps it was true? Daddy was so scary so he had scared mommy away. That theory seemed sensible, and the boy felt additional hurt enter his system, and would make sure to turn that against his father in the future.

The boy’s tail wagged slowly behind him as Emwe did his best to cheer him up. Still, if she liked him, why did she not come see him? Daddy was not around all the time, so the boy could not understand why she could not come when he was not there. Conor’s thoughts went right back to Emwe’s previous words, finally taking in that Alexey too seemed to be blamed for his mother’s disappearance. ”Lexey no mean only nice.” and a better mother than his biological one to be honest, but the boy did not say this out loud. Emwe did not seem to worship Alexey like he did, and the little boy wondered why this was. ”Lexey Bestest.” the boy determined, adding a new surname to the pack’s puppy sitter.

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