[html]
AW, the border of the Quartz Shoreline and the Dampwoods.
It seemed like it had been raining for forever already. The dirt was soft and soggy all over the forest, and the leaves rustled and dripped with water now and again when birds landed and took off. Today, the sky was blanketed with a solid grey, and the air was cold. Low thunder rumbled in the distance at irregular intervals; it would rain again in the afternoon, most likely, but it was still only mid-morning. He found it somewhat odd though, that it should be raining so much, especially since a fire had ravaged the lands only months ago. Maybe it was penance. He'd lived through a flood before, but he didn't remember it very well anymore.
It was a pretentious peace that he had found because he didn't trust himself to judge his own thoughts anymore. Maybe he really had accepted everything; maybe not. The fact was that he was apathetic, and no one really ascended into apathy. They could only descend into it. Or walk sideways into it. Laruku walked along the edge of the forest and looked out into the ocean. It was a foreign and unfamiliar beach still, and still no desire to explore or know it gripped him. The waves were angry and high, smashing down on the shore like monsters, and then dragging their claws back, racking up all of the debris that they themselves had thrown onto the sand. It was hypnotic to watch, but it was also easy to hypnotize someone who wasn't really paying attention to anything else.
[/html]
[html] -Kiri thread thief!-
Things were only growing more complicated as time passed on, much more than he had ever expected. Pups, people losing their minds and committing unspeakable acts. Attacks and fights and missing members. It was almost to much. The thought of those waiting back in Twilight Vale for him were what kept the young Leader going though. They were all the reason that he needed to try and never give up. Wrapped in bandages from chest to stomach, the young hybrid made his way quietly through the trees, weaving his way in and out as he went. He was on two legs as he went along, finding it far more painful to walk on three with broken ribs.
It wasn't until he made his way more toward the ocean that the realization hit him, a familiar scent that hadn't graced his nose since before the fire. Moving away from the inner parts of the forest, Conri followed the scent to the very edge, where he found what he thought might be a ghost. "You're alive." It was a simple statement, though the young Leader couldn't hide the surprise that came with his voice. Why would Conri be surprised? It was simple, he had always looked up to Laruku, always thought that the older male would be there when people needed him, so why hadn't he sought out his Clouded Tears family to make sure they were okay? Conri didn't know what more to say.
|
[/html]
[html]
Everything was subjective. Even things that should be facts, that should be self-evident, were dependent on perspective and perception with plenty of leeway in definitions. "Alive" was thus very much a matter of opinion. Iskata had not considered him alive, and most of the time, Laruku would be inclined to agree with her. The coyotewolf had not heard the other male approach but did not immediately react when spoken to either. Instead, he turned his head slowly and looked up at Conri from his seated position at the edge of the damp grass. Dried blood and bandages were a familiar smell, but it bothered him that the scent was coming from someone other than himself. Vaguely, he remembered the then-boy's admittance of his father's execution. Blood seemed to stain everyone's hands at one point or another.
If you say so, was the older, scarred up canine's quiet reply, but he didn't linger on it. What happened to you? Laruku was stubborn in his belief that he was not needed. In his belief, he knew that Conri could take care of himself, that he and Naniko were fine with the pack they had created together, and that his presence was utterly unnecessary. But that didn't mean that he didn't believe that unfortunate things would happen to them. Clearly they could and had. Most likely, there was nothing he could do, but the hybrid had been an alpha for too long to not be concerned now. It was so easy to be apathetic when he was so far removed, but it seemed that no matter what he did and what he chose to believe, he would always be a fool.
[/html]
[html] Conri was always one to think that Laruku was just quiet and withdrawn, perhaps from the stress of life and Leadership. Of course, that was mostly because he hadn't the faintest idea of what really went on in Laruku's life, only what he could see from the outside. When did Laruku ever really let anyone in? Bracing his hand against one of the tree stumps, Conri began a careful descent to the ground, groaning quietly the moment that he had to lean forward to keep himself from falling. Settling there, he disregarded Laruku's depressing comment, bringing the hand that previously pressed against the tree to settle against his leg. "Inferni." He really didn't need to say more, he supposed, though it was mostly due to his own stupidity.
