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Caverns in the northernmost areas of the Dampwoods.
It was an old dream now.
A field of dandelions buzzing with fireflies in the sinking sunset. A train track separated it from him. On his own side was barren ground, cracked dirt, and withering plantlife screaming of drought. Just an empty train track between them, smooth steel, nails, and wood. He leap over it in all of a second. But he knew that as soon as he even started to approach, the train would come at some breakneck speed and either block off the golden field or kill him where he stood. It had happened before. So he sat where he was, gazing quietly towards the dying sun, hypnotized by things he had always wanted and could never have. It was like sitting in Aladdin's cave of wonders and knowing that the moment he tried to touch anything, he would lose everything.
There was a shadow across the train tracks too though, a silhouette of someone he couldn't recognize anymore. The light was harsh against his form and there was nothing beyond the mere shape. He didn't squint anymore though, didn't call out like a child lost in the park, didn't say anything at all. Strangers and illusions, that was all. The yellow sunset had turned orange had turned red. When he blinked, the other would be gone, or he had never been there at all. It was an old dream now. Laruku wasn't going to jump out in front of the train anymore though. He stood up and the roaring on the tracks began. He turned around and woke up.
The cave was dark, and the air was moist. Outside, the rain was coming down more gently than it had been before, beating softly against the grass and stone. Thunder continued to rumble quietly in the distance. Perhaps it would start coming down harder again in the morning. Perhaps the storm would move away instead, though it seemed like it had been raining forever already. It didn't matter. He rolled over and stared at the back wall of the small cavern. He never used to dream, and the nothingness that had come with sleep had always been a welcomed refuge. Now there were images and ideas and memories instead, and difference between consciousness and unconsciousness became almost negligent as a result. He felt the same whether he was awake or sleep.
There were no echos in his skull tonight though, and he found the silence more disturbing than he probably should have. The rain was peaceful. The rain was deafening. The rain was the only thing there, and he was lonely.
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Iskata had been searching for Laruku for some time, she had something to ask him and though she figured she already knew the answer it wouldn't hurt to try. She'd been all up and down the stream where she'd met her cousin and now she was growing frustrated as the rain began to patter against her pelt. The world was a shimmer of of orbs and the steady echo of gravity affecting the rain was starting to make her wish she'd come searching on a better day. The silver and gold lady had finally sat herself down quite close to the cave, she could smell him but she couldn't see him and it was making her wonder where she'd gone wrong, what was she missing. Shaking her head in frustration, she knew she was a better tracker than this she just sighed and dropped down on her belly to stare into the forest.
She'd sat there long enough to be able to feel the rains sinking into her pelt before she flicked her ears and tried to dislodge the water that was trying to rivet into her canal. She growled at the rain and at her dumb ideas before calling out into the rain. "What's the damn point anyways.. he doesn't care.." she gazed into the dampwoods as she shook her head. She didn't know why she even cared anymore either, atleast over her cousin.. maybe a little of him was beginning to rub off on her, giving up so easily. Huffing to herself she turned to leave, wondering if she was even in her right mind to try and search him out again, he'd made it clear enough last time he wasn't worth anyone's time.
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He wondered if it was true that time healed everything. It seemed like a logical thing, but it was hard to apply objective logic to things that were so inherently different. It was the hardest thing in the world to look at himself from a distance when he couldn't even look within himself and not be confused. The monster was silent and had been for several weeks already; would he dare take it as a sign? Or did it really matter in the end anyway, whether or not he was there? He could feel the scar over his throat every time he swallowed, but it had long since stopped stinging. As with all the other scars that were scattered about his lanky, coyote body, it had healed over to leave behind rough skin. The fur would never come back though. What did that count for metaphorically?
There were footsteps out in the rain and a voice he couldn't make out over the splatterings of water, though it was familiar. Laruku was a hermit hiding in remote areas of the forest in a tiny cave no one would notice. It would be easy to ignore the visitor who had either been lucky enough or persistent enough to track him down in the pouring rain; indeed, apathy will him to do so. It would certainly further the idea that he didn't want to bother anymore. It was funny though, some days, the more he lay around dreaming about dandelions, the more he remembered all the standards he'd once set for himself. Once upon a time, he'd been a better person than this, or at least, he had tried harder to be. Whether or not he wanted it to be so, he was still alive, and the world deserved better if it still had to put up with him.
He sighed quietly and turned around, though he remained lying where he was. The shape in the rain was easily recognizable. Iskata, get out of the rain, he told her tiredly with the slightest hint of exasperation.
