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Kansas felt a little uptight today. It was one of those mornings to which he awoke with a headache and a strange feeling in his stomach, likely brought on by troublesome dreams he couldn't remember the details of. But there were other elements to his unease, because it was much too severe to be caused by bad dreams alone. To put it bluntly, he felt like a failure. The boy had next to no clue what was going on in his kids' lives. They were growing up right under his nose, changing so quickly that he wasn't sure if he could keep up. They'd be teens soon, something he didn't know if he was prepared to deal with. And then there was the guilt for thinking badly of them. They were all smart and beautiful, and he didn't doubt that they'd stay that way all their lives. But they were related to Firefly. So there was at least some reason for him to be scared shitless.
He bypassed McNamara's Landing, glancing only briefly and the rusting pile of wreckage. He was definitely not in the mood for exploration. No, he was worlds away from the desire to do anything adventurous. He just wanted to clear his head. Kansas jogged easily through the forest, slowing when he smelled the clean water of the sneaky Lenape River. He had nothing with him, just his four legs and rotten mood. He edged toward the water and peered at his reflection. How old was he? Two? He looked much older. In the distorted mirror that was the river, tinted green by the foliage above, his eyes also looked distinctly jade. Kansas thought immediately of Naniko, then shook his head in disbelief. He hadn't allowed himself to think of her for weeks. But like to a train wreck, his eyes were drawn back into his reflection, noticing how in this particular mirror, he did look like her, except his face was notably gaunter. What an odd thing to happen at that moment. Rather than scold himself, Kansas slipped onto his belly, his front toes dangling into the bitingly cold water, and thought of her. He just allowed himself to think of her, his sister with whom he had such a rocky, thoroughly screwed-up history.
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It was to be their first trip away from home. She wanted them to see a little bit of the outside world to better prepare them for what they would find, though she doubted that they would really wander outside of the packlands in the next month or two. Winter was coming, which would restrict them a bit, and she would try to keep them inside the cabin as much as she could. Or confined to the ranch-area of the packlands. They could play with the sheep or chickens or something. There was plenty of stuff to do.
Most of the pups walked slowly beside her, occasionally choosing to come up and sit in the loosely weaved basket that she carried on her back when they got tired. Harlowe couldn't walk this far and she carried him all the time, his sandy head poking out from the cradle of her arms, watching the surroundings. He hadn't spoken at all since his birth, which she found odd. But maybe he was like Salem, a wolf who thought about things before they said anything. He understood her when she talked..following directions and things, but hadn't said a word himself.
They reached a river and she warned them of its dangers before they ran down the sloping shore. She wasn't sure exactly where she was, somewhere near Crimson Dreams but not close enough to the borders for her to feel too defensive. Naniko was just clearing the slope when she heard one of them speak, Rio, her small voice sharp against the sounds of the flowing water. "Ciao signore!" Who was she talking with? She hurried over the slope, concerned but not wanting to run with Harlowe still held there in her arms. What if she fell?
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He knew if Savina could have read his thoughts, she would be angry, even though Kansas was not thinking naughtily of Naniko. He loved Savina with all his heart; that couldn't be doubted. But she didn't understand the impact the white fey had had on him. Naniko D'Angelo was his first friend, and, in a way, his first love. He couldn't help but wonder simply whether or not she was okay. What she was up to. He was aware that Ehno had gotten her pregnant, but he never brought this up with anyone in the pack because it had broken Savina's heart so. Secretly, the man had wished perhaps the idea of the puppies would calm the fury between Naniko and Savina. But it had only made things worse. And because it had made things worse (namely, for Savina), Kansas was actually angry with Naniko. She had not necessarily done anything wrong, but what she'd done had caused his lover such pain that he couldn't have felt any other way.
But there was another side of Kansas that longed for Nani to be okay. She truly had taught him many things... right? Kansas growled lowly to himself, putting his chin to the dirt of the riverbank and covering his muzzle with a paw, his eyes closed. How the fuck did he feel about her? Angry or piteous? Kansas was about to get up and pace and brood somewhere away from the troubling mirror that was the pretty little river, when a small noise made his ears stand upright. It was almost a chirp, a sweet little sound like the chime of a tiny bell. What was more, it spoke in Italian. What an odd turn of events.