It was suddenly a hard thing for the young Leader, a feeling that he simply didn't like, and he turned his head away from Laruku to gaze out across the beach. "You didn't even look for us?" He questioned then, a painful thing to think but even more painful to ask. Just like the rest of them, the men that Conri had to look up to in his life, they all disappeared or they were fakes. His father, Noah..and now Laruku? "I thought you died back there because we never found you and you never found us.." And, perhaps, Laruku did die back there, a long long time ago. Conri was just to blind to see it.
|
[/html]
[html]
Inferni. It was always Inferni. He knew there had been other conflicts in the past, but in all the years he had been around, it seemed like the coyotes were the only ones to repeatedly antagonize. The own war he had led had been entirely his fault, and he was lucky, perhaps, that he had only been against Segodi's reign. Kaena would have been a much more frightful enemy, and he imagined that Gabriel was just as bad, or even worse. It was strange to think that in another time, Laruku might have been considered the man's stepfather, but in their chaotic and strife-filled timeline, those sorts of crossovers in blood and relationships meant little to nothing. The only family he had in Inferni was Rachias, as far as he knew, and Arkham if he ever did make it out alive. And they, were they fighting against Conri in whatever conflict they were caught up in? He wasn't sure if the answer even mattered.
The tattered male could hear the hurt in the other's voice. Guilt was a funny thing. He knew couldn't go back, even if it came to this, even if it meant hurting Conri more now, because in the end, things would only worsen if he asserted himself. I heard you, he said, red eyes also turned towards the ocean. I knew you were okay. And that was the truth, though Laruku wasn't sure if would have done anything if he hadn't heard them. If the forest had remained silent in the days after the fire, he would have likely just blamed himself while simultaneously not looking for anyone. Hiding. Skirting responsibility like he always had, and somehow, he might have convinced himself that they had simply fled to a different area, and that they were fine and doing perfectly well, if not better, without him.
I should have died back there, he thought of telling the other, but he had dumped his personal woes on enough other people already. Conri had his own problems, clearly, so why overburden him with those buried tragedies? You've all grown up, the hybrid continued instead, You don't need me anymore. (They never needed you, darlin', they never did.)
[/html]
[html] Laruku had been one of the few constants in his life. Even since he was a child, the older male had always been there, lurking about in the depths of Clouded Tears somewhere. Before the fire, if anyone had told Conri that Laruku was leaving, giving up, Conri would have laughed in their face. Now though? The younger male didn't know exactly what to think. Was the fire just an easy excuse to not have to take responsibility for a pack any longer? Ears flattened a moment at the thought as jade eyes danced across the beach. Maybe it was and maybe Conri put to much faith in others. Maybe, one day, he would end up just like the broken male near him.
"We didn't know if you were okay.." He commented quietly, feeling his stomach suddenly twist. Because, even if Laruku didn't want to admit it or simply didn't want it at all, there were still people that cared about him. "Didn't know if you even made it out.." The words came grimly, shaking his head once. He could feel himself tearing up. Breathing in sharply, Conri took a moment to gather himself before finally speaking up again. "Naniko and I have a place southwest of here. Twilight Vale, we've called it." He wasn't even sure if Laruku cared to know. "About ten members strong now." Somehow, somewhere, Conri hoped that Laruku might be proud of him. Who else did he had to be proud of him?
