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She made no shadow, under the cover of the heavy canopy the moon’s glow could not pierce the roof above her. The wolf blended with the dark, her dull gray coat mixing with the night and only her light highlights could be seen. Heavy paws tread over the worn path, sharp claws digging into the supple, rain moistened ground. It was cool air that hit her face, the sun’s kiss forgotten since its demise and the moons rise. Deep blue eyes, dark as the oceans waters looked into the emptiness that stood before her, and though the path was well laid and familiar Anu could not predict what she would find on this soft well-known trail. The body she wore was like a stranger, the Halfling form she chose was one she had ignored till now. Never had she felt the need to change into something she did not feel was part of her.
The Brigadier General was large, as if her bones had grown in width and weight. Fangs retreated from her mouth ever so slightly, and her coat was no longer the short smooth fur but ragged and even shaggy. Everything grew dark, and she melted into the dark like a shadow of her former self. Her mind fell towards the dark as well, a stranger as well. And as she walked the path, her heavy body making her speed as different and foreign as the rest, Anu thought to the day that had just passed. She had been in her light form, two legged with a simple beauty. She had been able to wrap her arms around her earth hued daughter, let her cry upon her shoulder and confided dark secrets about the wounds that crossed her arms. Then, Anu had been warm and comforting. Staying until Mati had fallen asleep, however uneasy and restless it might be, then taking to the boarder in hopes of securing it.
Her thoughts had grown upset and defensive as she left the manor, her body following suit and posturing as the leader that she had slowly began to become. Though she would always be small in size, she had grown to be the weight of a large male and her claws and teeth deserved at the least a second glance. Knowing how ugly she looked Anu let her demeanor follow. Not knowing if her daughters attacker would be foolish enough to follower her scent, Anu stayed alert and aware. In the passed days she felt the lands had been neglected, unsure if either of her superiors worked to keep their home safe. Things had been quiet for so long that it almost seemed unnecessary, but Anu would not forget them (though she was sure they hadn’t) and needed time to learn how to deal with the anger she felt towards the evil that still lived while her daughter suffered. Bring her heavy form to a trot, Anu ran further into the dark looking for something and hoping to find nothing.
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Geneva walked through the darkness, at first a bit apprehensive. But she shook the feeling, pushing it at arm's distance. It seemed strange to come under the cover of stars, to cloak herself in the dark. But she wasn't really coming for a visit to her old home. Many thoughts weighed on Geneva's mind. She was certain that the neighboring pack had been warned of the danger of the yellow eyed stranger. She had spoken with Anu about the rogue. Still, she felt the need to be certain for herself that things were as they should be in her previous pack.
Her thoughts dwelt mostly on those who couldn't defend themselves. She was certain that Savina wouldn't let Cambria, Amata, and Gotham out of her sight quite yet, but there was still Naniko's children to think of. Although Haven, Mati, Brooklyn, and Salem were hardly children anymore, she knew that their parents couldn't keep them corralled indoors anymore. Geneva shook her head, frustrated as she continued forward, crossing the borderline and heading more or less toward the mansion. She was just here to check on things, she told herself. She would feel better after she laid eyes on the entirety of the territory. Savina said she was always welcome, although creeping around in the dark made her feel like an intruder.
The gray wolfess paused, trying to scent the air with her useless nose. Hardly the trace of a scent registered for her and she sighed. She would have to use her eyes instead. It would take longer, but she would do it without complaint. Those she loved resided within this pack, and she did not take that lightly. Maybe it was her paranoia talking, but she recalled seeing the pup, Cinder Sabre, in her own home.
Lime green eyes swept the path ahead, and her heartbeat accelerated as she saw a hulking form looming in the distance. She saw the glint of teeth, and for a moment panic took over. Her legs trembled. But she shook her head and scowling, headed straight for the looming shadow. Her own teeth were bared, ready to tell this stranger to leave and take their threatening presence with them. But she came up short as the moonlight fell over the sandy fur and the glint of blue eyes, beautiful even in the face of a predator. It brought her up short. "Anu?" she sputtered.
