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Private: Hel
Halifax ftw? =)
It had been a fairly uneventful trip across the ocean -- if you ignored the fact that Styx absolutely hated it and the waves made him seasick -- but now they were finally on the other side, and Styx was crouching on the ground, silently thanking everything and everyone that they hadn't died out there. Never again, he told himself, would he ever venture out on the sea.
To be honest, he wasn't sure why they'd come here. Or rather, why he'd come here. He'd told himself that he'd get more customers here, if only because tattoo and piercing artists were fewer. He'd heard that the wolves on this side could be real savages sometimes. He only hoped they wouldn't be too focused on physical prowess; he knew very well he was a weakling, and he'd never have a claque around him, vying for his attention. But at least Hel didn't despise him, and she'd always protect him.
Is it okay if we go back the land route? he asked, turning his head back to look at Hel. I'd rather not set foot on a boat ever again in my life if I can help it.
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Halifax sounds good. Would you mind keeping a map of their travels?
Hel had never thought she'd make it here. It felt strange, that they had crossed the ocean and made it alive. Initially they'd planned to go with others, but Hel didn't know if she could bear their company for so long. Except for Styx and the few packs they'd met up with, she'd trekked with her mate. How strange. Mate. She glanced at him again and felt a smile coming on, but she quickly stifled it, lest she seem weak. She shouldered the knapsack and turned to him.
I hope you don't regret this. It was an unspoken apology, for dragging him here. The night before they'd left for this new land she'd told him she loved him and she took him on as mate. In a way, she knew it was a long time coming. That autumn day they'd first met felt like a day long ago, though less than a year had passed. Hel had not returned to her pack and she'd only met Fenrir once, in secret, to tell him she was fine. Her brother had asked her to come and for one brief moment she felt like leaving Styx. But eventually she'd hugged her brother and left him there.
I told you you didn't have to come with me. Connor's my business. You don't have to hang around. That journey sure seemed tough on you. Hel smiled. She didn't want him gone, of course not. But now and again she'd have to wonder if her own selfishness had brought them here. If this quest for Connor was an excuse to put as much space between her and her family as possible. So they wouldn't come and kill Styx. Kill her mate.
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Sure thing ^^
*is teh map biatch*
Regret it? Regret what? Styx would follow Hel to the ends of the earth if she asked. Even if she didn't ask, actually. Even if she, as in this case, even pointed out that he didn't have to. Because of course he had to. It hadn't taken him long to fall head over heels in love with her, and while he hadn't said anything about it -- really, he was scared that she'd push him away if he confessed to such "weakness" -- he wasn't too sure it had been invisible to her. Fortunately, she'd proposed to him herself, and he'd finally lost his virginity. He'd probably been way too awkward for her, but she'd been kind enough not to mention it.
Of course I don't regret it, he smiled, and pushed himself up to a standing position again. I couldn't very well abandon you, could I? His smile turned into a mischievous grin. I'd get eaten by bunnies without you there to protect me.
He picked up his backpack, right now containing the most important items in his life; he didn't know how he'd manage without the tools of his trade. Opening it to make sure -- again -- that no water had leaked in, he then re-buckled it tightly and swung it up on his back.
So where do we go now? It was only natural for him to ask her. She was the one with the purpose, she was the one with the wilderness survival skills -- he'd begun to snap up some things from her, of course, but he was at the most only a novice -- and she was the dominant one of them. She was in charge, simple as that, and he didn't mind it.
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Her next thread's in Dampwoods. Or do we just keep a common map?
It felt strange to remember him as he was before the crossing. In her eyes, some resolve had hardened in him that night. He was no fool and he knew what she was, and yet he had accepted her, in his life and in his bed. He'd been so shy and clumsy it was endearing. While she did not have enough experience to compare him against many, she did have to admit that sometimes, when they had been parted for several days, she had taken on lovers in exchange for information. They had been brutal, quick, flash moments of passion. Styx was slow and languid, like syrup, or some sort of stardust, coating her in it. She faintly wondered if others would be able to see it in her, the love she held for him.
Ah, yes I forget you can't hold your ground against a feather. Her tone was light and playful and it was only around him that she allowed herself such tenderness. She came to stand next to him, taller and stronger but oddly humble and her paw found his shoulder, her nose nuzzled into his neck. I know that journey wasn't to your liking. But thank you for coming with me. A flash and she could almost remember nibbling his ear to see his expression turn dazed. But no time for that now.