Kansas removed his paw from his face, lifted his head, and squinted across the river. Many things happened at once. First, he caught sight of the pale, feminine form, accompanied by three, much tinier bodies. Then his icy eyes flitted quickly to the source of the bell chime. It was a dark child; even smaller than the three with their mother. And she was headed straight for the water.
"Shit! No, tesoro!" he responded, just in case Italian was all she knew. Kansas paid no more attention to the pale woman and her other babies. He baled into the river, which at that juncture came only to his ribs, and in a few powerful bounds had the pup gently by the scruff of her neck.
Whether she would have fallen or not, she was safe now. Kansas climbed the bank and deposited the child gingerly near her mother's feet. He looked her over briefly, noting the stunning, periwinkle-silver of her eyes. And then he looked up, and realized just who her mother was. He balked. "Naniko?" His slight feeling of chivalry had faded, and was replaced by uncertainty. "What... what are you doing here?" he asked quietly, dripping wet.
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The first thing that she felt was relief, that her child wasn't talking to a stranger. Naniko knew the wolf that stood on the riverbank, now soaking wet, very well. Rio didn't, though, and a reprimand came from her as soon as she neared the group. "We're outside of our lands, Rio--you must not trust wolves who aren't from Phoenix Valley unless Momma says so. Okay?" The pup was soaking wet as well, making a pitiful sight, and she set Harlowe down on the ground so that she could pick the wet whelp up and comb fingers through her fur to help dry her faster.
Naniko's history was now a long and very entangled one. She had done a lot in her life that she could be proud of and some things that she was not so proud of. She did not regret the night that she had spent with Ehno and never would--it had resulted in some drama in Crimson Dreams, but she wasn't a part of that pack any more. She was away from everything over in Phoenix Valley, where she could raise them in peace and not have to worry about too much. It was probably best for Crimson Dreams too, what she had done. She wanted to forget all about Savina and Anu, and thought that they felt the same.
"Thank you." She said to Kansas first, still combing through Rio's fur. The pup squirmed after a few moments, wanting back down, and she lowered her to the ground. "They've never been outside of the packlands before...I'm sorry that she ran up to you like that. There are so many..sometimes one gets ahead. We're just out exploring--I thought I would show them around the area and tell them where the neighboring packs were. I did wonder if I would run into anyone, but didn't really expect to. How have you been?" She didn't know exactly how he would react to any of this, what his feelings were, but was willing to accept them. She still trusted Kansas, even he no longer had the same faith in her.
The pups sat down around the two adults. Lucia stared up at Kansas, looking between him and her mother. What were they talking about? She wanted to talk, too! Rio was being all quiet...but Lucia had something she could say to them! "Shiiit! Shit Momma! Shitshit! Engwish!" She repeated what the white wolf had told them in English, tail wagging behind her.
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Had he any backbone at all, Kansas would have told Naniko to get the hell out of Crimson Dreams, even though she was barely across the border. But he was unfortunate enough to be incapable of doing so. He could not bring himself to do more than stare her down, baffled by the gall she had to show up here. But the sight of his sister and her children instantly broke him down even more. He was very disappointed in himself. Sadly, Kansas was not aware of the extent of the pain Savina felt because of Naniko, but at least he knew it was there. So he stood there, battling with himself. He barely noticed that she'd told Rio to be cautious about talking to strangers, but it offended him. His mind was too scrambled for him to realize that she was simply teaching her child a lesson he had taught his own children.
The frosty wolf gritted his teeth as Naniko spoke to him. Her voice wasn't unkind; in fact, it was pleasant. He had half-expected her to go off on him for being rude, or for touching her daughter, or something. But she didn't. She thanked him for "rescuing" the sooty little girl, even as he wasn't certain she'd been in danger. "Ye—uh, yeah, you're welcome," he returned rather blandly. But he did mean it. He was glad he'd been able to keep the pup out of the water. The multitoned puppy was looking up at him, and in no time she was spouting off the profanity he'd exclaimed moments earlier. Why was he always digging himself into these holes? He'd had Gotham repeating the same word after letting it slip in front of him, too. Forcing back his grin, Kansas chose not to respond to the little girl, figuring that was her mother's job. Instead he mouthed a "sorry" to Nani and figured that would suffice. "Anu and Savina wouldn't like it if they saw you here. At all," he informed her, gulping down the lump in his throat. "I, er, I won't say anything though. Th-this time." But his warning was weak, without any assertion behind it. And he knew that if she did come back and he was the only one to see her, he wouldn't tattle on her then, either. What a pansy. "What're their names?