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She hoped the night would wear on and she would be met with nothing. But then something else spoke, an anger and frustration had been building and Anu sought to release it. In the past she had found a strangers arms to fall into, but this night was far different and she felt a far different need. Instead Anu guarded her home with a lowered head, nose to the ground and working as she tried to focus a troubled mind. Her thoughts fell to the broken look of Mati, the arms that would be forever scared and the soul that had been so closely tainted. That notion was what Anu lingered on, and her anger grew as if fueled with kerosene.
Paws tread heavily, picking dust up from the ground and sending it to her keen nose. A wolf, female, foreign. The clues lead her to a scent that Anu recognized. A quiver shook her lip, and her felt the growing tremble of a growl in her chest. This was not want she wanted, and as the voice rose in her ears, shaken with disbelief, shock written on the pale gray face Anu looked on in silence. Geneva stood before her, then scent of her pack deep in her fur, as was Crimson Dreams deep in her own. Anu focused on the difference, and remembered their last meeting. White teeth glowed in the darkness, and a voice came from the beast. You should not be here. It was both a warning, and a threat. There was no reason for the stranger to be passing through their gate tonight, and no reason for Anu to allow it.
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Geneva flinched at the hard look Anu gave her. But then, she really couldn't blame the blue-eyed woman. Their last encounter had not ended well. It seemed as though every time they met, disaster ensued. It was a torturous process. But she was drawn to this woman, like a moth to flame. She was almost helpless against the pull. And even as fearsome as she looked right now, no matter how formidable her fear, she found that she couldn't pull away. Not now, at least. Not with the darkness lurking so close inside her.
Why could she do to dispel it? This creature before her was so different from the woman she remembered. She seemed angry, haunted, embittered. She seemed wounded, but in a way that Geneva couldn't fix. There was a cold part of her that she couldn't reach. And that frightened her more than the mask of anger that Anu wore now. She peered closer. She heard the threat in her voice, the promise of violence. Geneva had been foolish before, in the face of the unknown, and she wouldn't pull away now from this woman. No matter how their connection haunted her, disturbed her, she cared deeply about her and nothing could change that.
"Anu," she repeated her name, like a prayer, like a question. Still, she didn't know if she could reach her beneath the mask of the beast. "I wanted to make sure that everyone is safe. I was just worried..." Her voice trailed off, and she cast her eyes around the territory, feeling the sweet grass beneath her feet. She looked at the blue-eyed woman more carefully. "Anu, what happened?"
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As she looked at her and the soft muted tone of her fur and the green eyes that glowed in the darkness that wrapped each of them in an icy embrace, she felt parts of her dissolve. A withering away that could only occur when she looked to her, and it was painful. It was inexpressible, indescribable, and Anu was unsure at time if what she felt was real or if she only becoming numb inside and her mind was becoming distorted. Geneva did that to her, and looking at her behind the eyes of a body that felt like a costume, her heart spoke softly in protest. The anger quelled it easily, with hardly a thought. Geneva did that to her as well, made her heart weak. As if a starving flower, its pedals dull from the sun’s heat and it’s stem unable to stand the weight. If she allowed it she would bend and break again. Anu wouldn’t allow it.
Her name sounded like profanity as she spoke it, and she fought to hide the flinch she body created. Her body was frozen, standing in her path that would lead her further in the territory that she protected. The words made her want to laugh, but she stifled it and kept her face hard and nothing but the snarl that she had begun to wear the moment the woman appeared. There was concern in her voice, and Anu wanted to laugh harder. But stoic as she had become in the time since their last meeting, her features remained still. Your concern is appreciated. A lie, it felt sweet on her tongue, unlike the acid it should have tasted like. Her body grew less tense, yet another lie. Geneva distracted her from the dangers that would linger through the boarder while she stood still. But Anu would not move, she would not let her in.
But your not needed here. Truth. She could go and defend her own home, though she had proven inadequate in such things in the past. Anu didn’t want to have that on her hands too, the death of a Phoenix Valley wolf on her doorstep. That was what she was, and nothing more. She was stranger, estranged to Anu and though it took power for her to make it true it was.
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Geneva drew her eyebrows down over her eyes. She was puzzled at first. She saw glimpses of the Anu she knew behind the fierce facade. The ferocity of her features, the gruffness of her tone could not mask the miracle of those blue eyes, and the woman that Geneva had grown to know and love. There was a different person beneath this icy exterior. She was certain. But it seemed as though a door had closed, cutting her off from the one she knew. And tonight, she stood in the presence of a stranger. A stranger whose anger surrounded her and sank deep into her bones, a heat instead of a chill.