Hel raised her head and sniffed the air. Too close to the sea to smell anything here but sand and wet flotsam and jetsam. They would need to be more inland. One paw went to her strap to hold it, something she saw as necessary despite the security of the knapsack on her back and she bent quickly to retrieve her bow. She would need time, to fashion arrows and a fishing line. But for now they had weapons should they get attacked. We go inland and find a place to set up camp. I'll hunt something for us. It was almost flawless, the way they would settle into their roles. She would scout and hunt and protect. Styx would set up camp and make sure they were watertight. Hel knew he turned to her to leadership. She wondered if he knew she turned to him for love.
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A common map? How do you mean? Just one line for the both of them? Or should I do two different colours to indicate which one has threads? It's not like they'll go far from each other in the beginning, apart from when Styx is campsitting and she's hunting XD He's so much a house "wife".
Indeed, he'd gotten some resolve then, when she'd claimed him as hers. He'd always been hers, of course, but to have it confirmed like that made him stand prouder. She wanted him, as more than just a friend and someone to help her with menial tasks, and every time he thought of that night, his heart swelled to at least twice the size in his chest. If he'd been willing to follow her around before, it was nothing compared to now. Wild dogs -- pardon the term -- couldn't tear him from her side.
Had he been a cat, he would have purred as she came to stand close to him, burying her nose in his hair. As it was, he just smiled and leaned against her, his tail wagging a bit. You'd better make sure no feathers attack me, then, he quipped back, ear twitching a little. And you're welcome.
He took up the rolled-up blankets and canvas and strapped it to the top of his backpack. He preferred to carry them semi-separately, since you never knew when you wanted to take just one of them.
Shall we go, then? he asked, his smile still remaining. Out of habit, he waited for her to lead the way. It might -- at first -- have started out of politeness, but it had soon become an excuse for him to be able to look at her unhindered. And while he didn't have to be so secretive about it anymore, the habit remained.
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Erm... maybe a map with one colour for Hel, one for Styx and one for Hel/Styx? Or am I just being silly now?
Her hand sought his, the warmth and promise of their love. She squeezed lightly, to make sure he was there. She stood tall and proud on the shores of this new world and it was just like before, in Europe, when they'd first set out together. There was a sense of urgency, a need for curiosity she kept well hid, but also the oath that when she would return he would be there, to hold her in the night when the shadows grew long and the fear was new. When a threat of being found loomed over them. She knew, that if ever her family found them, Styx would be killed. And Hel would either die protecting him or she would be held back, to watch him die. Now, here, he was her strength and guidance and her reason to keep going on.
I'm sure I can intimidate them with my fierce growl. Her tone didn't sound light, it sounded strained, as if from something in the back of her throat. But she quickly cleared it and went on,
Yes, we shall go on. But remember this. Whatever happens in this land, I love you. And I have never doubted you. She turned to lick his muzzle before setting out, her steps quick, the touch of his hand still burning hers.
Hel had sworn to complete her task. To find Connor and complete her mission. But she would not do so at the expense of her mate. Soon, they had stepped into the forest and she stopped to wait for Styx and see what they would do from here.
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Oh, alright ^^ Yeah, that I can do. No problem.
As Hel went on ahead, Styx's smile faded as he followed her. She was really worried about something, wasn't she? But was it just his safety -- he'd managed so far, hadn't he? -- or was it something else? It worried him, too, but he knew he couldn't let his demeanour change so much that it'd worry her further. That would only start an endless circle of guilt and worry and more guilt. So instead, he smiled a bit. In case she'd look back at him.
He wanted to say something. Anything. But he couldn't really come to think of anything that wouldn't seem completely retarded. So he followed her in silence while looking around the new environment. It wasn't really that much different from the towns and cities at home, except that at home, people used the cities. This one seemed to just have been abandoned, and in a way it saddened him.
Turning back to look at Hel, he realized that she'd walked faster than him, and he hurried to catch up, doing so shortly before they left the abandoned civilization. Of course, now that they entered the wilderness, he got even more things to look at, since he was trying to see if the flora was different here than back in Europe. And so, when she stopped, he'd once more fallen a little behind and had to hurry up a bit.
Sorry, he said sheepishly. Didn't mean to make you wait.
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Thanks
Hel needed to stay focused. She needed to be calm. She needed to think. But it was getting a bit much. The crossing had indeed worn her out. And it came to her then. Here, the days were still beginning. Back home, it would be drawing to night. And Hel realised they would need time to adjust, that she and Styx would have to make an early camp and talk about their next move. It was sensible. Why rush on? She had to be rational, cool, detached, she had to think of her options.
