Time Won't Let Me Go
#11
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The world began to slip away. The words of her good friend falling from her ears just as she heard them. Yes, she felt it too. It had been like a sickness, fatigue that she blamed on her age, some passing upset that she would merely deal with and then forget she ever had. But this couldn’t be forgotten, no this was not something that could simply pass by and not give much of a second thought to. Savina’s words confirmed it, and still Anu needed a moment to convince herself that what the Commander said was actually truth. It was, real. This wasn’t a dream, Anu blinked thoughtfully in trying to wake herself up from a daze that would reveal the truth. But what she was let with was the very scene she thought she would to torn from. It wasn’t an escape she sought; it wasn’t a nightmare that she needed to be shaken from. No, she was happy. Something was building inside her, lives that she would nurture just as the Sun shone and fed her garden. A barer of life, and those lives she would be able to mold, and be the mother in way that was more complete then she had ever experienced.

Anu nodded, her tears still falling, but her mouth was now shut and her lips drawn in a hard dark line. There was something new coming to her, something scary and unknown. It placed a shadow on the happiness that was so instant and moving. For a moment, however brief it might be, Anu felt alone. Felt alone in this knowledge and alone in the images of the future that she created, small paws and little tails filling the corners of her thoughts. She had no one, no mate and the sire was not one she could readily call upon. No lover to hold her hand and squelch her fears when they came to her in the dark of night. As quickly as it came, it passed. Anu pushed it so far from her mind that she didn’t think she could ever believe any of those things again. It was wrong, that insecure part of her was wrong.

She sat lightly against the ground, her legs feeling weak and unable to hold her. Her eyes fell away from Savina’s face and she felt like she was falling from the high of excitement and exhilaration down into another valley of defeat. I didn’t think, She began, going back to that night, and searching for the regret that she had not once felt but was certain would fill her now. Still, it did not reach her. it was possible for me… to feel this way, to want something so badly and actually get it when she least expected it. But she didn’t know what to do now, and her thoughts began to race. It was only once. She said, her eyes still not reaching Savina’s face. It had been only one time, of course she knew once was enough but still it had seemed impossible for her for some time, whether it be her age or her choice of lifestyle. It had all seemed impossible.

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by Erin ♥

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