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She had known from the start that looking for the scarred up hybrid was probably a bad idea but she still had a nagging feeling and had just went ahead and had taken the time. Shaking the rain from her pelt she grumbled to herself as she tried to keep warm in the downpour, after a few tries she gave up and sat back again thinking about all the things she'd been deaming of together with the others. They wanted to create the old home atmosphere that they had once known, she wanted the happiness she'd known before.. and for some harebrained reason she'd thought to ask Laruku if he wanted to come with them. She knew that her cousin seemed to love his solitude and distance, but it wasn't going to kill her to just ask, or even to just seem how he was doing. Shaking the rain from her ears she sneezed as water trickled and dripped over her nose. Sighing to herself she decided that she'd have to try again later, but one little thing was still bugging her..
Iskata had been sitting there watching the rain wondering how in the hell she'd just up and lost Laruku's trail when out of nowhere the answer had come in the form of a voice. Perking her ears up as instantly she felt the rain seeping in the silver and gold lady turned about and finally was met with a pair of gleaming eyes outof the small space hidden behind the fronds of ferns. She chuckled as she realized how in the world she'd missed him when she shook her coat out once more and tried to squeeze herself into the space he was occupying. Panting slightly she smirled and grumbled, "Hello Laruku..I was looking for you." she grunted as she tried to pull her larger framed body into the den with her cousin. Finally reaching her goal she curled up cramped beside her cousin as she asked, "Does this qualify as a den? It looks more like a badger set to me.." She raised her eyes to gaze at Laruku as she smiled slightly, no hard feeling from their last meeting. "How've you been holding out?" she asked softly as she began to groom the water from her pelt, squeezing the droplets of rain from her fur as she tried to fluff up to keep the chill from seeping in.
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No, he answered simply, shifting to accommodate the other in the confined space. This qualifies as a roof. There was only tiredness in his voice, but he knew the words could be taken with humorous or sarcastic intent. He didn't really care if Iskata thought he was making jokes though, especially since he didn't know whether or not he was. The dream he'd had was quickly dissolving from his mind as the beginnings of conversation forced him to become more fully awake; the rain smelled stronger, not to mention the musk of his cousin's drenched fur. He sneezed as well. I'm fine. I told you I was fine. You're the one who's soaking wet and going to catch pneumonia.
Laruku shifted again, both to give the other more room and to distance himself from the dripping wet mess. Though the air was heavy with humidity, the hybrid himself had been reasonably dry, and he had no interest in that changing any time soon. There was no room for a fire here, nor did he have any dried wood, so Iskata would just have to stay there and dry herself until the rain stopped. Which could be a while.
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Iskata was concentrating on pressing the water from her fur as Laruku answered her, a snort escaped from her nose as she raised her eyes to gaze at the male before taking a moment to drop the task on hand and reply. "I guess a roof over your head is all you need, right?" her eyes simmered with a spark of amusement as she taunted her cousin softly. She knew he really did perfer to live by himself but she figured that every once in a while he might enjoy some company, as long as it wasn't her all the time.
After a moment's pause of watching her scarlet eyed cousin she returned to her task and tried to keep her fur fluffed up as she started the drying process on her shoulders, her chest fur was just a mass of damp yet managable pelt now as she sighed. Flicking her eyes to Laruku as he informed her once more that he was fine and he'd already told her that before she just nodded and continued on with her work while he moved a little bit further away. Crouched down in the puddle she murmured words to herself as she worked with her eyes closed at tugging out a burr that she'd got lodged in her fur through the trip here. Dropping the burr on the floor while she turned to gaze at her halfbreed cousin she raised a brow with a slight smirk. "Yeah, I can see that. Getting on just fine with a roof and a crawl space here." She chuckled softly to herself before nudging the burr out the entrance to the cave. His motherly words hitting her ears as she rolled her eyes dramatically, "If you'd like to share my dispair I can help you catch it too, I've got enough water here for the two of us and more you know?" She joked, but she was itching to just shake the water from her pelt instead of the careful considerate work she was attempting on the opposite side of the cramped space from Laruku.
