06-23-2008, 12:48 PM
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Occasionally, he found himself forgetting about his apparent ailment; Conri's suggestion of a visit didn't seem so bad until he remembered exactly why he'd become so isolated in the first place. He knew he owed it to them to at least make one trip out there, to let them know that he was okay if they really were worrying so much. But though Ryoujoku seemed to have stopped physically manifesting and even though the echos of his laughing voice had become a bit less frequent, the hybrid was still terrified of the monstrous possibilities that resided within himself, especially since he knew that women and children were not immune to his potential violence. The bitter taste of blood still greeted him at the thought and the half-memory; what if it happened again? What if, what if? Maybe it was completely unlikely, but Laruku wasn't ever going to rule it out completely. He would always be a sick man.
So he gave a vague, noncommittal nod, not expecting Conri to understand, but not expecting him to question it either. He could not live with them. Maybe a quick visit wouldn't kill anyone, but he refused to take up any sort of permanent residence surrounded by unsuspecting others. At least here, with only Ahren and Jasper around, they knew to not hesitate in seriously fighting him off if it came to it. Was he happy like this? He'd given up on trying to define what that was a long time ago, and now, contentedness was all he needed. And he was content, most of the time, to wander alone where he could hurt no one but himself. He was okay. He was okay. People needed to stop thinking that he wasn't (even if they were, possibly, right). Maybe it was a lonely existence, but he was okay. And they were fine without him. Fine, fine, fine.
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Occasionally, he found himself forgetting about his apparent ailment; Conri's suggestion of a visit didn't seem so bad until he remembered exactly why he'd become so isolated in the first place. He knew he owed it to them to at least make one trip out there, to let them know that he was okay if they really were worrying so much. But though Ryoujoku seemed to have stopped physically manifesting and even though the echos of his laughing voice had become a bit less frequent, the hybrid was still terrified of the monstrous possibilities that resided within himself, especially since he knew that women and children were not immune to his potential violence. The bitter taste of blood still greeted him at the thought and the half-memory; what if it happened again? What if, what if? Maybe it was completely unlikely, but Laruku wasn't ever going to rule it out completely. He would always be a sick man.
So he gave a vague, noncommittal nod, not expecting Conri to understand, but not expecting him to question it either. He could not live with them. Maybe a quick visit wouldn't kill anyone, but he refused to take up any sort of permanent residence surrounded by unsuspecting others. At least here, with only Ahren and Jasper around, they knew to not hesitate in seriously fighting him off if it came to it. Was he happy like this? He'd given up on trying to define what that was a long time ago, and now, contentedness was all he needed. And he was content, most of the time, to wander alone where he could hurt no one but himself. He was okay. He was okay. People needed to stop thinking that he wasn't (even if they were, possibly, right). Maybe it was a lonely existence, but he was okay. And they were fine without him. Fine, fine, fine.
It's hard to explain,he said finally.
But I'd bring more trouble than its worth if I went to Twilight Vale.It wasn't a question of happiness at all, though he didn't really want to say that he would probably feel the same vague, empty contentedness no matter where he was at this point.