She looked back and saw Styx coming and his apology went unanswered at first. Set up camp? Move on? Move where? Go west of here? South? They had passed that little town, a wreck, moss and broken walls, a ghost town. Her ears twitched and she fidgeted slightly. No, she needed to speak to him, she needed to know what he thought. If they were going to be a couple, if she had dragged him here she needed to know what he really thought. What had he said? Wait? Maybe she'd waited for him all her short life. And she'd wait further if he asked. And why was she thinking like this?
We have to stop here. I feel strange. Let's set up camp. We have to talk, we can't just wander. Hel turned to him and her eyes conveyed the distress her voice could not. She knew it was weakness, but now her whole being quivered with some unknown fear. She needed to hold him and be held, yes, she needed him to tell her it had been a good choice. Hel clutched her mate's arm and clung to it. To let him know of her urgency.
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Hel didn't answer. Was she upset with him? Or was she still worrying and not wanting to show him? Styx bit down lightly on his tongue as he waited for her to say something -- anything, just so he'd know what was going on. And then she finally did speak, and he at least found out she wasn't upset with him. Or at least that's what he thought.
"We have to stop here. I feel strange. Let's set up camp. We have to talk, we can't just wander."
I feel strange. Those words made Styx's ears twitch a little. For her to admit even that much, something must be seriously wrong. So he just nodded and smiled gently, nuzzling up to her and wrapping his free arm around her, his hand coming up to rest on her other shoulder.
Don't worry, cariad, he said. He liked being able to call her 'love' without having to worry about what she thought of it. Here's fine. He wasn't sure if it really was fine, of course, but for her, he'd live in an anthill. I'll be happy to sleep on solid ground again. It felt a bit strange to set camp this early in the day, but they had been up for several hours already, and overall he hadn't slept too well on the ship.
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Awww, cariad <333
Cariad. Beloved. Love. Hel felt relief washing over her, she felt calm run down from her shoulder, where his hand was, to the tips of her toes. She closed her eyes and let herself breathe. This was good, this was right, there was nothing to worry about. It was strange, how in Europe they did not fear her family this much, but here it seemed to haunt her. She could blame it on being tired, but that would mean that she had not thought this through carefully and the memory of her father's reaction to this would make her cringe. Here she was, in a foreign land, with no plan. With another who could do little to fend for himself. Whose sole protection was Hel.
She opened her eyes and turned to look at him. Here, up close, she could ignore their difference in height and she could let others let them be seen as equals. Now, here, with the sun still high and weariness digging in her bones, she just wanted them to drink some tea, eat some fruit and relax. He looked so much stronger than her and she drew closer, in one fluid movement letting the knapsack drop to the ground and slowly licking his muzzle. He smelled and tasted of the sea and underneath he tasted of everything she loved. Drawing back slightly, she smiled at him. I'll go grab some firewood for us. It shouldn't be too hard. I won't be long, älskling. Her own word for beloved. And with that, Hel ran into the forest, her ears pricked and her claws ready to kill any danger to her and her mate.
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He knew he'd said the right thing when Hel relaxed against him, and he squeezed her a bit harder and just enjoyed standing this close to her. Until she stepped back with a lick, saying she'd go get firewood. Then he nodded and smiled.
I'll take care of things here, he replied, and then watched her as she moved away.
Picking up their packs, he carried them a little to the side as he looked for a good place to dig their fire pit. Not that it was especially cold this time of year, but not only was there the issue of 'better safe than sorry' but they'd also need to fix tea and food. Maybe not tonig- today, but when they woke up later on.
Grabbing the small, foldable shovel they'd brought with them, he started clearing a small patch of grass and wet leaves and then digging a pit. That would be the priority, since Hel was getting firewood. He could then set up the shelter while she made the fire.
Digging it about ten inches deep, he then frowned down at the bottom which was already filling with water. They'd need stones to line it with, or their fire would never even start. Thinking about it, he recalled having seen a pile of bricks only a minute or two away. So he started trecking back there to gather as many as possible. Which, admittedly, wasn't that many, so it took him three goings before he could line the pit with them. And when he had done that, he sat down in the grass, exhausted.
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So much <3 for these two
It was easy enough finding wood, she just had to find dry wood. It sort of annoyed her that it took so long and every now and then Hel would turn back and listen for sounds of attack. Sometimes, in her worst nightmares, she reviewed the many ways her brothers could kill Styx without her mate having made a sound. A clear shot to the chest, strangling him, jumping him and stabbing him. The images made her shudder and she leaned against a tree trunk, drawing deep breaths to steady herself. She needed him now, and once she had enough firewood he'd be there with her.
