06-18-2008, 12:32 AM
[html]
[/html]
Most people -- including, apparently, Conri -- seemed to have considered his long reign over the pack as proof of his responsibility, his dedication, or his loyalty. Of course the truth was not so respectable, but all the same, Laruku still found it difficult to explain to himself why he had stayed as long as he had. Initially, it had simply seemed like there had been no one else to take his place should he go. Even as the months rolled by, it never seemed like there was anyone else he could leave in his stead. After a while, the alphaship became a burden that he did not wish to place upon anyone else; who deserved that sort of curse? And as time continued, it was mostly that he had lost interest in the rest of the world and the pack was all he had left. He had stayed for himself more than anything else. There was no nobility in his actions at all.
Conri's sentiments reminded him very much of Iskata's, though the hybrid found himself feeling more guilty than he had with his cousin, perhaps because the male was younger, or perhaps because he knew less about his own issues. Laruku closed his eyes and sighed quietly, breathing outward slowly. He supposed he had known all along that he couldn't hide forever, not if he was going to be "apathetic" enough to stay in the general area.
Conri's sentiments reminded him very much of Iskata's, though the hybrid found himself feeling more guilty than he had with his cousin, perhaps because the male was younger, or perhaps because he knew less about his own issues. Laruku closed his eyes and sighed quietly, breathing outward slowly. He supposed he had known all along that he couldn't hide forever, not if he was going to be "apathetic" enough to stay in the general area.
I'm sorry,he said,
But you're wrong, Conri. You really don't need me.For these good-hearted people, the tawny coyotewolf doubted that he could ever convince them that he was not worth caring about, and it was hard for him to decide between telling them exactly why they shouldn't look up to him and just not bothering to burden them with the knowledge. It was very hard.
Did you start the war? Or is it Gabriel picking fights?he wondered with sincere curiosity and concern.
Ten members strong in two months, I'd say you and Naniko are doing fine. Fuck Gabriel.He cursed, but his tone of voice never really changed. Laruku opened his eyes again, but did not look at the other. The waves kept crashing angrily on the beach.
You're doing better than I ever did, Conri.And the truth was that he was proud. But Conri had only ever done good things, it seemed. Even a stranger would be proud.
You know how I started a war?Laruku asked in an even softer voice,
I got drunk and killed someone.The words were there before he could think, but he was done regretting things already. Acceptance didn't make them any easier to swallow though.