Kansas felt a little uptight today. It was one of those mornings to which he awoke with a headache and a strange feeling in his stomach, likely brought on by troublesome dreams he couldn't remember the details of. But there were other elements to his unease, because it was much too severe to be caused by bad dreams alone. To put it bluntly, he felt like a failure. The boy had next to no clue what was going on in his kids' lives. They were growing up right under his nose, changing so quickly that he wasn't sure if he could keep up. They'd be teens soon, something he didn't know if he was prepared to deal with. And then there was the guilt for thinking badly of them. They were all smart and beautiful, and he didn't doubt that they'd stay that way all their lives. But they were related to Firefly. So there was at least some reason for him to be scared shitless.
He bypassed McNamara's Landing, glancing only briefly and the rusting pile of wreckage. He was definitely not in the mood for exploration. No, he was worlds away from the desire to do anything adventurous. He just wanted to clear his head. Kansas jogged easily through the forest, slowing when he smelled the clean water of the sneaky Lenape River. He had nothing with him, just his four legs and rotten mood. He edged toward the water and peered at his reflection. How old was he? Two? He looked much older. In the distorted mirror that was the river, tinted green by the foliage above, his eyes also looked distinctly jade. Kansas thought immediately of Naniko, then shook his head in disbelief. He hadn't allowed himself to think of her for weeks. But like to a train wreck, his eyes were drawn back into his reflection, noticing how in this particular mirror, he did look like her, except his face was notably gaunter. What an odd thing to happen at that moment. Rather than scold himself, Kansas slipped onto his belly, his front toes dangling into the bitingly cold water, and thought of her. He just allowed himself to think of her, his sister with whom he had such a rocky, thoroughly screwed-up history.