07-02-2009, 10:52 PM
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She rolled on to her stomach and stayed stationary as Anu rose and spoke her piece. She gave her the same silence that she had given her only a few minutes before. She swallowed the words down, and they echoed in her ears, burning her as she could do nothing but listen. The tone of her voice touched her more than the words. It teared at her. There was such raw pain in her voice, even more so than in her face and turbulent blue eyes.
It was a pain she recognized, one that echoed and reflected the insidious vines of barbed-wire pain wrapped around her own heart. She could feel her heart swelling against that pain now, in answer to Anu's own pain. She didn't want the woman to hurt, but the damage had been done. "Anu, I didn't know," she said, rising now to watch her. "I-I...think I fooled myself. She had to be honest. "It hurt me every day to realize that what I wanted, maybe even needed the most...was something that could never be rightfully mine."
She exhaled. "I wanted you to keep it all. I wanted you to have everything, everything...I couldn't be everything, Anu. I was afraid to be spread so thin." She looked at her, and her heart was in her eyes. "I lost everything - and I saw you losing everything too...I didn't want it to be because of me."
The gray female stood tall, strong suddenly despite the weakness in her voice. She felt some of her strength return as conviction entered her voice. "I know that things have changed," she said finally. "I know you want me to go, and I will, because I think that is probably what is the best for us right now." She looked into her eyes, into her face, taking in every beloved line that meant so much to her. "I still love you. I don't think I could ever change that, even if I wanted to."
It was a pain she recognized, one that echoed and reflected the insidious vines of barbed-wire pain wrapped around her own heart. She could feel her heart swelling against that pain now, in answer to Anu's own pain. She didn't want the woman to hurt, but the damage had been done. "Anu, I didn't know," she said, rising now to watch her. "I-I...think I fooled myself. She had to be honest. "It hurt me every day to realize that what I wanted, maybe even needed the most...was something that could never be rightfully mine."
She exhaled. "I wanted you to keep it all. I wanted you to have everything, everything...I couldn't be everything, Anu. I was afraid to be spread so thin." She looked at her, and her heart was in her eyes. "I lost everything - and I saw you losing everything too...I didn't want it to be because of me."
The gray female stood tall, strong suddenly despite the weakness in her voice. She felt some of her strength return as conviction entered her voice. "I know that things have changed," she said finally. "I know you want me to go, and I will, because I think that is probably what is the best for us right now." She looked into her eyes, into her face, taking in every beloved line that meant so much to her. "I still love you. I don't think I could ever change that, even if I wanted to."