Her words stung, and she stood for a moment and let the breeze flow between them both. She wouldn't let it affect her. It would take far more than a few harsh words to drive her away. Geneva had been cruel to Anu, and she knew it. And in more ways than one. Still, she did not think that her actions had warranted this change in the woman, no matter how justified. Words could hurt her, could cut her deeply, but she refused to feel the pain of them now. For now there was the troubling mystery before her.
She had always thought of Anu as a star. In days past, she had been a bright, shining beacon like the sun. The blue-eyed woman had warmed the farthest reaches of her heart. She had been vital, she had been life to Geneva when she thought her heart would lay dead in her chest for years. And she was still a star, except now her beauty glinted coldly framed by black. And she was a far away glimmer, something so far beyond her reach she had trouble imagining the warmth of her light.
"I can help," the wolfess insisted stubbornly. She sensed that she was skating on thin ice, but masked the hesitance from her tone. Anu was like a brick wall in her resolve. If Geneva presented any give, she wouldn't be able to stand against her will. She would try. She had run before, but she wouldn't run this time. Not without trying. She could use all the hurtful words and tones in the world, and it wouldn't matter. She had to get to the bottom of this.
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Who did she think she was? Anu did not know what was running through the other’s mind, and did not want to know. Geneva always thought of the things that she could do, things to help another. But Anu wanted nothing to do with her kindness. It had only hurt in the past, it had only caused her pain, and as the one standing in her way she had the power to say yes, or no. Each time Geneva banged on the door, Anu would give her the clear answer, and it would always be no.
She was a beast of emotion, letting her feelings run through her like blood. They dictated her actions, and Anu had come to embrace it. They left her broken and hurt, but when they fell into place she only felt their pleasure. She would let the anger for the beast that had hurt her daughter rule her, and she would let the pain that Geneva had instilled in her heart mixed into the hate and fueled the fire. Her words fell to cynical ears, and Anu let herself smile. She sounded like a child wanting to go to war.
Unlike in the past, her word would mean nothing here. The word that she had pledged everything on, the word that she had used to break the female that hid within the body of the halfling would be no good here. Her veins burned, and Anu took a step forward to ease the tension that rang in her body. It pushed her forward and made her want to touch Geneva, but unlike any desire she had ever felt towards the female. It was obvious that there would be no agreement. Anu stood her grown, one step closer, and her eyes boring deeply into the others. The words that came to her tongue were to too despicable for even Anu to spout. Her voice begged to scream, pleaded with her to unleash the unhappiness that had been caused, to let her word crush Geneva as harshly as it had crushed her. Instead Anu picked the least hurtful she could manage, and spoke with a half-hearted tone, Will I ever be rid of you?
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Geneva closed her eyes against those words. Anu seemed to pause before speaking, as though she was collecting her thoughts, What must be in her mind right now, that those were the words she would choose? Geneva didn't know how to react for a few moments. She floundered visibly, before her. Her brows creased in worry and sadness. How could Anu be feeling now? What lurked inside her mind, her heart? What twisted her so much that she hardly resembled the woman she had known, had felt so close to.
The gray wolfess peered into Anu's face. The heavy, fearsome features were alien to her. She tried to look beyond them and find a glimmer of the woman she knew. Even the blue eyes were shadowed. In the darkness, they seemed to be two dark pools, two dead seas without color - flat, and without life. She shook herself a little, chilled by what she saw. Geneva felt as though she was walking with a ghost. Except no glimpse of Anu existed, not even a ghost.
She felt anger in her heart then, anger at her words. She felt her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn't imagine how she had hurt Anu. She had rejected her, had fought against the feeling that flowed between them. She couldn't help it. "You make me want to lose control," the gray wolfess said. This had been hard on her too, and she felt guilty. She knew something else was up with the woman, but she didn't want to push her.