"Just because we've grown doesn't mean we don't need you.." He paused a moment, finally turning his head to face the older male. "Or that we don't want you around.." Conri already knew that it would never happen though. If Laruku wanted anything to do with their pack or their home, since he knew they were fine already, he would've shown up. "We know less about the world than you think. Not even two months in and I've already started a war.." Was it a war? Would Inferni attack?
|
[/html]
[html]
Most people -- including, apparently, Conri -- seemed to have considered his long reign over the pack as proof of his responsibility, his dedication, or his loyalty. Of course the truth was not so respectable, but all the same, Laruku still found it difficult to explain to himself why he had stayed as long as he had. Initially, it had simply seemed like there had been no one else to take his place should he go. Even as the months rolled by, it never seemed like there was anyone else he could leave in his stead. After a while, the alphaship became a burden that he did not wish to place upon anyone else; who deserved that sort of curse? And as time continued, it was mostly that he had lost interest in the rest of the world and the pack was all he had left. He had stayed for himself more than anything else. There was no nobility in his actions at all.
Conri's sentiments reminded him very much of Iskata's, though the hybrid found himself feeling more guilty than he had with his cousin, perhaps because the male was younger, or perhaps because he knew less about his own issues. Laruku closed his eyes and sighed quietly, breathing outward slowly. He supposed he had known all along that he couldn't hide forever, not if he was going to be "apathetic" enough to stay in the general area. I'm sorry, he said, But you're wrong, Conri. You really don't need me. For these good-hearted people, the tawny coyotewolf doubted that he could ever convince them that he was not worth caring about, and it was hard for him to decide between telling them exactly why they shouldn't look up to him and just not bothering to burden them with the knowledge. It was very hard.
Did you start the war? Or is it Gabriel picking fights? he wondered with sincere curiosity and concern. Ten members strong in two months, I'd say you and Naniko are doing fine. Fuck Gabriel. He cursed, but his tone of voice never really changed. Laruku opened his eyes again, but did not look at the other. The waves kept crashing angrily on the beach. You're doing better than I ever did, Conri. And the truth was that he was proud. But Conri had only ever done good things, it seemed. Even a stranger would be proud. You know how I started a war? Laruku asked in an even softer voice, I got drunk and killed someone. The words were there before he could think, but he was done regretting things already. Acceptance didn't make them any easier to swallow though.
[/html]
[html] In Conri's head it would have been nice to have someone to turn to for advice. The situation that he was in with Naniko, leading Twilight Vale, he really didn't have anyone to look to. Certainly advice could come from friends and he had even gone to them on occasion for a little bit of insight, but it was nothing like what he supposed Laruku could offer. He had experience with it all, he knew what the hard times and the good times were alike, and Conri expected that he would be able to help them, at least a little. It could have been as simple as finding Laruku to speak with him whenever he had questions or needed advice. Now, though, the young Leader wasn't sure if he should treat the meeting as if it would be the last that they ever had.
"How would you know?" The words stung his tongue, though they came out more sadly than anything. It was true, though. How did Laruku know? He hadn't been around to see what they had done or what they needed or how things were going or anything. Conri, obviously, wasn't in the best of shape either. Bandaged up and broken. Flattening his ears slightly, Conri turned his head away once more, ready to continue listening to the words that Laruku had to offer while he still had the chance to hear them.
He was going to speak, to explain to the older male what had started the fight between he and the Inferni Leader, but the words that came pouring from his mouth washed those thoughts away. Iskata, the things that she had told him that day. Turning his head slowly, he eyed Laruku for a quiet moment. "DaVinci's father?" He questioned then, voice low. Iskata had told him that Laruku had gone and killed him and, while Conri would likely not be able to have done so himself, he understood. "Iskata told me about it.." It would be easy to label someone a murderer just by their admission of killing someone, but to know who they murdered and why turned it into a different story. That was Conri assuming they were talking about the same occasion, though. "I found one of them near out borders and went to Inferni to tell them to stay away.." Sounded quite odd, when he thought about it.
|
[/html]
[html]
No, was the hybrid's reply at Conri's guess. Voltaire's death was not what had begun the war; indeed, it might have been more fitting to say that the silver coyote had been what ended it. Instead, it had been someone far less deserving, and a perfect stranger. It was someone else. I never got his name. The admission tasted strange in his mouth; he was fairly certain that he had only ever told one other person about Janus's murder -- and it had indeed been murder, not vengeance or retribution or punishment, just murder, plain and simple. I'd been on Lightning Bay, and I'd been angry and drunk out of my mind. There's no excuse about it -- this guy didn't do anything except talk to me. Laruku expected the laughter to ring up in his head, but the voice was surprisingly quiet now.