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She would have to speak to Rio about "bad words" later when they got back to their packlands--she didn't feel like it was very appropriate for her to get into the discussion right now, with Kansas before them. She did not know what sort of a ripple she had caused in Crimson Dreams with her leaving at all, or how she had affected any of the wolves there. She and Savina had once been friends, but no more. Friends stuck by each other in their time of need. Family did, too. She did not consider the dark female to be either of the two any longer.
The last she knew, though, the last time she had spoken to any of them...it had been to Anu. And Anu had told her that she could come back to see her kids as she pleased. She frowned at the light male when he mentioned that they would not like seeing her around. She was clean now, and that had been their whole argument, hadn't it? That she couldn't come back until she was clean?
"Last I knew, Anu told me I could come back to see my kids if I wanted to. I told her I might be joining somewhere else, too. I didn't mean to mess up anyone's life with what I did, and I'm clean now. I don't care if you tell them--I'm not inside the borders. I was on my way around the packlands. Am I banned from here now, or something? Ehno never said anything about that. I don't really understand why it would be like this, when I haven't done anything wrong since that day. And even then, what happened was an accident."
The little ones sat down, watching the exchange with wide eyes. They did not often hear their mother take this kind of a tone with anyone--Phoenix Valley was generally a happy, friendly place. Caprica whined slightly, nudging into Naniko's side. The white wolf lowered her head to nuzzle her in return, giving her a reassuring lick on the nose. If she wasn't allowed here, then the pups couldn't come here either. They didn't go anywhere without her normally, especially at this young of an age. "This is Caprica D'angelo and the two lighter brown ones are Lucia Marino and Harlowe D'angelo. Rio Marino is the one who was heading into the river."
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Indeed, it made Kansas sad that Naniko and his girl were no longer friends. When the two had become acquainted, and thereafter he'd shown interest in Savina, he'd hoped their friendship would smooth the jagged lines left in Kansas' relationship with Nani. Naniko would accept Savina, the two would be friends, and Kansas could therefore have both of the things he'd wanted—Savina as his lover and a normal, friendly relationship with Naniko. He thought the two women could grow from their friendship because both were very nice, wonderful individuals with much to offer. But it hadn't worked out that way at all. The shit had hit the fan in the worst way possible. And it was very upsetting.
Of course, Kansas had no idea about the agreement Naniko had made with Anu. He rarely spoke to Anu; not for any reason in particular. The two just didn't cross paths often. He'd only made the assumption that the pale fem was no longer welcome. But, now that he thought of it, she did still have two daughters here. How could she be denied visiting them? He felt like an idiot. "Oh," he said, very stupidly. "The-then I guess it's fine." Wow. Lame much? But even if she wasn't considered banned from Crimson Dreams, Kansas knew that the right thing for him to do remained to tell her off. Because that was what Savina would want. She'd love him for it. Kansas was a little more accepting of Naniko's mistake simply because he'd known her longer, and because he knew about addiction. But he also felt that the woman played the victim more than was called for. Just an accident. Cambria was his little girl, and the drugs had, for a long while, fucked her up more than any child deserved. He wished Naniko would recognize that too, instead of just her own hurt, her own rejection. He wished she would consider his little girl. Imagine what it would be like for her if he'd left his drugs around for Rio to get into. Imagine what it would be like to watch her suffer for weeks afterward, and not be able to do anything about it.
"Not that I know of. Sorry. I just... didn't know. I assumed you weren't allowed here. But I won't make it a... uh, a problem." He didn't smile, but he did glance at the cluster of puppies, feeling himself warm up instantly. "They're beautiful. You and Ehno must be very proud."
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The confusion was over whether or not things had changed since she had spoken with Anu. She didn't understand why they would have changed since then, but sometimes things happened. Maybe someone had said something to someone else about Naniko not being welcomed there, and they had told Kansas. Or maybe with the way the others were acting, he had the impression that she wasn't welcomed. Either way, it made things clear...she shouldn't come back here again. She didn't want to come back if she wasn't absolutely sure that she was welcomed. Perhaps alone, but not with the pups. She would avoid going around the territory, even, if she could. And the pups would most definitely not be allowed to come here on their own, not when she didn't know for sure. One of her other girls, Mati, hadn't been too happy with her in the city...she didn't know what might happen if one of her pups came this way.