[html] always worth the wait, sorry for my delay too
Anu waited for a reaction, though Geneva was good at hiding her feelings. All she gave was a closed gaze, but then a shiver rolled down her spine. It was subtle, but Anu was experienced at watching her form and to her it was hard to miss. Then came the electricity, a heat that was so familiar that Anu felt at home with the connection that settled between them. But the difference now was that there was anger in both of them, and a hate in her own heart. It was a shadow that hung over her, leaving her in a darkness that Geneva only fed.
Then Anu smiled, the first time since she had found that it was indeed she that trampled through the boarder. It was her words that brought the grin to her face, they erupted something else in the femme. It was something that was so foreign to her, Anu was overpowered by the emotion instantly. She laughed, it was soft and almost inaudible. She instantly moved, stalking towards that other wolf with a smile. The only thing that Anu felt when in any proximity of her was a lack of control. It was wild, a yearning that she had cage. It clawed and bit at it the bars of its prison, calling for release.
I remember the last time you lost control. She spoke breathlessly, teeth wielding as she stood so closely to her. Her scent was toxic, burning her nose and sending her very close to the edge. Her mind went back to that memory, of their passionate embrace. I still remember how you taste. Anu spoke the recollection aloud. Geneva had pushed her so hard that Anu passed caring, she wanted nothing more then to press her just as far and just as hard.
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She felt a stillness within her as Anu moved in just a little closer. The sensation was the same. It leant her a feeling of headiness, an intoxication that was hard to define. It was merely her presence, and having her so close after so long. How long had it been? Too long, it seemed. She had tried to build up her tolerance, but her walls came crashing down with Anu so close. She made it hard to be guarded, to be in control when Geneva so desperately needed that control.
There was so much she wanted to say in that moment. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to tell her that it wasn't fair, and that this wasn't her fault. She wanted to confess everything she had fault in closeness and absence. There was so much that needed to be said, and so much that wouldn't be said. What had passed between them had been sacred, and even more it had been real, no matter how Geneva tried to deny it.
"What is it, Anu?" she said between clenched teeth. She fought not to pull away from Anu, equally drawn and repulsed. There was a predatory smile on the blue-eyed woman's face, a bestial spirit from within that seemed to need release. She couldn't decipher this mood, this Anu. She needed to get to the root, the reason. There had to be something that had prompted this.
Her ears flicked back against her head as she lowered her head marginally, keeping her eyes on the woman. "I know I messed up. I know I've been a wretched bitch. And I'm sorrier than I can say," she said, flatly. She looked at the woman with hard eyes now. "But I still care about you, and right now I am worried about you. Spit it out, Anu, it is obviously bothering you."
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Again Anu wanted to move her. Wanted to see that same anger that she felt in Geneva’s eyes. She did not listen to the words that were meant to invoke and stir a fiery feeling within. Though she could sense the frustration within the words that were pushed from her throat. It fueled her, making her want to push her further and further. But Anu let the beast within relax, shaking her head slightly at the wolfess’s first question, silence surrounding her being.
The halfling took another pain-ridden step. She almost stood at the side of the other, as if she planned to circle the female. Green eyes followed her, and Anu watched as she grew submissive in her posture. Her confidence rose. The large wolf would not be intimidated, would not be moved by feelings that were shadowed by her anger. They existed, but hidden and buried so deep that they hardly had a voice loud enough for her to hear.
A smiled creased her face, eyes falling to the ground. Thoughts of her daughter, the attack motivated her to move on but her own memories kept her planted. Hopes of solving this problem was alive and well, and if she could rid herself of this pain Anu could not help but try. Eyes returning to her face she let her words fly, Do you think I want your help? She laughed at the thought. There was nothing Anu wanted less. Yes, you left. You left when I needed you. The words were powerful, but mocked the sincerity that wash Geneva’s voice.
Teeth gleamed in the darkness that surrounded them. And now no one needs you, not here, not now.
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Geneva fought to keep her face blank as her mind raced with the words that Anu rained down upon her. And the most frightening thing of all - all those words were too. Anu hadn't spoken an accusation in the heat of anger, hadn't pinned her with a crime. Geneva was completely guilty, completely at fault for this. She had left Anu. Since that day, she had walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark. Still, that first step she had taken had been the worst. Her heart had been the heaviest then, she had found it hard to breathe when she crossed the borders from Crimson Dreams, giving up her place there forever.