She had her brows furrowed together as she tried to figure out the words to explain to Laruku why in the world she'd even been looking for him when he obviously didn't care to be found. Fidgetting slightly as she turned to look at him for a moment she just spat it out finally, "Laruku, I want you to come back with me.." she knew she sounded more than silly asking the scarred up hybrid those words, no, asking wasn't right, stating was more like it she decided as she sighed and went on, she already knew deep inside his answer but she knew she'd feel a lot better knowing she'd offered and he'd always have a place with them. "Some of the others and I miss the way it use to be, how close the pack just seemed, family, friends, mates.. it's all just jumbled together now.. and now that all the packs just seem so restless and breaking apart.. we've decided to join together and make our wishes come true." she smirked as she looked steady at the male. "We can't wait for our happily ever after.. sometimes you have to make it happen..." She sat there a moment before flicking water from her paws before taking a bit of time to continue at ridding her fur of the excess liquid.
Within a minute or two she grew tired of the work needed to attempt such a task that she stopped and stared out into the rain, the thunder in the distance rumbling across the lands as she spoke back up again, her gaze never leaving the scene before her. "I just.. wondered if you would join us.. you've got to get lonely out here.." as her words trailed off she turned to him with a hint of mischief in her eyes. "We could always use a grumpy old man you know, start all these stories about the crabby old hermit that won't leave our lands so we just set up around him.. After time you'll be your own legend.. and have to chase pups away from your den, or just grumble at them from the dark and watch them flee in terror." She looked away innocently as she spoke, knowing that Laruku would probably be staring at her like she was insane right about now.. knowing that she probably was for asking him to come back with her.
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These days, Laruku wasn't really just exactly what he needed beyond sustenance and shelter. He spent so much time locked away with the same thoughts and memories that the outside world didn't seem to be of much consequence. He rarely saw anyone else and was content to keep thinking that they were out there in the forests just beyond his reach and living perfectly happy lives. Of course, especially after seeing Conri, he knew that this was not exactly the case, and perhaps eventually he would even be able to bring himself to go see them, but for the while, it could be considered peaceful where he was, generally alone. Maintaining relationships was exhausting, anyway, and he was still tired.
Get me wet and I'll just push you back out there again, the hybrid replied simply while eying his cousin briefly. He hated half-states. If he was going to be wet, then he would stand out in the rain; otherwise, he would only be content when he was one hundred percent dry and curled up in an equally dry corner. Being a little bit wet was irritating. Long tattered ears perked slightly as Iskata confessed her reason for seeking him out. Predictably, Laruku frowned as she elaborated, but it wasn't only because he had absolutely no intention of going with her. It seemed like everyone was trying to start a family pack while simultaneously not realizing that everyone else was doing the same. Even now, with an entire land filled with wolves wishing for the same time, they couldn't seem to communicate effectively enough to reach that one goal.
I don't know where you'd been living, the coyotewolf said, But the pack had neven been close, had never even seemed it. We'd always been strangers and breaking apart perpetually. Nothing's changed now, though everyone seems to be trying to change it. He shrugged and also looked to the rain, Conri and Naniko have a small 'friend and family-oriented' pack to the southwest -- you could always join them. He also knew that Cercelee was in another pack with Colibri near Inferni, but he was unaware of the fact that Melisande's two long lost siblings had joined them and the pack was thus filled with many Sadiras. There are plenty of others with the same thing in mind as you, so I don't know why you're asking here.
I told you not to worry about me, he added with a vague sigh.
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She had almost got the worst of the water from her pelt when Laruku's voice threatened her. A spark of mischief shown in her eyes as she made a scuffing sound and turned her gaze on Laruku. "Yeah, yeah, I hear you. You're probably melt if we got you wet anyways.." she grumbled as she rubbed her muzzle against her foreleg before getting tired of finishing her job and letting loose a jaw cracking yawn. Smiling at Laruku she added, "Don't worry, you're safe for now." as she kept her distance and stared out into the downpour while the brief silence filled their space.
When the words came from Laruku a slight smile played across her lip, she had been expecting this, but she still wished he would atleast consider it. She turned her gaze to him whenever he'd asked why she was trying to create something that already existed. She shook her head sadly as she answered. "Deuce can't go back to Twilight Vale, Lucifier made certain of that.. and I don't really want to go either, not if one of my few friends can't even come to visit because of her once mate. She laughed at the thought of living in Cercelee's pack. [b]"You haven't been out and about much have you Laruku? Haku started hell on earth with Inferni. He killed a mother and child.. and now Inferni's after blood. I'm not looking to another repeat of sorrow." her eyes stayed on the form of Laruku as she spoke, wondering if he did know a damn thing that was happening in the real world anymore, the way he acted it seemed like he didn't.