"I don't want any problems. I can go home right now if you don't want me here. I haven't been around, and no one's come to see me besides Ehno. I don't know how the wolves here feel about me at all, and even if there's one wolf who doesn't want me around then I won't come around. If you get the chance, you can tell Mati and Brooklyn that I'm living in Phoenix Valley. Then I won't have any reason to come around these parts." That seemed like the best idea. She was tired of pissing people off, even if it was unintentional. All she had been doing in the last few months had been keeping out of everyone's way!
She nodded at his comment about the pups. She was very proud of them. Hopefully this batch would stick around, but there were no guarantees. She wouldn't keep any of them in the Valley if they were dead set against leaving, but she would prefer if they stayed with her. "I am. They're growing up too fast already...seems like just yesterday I was just discovering that I was pregnant." She tried to think of something to say next, but was unsure of what they could talk about. "Things in the valley are going well. It makes sense for me to live in the pack that my mother founded. Anyone is welcomed to visit there, as long as they have good intentions."
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He was still battling with that part of him that wanted to ensure Naniko was at least okay. Maybe he should simply be content with the image of her with her four children, all of them healthy and reasonably happy. (One of them, the boy, did seem a little off, but perhaps it was Kansas' lack of significant attention.) Her words hooked a place in his stomach and pulled, and he suddenly felt an immense sense of discomfort. He should absolutely loathe Naniko. But he didn't. He couldn't. He still had the image of himself and her in her den, his eyes attentively following the words she wrote on the slate. He could hear her gently explaining the meaning of the letters and words to him.
Her words made him flinch, very conspicuously. He struggled for a moment, his mouth opening and closing like that of a drowning fish. "N-no, don't leave. It's okay, I guess. I won't say anything. I don't care if you come back or not; that's up to you. I don't know what, uh, what they think, really. None of my business..." He trailed off, not knowing how exactly to put his words. He didn't know what Anu had told Naniko. And he certainly had no clue how Savina would react if she saw the pale fay.
She gladly told him about her pups, and he nodded knowingly. There was considerable awkwardness between the two, but Kansas really wished they could just comfortably have a conversation that had nothing to do with that rift. Nothing that would stir up any ill feelings. He really had once valued her friendship. "Yeah. Mine are what... like seven months? And I still can't even believe they're here." She sounded like she had invited him to visit the pack, in a roundabout way. And he assumed he was welcome there still, since he was kind of friends with Jefferson. "Uh, yeah; I've been there once or twice. I like going there."
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She still took care of a few patients despite moving, some willing to follow her to Phoenix Valley to continue their treatment. There were almost always a couple of birds twittering around the cabin, or squirrels. They were mostly creatures that Naniko wouldn't really consider eating anyway, even if she had the chance...sparrows were too tiny and bony and it would take twenty squirrels to fill her up!
"Geneva is pretty protective of me...in a good way, but I would like to keep seeing you every once in a while, brother. I will tell her to allow you in, if she is the one who would discover you. The other leader...I don't know much about him. She seems to like him, but he was pretty rude to me and I haven't spoken to him since then." Jefferson, his name was. "But we should probably be getting home...I think this trip was long enough for them, enough to tire them out so they'll sleep tonight."
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He settled to listening what she had to tell him. That was what he wanted, right? For her to tell him she was okay, so that particular elephant in the room was addressed and couldn't bother him any longer. Hearing that Geneva cared for her made him feel better, because he trusted Geneva. The gray fem had been a good friend to Savina in her days as a Dreamer. He suddenly felt that Naniko and her puppies were going to be okay. "That's good to hear... Geneva is great. Don't, eh, don't worry about Jefferson. He's all right too."
She said she wanted to keep seeing him. He nodded jerkily, trying to decide which avenue to take. He wanted to see her again, perhaps in a while; though Savina would be floored. He chose to give a shaded answer, one that could have been a lie, depending upon what the future held. "Okay. I'll come by sometime." He smiled tautly. She explained that she and the pups must be going, and that made sense. He felt their encounter was short, but maybe the alleviation of the tension would prove to be a good thing. He nodded stiffly, then rose to his feet. "'Bye, Naniko," he said, this time his grin holding some degree of warmth. With that, he turned and headed down the bank.
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