It was strange now, to feel the ghost of that feeling. Her heart was a leaden weight inside her chest. It had almost stopped beating for a moment, and only the sound of her breath rattling in her lungs gave any indication that she was still alive, still in this moment. It had not been her intention to create this inferno within Anu. She felt tears prick her eyes, although they did not fall. They were tears of sorrow, frustration, and a myriad of a million different things she couldn't express all at once.
She had wanted to save her, not condemn her to this. She had had no idea how deeply she had cut Anu. Geneva had been licking her own wounds when she had left, feeling as though she had left a great portion of herself behind. What she had done, she had down for them, the both of them. She had wanted it to be quick, painless. A clean break. She had wanted Anu to heal cleanly, to find herself whole and new without her. Instead, she had left behind a mess.
"I won't leave this time," she said.
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There had been blood soaked bandages, once white and clean they had to be changed twice before Anu had left. The tears matted the fur on her face as she told her every detail. Anu had hugged her, held her and told her it would be all right. Anu had spoken of safety and security. Her home would not be breached by those that weren’t trust worthy, and in her mind Anu could not trust the gray wolfess that had come knocking on her door. The pain that resided in her heart made it easier to turn her away, and the pain that belonged to her daughter made it a possibility. Under other circumstances Anu would have been too weak, in another form she would have found the things that she had buried and allowed them to control her. Geneva might be well, her heart might not hurt and the powers that had controlled them both no longer touched her. But Anu had not changed; she was still fighting for the control of her heart. Anu would not let her believe that she would accept her, not for a moment. Let the others come and grant her entrance. Let the rest of her forgotten family reach out with open arms. Anu would not give her the chance to redeem herself.
It might not have been her plan, but it happened. She might not have meant to do so, but it was that way it was. There was no going back, no way that Anu would allow her back into her home and thus her heart. She could not separate the two; it was impossible for the female to keep such things separated. So the wall must be created, and it was so easy to do so when she wore her secui form, Anu could become an entirely different being. Anu was finished asking. No? her voice asked with a hint of humor in it. Did Geneva know she was beginning to play the game? Blue eyes looked deeply into the sea of green that had for a brief moment in time had meant life. The wolfess stepped quickly towards her, leaning no space between them. Even inch of her body asked and pleaded, something Anu was familiar with while so close to the other. But it asked for a something different. The control she held only came from practice, but it was slipping and a warning was made before Anu lost it completely.
Deep in a growl the female spoke, Then I will make you. Is that what she wanted? There was no other option, and the choice was hers.
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She pressed close, and it was only then that Geneva began to tremble. The earth hadn't stopped spinning, hadn't collided with the moon. There was always some headiness when Anu was so near to her. But this time, it was a different ache that enveloped her heart. This time, having her near was too much for her to handle with poise and dignity. The woman had stripped her of those things with harsh words that rang true. The aggression was written plainly in her body language, the threat in her words seemed like a promise. Although she trembled, shaking as she raised her eyes to glimpse the woman's face, she could not move from that spot.
She had run away too many times from Anu. Even the first time they had met, she had run from her, or something or another. It was hard to keep those memories straight with the blue-eyed woman so close. It was hard to be anywhere but in the present moment. And she didn't want to be anywhere. Right now, she wanted to be with Anu more than anything. She didn't want to leave her side when she was like this. There was a storm pent up inside of her, and Geneva was afraid it might destroy her. She wanted to take that damage, if she could.
"Do what you feel is necessary," Geneva said, holding her eyes low. Her ears pressed back against her head and she bowed her body, her tail tucking between her legs. She wouldn't fight Anu, wouldn't batter her any longer. But she wouldn't move either. She couldn't. She had said she wouldn't leave, and so she would stay. She still felt as though she was needed, as though she could help. And if giving Anu her pound of flesh would help in some way, any way, she would let her have it.
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There was weakness. As her body grew close something in the other wolf broke. Maybe it was just a crack, but the Crimson Dreams leader felt something bigger and deeper rip through the other female. Anu had never seen so much submission in another wolf, not in response to her own actions. Once she would have held her. Cradled her and calm the unhappy and defeated feelings that ran through her body. Once Anu would have cried, tears falling for the way she had acted and begged for forgiveness for her unruly aggression and her harmful words. That was then.
