Feedback on possible tertiary character

[Xochime Kimaris]

Hi! My sister (kirin) and I have been thinking about this new character, Numa Youali, who would be Akira's older brother. I've developed a lot of his history and personality with her already, but i wanted to know your opinions on it. I'm planning on bringing him about around december (holidays! XD) and it would be better if he was ready by then.

http://www.soulsrpg.com/ipb/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=3348

So...is there anything i should correct? grammar mistakes? realism mistakes?