The images, the thoughts, the fears rushed in on her. Hel had been terrified that Styx would not make the crossing, that he would die out there. Yes, there had been no storms on the ocean but his health and her navigation had been shaky at times. And oh gods above they could have drowned. Her body shook again and Hel lowered herself to the ground. Weeks of fearing death so much made her queasy and her attempted bravery meant she had hidden her feelings from Styx. To keep him safe. She curled up on the wet firewood and let out a low whimper. Styx. She needed Styx. She wasn't that far from camp. Styx! Styx! Her cry got louder and Hel finally allowed herself a low howl.
The Monster of Niflheim needed her mate.
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Styx hadn't been sitting long before he heard Hel howl for him. Spooked, with eyes the size of saucers, he leaped up to his feet and was running before his mind could even remember that he'd left the packs out in the open. Still, they could get new stuff. He could never get a new Hel.
As he ran, he howled a reassurance that he was coming, and then simply focused on running in the right direction. As it turned out, she wasn't that far away, and he soon skidded to a halt in front of the crouched-down black wolf.
Hel? he asked, breathless after running so hard. What's wrong? Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself? He knelt down next to her, and ran his fingers through her mane. What's wrong, cariad?
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Her vision was cloudy. Tears. She heard him running, his howl, his scent, his touch and Hel knew she was crying and whimpering. She'd not been allowed to cry as a pup and she had to be strong. When her brother attacked her for the rabbit and hurt her, she held her own, letting her choler run free and fighting back until they both lay sweating and scratched. Neither of them cried. When the other wolf gave her a scar on her calf she hadn't cried then. Afterwards, in the dead of night, she had let the pain wash her down and she'd even shed tears, though by the morning she chose to ignore the incident entirely.
It was his voice and his touch that got her to scramble towards him, clinging and burying her face in his chest. No, she was unharmed, physically she was strong. She knew, she knew deep in her heart that it would unsettle him to see her so weak, so broken and scared. But she needed his comfort. And he deserved the truth. Jormundgand and Fenrir. I'm so scared they'll come after you. I dragged you across that retched ocean. And you could have died! Hel looked at him, eyes swimming in tears. My älskling, I am so selfish. And if they come for you... What have I done, Styx? She clung tighter, her heart beating fast against his. In this, Hel was at her lowest. She would have to tell him. About Fenrir's parting words. You remember, Hel, my sister. We are of Loki's blood. And we must take it further. Go in good speed, my sister, but remember: in this world, you are always with us. You never leave Asgard. It probably meant nothing. But what if it did?
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He had to admit -- to himself -- that he had thought he'd die a number of times on the journey, but he wouldn't tell her that. But we didn't die, Hel. Because of your skills. He leaned in to kiss her. And while I doubt that they'd care enough to stalk you, I'm good at hiding. I could hide until they go away. Or you could simply tell them I'm just a toy to you. He wouldn't particularly like it if it were true, of course, but he rather doubted that it would be. You're good at pretending, and I can play a very good Omega. He grinned a little and winked. That's what they'd see me as, right?
Holding her close, he wished he could ease her mind more. But he didn't really know what to tell her to get her to stop worrying so much. Perhaps he should get her to teach him how to fight? At least then she wouldn't have to worry quite as much.
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Sorry this will be held up
She knew he spoke the truth. She knew, in her heart, that if she could keep up the pretence of his being just a toy to her, a device to amuse her and discard when boredom set it, that if she could keep the love from every gesture, word or glance they would spare his life. But they would break him. To show the cruelty they wanted in her, the streak of destruction passed on from their father, they would separate them and destroy him. As a pup, she remembered reading a human story, of a creature so small it was half a human and the quest to destroy a ring. She had found it oddly touching, how a creature beyond human years had given her immortality for the sake of her mate. Now, looking at Styx, she had to wonder what she wouldn't give up. What could she do to keep him from being hurt?
Well, the obvious answer was to get her act together. She wiped the tears and pushed herself away from him, snatching the firewood and standing tall again. Come on, let's go back to camp. We have a fire to start. She started walking back towards their camp, her eyes brimming with tears again. Hel was aware of all the darkness between them. She would have to tell him. Eventually. Now he needed her to be a leader and help them in this strange lands. These were the kind of lies which had kept her together for so long, kept her from showing weakness. These were the ties that separated them. The string of small, endless, questions she refused to answer.