The growl echoed though the forest. Eyes driving into the other’s upturned face. The words were surrender, but still she did not do as Anu asked. She only gave her a neck to tear, showing her a stomach to admit her defeat. The last word lingered in her mind. Hanging over her thoughts as she fought her instinct and conscious. She knew that it would be wrong to hurt her, but as the dominating wolfess looked down at the omega it was hard to resist. Was it necessary for her to be here? Throwing wood onto the fire, making things harder then they needed to be. That was what she did. And maybe Geneva had known that all along. Maybe she had known how much harder, more painful she had made everything. When she had begged for her to stay, pleaded and showed her weakest of moments Geneva had left. And now, when she had asked for her to go she only did what she wanted. What ever hurt the most.
I am left with regret, every time I see you. The words were spoken and Anu drew a hard long breath. There had been nothing but regret in her life since Geneva had entered it. After this night the regret would be heavy but nothing like the rue she felt in the past. Anu gave her a chance, moments to read the unspoken words and a moment later she was throwing her body on top of the other’s. It would be easy to overpower her, teeth exposed and reaching for the female’s neck. Once she was on the ground Anu would ask her again to slink back to the place she called home. Retreat back to her haven and whom ever waited for her.
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[html] Her eyes were wide as her head tilted back. Her body was jostled by the force of Anu crashing against her. She had a moment to ponder the stars before they both crashed to the ground. She bit the inside of her mouth to keep from making a sound. Geneva winced as her shoulder met the ground, pain pulsing in the area where the gray fur was marred by scar tissue. Since Brennt had attacked her, Geneva had felt sore in her shoulder. And crashing down with their combined weight hurt. She was face to face with the woman now. She could feel Anu's breath hot against her face. Her blue eyes were bright in the dark. She felt her heart stir, both in protest and in pain. There was always a giving inside her, something inspired by Anu. A part of her would always be reserved for this woman and this woman alone. But the times were changing, there was no backtracking. Looking into Anu's face, she knew that this would be the end of something. Whatever it was that existed between them was morphing - not dying - but changing into something different than what she knew it to be. She didn't know what to think of that. But if this was to be the end of something, Geneva would not go quiet into the night. She had been to lay down her body, her heart, to ease whatever darkness lurked within Anu. But there were things she had to say, things that weighed on her chest and in the air around Anu that had to be said. Her demeanor changed, and life flared into her previously pliant body. "Do you think that I wanted to hurt you?" she said incredulously. "Do you think I wanted you to regret? I wanted you to forget me," she said, her voice lowering. "I wanted you - I think I even needed you." She was pinned beneath Anu's superior weight, but that didn't make her feel powerless. The constant lack of communication between the both of them had robbed her of her sense of power, and this situation had spiralled out of her control. She didn't struggle beneath Anu, just stayed and stared and continued to speak as her anger, her bitterness, and the love she had for Anu infused her words. "You brought me back to life - and how I could I repay you? Secret smiles, and furtive touches as we danced around the fact you had a mate." She spat the last part, not because she hated Naniko or faulted Anu, but because that had been the ultimate obstacle that had kept them a part. "It was no way to live, Anu. I couldn't do that to you, or your family. I couldn't do that to your children. Can't you see? When I left, I left for you. I wanted you to forget me. I wanted you to be happy."[/html]
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It was like fire to touch her. Painful, burning and exhilarating. Her heart beat in her ears, and the anger that had been swarming within her heart streamed through her extremities, flowing with an unknown power through each cell the made her body. Her teeth only scathed her neck, but her weight and frame barreled the other down. Her eyes blazed, and Anu noticed only when the trespasser was pinned against the wet spring grass that she was trembling. It was rage, it was fear and it was hate. What had she become? The question was far too vast to form within her mind. And then the voice rang between the beat of her pulse. Her eyes focused, seeing the face and the words written upon her features.
Her breath was ragged, and Anu let her speak in full. She rather not interrupt.
And then Anu pushed against her. Clawed paws propelling herself off the female. She didn’t care if she hurt her, for her own pain overwhelmed her mind. Fur bristled along her back and she looked down at the fallen wolfess. The words rolling in her mind, the knowledge too much and breaking her. But Anu was too solid in her halfling form, nothing could pierce her. Blue eyes only watched as she replayed them again and again. It was only when she had thought of them more then once did her voice fall heavily against the Phoenix Valley wolf.
