02-08-2010, 06:35 AM
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Allright, so we're done here. I'd recommend that you hop by this forum and maybe ask for some more guidance on your writing. For example you're using his name a lot, which means the sentences are very alike throughout most of the posts. It could be a good idea to try and vary a little, so that reading it becomes more exciting!  Word Count: 252 The Chief's head nodded while Whither explained, and very nearly raised an eyebrow at the slight break between his nervous explanation and the "sir". Not because he wanted so badly to hear the polite title, but because it was a sign of this male's nervousness. If he was to maintain a place among their ranks, Dawali did not want this male to fear him, just respect him. There was a clear and very distinct border between the two in the Chief's world, but he had come to learn that not everyone saw it the same way. Just as Whither gave him a bow did Dawali reply, speaking in his usual firm voice, but now it was milder, kinder. "Very well," he said, now turning so that the male could see past him and into the lands where he would live from now on. "Welcome among us, then. The village is further inwards; you can probably smell your way to it." His arm flew outwards and almost pointed in the direction Whither should go in order to find the huts and small buildings. Of course, he was welcome to create his den elsewhere, but many liked the closeness of the village. The Chief smiled and stood idly, waiting for a reaction from the male. He would not walk into the village with him, for he felt the need to continue his walk. They could talk at a later point, if the joiner wished to do so, but for now the Chief was busy. |