She smiled sadly at him and admitted. "I knew that you'd say no.. I just figured that it wouldn't hurt to ask." she gazed out into the dampwoods as she softly said, "If you ever decide to give all this up We're setting up our lands near the city.." she flicked her ears back and forth as she just watched him. "I know your fine, but even knowing that wouldn't stop me from worrying from time to time.." her words were meer grumbles as she shifted from foot to foot and closed her eyes for a moment. "Besides, you can't really hate me for caring can you? Well, you could, but I don't think what you will.." She wasn't really for sure of that, but she'd already said it. She knew she really wouldn't get far with the hybrid, but she felt a bit better having asked anyways. "When's the last time you left this area anyways.."
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He was perfectly aware of the fact that he had absolutely no idea what went on in the world anymore. With his alpha position left behind in the smoldering ashes of the fire, he was no longer required to know, and it didn't really bother him. Ignorance was certainly bliss in this case. His world now consisted of just a few dozen square miles of empty forest, a mostly deserted territory that no one had laid claim to and that few people cared to wander through. The affairs of Inferni and the wolf packs did not concern him, and he liked to pretend that people he knew didn't still live out there. Laruku didn't want to know that Melisande's brother had walked the path of a murderer; he didn't want to know that his daughter lived in a clan that seemed to be perpetually at war. He didn't want to know that the once members of his once pack were still fighting against all the things he'd failed to protect them from. He wanted to think that removing himself from their lives had been enough to ensure their prosperity; obviously, this wasn't the case as there were more problems in the world than himself, but still. It was nice to think things were that simple.
No, he answered simply, I haven't left this forest at all. I haven't visited Twilight Vale or Cercelee's pack. I haven't seen anything of Inferni. I have no idea what war they're waging. And it didn't really seem to matter whether or not he did. What good would knowing really do? There was nothing he could do about any of it because firstly, as a wolf with no ties anymore, it didn't really concern him, and secondly, he no longer had the authority or control to do anything political. He was a ghost in the forest was all, and it was better he stayed where he was. He didn't need the world's problems, and the world did not need him making anything worse.
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Iskata sat there staring out into the woods from the small cramped cave as she waited for Laruku to answer her. She hadn't really expected the answer he said but she should have, glancing at him with a startled look of surprise she shook her head and sighed. "Maybe you should try and get out every once in a while.." she turned her sun shot blue eyes towards Laruku as she made the suggestion. Nibbling at an itch on her shoulder she mumbled, "Besides, if you stay cooped up forever I bet you'll forget about us all.." she finally got hold of the burr in her shoulder and nipped it out before looking outside and admitting. "You'll probably love that though..." she said as she smiled at her cousin.
The storm seemed to be moving on, the thunder was growing distant though the rain kept coming down. She shook her head and looked up towards the dreary world outside Laruku's cave. "I wish you'd come visit us sometime though.. once we get settled." her wistful words seemed silly after she said them, but she turned and looked back to the scarred up hybrid as she asked. "Would you?" she knew she shouldn't even assume that they were going to become a pack anytime soon, they barely had enough interested to even start thinking of packs and lands.. but she knew it would happen one day, she just had to believe.
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It was funny sometimes, how much he had forgotten and how much he still remembered. Whole months of his life were gaping holes, but simultaneously, he recalled some moments, some hours, and some days as if they had happened minutes ago rather than years ago. Then again, he had a suspicion that many of those so-called memories were now more fantasy than reality, but if reality was only defined by perception, then pretty much everything was up for debate. Time made everything questionable, as did he dementia and disease. All the same, though he might have forgotten exactly what he had said to them and exactly what they had said to him, he doubted he would ever really forget his family, no matter how much he distanced himself from them. Besides, roundabout as it was, they had never really affected him enough to warrant a desire to forget them.
No, he probably wouldn't forget them, but visiting? He didn't really know what good it would do. The isolation between himself and the rest of the world was comfortable. It was almost as if nothing could touch him anymore because he had so little connection to anything. He was safe in the forest where no one lived. Loneliness seemed a small price to pay. He had had enough excitement in his life. Maybe, he answered. Ambivalence made everything easier. No obligation in either direction. The hybrid shifted slightly in his corner and curled more tightly into a ball. Don't expect me though. It was better no one got their hopes up, though he didn't know why they would in the first place.
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Her fur was now damp but most of the water was gone and her fur was starting to fluff up. She sat there with her muzzle on her forelegs as she watched the rain falling with a dreamy state on her face as she listened to the steady pattering on the world outside. She was soon roused out her her thoughts as Laruku finally answered her, turning her head slightly to watch him she smiled softly to herself as she answered. "Of course, I wouldn't dream of expecting you.." she flickered her ears forward and turned back to gaze at the rain, yawning, snapping her jaws together for a few times before she finally sighed softly and closed her eyes, remembering one of the few times she'd actually been able to enjoy the rain.