Forget? The single word came from her throat like a stampede.
How could I forget? There was a subtle weakness in the question, yet she regained her power.
I begged, pleaded. She fought for air.
I left her, left her for you. Fuck, I would have left them all for you then. A confession Anu had only spoke once before.
I asked you to come home, and you still believe that, that is best for you. Fine! She screamed, tears burning at the corners of her eyes as she spoke of the other place Geneva now called home.
Anu moved away, suddenly disgusted with her. Steps moved her body backwards, but her eyes remained on the other female.
I could have been what you wanted, what you needed. I gave it up, because I believed in you. I believed you loved me enough. She was a fool, trusting Geneva with everything she was left with when she had stripped Naniko from her life.
And now you come here, and think I will let you in? back into my heart, my home? She felt like crumbling, falling to pieces. Never again.
No. You don’t deserve that. Anu stood, solid against the land that she protected. Enough... Go, her body spoke.
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[html] She rolled on to her stomach and stayed stationary as Anu rose and spoke her piece. She gave her the same silence that she had given her only a few minutes before. She swallowed the words down, and they echoed in her ears, burning her as she could do nothing but listen. The tone of her voice touched her more than the words. It teared at her. There was such raw pain in her voice, even more so than in her face and turbulent blue eyes.
It was a pain she recognized, one that echoed and reflected the insidious vines of barbed-wire pain wrapped around her own heart. She could feel her heart swelling against that pain now, in answer to Anu's own pain. She didn't want the woman to hurt, but the damage had been done. "Anu, I didn't know," she said, rising now to watch her. "I-I...think I fooled myself. She had to be honest. "It hurt me every day to realize that what I wanted, maybe even needed the most...was something that could never be rightfully mine."
She exhaled. "I wanted you to keep it all. I wanted you to have everything, everything...I couldn't be everything, Anu. I was afraid to be spread so thin." She looked at her, and her heart was in her eyes. "I lost everything - and I saw you losing everything too...I didn't want it to be because of me."
The gray female stood tall, strong suddenly despite the weakness in her voice. She felt some of her strength return as conviction entered her voice. "I know that things have changed," she said finally. "I know you want me to go, and I will, because I think that is probably what is the best for us right now." She looked into her eyes, into her face, taking in every beloved line that meant so much to her. "I still love you. I don't think I could ever change that, even if I wanted to." [/html]
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Anu no longer bore down on the other, and it was only her need to keep Geneva out of the territory that kept her planted before her. She wanted to put miles between she and the other female. Her heart would not stop pounding in her ears until she did, the rage wouldn’t subside until Geneva’s face disappeared from her view. It remained, as much as she wished it away, she stayed so that she could what? Explain herself just a bit more. Anu felt her chest relax, her breathing calmed and the anger within fell to a dull blaze. But as she heard her name spoken in her tongue, it spiked and jumped in her chest. Her mouth remained shut, eyes on her face and waited for her to finish. It was she wanted, she just wanted it to be finished.
She seemed to gather her courage, or some broken pieces of herself. And at that moment Anu idly wondered if she might attack her again, take those fallen pieces and scatter them once again. She felt far from whole, but even as the other female explained everything that they seemed to keep hidden when they had been something brighter then what hung between them now, nothing fell into place for her. Anu reframed from moving forward, as she said that she would indeed be leaving. She wanted to laugh and mock the words that came with that exit but her face remained as black as she could manage. Anu had turned her back on them some time ago. And maybe it was because in the end she hadn’t gotten what she wanted. Though never had she truely felt that it was what Geneva wanted. But maybe she was just blind.
The words stung, so much so that Anu felt darkness enclose her and she shut her eyes. In and instant they were open, and the same female stood before her. Her heart did not pound, her skin was not on fire. And she did not find a response on her tongue, one that had been jumping from her heart and throat or one that held the same syllables. Instead Anu spoke with a reserve that was unlike her. You were my everything. Her voice was hollow, but it was honest. And everything has changed. Not just some of those things, but all of them. And then she spoke once more, the last she would. If she refused, though Anu didn’t think she would, her only response would be physical.
Go.
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