How many people did that war kill? Two? Three? Including Iskata's first mate? And why? Because I couldn't deal with my own problems without alcohol? The coyotewolf surprised himself with his continued words; it seemed like forever since he'd said so much to anyone, whether it had been a dull, obligatory conversation, a confession, or otherwise. Tarnishing his own image before Conri's eyes seemed too easy to do; he wondered what the younger male must think of him now. He wondered if he still wanted advice or help or whatever it was they still seemed to expect of him. He wondered if all of those expectations would ever completely melt away, and if they did, would he miss them? It was so easy to let himself down and to berate himself for everything, but in the end, when everyone knew he had never been what they thought, how would that feel?
Laruku never turned away from looking at the sea; it was just easiest to look at something that didn't look back. You didn't do anything wrong here. Gabriel has always been too paranoid and antagonistic for his own good. Keep your people away yourself and if Inferni is still hunting you down, then appeal to the other packs established because the coyotes are obviously the ones tooting the war drums. In the end, you still outnumber them. The hybrid closed his eyes again, only partially aware of the fact that he was indeed giving advice just after he'd asserted his own uselessness. It was troublesome perhaps, that he did indeed still care for all of those whom he wished would leave him behind. Life never could be simple though, could it?
[/html]
[html] His mind wrapped around the words offered to him, however shocking they were, and as hard as he tried his mind couldn't generate anything for his mouth to relay. Everyone made mistakes, right? It was true, but some mistakes were unforgivable. Brows furrowed and ears flattened, fighting with himself on what to think or say. Did this make Laruku just like the very thing that he hated? Just like the coyotes that Conri was so ready to go up in arms against? Finally, shaking his head, he turned his eyes back to Laruku again. "Then I guess you have to live with it.." But he was sure the older male already knew that. It was obvious to him, rather suddenly, that he was still nothing like anyone in Inferni. He actually cared about the bad that he had done, but it still didn't change the fact that he had done it.
Signing, Conri shook his head once more. "But we don't outnumber them.." He finally admitted, no matter how much he didn't want to. "Three pups no more than three months old, two more that might as well be pups.." Because they were all still so young. "And me.." It was spoken quietly, sadly. "I can't protect them Laruku.." It was the sad truth. He couldn't even hold his own against one of them, how was he supposed to protect his family from all of them? "One of the other packs is already at war with them, but I can't support them.." He wanted so badly to be able to explain it but there was so little that he really knew about what had happened.
"It's just a big mess.." A new mess, even, and he was already tired of it. "Attacking and killing and raping each other.. I don't want to get them twisted up in all of that.." And at that moment, he hoped, Laruku might see why exactly Conri felt like he needed him.
|
[/html]
[html]
Laruku had given up trying to be a saint a long time ago. He'd only inherited eyes from his mother; everything else, all of his madness, all of his hatred, all of his sins were so easily derived from his father, the crazy one-time leader buried within Inferni history. His birth in itself had been just another chapter in the long history of violent Inferni-Clouded Tears relations, and now, even as the former members of his pack were forced to find a new home and adopt a new name, the conflict remained. Laruku did not want to be needed, was convinced that he wasn't (even if Conri insisted otherwise), but then why did he feel so compelled to reassure the younger male now? To give "advice"?