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Held up? I'd say it's been me holding it up, not you ^^;;;
As for Styx's assumptions in the last paragraph, they are just that. Assumptions. So if they're correct or not is up to you =)
Styx didn't worry about her breaking down like this because he needed her to be strong, but because he knew how bad it must be for her to lose her composure this much. It was part of her personality, that she wouldn't show the weakness that she considered emotions to be, and Styx had come to accept that. It might not be something he particularly liked, because bottling up your feelings wasn't always a good thing, but it was the norm, and when things deviated from the norm, it got him worried.
So when she pushed him away and stood up, he was in a way relieved, because it meant she'd be okay. Taking a moment to check that all the firewood had been picked up, he then stood up as well.
Yeah, he nodded. And considering how wet everything is, it might take a while.
He followed her back to their started camp, studying her as they walked. She was still tense... He'd never considered himself good at it, but he knew he was at least fair, so perhaps he should offer her a massage later? He was sure that during their journey across the sea she'd used muscles in ways she never before had, and it was probably affecting her, even if she didn't want to admit it.
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Hel dropped the firewood and took one deep breath. This was harder than she ever thought it would be. Slowly, almost painfully, she sat down and drew her knees towards her chest. The black female needed to be strong, she needed to be the pillar of their journey. But to get the boat, to learn the skills, she had taken off for 10 days with a sailor. In exchange for it, she had given him cloth for his sails and her body. She closed her eyes and shuddered. His touch was filthy on her fur and his breath stank of alcohol. He called her his "whore" and touched her as he pleased. Hel did not fight it, not because she couldn't, but because otherwise she would never learn. She was too proud to band up with the other merchants, the wealthy wolves who sneered at commoners like her. She had returned to Styx with a heavy heart and taken him as mate, as if to cleanse the disgust from her fur.
She looked up at Styx and said simply, I took a sailor on as my lover, so he would teach me how to man the boat. I took you on as mate afterwards. My älskling, I am so sorry. In her own mind, she was screaming at herself for being weak. Her business was her own, what she and Styx had was special, but she was a fighter and emotions were discarded when there was knowledge to be gained. But outwardly, Hel was begging her mate to forgive her for doing what she thought at the time to be right.
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If it was something Styx was familiar with, it was the scent of sex; in the house he'd lived in as a child, there were plenty of couples, and it wasn't as though they stayed away from each other. There were even times when they'd had a special room intended for that purpose, since several couples had to sleep in the same room. So there was no chance in Hell (pun not intended) that he'd have been able to avoid the scent of it. And when Hel had returned from learning how to sail, he'd smelled in on her. He hadn't said anything, however. What was the point? It wasn't as though she was his to control or anything, especially as she'd picked him as mate only after that had happened.
I know, he answered calmly now, seeing no reason to hide the fact from her. It's alright, cariad. I've always known. There's nothing to apologize for. You chose me over him, and that's all that matters, isn't it?
Crouching down behind her, he stroked her shoulders and upper arms. I love you, Hel. I always will.
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She should have known it. That he could smell it on her. She had been stupid to believe that she could hide it. It almost made her want to laugh, that she had been so foolish. Loki would have found it amusing and a slip she could not afford. Then again, her father cared little about emotions in work. It was a trade she needed to learn, so she had learned it. The price had not been that high, had it? Hel couldn't understand why she felt like this, after all, it had been before she and Styx became mates. And she realised it had been because she had loved him even then and it was him she thought of, to get the stench of sea, liquor and drunken sex off her fur. She had indeed chosen Styx, but the fact that she had done it mattered less than her lack of strength in keeping it from it. Loki would not call it a lie. It was a needed deception.
When he sat down behind her, Hel felt herself collapse a bit more. What could she tell him that would make it right? He loved her, yes, but always was such an ephemeral word. If she had done it before, she would do it again. That was part of the betrayal she felt. Hel would go to any lengths to finish something. Except now she had Styx, she needed to consider things she never had before. Like his feelings. His opinion. And whether or not he could love her after she killed Connor. I am sorry I did it. I know it doesn't change things, but... I fear losing you now. To my very trade. I can't change my nature, Styx, or who I was brought up to be. But it might mean you suffer alongside me. She turned to him, her eyes teary again, and nestled herself in his arms. What made it worse was that, for all her strength and courage, when Hel fell to pieces, she couldn't get herself up on her own.
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