She openned her eyes after a moment and commented once more, "It's better not to expect others.. then you can be surprised by the unexpected." She wasn't for certain if Laruku would ever visit, but she wished he would. She knew she should bring Firefly and Kansas out to meet Laruku but she figured that he wouldn't be none to pleased by that. She figured one way or another they'd wander through the lands and find the strange hermit. She doubted that they would remember him from so long ago but it was possible.
Out of nowhere she asked. "Do you ever miss any of it Laruku?" she was silent as she sat there staring into the rain, her eyes flitting as though images were moving before her in the rain that fell in sheets. "Before the fighting and everyone just disappeared... Was there anything at all back there.. in the past." She could remember right before the war when she had friends within the pack, so close that for moons she wouldn't even leave the lands, no need when there were those to talk to right down the path.. now it was hard, no one close by.. not until they were able to gather a strong pack. She missed the closeness.. and wondered what he might have missed..
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I don't know what time or past it is you keep thinking of, he said with a weary yawn, Everyone had always fought, had always wandered in and out and around and around. He couldn't delude himself to think that there had ever really been a "better time." They had not started in a better time; they had started off in hell and had spent their entire lives progressing further and further down that cracking, tragedy-filled staircase into the fire. Of course, it could be argued that comparatively, that first step was in a much better place than that last step, but when it had all started in the negatives to begin with, it didn't really seem to matter. Negative ten or negative two hundred, it was still a negative.
His mother had died minutes after he'd been born. His adoptive father had taken him away from home and abandoned him at three months of age. His caretaker after that had done the same, at nine months. He had come home to discover that everything he'd ever known about family had been a lie. And then he had buried his alphess, succeeding into a position he would never be ready for. He'd had his heart broken. He'd started a war and seen his packmates slaughtered for no real reason. His mind had split apart. He'd had a litter he never wanted. He'd committed unspeakable atrocities. He'd had the fragments of heart broken again, and his soul had deteriorated away to nothing. And then there'd been fire. There wasn't much in the past he could miss. The best of it had been fleeting; they had been punctuated, singular moments in time, so brief that they were hardly tangible at all. Those moments hadn't been real enough to grasp, and he couldn't really miss what had been questionable in the first place.
There's nothing to miss, he told her. He didn't miss any of it. But he didn't really regret any of it any more either. Everyone that knew or remembered or cared was already gone, literally dead, or something similar enough. There was no one left that could still forgive him. And it simply didn't matter. When he forgot about it, the events of the past would cease to exist because there would be no one left to recall them. He didn't miss it. He didn't regret it. He didn't anything.
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She sighed and stretched out her legs as he seemed to chide her on her choice of questions, she finally just rolled her eyes and sighed, snipping a small reply back to him. "Of course, you choose to forget the past, not even assuming that there can be a moment of happiness once something brings the world down to crash and burn at your paws." she turned her eyes back to the male and shook her head. "There were better times, there were happy moments.. they may have been far and few between at times.. but they did exist, even if they did crash and burn in the end with everything else.." She knew there was no point in arguing her point anymore, they always just seemed to get to this point where She believed one thing and he believed another, she cared, he didn't.. it had been this way forever and she shouldn't expect it to change suddenly. She should just quit trying some small little voice told her.
She turned her gaze away from the distant relative as she watched the rain once more the thunder and lighning flashing and rolling in the air outside their dry little world in the small cramped cage. She sighed softly and nipped at a tangle in her fur just passing time before she turned back to gaze at him with a tiny bit of curiousity as to what he had spent his time doing while she'd been off in Storm and way across the lands. She knew she probably wouldn't get much of answer, atleast she figured she wouldn't but until the storm let up she'd be stuck here a bit longer unless she just gave up and ventured back into the storm on hand. Finally she gave up on wanting answers and just left it be for the moment.
She laid her head on her paws and sat there watching him as he tried to ignore the world around him. She flicked her ears back, feeling the scar tissue on the ear he'd shredded pulling as she sat there quietly before asking. "Where are you going from here?" She wondered herself where her world was going from here but she didn't really care, she was fine no matter what happened in her life. She'd lived a full and happy live for the most part, there had been ups and downs in her world but all in all she could die tomorrow and have had a life worth living. She lay there with her eyes half closed watching the hybrid who was in some odd way related to her, though he would never really care to keep close contact if he could. She smiled slightly at the thought, remembering another from their family who was so much like Laruku yet so not. She shook her head softly at the memory and watched him with warm eyes, wondering if he even cared enough to look to the future anymore.