Not as a pack, maybe, but if Inferni is going to be so insistent on keeping racial prejudices, then certainly you can find allies in other wolves. Another pack was also at war simultaneously? He wondered who it was. Cercelee's scent had given a location close to Inferni's. It seemed that both his ex-packmates and his family the Sadiras were all at war with the coyotes then. Of course that would be the case. That was always the case. You can't isolate yourself in these sorts of situations. Move your pack closer to the other if you have to, or ask that they rally where you are. You can help them if they can help you. Inferni has been able to unify the coyotes, even behind a mostly wolf leader. You should be able to manage the same. You do outnumber them.
Words tumbled out of his mouth before he thought about them, but he couldn't help but wonder if any of his advice was worth heeding. What decisions had he ever made that were worthy of praise? He hadn't handled his own war well. He hadn't handled his own goddamn life well. What credibility could he possibly have?
[/html]
[html] It was a fact that he would have to face fairly soon and he knew it in the back of his mind. Either they would have to team up with Dahlia or they would have to fend for themselves against Inferni. What Haku had done though, whether he could remember or not, was something that Conri felt strongly against. It didn't even seem like he cared what he had done, both to that mother and child and to the woman that he had raped. Whenever something like that came up all Conri could do was think about his own mother, the way that he had found her that day, broken and beaten in the dirt. It had driven her mad to the point that she couldn't even care for her children. To the point that she had run away from everything and Conri never really had gotten her back.
"But do I give up everything that I stand for just so we'll be stronger against them?" Just the thought of it plagued his mind and twisted his stomach. In his mind, Haku was no better than Inferni. He would have fit in with them quite well, actually, and it would have made things easier in the long run. He couldn't imagine backing them up or even going to them for support, it wasn't something he could fathom. "They're both in the wrong, and maybe we are also, but not like that.." Despite how much he hated the coyotes, Conri was forever a pacifist, wanting only to keep his own family safe. He didn't need to lose them to the coyotes just like he had lost his mother to them.
"I can't go to the other packs and ask them to stand behind us in a war that is not theirs.." To his knowledge, Twilight Vale and Dahlia were the only two packs that had any kind of dealings with Inferni thus far. "And I can't support a rapist in a war that they may have very well started.." Well, he could, and it seemed like that was what everything was coming to.
|
[/html]
[html]
You could run away, he suggested quietly. Take everyone and find somewhere else, far from here. When fighting could only end in an inevitable loss and when you were unwilling to sacrifice principle for safety, then what else was there really to do? Integrity and pride were costly things to keep sometimes. It wouldn't be cowardly. I'm not sure that Inferni would ever give into reason. It was the pessimist in him speaking perhaps, but from what Laruku knew of Gabriel, if he thought he was right, then there was no stopping him from anything. You have to decide what's most important to you in the end It wasn't something the coyotewolf could tell him. He probably didn't know what he would do in such a situation.
It could very well be the other packs' fight though. If Inferni went after you for a flimsy reason, then it's easy to conclude that they could do so to anyone else in the future. Maybe in the end, it was Gabriel's ultimate plan to rid the area of wolves entirely. It wouldn't be unlike him. It wouldn't be unlike his mother. I don't know, Laruku told him, I don't have the answers to anything.
[/html]
[html] It was true. They could run away and never look back. What would that prove though? What kind of person would he be if he could just uproot his whole pack and move on because he was to proud to team up with Dahlia, no matter the reason he didn't want to? "I can't just run.." He said finally, shaking his head and casting his eyes back out across the ocean. "If someone doesn't stand up to them, they'll never stop." He finally concluded, though it was likely that they wouldn't stop either way. "I'm not going to let Twilight Vale end up like my mother's pack did. Forced off in to some other land that they hate. Look what happened to them.." They were gone, had been for quite some time.
