<3 This got kinda long, sorry~~ WC: 702
Courage? Coli managed a half-smile, twisted with a bitter edge. She had wanted to be brave back then, but it had failed utterly. The few relatives she managed to warn -- cousin Cercelee, auntie Mew, cousin Firefly -- had rejected or ignored her story. They had all lectured her on being loyal to the pack, not sowing seeds of dissent among their ranks. And when Conor and Emwe were born, she finally bowed to the pressure and did not move to help them, even when she learned her father was abusing the boys. It took all the 'courage' she had to simply flee, leaving her tail in Haku's jaws.
"If I had made any kind of difference there, maybe it could have been called courage. It was a pretty feeble effort though, bravery has never been my strong suit." Coli shrugged, trying not to dwell on the subject of Dahlia de Mai. She made a lot of mistakes there, and the one wolf she cared to see again -- Conor -- had apparently disappeared without a trace. She was starting to worry about him. "My allegiance was not to him, but... there were others I should have done more for." And it wasn't the only pack I deserted, she added silently, deciding to keep that extra facet of cowardice from Lilin for now. If her newfound sister saw her as having any courage at all, that was better than the image she carried of herself. "I don't have a home, I'm still drifting around," she admitted honestly. "Like I said, I've been a loner for a long time... I don't see myself joining a pack anytime soon, but maybe I'll claim a den somewhere around here..." She was quite taken with the bewitching Soulstorm woman, but could not make any promises to see her again soon. There was too much on her mind, too many feelings she had to sort out before she could settle down anywhere.
Coli felt Lilin's eyes on her, and it gave her an idea, albeit one that did not greatly please her. "This... isn't something I would do for anyone else, but if you're my sister, you should at least know what our father looked like..." She spoke slowly, swallowing the nervous lump in her throat. As a Lupus and an Optime, Colibri's pelt was nearly a perfect match for Haku Soul's colors, but her delicate frame and feminine curves made it obvious she was a different wolf. But her halfling form, Secui, had the same rough, beastly, wild appearance that their sire so loved, wearing that form almost exclusively. Coli had been terrified to be mistaken for her father during the Infernian wars, knowing the coyote clan would execute her on sight -- the paranoia led to her only shift in safe and secure areas, something she still carried with her. It took an effort to override the anxiety, but she comforted herself with the notion that she would only do this once.
Coli held her breath and began to shift down. The change started slowly, unfamiliar after all the seasons she had spent on two legs. Her coat thickened, dull brown fur hanging in lank ropes along her body as her braids unraveled. Her back broadened as she dropped to all fours, claws lengthening into talons that sank into the dirt. Her muzzle and skull grew thicker, coarser in design, losing the fine details that made her appear so fragile. Her vivid blue eyes were the only element that remained constant throughout the metamorphosis, piercing in their intensity. She released the breath she was holding once the changes were complete, peering up at the now-taller Lilin. If she had felt self-conscious before, it was many times worse now; she was a hideous brute in this form, all traces of femininity vanished. "He was always in this form, because of the power and intimidation it gave him," she said softly, disheartened to hear how thick and distorted her voice was. "I guess this is the closest you'll get to seeing him face to face. How fortunate for you." She tilted her head, watching curiously for any reaction. It was surely a strange encounter for them both.