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Laruku had not forgotten anything important. The day-to-day details faded away with time and delirium, and he could not remember the name and face of every person he had ever met, but he did not forget what had been important because they remained important, always important, even if he didn't think about them every day anymore. The past was no longer something he actively tried to bury, though his weary mind found solace in not dwelling constantly on what might have been and what used to be. In some sense, it could be said that he had "moved on" though there wasn't really a place for him to move on to. The past was the only place he had ever lived; without it, what was there?
The hybrid knew there had been happier moments, but "a time" was far too broad of a range for him to accept. His smiles had never lasted more than a few minutes at a time; they did not constitute any period long enough to be considered "a time." But Laruku didn't want to argue with his cousin anymore. Every conversation they seemed to have was the same, and it exhausted him. The rain fell, and there was silence between them for a while. It was too easy to drift in and out of consciousness, in and out of sleep; he no longer had any obligations or duties. There was no longer anyone to put up a facade for. There was no longer anything, including a pathway he walked. The forest had no roads, and he was content to stay. Why should I go anywhere? he wondered, eyes closed and facing away now. I'm going to stay here. I'm going to live, and then I'm going to die. And that will be the end of that. It was comforting to know that it did all end at some point.
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She rolled her eyes at his reply, his answer so serious and direct. She shook her head and retorted, "That's not what I meant.." but instead of actually explaining what she meant she just shook her head again and listened to the rain spattering out in the world around them. She understood what he was saying and what he meant but she really didn't care at this moment, there was no real reason to continue trying to come up with things to talk about, she knew how her cousin was, atleast when it came to her. Laruku didn't want to hold a conversation and she really couldn't blame him, not with every scrap of any little talks they'd ever had. She closed her eyes and just sat there in the silence before she fully gave up.
She shook her head and stood up as much as she could, staring out into the waters that cascaded down the cavefront she sighed and looked back to Laruku before she spoke up softly. "I'll just leave you be then, you don't need me." She turned her face back towards the wet world of the storm that was raging outside but really didn't want to make her appearance out there again so fast. Her sun shot blue eyes gazed at Laruku for a long moment before she turned her back to him and crouched down to exit the cave's entrance.
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One more by you should do it?
You'll get pneumonia going back out there. Just take a nap, he mumbled from his corner. Maybe one day, their conversations would change, and there would be something else to talk about besides the past, the dismal present, and the vague illusion of the future. Maybe one day, something would happen that would change the world, a purifying armageddon. It was more likely that they would both die before anything of the sort happened, but the whole point of maybe was the mere possibility, tiny, vague, and improbable as it usually was. The hybrid was not waiting for that possibility, but he did not dread or deny its chance. Life went on. Kind of.
He let himself drift to sleep. Whether or not Iskata plunged back into the rain would be left up to her. She knew how to take care of herself well enough, and had the knowledge to remedy herself if she did get sick. It was more than he could say for himself, anyway. He had never forayed into healing or the medicinal arts. Indeed, he had never really delved into any relevant skill. He could do enough to feed himself and survive on cold nights. That was it, but it was all he needed for the while.
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Iskata sat there quietly watching her cousin while he curled up into a tighter ball and seemed to escape off into his own little world. If his world was just a copy of the real one around them or if there was actually some glimpse of happiness in his dreams she didn't know, but she wished for his sake there was happiness somewhere in this bitter world for him. She knew she wouldn't bring the words to her lips but she sat there silently wishing still. Finally as she began to hear his breathing becoming more stable and the slow steady beat of sleep slipped over the once leader of Clouded Tears she shook her head and gazed out into the world of raindrops and lightning.
Her sun shot blue eyes were stormy as the sky as she pondered if she would ever be strong enough to make her dreams reality, and if they ever did blossom into the real thing if she'd be able to defend those she loved and cared for with her life. She'd never had the problem before but in the past it had always been one on one, never some strange new danger and a million worries that could always happen. She really was beginning to feel like a mother all over again with the worries that were pouring down upon her soul.
She shook her head suddenly to clear the thoughts and bravely, yet possibly stupidly she squared her shoulders and walked on past the wall of castoff from the storm, gathering herself ready for the world that would come with her leadership if the world ever turned back to the brighter side of the season and dreams really did come true. She'd focus on the present but always be gazing to the future.
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