"Besides.." He paused for a moment, taking in a deep breath. "Naniko is expecting." Which only made a fight far more dangerous, but Twilight Vale was the place that they wanted to raise a family. It was the place that they had worked so hard to make home. "We can't just leave." They could, but Conri wouldn't let it happen. Whether or not Laruku had all the answers, he had provided enough for words Conri to come to his own answer. They would do what they needed to do when the time came. "What about you?" He asked then, suddenly curious. "Just roaming?"
|
[/html]
[html]
If it wasn't morals and principles hindering people one way, then it was another. To ally with those you believed to be corrupt or to uproot an entire family? Values versus values, and even as Conri began to speak, Laruku knew he had already made his decision. And the hybrid did not really believe that Inferni could ever be crushed completely. Distantly, he recalled a conversation with a man named Skoll, who had considered it the best tactic to try and crush the entirety of the clan and get it over with. Such a goal of genocide would never be well looked upon though, regardless of Inferni's misdeeds, and a small group of crusaders could not hope to wipe out such an extensive family. Someone would always survive, and that someone would undoubtedly carry on the legacy of his clan. It didn't matter how many people riled together for their destruction. As long as there were a few sympathizers or pacifists or optimists that believed in peace, then Inferni would never die.
You'll be fine then, was all Laruku could come up with, but he believed in that, for the while. And congratulations. Another generation growing up already, and the scarred, tawny male once again felt old. His fourth birthday was in a month and a half, which meant his own children were nearing their first. It had been a thousand lifetimes since everything had happened, and he was just watching the sun rise and fall each day with no real concept of time. It was a strange, empty existence. I suppose, he said, I've stuck around these forests is all. Haven't really explored this place all that much. Perhaps there was a bitterness in his voice, but he couldn't tell. Still, this wasn't home. He didn't really want it to be.
[/html]
[html] "You should come and visit." Conri concluded after a quiet moment, drawing his gaze back down the beach. "I think Naniko might be happy to see you." And Conri wasn't quite up for trying to drag a pregnant woman all around the lands trying to find their old Alpha. "Or, if you ever get tired of this place, you could stay in Twilight Vale. Not even as a pack member, just as a friend." Especially when winter came, he supposed, since they hadn't quite experienced a winter in the new lands. If the weather back in Bleeding Souls was any sign, he supposed the winters in this area would prove to be just as rough.
"Unless you're happy here, of course.." But the words came with a hint of curiosity. Was he happy here? Had he been living his life in a pack where he was just simply unhappy? The young leader wasn't sure, nor was he quite fond of the idea that it could be true. There had to be something about Clouded Tears or the members of the pack that he had enjoyed, at least a little bit.
|
[/html]
[html]
Occasionally, he found himself forgetting about his apparent ailment; Conri's suggestion of a visit didn't seem so bad until he remembered exactly why he'd become so isolated in the first place. He knew he owed it to them to at least make one trip out there, to let them know that he was okay if they really were worrying so much. But though Ryoujoku seemed to have stopped physically manifesting and even though the echos of his laughing voice had become a bit less frequent, the hybrid was still terrified of the monstrous possibilities that resided within himself, especially since he knew that women and children were not immune to his potential violence. The bitter taste of blood still greeted him at the thought and the half-memory; what if it happened again? What if, what if? Maybe it was completely unlikely, but Laruku wasn't ever going to rule it out completely. He would always be a sick man.
So he gave a vague, noncommittal nod, not expecting Conri to understand, but not expecting him to question it either. He could not live with them. Maybe a quick visit wouldn't kill anyone, but he refused to take up any sort of permanent residence surrounded by unsuspecting others. At least here, with only Ahren and Jasper around, they knew to not hesitate in seriously fighting him off if it came to it. Was he happy like this? He'd given up on trying to define what that was a long time ago, and now, contentedness was all he needed. And he was content, most of the time, to wander alone where he could hurt no one but himself. He was okay. He was okay. People needed to stop thinking that he wasn't (even if they were, possibly, right). Maybe it was a lonely existence, but he was okay. And they were fine without him. Fine, fine, fine.
It's hard to explain, he said finally. But I'd bring more trouble than its worth if I went to Twilight Vale. It wasn't a question of happiness at all, though he didn't really want to say that he would probably feel the same vague, empty contentedness no matter where he was at this point.
[/html]
|
